Episode Transcript: Treats!

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Demolition Doofus
	For Here or to Go

Episode Article: Treats!

Characters

Dialogue

(episode begins at the Krusty Krab. Squidward is watching television)

SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! What'cha watchin'?

News Reporter: We'll be right back.

SpongeBob: Oh, it's a commercial.

Announcer on commercial: (we see treats that look like small, brown twigs slide in a beige-yellow-ish background. The treats form a circle and spin around) They're new! They're... (cut to the red word "Snail Bites" with one of the same treats dotting the second "i." More of the treats are below the logo. A pixelated snail slithers in and eats the treats) Snail Bites!

SpongeBob: Ooh.

Squidward: Here, I'll change the channel.

SpongeBob: Don't change the channel!

Announcer in commercial: (cut to the "Snail Bites" logo. A bite is taken out of it with a crunching sound) Snail Bites. (deeper voice) Snail Bites! (we see a male light green fish holding a Snail Bite in a grey-ish room. Beside him is a male blue snail with a yellow shell that has a curving red spiraling line begging him for the treat)

Male fish in commercial: Snail Bites. (gives the Snail Bite to the begging snail. Cut to a female purple-violet fish in the same room)

Female fish in commercial: Snail Bites. (we see her with a female purple-ish snail with a turquoise-ish shell that has a curving red spiraling line begging her for a Snail Bite she is holding. Gives the Snail Bite to the begging snail) Snail Bites. (we see the "Snail Bites" logo again. Another bite is taken out of it with another crunching sound)

Announcer in commercial: Snail Bites. (cut to the green fish)

Male fish in commercial: (snail is licking his face) Snail Bites. (cut to the purple fish)

Female fish in commercial: Snail Bites. (throws a Snail Bite behind her and kicks it into the snail's mouth. The "Snail Bites" logo re-appears and has yet another bite taken out of it with another crunching sound)

Announcer in commercial: Snail Bites!

Male fish in commercial: (throws a Snail Bite into the distance for the snail to catch. The Snail Bite comes back around and so does the snail, catching the snack) Snail Bites.

Announcer in commercial: They're new. Snail Bites!

Female fish in commercial: (gives the snail a Snail Bite and kisses the snail) Snail Bites.

Announcer in commercial: (a rectangular, aquamarine box of Snail Bites appears. The box explodes releasing treats) Snail Bites! (cut to both fish on a spinning red, yellow and white background. They are both holding boxes of Snail Bites, and the snails that accompanied them are also with them)

Both fish in commercial: Your snail will go nuts for Snail Bites... and so will you! (cut to the box, which explodes again. The "Snail Bites" logo appears again and has a bite taken out of it every second until it's gone. The logo then re-appears)

Announcer in commercial: (quickly) Snail Bites. (commercial ends)

SpongeBob: Did you see that, Squidward? (Squidward appears to be gone) Snail Bites. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house) Gary, I'm home! (closes door) Oh, Gary! You've got a big surprise coming to you.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Snail Bites. (holds up the box. Rips open the top and shakes box)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: It smells good? (reaches in and gives Gary a Snail Bite)

Gary: (cheerfully) Meow!

SpongeBob: Does somebody want another Snail Bite? (holds up another Snail Bite) Can somebody roll over? (whispers quickly) Roll over. (Gary rolls over from body to shell to back to shell and pants like a dog. Gives Gary the Snail Bite. Walks away) We'll have some more of these a little later. (Gary races in front of him)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: More treats?

Gary: Meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Well, I can't say no to my wittle Gare-Bear. (takes out a Snail Bite and Gary jumps up and eats it. A montage begins: Gary picks up a ball and throws it. SpongeBob gives him a Snail Bite. Then we see Gary jumping on 5 trampolines, going into a tunnel, and rolling down a slide. SpongeBob gives Gary another Snail Bite and the camera pans over to Gary doing archery and SpongeBob gives another Snail Bite. They walk away from the target. We now see Gary lifting a 500 pound weight with his eyes and SpongeBob gives him a Snail Bite. Then Gary goes bowling and knocks all the pins over. SpongeBob then gives him a Snail Bite. Gary then jumps out of a plane and pull out the parachute. As he lands, SpongeBob gives him another Snail Bite. Gary then pulls a red curtain to reveal a marble sculpture and SpongeBob gives him a Snail Bite for it. Gary then performs a famous Houdini trick by being bind in a straight jacket and dunked in a tank of water where he struggles to escape. Cut to SpongeBob watching this act and Gary comes to him as SpongeBob gives him a Snail Bite. Gary then does a motorcycle stunt by driving over buses and going through a ring of fire. SpongeBob gives Gary another Snail Bite as he lands on the last ramp, whereupon the montage ends. Cut to SpongeBob's house where Gary wants more treats from SpongeBob)

Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Gary, that's an awful lot of Snail Bites for one evening. Are you sure you want more? (sees Gary on a unicycle humming a kazoo while spinning a hula hoop) Well, I suppose one more couldn't hurt. (reaches into the Snail Bites box, but finds nothing) Whoops, looks like that was the last of them Gary. We're all out. (gets up and yawns) It's probably for the best. (rubs his eyes) I'm getting pretty tired anyway. I think I'll skip my nightly motivational exercise and go to straight to bed.

Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! (looks into empty box but can't find anything. Crawls up onto SpongeBob in bed) Meow, meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Gary, please! (puts pillow over his face, but Gary crawls into it and continues meowing)

Gary: Meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Gary Wilson Junior, I promise you we will get more treats tomorrow! Now, please, let me... (yawns) ...sleep. (walks slowly back to bed, but Gary continues to meow)

Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! (his eyes widen. Starts meowing louder) Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

SpongeBob: (gets out of bed) Gary! It is 4:00 in the morning! What exactly do you want from me?! (Gary uses his slime to spell "TREATS" on the wall)

Gary: Meow. (bubble-wipe to the pet store)

SpongeBob: (sleepy) Gary, this is ridiculous! See? The pet store won't be open for hours. (shivers) Not to mention it's freezing out here! Can't we just go home and come back in the morning?

