Episode Transcript: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

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Episode Article: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

Characters

Dialogue

(The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on)

Krabs: Come on SpongeBob, it’s quitting time. (the lights turn off and Krabs and Sponge walk out) I’ve got a card game tonight. (he locks the doors)

SpongeBob: Who’re you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? (we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on)

Krabs: I’m going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. (Sponge gasps)

SpongeBob: Plankton! (a thought bubble appears over Sponge’s head with Plankton inside) But Mr. Krabs, he’s your archenemy. (he picks up a Krabby Patty) He’s been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years. (the Plankton in the bubble sees the burger and goes to get it, but Sponge swats him with a fly swatter)

Plankton: Ouch. (the thought bubble disappears)

SpongeBob: Why would you play cards with him?

Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! (cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table) Why I’ve been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! (Krabs puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, Krabs’ eyes have turned to dollar signs) I never lose! (the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways. Dissolve to morning where Krabs walks to work crying, and Sponge walks in laughing)

SpongeBob: Taking him to the cleaners, that a hot one! (Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors) How’d the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?

Krabs: I lost.

SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose?

Krabs: I didn’t lose any money. (he sheds away a tear) I lost…

SpongeBob: Don’t tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!

Krabs: I lost… (Sponge grabs him)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn’t lose the Krabby Patty secret formula!

Krabs: I… lost… (he points to Sponge) you!
SpongeBob: What?

Krabs: I bet your contract and I lost. (Sponge stares blankly, then laughs)

SpongeBob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I got to make those Krabby Patties. (he begins to walk to the door, but Krabs’ claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor)

Krabs: I’m afraid you don’t work here anymore. (Squid runs out the door to the two)

Squidward: Please tell me this isn’t a joke.

SpongeBob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. (Plankton walks over)

Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I’m afraid he’s not joking. (he points at Sponge) You work for me now, SpongeBob! (he whips out a bucket with the initials “CB” on it) Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. (Plankton jumps on Sponge’s head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat, and puts the bucket on his head. Sponge screams and runs to Krabs, knocking Plankton and the bucket off)

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs! I don’t want to work for him! (he tugs at Krabs’ shirt collar) I want to work for you here at the Krusty Krab! (he and Krabs start crying and hug)

Krabs: I’m sorry, boy! It’s all my fault!

Plankton: What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? (he whips out a crowbar) I would! (he jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry Sponge off Krabs. Sponge goes flying with Krabs’ arms still clung to him)

Krabs: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (he slams into a cage and Krabs’ arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door)

Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I’ve been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty secret formula but I’ve got the next best thing: the guy who makes ‘em! (a propeller emerges from the cage) I’m gonna run you out of business, Krabs. (the propeller spins and pilots Sponge into the Chum Bucket)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!

Krabs: SpongeBob! (he sobs) Can I have my arms back? (Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs’ head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping Sponge into it)

SpongeBob: What is this place? (the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. Sponge gasps. A giant boiler turns on. Sponge yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled “Science!” appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. Sponge screams. Plankton bursts open the doors)

Plankton: OK, I’m ready for my Krabby Patty! (he walks over to Sponge)

SpongeBob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I haven’t, uh…

Plankton: Perhaps you don’t understand. You work for me now (he jumps onto Sponge’s knee) and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or I’ll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! (we see a giant robot that bares a slight resemblance to Sponge) So get cooking. (he twangs Sponge’s nose. Later, Sponge is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. Sponge screams. He looks at a digital sign reading, “KITCHEN”)

SpongeBob: The sign says “kitchen,” but my heart says “jail.” (Sponge walks toward the window, where he sees the silhouette of the Krusty Krab. A song starts)

Song: "A Stove is a Stove"

A stove is a stove,
No matter where you go. 
A patty is a patty,
That's what I say.

A grill is a grill,
This is surely so,
And fries should be fries,
Either way.

But this grill is not a home.
This is not the stove I know.
I would trade it all away,
If you'd come back to stay.

This kitchen's not the same without you.
It's just a grill, it's true
(It's just a greasy spoon...) without you. (SpongeBob cries)

Plankton: What is he doin'? All these tears and the show tunes? Why isn't he making the patties?! Forget it I’m going for plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.

Karen: You know that never works. The answer is obvious, to get to the SpongeBob you must show him compassion and understanding then he'll give you what you want.

Plankton: Will you be quiet I’m thinking… I’ve got it, to get to the SpongeBob I must show him compassion and understanding then he'll give me what I want. (SpongeBob opens the patty maker machine and the patty have come to life) Hi…

SpongeBob: Ahh!! I’m sorry Plankton, I’d tried my best. I’m not used to cooking this way! Please don’t take my brain out!

Plankton: Hold it SpongeBob, I’m capable of compassion and understanding.

SpongeBob: Really?! Then I would like to go back to the Krusty Krab.

Plankton: Let’s not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?

SpongeBob: Well I usually cook on a grill.

Plankton: You got it! (Plankton brought a grill into the Chum Bucket) Well it wasn’t easy but here it is, one old frying grill. How about we try it out?

SpongeBob: Duh…it…just it’s, I’m used to the grill facing that way.

Plankton: Say no more, I’ll take care of everything. (Plankton pushed the grill)

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