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Episode Transcript: Pressure
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| Squirrel Jokes | The Smoking Peanut |
Episode Article: Pressure
Characters
- SpongeBob/Sponge
- Sandy/Red Headed Squirrel
- Patrick/Star
- Squidward/Squid
- Mr. Krabs/Crab
- The Seagulls from Land
Dialogue
Sandy: (looking at the clouds) You know, SpongeBob, sometimes it's nice to hang up my hang-glider and just watch the clouds roll by.
SpongeBob: Yup, and just relax.
Sandy: Yeah. Relax.
SpongeBob: Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! You know what that cloud looks like?
Sandy: What?
SpongeBob: A flower.
Sandy: They all look like flowers, SpongeBob. All the time.
SpongeBob: They sure do.
Sandy: You know, normally, I'd offer to race you to the top of coral cliffs. But I don't want to miss out on a second of this beautiful beauty.
SpongeBob: Me either. Who wants to get all dirty anyway?
Sandy: Yeah. And sweaty. Besides, I think we'd know who'd get to the top first.
SpongeBob: Yeah.
SpongeBob and Sandy: (laughing) Me.
SpongeBob: That's funny, Sandy. It sounded like you said you could beat me in a climbing contest.
Sandy: 'Course I can! I'm a squirrel. See? (points to her acorn badge)
SpongeBob: I thought that meant you were nuts.
Sandy: Nope, it means I'm a natural born climber. I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing like growing up on good ol' dry land.
SpongeBob: (laughs) Land-shmand, it's all about finger strength, baby, and if there's anything we've got plenty of down here, it's finger strength! (his fingers do poses) What do you say to that, "Miss Mittens"?
Sandy: I'd say I'm already halfway there!
SpongeBob: Ahh! (begins to climb the mountain) No fair, Sandy! You got a head start!
Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, that's the way the coral crumbles! (collapses the rock SpongeBob is climbing on)
SpongeBob: Hey! (gets back on another rock) You did that on purpose!
Sandy: Yeah, but this is an accident! (unleashes more rocks at him. SpongeBob screams as he falls.) Too bad you forgot your umbrella!
SpongeBob: (holds on to an umbrella and floats up). I didn't! (laughing)
Sandy: Well. It's about time you showed up.
SpongeBob: But you were-I saw you-I-I-I want a rematch! First one to the Krusty Krab is the winner!
Sandy: Ain't no way a sea critter can run faster than a land critter.
SpongeBob: I can underwater! I'm... HYDRODYNAMICALLY DESIGNED! Think you can win a fair race in that clunky tin tube?
Sandy: Why don't you ask my behind! That is, if you can catch it! What do you say to that, HydroPants?
SpongeBob: I say I'm already halfway there!-halfway there! (zoom out to reveal a record player)-halfway there!-halfway there!.
Sandy: (gasps) Hey! (SpongeBob laughs but hits a brick wall. Jumps on SpongeBob) Thanks for the face lift! (laughs as she runs to the Krusty Krab) You see, I told you you didn't have a ch-
SpongeBob: (dressed as an old man) There you are! Ain't just like a land creature to keep a sea creature waiting! (rips off suit, laughing)
Sandy: I though y'all wanted a rematch.
SpongeBob: I did! And I took a head start like you did!
Sandy: Well, I was just funning with you that time! But I guess all y'all underwater don't have to play fair!
SpongeBob: I guess I don't, air breather!
Sandy: Water sucker!
SpongeBob: Tree climber!
Sandy: Gulf streamer!
SpongeBob: Kite flier!
Sandy: Chum chewer!
SpongeBob: (gasps) Take that back! You... (nervously) not wet person!
Sandy: Aha! You can't even come up with another name! That proves it!
SpongeBob: Proves what?
Sandy: That land critters are better than sea critters!
Patrick: (walks to the two) Better at what?
Sandy: Oh, dern near everything, I guess. Cattle roping and pie eating and wood chopping and flying!
Squidward: (walks to the three) What's she blabbering about?
Patrick: She says land creatures are best.
Sandy: Only 'cause it's true! We're best at horse riding and fur styling and rowing. Y'all got us licked in swimming, but we've got corn chucking, (Mr. Krabs walks to the four) and hay bailing, and barn raising, and fishing! (SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs all gasp) And name calling, for sure!
Squidward: And drowning, don't forget drowning!
SpongeBob: (laughing) Good one, Squidward! (jumps to hi-five Squidward) Woo!
Squidward: Not on your life, sport. (SpongeBob falls)
SpongeBob: I'll admit, you've got some pretty good moves. For a squirrel. (SpongeBob and the rest except Sandy start laughing) But you're still just a land creature.
Sandy: Squirrels can do anything they want to!
Patrick: I bet you can't eat a Krabby Double Deluxe in one bite. (gulps a patty down) Ah.
Sandy: Give me that. They don't call me Cheeks for nothing. (tries to eat it, but her air helmet blocks it. Everyone else begins to laugh)
Patrick: Thank you, thank you.
