Episode Transcript: Idiot Box

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Episode Article: [[Idiot Box]]
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Episode Article: [[Idiot Box (Episode)|Idiot Box]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
 +
*Mailman
 +
*[[Gary]]
 +
*Garbage fish
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
 +
'''SpongeBob''': See anything yet, Patrick?
  
SpongeBob: See anything yet, Patrick?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': I need my glasses. (puts 2 glasses of water on his eyes, which become real human eyes) Hmmm, it's the mail truck!
  
Patrick: I need my glasses. (puts 2 glasses of water on his eyes) Hmmm, it’s the mail truck!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Our package! (both start dancing & hopping)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: Our package! (both start dancing & hopping)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.
  
Squidward: I didn’t realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.<br>
+
'''Mailfish''': SpongeBob SquarePants?
  
MailMan: SpongeBob SquarePants?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': That's me! (throws a very big box next to SpongeBob and Patrick)
  
SpongeBob: That’s me! (throws a very big box next to SpongeBob & Patrick)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': That's a big box.
  
Squidward: That’s a big box.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Thank you. (still dancing and hopping)
  
SpongeBob: Thank you. (still dancing & hopping)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Hey SpongeBob, when do we stop hopping?
  
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, when do we stop hopping?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': 30 more seconds, Patrick.
  
SpongeBob: 30 more seconds, Patrick.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Probably ordered a lifetime supply of bubble soap. (chuckles. SpongeBob & Patrick pull out a big screen TV) Huh? A brand-new television?
  
Squidward: He probably ordered a lifetime supply of bubble soap. (SpongeBob & Patrick pull out a big/screen TV) Huh? A brand-
+
'''SpongeBob''': Easy...easy... (they throw the TV onto a trash-can)
new television?<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Easy…easy…(throw the TV onto a trash-can)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yeah! (go into box and start giggling)
  
Squidward: Just when I thought they couldn’t get any stupider. Let me get this straight, you two ordered a giant screen  
+
'''Squidward''': Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider. Let me get this straight, you two ordered a giant screen television just so you could play in the box?
television just so you could play in the box?<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Pretty smart, huh?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Pretty smart, huh?
  
Patrick: I thought it wouldn’t work.<br>
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'''Patrick''': I thought it wouldn't work.
  
Squidward: Uh-huh, that’s quite a plan there. Oh, but wait, there was something else I wanted to ask you two. What was it?  
+
'''Squidward''': Yeah, that's quite a plan there. Oh, but wait, there's something else I wanted to ask you two. Now, what was it? Oh, yeah, yeah. DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANY BRAINS?!
Oh, yeah, yeah. '''''DON’T YOU TWO HAVE ANY BRAINS?!'''''<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Squidward, we don’t need television. Not as long as we have our… (makes a rainbow with his hands)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, we don't need television. Not as long as we have our... (makes a rainbow with his hands) ...''imagination''.
imagination.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Wow, I never thought of it that way. That’s really something. Can I have your TV?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Wow, I never thought of it that way. That's really something. Can I have your TV?
  
SpongeBob: With… (makes a rainbow with his hands) …imagination, I can be anything I want! A pirate! Arr! A football  
+
'''SpongeBob''': With... (makes a rainbow with his hands again) ...''imagination'', I can be anything I want! A pirate! Argh! A football player! Hutt!
player! Hutt!
+
  
Patrick: A starfish!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': A starfish!
  
Squidward: Patrick, you’re already a starfish.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Patrick, you're already a starfish.
  
Patrick: See, Squidward? It works! You try!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': See, Squidward? It works! You try!
  
Squidward: Ok, let’s see. I’m imaging myself watching TV (points to the one on the trash-can) And there it is! Can I have  
+
'''Squidward''': OK, let's see. I'm imagining myself watching TV... (points to the one on the trash-can) ...and there it is! Can I have it, SpongeBob?
it, SpongeBob?<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Sure, Squidward.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sure, Squidward.
  
Squidward: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! (Squidward pushes TV in his tiki)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! (pushes TV into his house)
  
SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward, but if you change your mind, we’ll be in this box!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Okay, Squidward, but if you change your mind, we'll be in this box!
  
Patrick: Let’s play Mountain Climbing Adventure!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Let's play ''Mountain Climbing Adventure''!
SpongeBob: Let’s go for it! Gloves!<br>
+
  
Patrick: Check.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Let's go for it! (goes into the box with Patrick) ''Gloves!''
  