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: I just can't say no to my little Gare-Bear. (lies down on ground to go to sleep. Uses a soda can as a pillow) Good night, Gary. (yawns) See ya in the morning! (tries to continue sleeping)

Gary: Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! (bubble-wipe to the following morning. Harold comes to the door)

SpongeBob: Excuse me!

Harold: Please! I'm just the floor manager! The cashier won't be here for another hour!

SpongeBob: Do you have any Snail Bites? We need some Snail Bites.

Gary: Meow!

Harold: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Those sold out almost immediately! (opens door and goes into store)

Gary: (screams) Meow! (SpongeBob sighs and walks home. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house)

SpongeBob: (yawns) OK, Gary, I'm off to the Krusty Krab! (grabs his work hat) Hope your day is as fun-filled as mine! Whoa! Gary?! (Gary shows up at his door, holding an empty box of Snail Bites in his teeth) Yes, so, I will see you tonight, Gary. (tries to open the door, but Gary growls every time he tries to) Gary, is that a box of Snail Bites in your teeth? He-he. That's funny, because I think I just saw a half-full box in the kitchen. (Gary runs for the kitchen, while SpongeBob leaves the house. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab. Hums while flipping patties on grill)

Gary: Meow! (SpongeBob looks outside to notice that Gary is in the Krusty Krab)

Abigail-Marge: Normally, I'm so shy, but... (Gary crawls up on her and knocks down her food)

Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Gary, what are you doing here? You're causing a scene! (everyone in Krusty Krab stops what they're doing and stares at SpongeBob, even Squidward)

Gary: Meow!

SpongeBob: I know, you want more Snail Bites. But the pet store was completely sold out of them!

Gary: Meow!

SpongeBob: I know, Gary--

Gary: Meow!

SpongeBob: Gary, I just said the pet store was completely sold out of Snail Bites! What am I supposed to do?

Nat Peterson: Well, you can try going to the factory where they make them.

SpongeBob: (picks up Gary and leaves) Thanks a lot. (bubble-wipe to the Snail Bites Factory, where one of the workers has just told SpongeBob that the factory is closed) You're what?!

Factory Worker: We're closed! Do I have to spell it out for you? C-S-L-O-S-Z-E-D. Cuh-losed! Not only that, but the very last box of Snail Bites shipped out days ago! They were such a hit they flew out of the stores and now, we've run out of ingredients! From what I hear, the owner even dropped out of the pet food business entirely! Yeah, I mean, why wouldn't he, huh? He's made his money!

SpongeBob: You see, Gary? There are no more...

Factory Worker: I mean, it's not like I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in his shoes!

SpongeBob: So, you see, Gary, there...

Factory Worker: Why would anybody go around punishing themselves, just for the sake of the happiness of a few pets or...

SpongeBob: Would you mind being quiet for one second, please!

Factory Worker: Sorry.

SpongeBob: Gary, they're completely sold out. There are no more Snail Bites left in the entire world, and there never will be.

Gary: Meow!

SpongeBob: (frustrated) What do you want me to do, Gary? (flails his arms in annoyance and frustration) Travel the Earth, checking ever pet store in existence to see if they happen to have a box of Snail Bites left? Is that what you want?

Gary: Meow! (bubble-wipe to another montage. SpongeBob and Gary go on an expedition to various pet stores, but none of the stores have Snail Bites) Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Gary, take a look at this map. (opens a map with pet stores all over the world marked on it) This is a map of every pet store in the entire world! We've been to every single one of them, Gary! And not one of them has the treats you are after! Not one! I can't keep looking, Gary. I just can't.

Gary: Meow, meow, meow! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house) Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! Your snail's still meowing? I have experience with these situations. You're the sponge. He is the snail. You just have to say "no" in a very firm voice!

SpongeBob: But I don't want to say no to my wittle Gare-Bear! I want him to be happy!

Patrick: Well, you gotta be firm, SpongeBob! Sometimes, you have to no when to say know. Oh, wait, wait, wait, it's the other way around. You have to know when to say "no". Yeah, that's it!

SpongeBob: But I don't know how to say no, Patrick!

Patrick: No problem, SpongeBob! You can practice on me! Pretend I'm Gary and tell me "no".

SpongeBob: (grunts) I can't! You're so cute!

Patrick: (pants like a dog) Do it, SpongeBob! (continues panting. SpongeBob keeps grunting) Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

SpongeBob: No.

Patrick: Stop it! (cries and goes back to his rock)

Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow!

SpongeBob: Gary, this won't be easy, but the time has come when I must say nee, nn... Oh, Gary, It's a photo, it's a framed photo of the moment I picked you up at the pound. (takes a photo and looks at it) I remember that day like it was yesterday. Oh, and a photo of the time you built me a castle made of glitter and lollipops. (sniffles) Gary, this is the most special... Oh. Nice try, Gary.

Gary: Meow!

SpongeBob: Gare-Bear, we looked everywhere. There are no more Snail Bites. I'm sorry, Gary, but the answer is no.

Gary: Meow. (goes back into the house to take a nap, leaving SpongeBob surprised that he won't have to get distracted again. Bubble-wipe to Patrick's rock)

Patrick: This last known box of Snail Bites sure is delicious! (notices the box is empty) Hey! It's empty! (cut to outside the rock; offscreen) Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

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