Sandy: Well, that's just one thing.
Mr. Krabs: Can you do this? (his eyeballs go into his head) Everyone in my family can do that.
Sandy: Uh...uh...
Squidward: How about this? (balances six spinning plates on a stick with his tentacles) Huh?
SpongeBob: Can you reproduce by budding? (begins to do it) Can ya? Can ya? Can ya? Can ya?
Sandy: No!
SpongeBob: Most importantly...can you do this? (all except Sandy begin gasping three times without releasing any breath)
Sandy: Well, what would I wanna do any of that dumb stuff for anyway?
SpongeBob: Admit it, Sandy, you can't do anything us sea creatures can do. In fact, if wasn't for that suit, you couldn't even live down here!
Sandy: Well, you don't... (all continue laughing) I don't need to... (all laughing harder) Grr... I'll show y'all! I don't need this suit! (takes off suit, and all gasp) And I don't need this helmet neither! (throws helmet to ground)
Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve her!
Squidward: How long can she stay like that?
SpongeBob: I don't know!
Patrick: Sandy's a girl?
SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy. You sure proved us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. At least until they need to breathe... (all but Sandy laugh. Sandy winks) Yup, won't be long now. Feelin' light-headed yet? (Sandy shakes her head) Remember this? (SpongeBob takes a deep breath in and out)
Mr. Krabs: It's free! (Krabs then takes a deep breath too)
Sandy: (starts suffocating underwater, then puts her head into a pickle jar. all others start laughing.) Stop laughing at me!
Mr. Krabs: I knew it! There was no way some "airhead" was gonna win anything against a water breather!
Patrick: Airhead... (laughs. The top of his head deflates like a balloon) Huh? (puts thumb in mouth and blows. His head becomes round at the top.)
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Sea creatures rule! (chanting) Water! Water! Water!
Sandy: All right, all right! You had your little laugh. But now it's my turn! Y'all think you're such hot stuff, don't ya! Swimming around with your fancy gills and such. But none of you wetheads would last a minute on my turf. Dry land!
Squidward: Do we have to wear pickle jars? (all but Sandy begin to laugh)
Sandy: Nope, nothing but the clothes on your backs.
SpongeBob: One minute? No problem, Landy! (all but Sandy begin to laugh)
Sandy: (all but her are still laughing, as she leads them all to a hill. As they see land, they stop laughing) Well? So are you going or not? (the four of them stammer)
SpongeBob: Actually, you know, (stammers)
Squidward: We-we can't, uh... because...
Mr. Krabs: We're late for our...um...
Patrick: Our fitting!
Sandy: Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes!
Patrick: (holding and eating popcorn) Hey! We are not chicken! (drops popcorn. He gasps.) My popcorn! (begins pecking on it like a chicken)
SpongeBob: Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. (looks at his reflection on the surface and puts his finger above the water) There. Mission accomplished.
Sandy: Look, unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures!
SpongeBob: No, way, San-day. We can take on your challenge!
Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
SpongeBob: We're not afraid of your dumb old land!
Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
SpongeBob: We're sea creatures!
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
SpongeBob: Okay! Well, this is it.
Mr. Krabs: Wait, boy! (gives him a glass) Make it last.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. (drinks from it) Okay! Here I go! (gasps out of water) Hey, this isn't so bad. We can do this! Hey, Patrick, come on up! The air is fine!
Patrick: I'm gonna do it quick and get it over with. Cannonball! (goes up to shore) Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: All right, Pat, you made it! Come on, Mr. Krabs! Up here!
Mr. Krabs: All ashore that's going ashore, Mr. Squidward! Land ho! (goes up)
SpongeBob: Looking good, Mr. Krabs!
Patrick: Yeah! Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward, you're missing all the dry. Come on, Squidward!
SpongeBob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs: (chanting) Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
Squidward: Well, I'll do it. But I won't like it. (goes up. Chanting stops) What?
SpongeBob: Well, here we are.
Squidward: This is pretty easy.
Patrick: I may keep a second rock up here.
Mr. Krabs: Once you get your land legs it's not so bad!
SpongeBob: We're the masters of land and sea!
SpongeBob: (approaching birds) Hey, it's a local. Hi, we're from underwater. Do you know Sandy Cheeks?
Sandy: 3, 2, 1. Well, tan my fur. They made it! Better go congratulate them. (cut to the island SpongeBob! Patrick? Hmm, where'd those critters get to? (goes up, discovers the birds attacking them. She gasps.) Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! (attacks the birds. All of them float back underwater)
SpongeBob: Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy.
Sandy: You know, everyone's best at something.
SpongeBob: But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your helmet, Sandy.
Sandy: Sorry I made you go up on dry land, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for feeling sorry for ourselves! Hip hip!
SpongeBob, Sandy, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Hooray!
Mr. Krabs: Hip hip!
SpongeBob, Sandy, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Hooray!
Mr. Krabs: Hip hip!
(scene cut to live-action where the seagulls sitting on the island)
Seagulls: Hooray.