SpongeBob: Hats!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''Check.''
  
Patrick: Check.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Hats!''
  
SpongeBob: Underwear!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''Check.''
  
Patrick: Uh… check!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Underwear!''
  
SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick climb up there and secure this rope.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''Uh...check!''
  
Patrick: You got it! (you can hear noises coming from the box)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''OK, Patrick. Climb up there and secure this rope.''
  
SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, you’re going too high!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''You got it!'' (there are noises coming from the box)
  
Squidward: I hope they put some air holes in that box.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, you're going too high!''
  
SpongeBob: Take it easy, Patrick, you’ve got to acclimate!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I hope they put some air holes in that box. (Patrick is heard cheering and saying things like "Woo!")
  
Patrick: I’ll be easy when I’m dead! I’m shaking hands with Neptune! Woo! Excelsior!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Take it easy, Patrick, you've got to acclimate!''
  
Squidward: Now where’s that remote?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''Yeah! I'll take it easy when I'm dead!'' (chuckles) ''I'm shaking hands with Neptune! Woo! Excelsior!''
  
Patrick: I am the lizard king! Woo!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Now where's that remote?
  
SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! I think we should keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''I am the lizard king! Woo!''
  
Patrick: What?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! I think we should keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!''
  
SpongeBob: I said, I think we should keep our voices down in case of avalanches!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''What?!''
  
Patrick: What should we keep down?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''I said, I think we should keep our voices DOWN in case of avalanches!''
  
Squidward: Morons.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''What should we keep down?!''
  
SpongeBob: Our voices!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Morons.
  
Squidward: '''''WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!''''' (Squidward kicks box causing an avalanche making SpongeBob & Patrick screaming
+
'''SpongeBob''': '''''OUR VOICES!'''''
& falling) SpongeBob? (causes a second avalanche)<br>
+
  
Patrick: Hold me.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Will you two shut up?! (kicks the box, and an avalanche starts, making SpongeBob and Patrick scream, fall, and cry) SpongeBob? (touches the box, and a second avalanche starts. SpongeBob and Patrick scream again, then cry)
  
SpongeBob: Hang in there buddy, the chopper is on the way!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''Hold me.''
  
Patrick: SpongeBob! My legs are frozen solid! You’re going to have to cut them off with a saw!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Hang in there buddy, the chopper is on the way!''
SpongeBob: No Patrick, I can’t do that!<br>
+
  
Patrick: Why not?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''SpongeBob! My legs are frozen solid! You'll have to cut them off with a saw!''
  
SpongeBob: Because I already cut off my own arms!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''No Patrick, I can't do that!''
  
Patrick: No!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': ''Why not?''
  
Squidward: What? How were you two making that noise?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': ''Because I already cut off my own arms!''
  
SpongeBob: (laughs) What noise, Squidward?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOO--'''''
  
Patrick: We could only hear the sound of our laughter.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (opens box) What the? How were you two making that noise?
  
Squidward: Yes! But those sound effects: the avalanche, the, the, the…<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (laughs) What noise, Squidward?
  
Patrick: Don’t forget the second avalanche.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': I could only hear the sound of our laughter.
  
Squidward: Forget it. I don’t know why I’m wasting my time out here when I could be watching my brand new television.
+
'''Squidward''': Yes! But those sound effects: the avalanche, the, the, the--
(helicopter sounds)<br>
+
  
Man Inside Box: Attention climbers, please hold on! The saws are on the way! (Squidward opens box)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Don't forget the second avalanche.
  
Squidward: How are you two doing that?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Forget it. I don't know why I'm wasting my time out here when I could be watching my brand new television. (helicopter sounds) Huh? What the-?! (stammers and gasps)
  
SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet…<br>
+
'''Man Inside Box''': ''Attention climbers, please hold on! The saws are on the way!''
  
Squidward: The noises, how are you two making those noises?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''YAY! Whoo!''
  
Patrick: That’s easy. All you need is a box.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Grr...aha! (opens the box) How are you doing that?
  
SpongeBob: And…(makes a rainbow with his hands)…imagination.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet...
  
