Episode Transcript: Sweet and Sour Squid
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Episode Article: Sweet and Sour Squid
(episode starts at the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: SpongeBob, what is that horrible racket coming back from here?
SpongeBob: Just a little grill-side harmony. Everyone knows that cooking and music go together like eating and listening.
Squidward: You wouldn't know what real music is if it came up and hit you in the face.
SpongeBob: Hey, that happened to Patrick once. He must've been listening to hard rock. He had a lump on his head-
Squidward: I don't care! If you want to hear what real music sounds like, then listen to this. (clarinet is missing) Hey, give it back. I was just reaching my coda.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, well, your coda is affecting me quota. The shrill piercing racket of your fish flute is frighting away me money.
Squidward: Fish flute?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't know. That's what they used to call it back in the-
Squidward: None of you simpletons would recognize what real musical talent if it came up and kicked you in the face!
SpongeBob: Hey that happened to Patrick once too! He-
Squidward: None of you know a great musician can hear him! Not a single one of you! Not even- Oh, there's nobody there.
Plankton: He's still doing it, Karen. He's- Karen?
Karen: Who's doing what now? (Squidward is ranting and raving outside the Krusty Krab)
Plankton: The skinny one. He's been ranting and raving in front of the Krusty Krab for the past half-hour waving his arms and jumping around like an animal. (Squidward begins crying) Oh, he stopped now. He's just broken down on the ground crying. Karen. Karen, for the first time, it's hit me!
Karen: What, the door on your way out?
Plankton: No computer-brain. The skinny one may have been the gateway to the secret formula all along. As a veteran employee, he must know the secret formula too.
Karen: I warn you against it.
Plankton: Too late!
Squidward: Who said that?
Plankton: Down here! I am just an innocent passerby who felt the need to stop and tell you what a magnificent garden you have.
Squidward: Oh, really?
Squidward: Well, let me tell you something, mister. I know exactly who you are and why you're here.
Plankton: You do?
Squidward: You will not tell me to eat at the Chum Bucket, no matter how big the discount is.
Plankton: Well, that's not exactly why I-
Squidward: Shameless. You again?
Plankton: I hope you don't mind me painting on your property, but the light here is simply transcendent this time of day.
Squidward: Why, yes it is, isn't it?
Plankton: Yes, it- not buying that one either, huh?
Plankton: Hey buddy! (Squidward slams door) Squidward! (door is slammed again. This repeats) Free cleaning service? Census taker. (as a girl scout) Good day, kind sir. Would you like to buy some gil scout cookies? (door is slammed) Ow! (at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is duct taping surgical tubing to himself)
Karen: Plankton, what are you doing?
Plankton: There's nothing a little duct tape and surgical tubing can't accomplish. (tube hits him) Ow! I knew I should've use pipe cleaners. (at Squidward's house) Hello, I'm your long-lost relative. Can I have the secret formula? (Squidward slams door) Well, that's a fine way to treat a family member.
SpongeBob: Hi, Plankton. Nice dress.
Plankton: Out of my way, spongebrain.
SpongeBob: I overheard you and Squidward playing doorslam, and I wanted to see if I could get in to the next round. (Plankton cries) Don't cry, Plankton. Doorslam is easy to play. Hard to master.
Plankton: None of my tactics are making any impression on him whatsoever.
SpongeBob: Well, let's see. If you really want to impress Squidward, try talking to him about music.
SpongeBob: Yeah, especially his favorite kind of music his own.
Plankton: Oh, is that right?
Squidward: Not again.
Plankton: Wait, don't irrigate me. I've come to hear your music. It soothes the place my soul would occupy if I had one.
Squidward: Are you sure you got the right squid?
Plankton: I've never been sure of anything, but I am sure of this: Play for me. Fill my ear sockets with the strains of your sweet sweet magic.
Squidward: Finally, someone actually appreciates my brilliance. I will play for you, my tiny cyclops. I will play such that Neptune himself will hear me upon his very throne or whatever chair he's sitting on.
Plankton: Uh-oh. I mean, goodie.