Squidward: Are you trying to say that I have no imagination? I have more imagination…(tries to make a rainbow with his
+
'''Squidward''': The noises! How are you two making those noises?
hands but fails)…in one tentacle than you two have in your whole bodies.<br>
+
  
Patrick: That’s good. Now all you need is a box. (closes the box as Squidward walks back to his house)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.
Squidward: I’ll show them! (looks for another box) There’s got to be one in here! (finds a small, round green box) This hat
+
box should do nicely. (pulls out a sombrero) Why haven’t I worn this yet? (gets in the box he is too big for and just sits
+
there staring at his watch. Kicks box after he gets mad)<br>
+
  
PoliceMan: Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': And... (makes a third rainbow with his hands) ...''imagination''.
Squidward: What do they want with me? What did I do? I must have violated some new box kicking law! (walks out of house
+
with the green box) Look officers, everything’s ok. I won’t do it again!<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: You’ll never take me alive, coppers!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Are you trying to say I have no imagination? I have more ''imagination''... (tries to make a rainbow with his "hands" but is unsuccessful) ...in one tentacle than you two have in your whole bodies.
  
Man: No, Johnny! Don’t do it! (Squidward kicks the green box so SpongeBob & Patrick take it into theirs)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': That's good. Now all you need is a box. (closes the box as Squidward walks back to his house)
  
Patrick: Whoopee! Another box!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I'll show them! (looks for another box) There's got to be one in here! (finds a small, round green box) Ah! This hat box should do nicely. (pulls out a sombrero) Why haven't I worn this yet? (gets in the box but he is too big for it and just sits there staring at his watch. Kicks the box after he gets mad, but hears a police car siren)
  
Squidward: I got to try to relax. Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV. (turns on TV to see a box
+
'''Police Man''': ''Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!''
conveyer belt channel)<br>
+
  
Host: It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly. (changes channel to see a professor talk about a box  
+
'''Squidward''': What do they want with me? What did I do? (gasps) Obviously, I violated some new box kicking law! (walks out of house with the green box) Look officers, everything's OK. I won't do it again!
equation)<br>
+
  
Physicist: The equation is illustrated here by this box. (changes channel to a soap opera)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (as Johnny) ''You'll never take me alive, coppers!''
  
Man: I couldn’t afford a present this year, so I got you this box. (both hold up boxes)<br>
+
'''Man''': ''No, Johnny! Don't do it!'' (Squidward kicks the green box, and SpongeBob and Patrick open theirs)
  
Woman: That’s what I got you!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Whoopee! Another box! (they take the green box into theirs. Police cars chase Johnny's car as he speeds)
  
Squidward: Isn’t there anything on that isn’t about boxes? (changes channel)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I got to try to relax. Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV. (turns on TV to see a show on the [[Assembly Channel]], showing boxes on an assembly line)
  
Host: And welcome back to Championship Boxing.<br>
+
'''Narrator''': ''It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly.'' (Squidward changes the channel to see a professor talk about a box equation on the [[Math Channel]])
  
Squidward: Heh-heh, I guess this is ok. I mean, it’s not really about boxes. (two cardboard boxes are going at each other)  
+
'''Professor''': The equation is illustrated here by this box. (points at the equation with a stick. Squidward changes the channel to a soap opera on the [[Soap Opera Channel]])
I give up.<br>
+
  
Man: 3…2…1…blast off!<br>
+
'''Nat''': I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box. (picks up a box)
  
Squidward: How are they doing that? That was the most realistic space launch I ever heard! There must be an explanation.
+
'''Woman''': That's what I got you! (picks up another box)
Think, Squidward, think! (imagines of a tape recorder they have and playing real effects)<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Squidward's such a jerk. (both laugh)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Isn't there anything on that isn't about ''boxes''?! (changes the channel to the [[Boxing Channel]], which is showing ''[[Championship Boxing]]'')
  
Squidward: Laugh at me, will they? (opens box) All right, where is it?<br>
+
'''Announcer''': ''And welcome back to "Championship Boxing".''
Patrick: (comes out of Squidward’s green box) Here I am!<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Where’s what, Squidward?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Heh-heh, I guess this is OK. I mean, it's not really about boxes. (a boxing match begins. Two cardboard boxes are going at each other, ironically enough) I give up.
  
Squidward: Don’t "Where’s what, Squidward?" me! Where’s the tape recorder?<br>
+
'''Astronaut''': ''3... 2... 1... Blast off!''
  
SpongeBob: We don’t have a tape recorder, Squidward!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (fascinated) How are they doing that? That was the most realistic space launch I've ever heard! There must be an explanation. Think, Squidward, think! (imagines of a tape recorder they have and them giggling and playing real sound effects)
  
Squidward: Don’t "We don’t have a tape recorder, Squidward" me!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Shhh! Squidward's such a jerk. (both laugh)
  
SpongeBob: But we don’t!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Laugh at me, will they? (opens box) All right, where is it?
  
Patrick: We have a tape recorder box.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (comes out of Squidward's green box) Here I am!
  
Squidward: All right, make way you two, I’m coming in. (gets into box)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Where's what, Squidward?
  
SpongeBob: Welcome aboard, Squidward! You’ve just set sail on the S.S…(makes a rainbow with his hands) …Imagination. Where our only destination is fantastic adventure! Where do you want to go first?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me! Where's the tape recorder?
  
Squidward: Don’t mind me, I’m just here to observe.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!
  
SpongeBob: Squidward, don’t you see? Waiting and watching? That’s not what the box is all about! It’s all about…(makes a
+
'''Squidward''': Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!" me!
rainbow with his hands)…imagination.<br>
+
  
Squidward: All right, fine! Take me to Robot Pirate Island! I want to arm wrestle with cowboys on the moon! Just do it so I
+
'''SpongeBob''': But we don't!
can get back and watch TV!<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Ok, Squidward! Robot Pirate Island it is! (SpongeBob and Patrick close their eyes and make pirate and robot
+
'''Patrick''': We have a tape recorder box.
noises)<br>
+
Squidward: Why won’t this thing turn on? All right, fine. If you don’t want to show me, I don’t care! I’ve got better
+
things to do than pace the floor wondering how you two work this thing. How do those two work that thing? There’s got to be
+
a secret button or a switch or something! I mean, listen to that! (hears noises from box) That sounds like Robot Pirate
+
Island! Think, Squidward, think! I got it! When those two go to bed, I’ll sneak in there and find that button. I’ll wait
+
all night if I have to!
+
  
Patrick: (both come out of box) I need sleep to refuel my imagination tanks!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': All right, make way, you two, I'm coming in. (gets into the box)
  
SpongeBob: I still can’t believe those pirates beat all those robots.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Welcome aboard, Squidward! You've just set sail on the S.S... (makes another rainbow with his hands) ...''Imagination'', where our only destination is fantastic adventure! Where do you want to go first?
  
Patrick: See you in the morning.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': No, no, don't mind me, I'm just here to observe.
SpongeBob: Good-night, Patrick. (Squidward sneaks out to get into the box)<br>
+
  
Squidward: (sees a piece of paper on the wall) Hello, what’s this? ("This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who
+
'''SpongeBob''': But, Squidward, don't you see? Waiting and watching? That's not what the box is about! It's about... (makes yet another rainbow with his hands) ...''imagination''.
gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget…") (tears paper) I’ve got to find that button
+
quick! (looks around box) It’s got to be around here somewhere. I don’t see anything! It’s just an empty box! Maybe it
+
really was their imagination. Oh…get yourself together, Squidward! I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and
+
pretend to drive a race car that I’m suddenly going to start hearing noises? (steps on the imaginary gas pedal and hears
+
the actual noise) What the…? (Squidward turns the imaginary key) It actually works! I can’t believe it! Oh boy! This beats
+
  
TV by a long shot! This is the most fun I’ve ever had!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (destroys the rainbow) All right, fine! Take me to "Robot Pirate Island!" I want to arm wrestle with cowboys on the moon! Just do it so I can get back and watch TV!
SpongeBob: Listen to that, Gary. Squidward finally made the box work after all. That is so great.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Vroom! Only two more laps to the finish line! (garbage truck dumps out the trash) I’m in the lead! Out of my
+
'''SpongeBob''': OK, Squidward! Robot Pirate Island it is! (he and Patrick close their eyes and make pirate and robot noises)
way! I’m almost there! Victory is mine! (box slides down a trash pile until it hits something sending Squidward into a
+
cherry pie)<br>
+
  
The next morning…
+
'''Patrick''': Beep beep beep.
  
SpongeBob: Hey, our box is gone!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Arr.
  
Patrick: Oh well.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Bee boop beep boop.
  
SpongeBob: I know! Let’s go see Squidward!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Ahoy matey!
  
Patrick: I hope he’s not too down in the dumps today. (music is like a down noise)
+
'''Patrick''': Beep beep.
  
 +
'''SpongeBob''': For that, you'll walk the plank! (Patrick chuckles goofily as SpongeBob giggles softly)
 +
 +
'''Squidward''': (growls) Why won't this thing turn on?! (pounds box) All right, fine. If you don't want to show me, I don't care! I've got better things to do than pace the floor wondering how you two work this thing. (pacing around his upstairs) How do those two work that thing? There's got to be a secret button or a switch or something! I mean, listen to that! (hears beeping and sword noises and cheering from box) Now, that sounds like Robot Pirate Island! Grr...think, Squidward, think! I got it! When those two go to bed, I'll sneak in there and find that button. I'll wait all night if I have to! (bubble-wipe to night. Squidward has a surprised expression on his face. The box is making fireworks and cheering noises)
 +
 +
'''Patrick''': (both come out of box. Patrick yawns) I need sleep to refuel my ''imagination'' tanks!
 +
 +
'''SpongeBob''': I still can't believe those pirates beat all those robots.
 +
 +
'''Patrick''': See you in the morning.
 +
 +
'''SpongeBob''': Good night, Patrick. (Patrick and SpongeBob go home. Squidward sneaks out to get into the box)
 +
 +
'''Squidward''': (laughs and sees a piece of paper on the wall) Hmm? Hello, what's this? (reads note) "This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget--" (tears paper) Oh! I've got to find that button quick! (looks around box) It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. D'oh, get it together, Squidward! What are you saying? I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises? (steps on an imaginary gas pedal like he's in an invisible car and hears actual car noises) What the...? (puts in an imaginary key) It actually works! I can't believe it! Ho ho ho! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot! (laughs) Whoo! Ha ha ha! This is the most fun I've ever had!
 +
 +
'''SpongeBob''': Listen to that, Gary. Squidward finally made the box work after all. That is so great.
 +
 +
'''Squidward''': (laughs) Whoo! Vroom! Vroom! Only two more laps 'til the finish line! (garbage truck dumps out the trash) I'm in the lead! Out of my way! I'm almost there! (laughs) Victory is mine! (The box slides down a trash pile until it hits a metal pipe sending Squidward into a cherry pie) Agghh... (the box lands on top of him. Bubble-wipe to morning)
 +
 +
'''SpongeBob''': Hey, our box is gone!
 +
 +
'''Patrick''': Oh well.
 +
 +
'''SpongeBob''': I know! Let's go see Squidward!
 +
 +
'''Patrick''': I hope he's not too down in the dumps today. (timpani roll sounds as the episode fades to black)
 +
 +
{{Transcripts/Season 3}}
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
 
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Latest revision as of 00:20, 17 October 2024

Back Episode Transcript Next Episode Transcript
Nasty Patty Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV

Episode Article: Idiot Box

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

SpongeBob: See anything yet, Patrick?

Patrick: I need my glasses. (puts 2 glasses of water on his eyes, which become real human eyes) Hmmm, it's the mail truck!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Our package! (both start dancing & hopping)

Squidward: I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.

Mailfish: SpongeBob SquarePants?

SpongeBob: That's me! (throws a very big box next to SpongeBob and Patrick)

Squidward: That's a big box.

SpongeBob: Thank you. (still dancing and hopping)

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, when do we stop hopping?

SpongeBob: 30 more seconds, Patrick.

Squidward: Probably ordered a lifetime supply of bubble soap. (chuckles. SpongeBob & Patrick pull out a big screen TV) Huh? A brand-new television?

SpongeBob: Easy...easy... (they throw the TV onto a trash-can)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! (go into box and start giggling)

Squidward: Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider. Let me get this straight, you two ordered a giant screen television just so you could play in the box?

SpongeBob: Pretty smart, huh?

Patrick: I thought it wouldn't work.

Squidward: Yeah, that's quite a plan there. Oh, but wait, there's something else I wanted to ask you two. Now, what was it? Oh, yeah, yeah. DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANY BRAINS?!

SpongeBob: Squidward, we don't need television. Not as long as we have our... (makes a rainbow with his hands) ...imagination.

Squidward: Wow, I never thought of it that way. That's really something. Can I have your TV?

SpongeBob: With... (makes a rainbow with his hands again) ...imagination, I can be anything I want! A pirate! Argh! A football player! Hutt!

Patrick: A starfish!

Squidward: Patrick, you're already a starfish.

Patrick: See, Squidward? It works! You try!

Squidward: OK, let's see. I'm imagining myself watching TV... (points to the one on the trash-can) ...and there it is! Can I have it, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Sure, Squidward.

Squidward: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! (pushes TV into his house)

SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward, but if you change your mind, we'll be in this box!

Patrick: Let's play Mountain Climbing Adventure!

SpongeBob: Let's go for it! (goes into the box with Patrick) Gloves!

Patrick: Check.

SpongeBob: Hats!

Patrick: Check.

SpongeBob: Underwear!

Patrick: Uh...check!

SpongeBob: OK, Patrick. Climb up there and secure this rope.

Patrick: You got it! (there are noises coming from the box)

SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, you're going too high!

Squidward: I hope they put some air holes in that box. (Patrick is heard cheering and saying things like "Woo!")

SpongeBob: Take it easy, Patrick, you've got to acclimate!

Patrick: Yeah! I'll take it easy when I'm dead! (chuckles) I'm shaking hands with Neptune! Woo! Excelsior!

Squidward: Now where's that remote?

Patrick: I am the lizard king! Woo!

SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! I think we should keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!

Patrick: What?!

SpongeBob: I said, I think we should keep our voices DOWN in case of avalanches!

Patrick: What should we keep down?!

Squidward: Morons.

SpongeBob: OUR VOICES!

Squidward: Will you two shut up?! (kicks the box, and an avalanche starts, making SpongeBob and Patrick scream, fall, and cry) SpongeBob? (touches the box, and a second avalanche starts. SpongeBob and Patrick scream again, then cry)

Patrick: Hold me.

SpongeBob: Hang in there buddy, the chopper is on the way!

Patrick: SpongeBob! My legs are frozen solid! You'll have to cut them off with a saw!

SpongeBob: No Patrick, I can't do that!

Patrick: Why not?

SpongeBob: Because I already cut off my own arms!

Patrick: NOOOOOOOOOOO--

Squidward: (opens box) What the? How were you two making that noise?

SpongeBob: (laughs) What noise, Squidward?

Patrick: I could only hear the sound of our laughter.

Squidward: Yes! But those sound effects: the avalanche, the, the, the--

Patrick: Don't forget the second avalanche.

Squidward: Forget it. I don't know why I'm wasting my time out here when I could be watching my brand new television. (helicopter sounds) Huh? What the-?! (stammers and gasps)

Man Inside Box: Attention climbers, please hold on! The saws are on the way!

SpongeBob and Patrick: YAY! Whoo!

Squidward: Grr...aha! (opens the box) How are you doing that?

SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet...

Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?

Patrick: Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.

SpongeBob: And... (makes a third rainbow with his hands) ...imagination.

Squidward: Are you trying to say I have no imagination? I have more imagination... (tries to make a rainbow with his "hands" but is unsuccessful) ...in one tentacle than you two have in your whole bodies.

Patrick: That's good. Now all you need is a box. (closes the box as Squidward walks back to his house)

Squidward: I'll show them! (looks for another box) There's got to be one in here! (finds a small, round green box) Ah! This hat box should do nicely. (pulls out a sombrero) Why haven't I worn this yet? (gets in the box but he is too big for it and just sits there staring at his watch. Kicks the box after he gets mad, but hears a police car siren)

Police Man: Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!

Squidward: What do they want with me? What did I do? (gasps) Obviously, I violated some new box kicking law! (walks out of house with the green box) Look officers, everything's OK. I won't do it again!

SpongeBob: (as Johnny) You'll never take me alive, coppers!

Man: No, Johnny! Don't do it! (Squidward kicks the green box, and SpongeBob and Patrick open theirs)

Patrick: Whoopee! Another box! (they take the green box into theirs. Police cars chase Johnny's car as he speeds)

Squidward: I got to try to relax. Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV. (turns on TV to see a show on the Assembly Channel, showing boxes on an assembly line)

Narrator: It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly. (Squidward changes the channel to see a professor talk about a box equation on the Math Channel)

Professor: The equation is illustrated here by this box. (points at the equation with a stick. Squidward changes the channel to a soap opera on the Soap Opera Channel)

Nat: I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box. (picks up a box)

Woman: That's what I got you! (picks up another box)

Squidward: Isn't there anything on that isn't about boxes?! (changes the channel to the Boxing Channel, which is showing Championship Boxing)

Announcer: And welcome back to "Championship Boxing".

Squidward: Heh-heh, I guess this is OK. I mean, it's not really about boxes. (a boxing match begins. Two cardboard boxes are going at each other, ironically enough) I give up.

Astronaut: 3... 2... 1... Blast off!

Squidward: (fascinated) How are they doing that? That was the most realistic space launch I've ever heard! There must be an explanation. Think, Squidward, think! (imagines of a tape recorder they have and them giggling and playing real sound effects)

SpongeBob: Shhh! Squidward's such a jerk. (both laugh)

Squidward: Laugh at me, will they? (opens box) All right, where is it?

Patrick: (comes out of Squidward's green box) Here I am!

SpongeBob: Where's what, Squidward?

Squidward: Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me! Where's the tape recorder?

SpongeBob: We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!

Squidward: Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!" me!

SpongeBob: But we don't!

Patrick: We have a tape recorder box.

Squidward: All right, make way, you two, I'm coming in. (gets into the box)

SpongeBob: Welcome aboard, Squidward! You've just set sail on the S.S... (makes another rainbow with his hands) ...Imagination, where our only destination is fantastic adventure! Where do you want to go first?

Squidward: No, no, don't mind me, I'm just here to observe.

SpongeBob: But, Squidward, don't you see? Waiting and watching? That's not what the box is about! It's about... (makes yet another rainbow with his hands) ...imagination.

Squidward: (destroys the rainbow) All right, fine! Take me to "Robot Pirate Island!" I want to arm wrestle with cowboys on the moon! Just do it so I can get back and watch TV!

SpongeBob: OK, Squidward! Robot Pirate Island it is! (he and Patrick close their eyes and make pirate and robot noises)

Patrick: Beep beep beep.

SpongeBob: Arr.

Patrick: Bee boop beep boop.

SpongeBob: Ahoy matey!

Patrick: Beep beep.

SpongeBob: For that, you'll walk the plank! (Patrick chuckles goofily as SpongeBob giggles softly)

Squidward: (growls) Why won't this thing turn on?! (pounds box) All right, fine. If you don't want to show me, I don't care! I've got better things to do than pace the floor wondering how you two work this thing. (pacing around his upstairs) How do those two work that thing? There's got to be a secret button or a switch or something! I mean, listen to that! (hears beeping and sword noises and cheering from box) Now, that sounds like Robot Pirate Island! Grr...think, Squidward, think! I got it! When those two go to bed, I'll sneak in there and find that button. I'll wait all night if I have to! (bubble-wipe to night. Squidward has a surprised expression on his face. The box is making fireworks and cheering noises)

Patrick: (both come out of box. Patrick yawns) I need sleep to refuel my imagination tanks!

SpongeBob: I still can't believe those pirates beat all those robots.

Patrick: See you in the morning.

SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. (Patrick and SpongeBob go home. Squidward sneaks out to get into the box)

Squidward: (laughs and sees a piece of paper on the wall) Hmm? Hello, what's this? (reads note) "This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget--" (tears paper) Oh! I've got to find that button quick! (looks around box) It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. D'oh, get it together, Squidward! What are you saying? I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises? (steps on an imaginary gas pedal like he's in an invisible car and hears actual car noises) What the...? (puts in an imaginary key) It actually works! I can't believe it! Ho ho ho! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot! (laughs) Whoo! Ha ha ha! This is the most fun I've ever had!

SpongeBob: Listen to that, Gary. Squidward finally made the box work after all. That is so great.

Squidward: (laughs) Whoo! Vroom! Vroom! Only two more laps 'til the finish line! (garbage truck dumps out the trash) I'm in the lead! Out of my way! I'm almost there! (laughs) Victory is mine! (The box slides down a trash pile until it hits a metal pipe sending Squidward into a cherry pie) Agghh... (the box lands on top of him. Bubble-wipe to morning)

SpongeBob: Hey, our box is gone!

Patrick: Oh well.

SpongeBob: I know! Let's go see Squidward!

Patrick: I hope he's not too down in the dumps today. (timpani roll sounds as the episode fades to black)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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