Episode Transcript: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

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Episode Article: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

Characters

Dialogue

(The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on)

Mr. Krabs: Come on SpongeBob, it's quitting time. (the lights turn off and Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walk out) I've got a card game tonight. (he locks the doors)

SpongeBob: Who're you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? (we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on)

Mr. Krabs: I'm going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. (SpongeBob gasps)

SpongeBob: Plankton! (a thought bubble appears over SpongeBob's head with Plankton inside) But Mr. Krabs, he's your arch-enemy. (he picks up a Krabby Patty) He's been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years. (the Plankton in the thought bubble sees the Krabby Patty and goes to get it, but SpongeBob swats him with a fly swatter)

Plankton: Ouch. (the thought bubble disappears)

SpongeBob: Why would you play cards with him?

Mr. Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! (cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table) Why, I've been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! (Mr. Krabs puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, Mr. Krabs' eyes have turned to dollar signs) I never lose! (the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways. Cut to morning where Mr. Krabs walks to work crying, and SpongeBob walks in laughing)

SpongeBob: Taking him to the cleaners, that a hot one! (Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors) How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: I lost.

SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose?

Mr. Krabs: I didn't lose any money. (he sheds away a tear) I lost...

SpongeBob: Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!

Mr. Krabs: I lost... (SpongeBob grabs him)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the Krabby Patty secret formula!

Mr. Krabs: I lost... (he points to SpongeBob) you!

SpongeBob: What?

Mr. Krabs: I bet your contract and I lost. (SpongeBob stares blankly, then laughs)

SpongeBob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I got to make those Krabby Patties. (he begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. (after continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor)

Mr. Krabs: I'm afraid you don't work here anymore. (Squidward runs out the door to the two)

Squidward: Please tell me this isn't a joke.

SpongeBob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. (Plankton walks over)

Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. (he points at SpongeBob) You work for me now, SpongeBob! (he whips out a bucket with the initials "CB" on it) Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. (Plankton jumps on SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat, and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs, knocking Plankton and the bucket off)

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs! I don't want to work for him! (he tugs at Krabs' shirt collar) I want to work for you here at the Krusty Krab! (he and Krabs start crying and hug)

Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!

Plankton: What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? (he whips out a crowbar) I would! (he jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (he slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door)

Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I’ve been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty secret formula but I’ve got the next best thing: the guy who makes them! (a propeller emerges from the cage) I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs. (the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (he sobs) Can I have my arms back? (Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping SpongeBob into it)

SpongeBob: What is this place? (the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. Sponge gasps. A giant boiler turns on. SpongeBob yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled "Science!" appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. Sponge screams. Plankton bursts open the doors)

Plankton: Ok, I'm ready for my Krabby Patty! (he walks over to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I haven't, uh...

Plankton: Perhaps you don't understand. You work for me now (he jumps onto SpongeBob's knee) and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or I'll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! (we see a giant robot that bares a slight resemblance to SpongeBob) So get cooking. (he twangs SpongeBob's nose. Later, SpongeBob is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. SpongeBob screams. He looks at a digital sign reading "KITCHEN")

SpongeBob: The sign says "kitchen," but my heart says "jail." (SpongeBob walks toward the window, where he sees the silhouette of the Krusty Krab. A song starts)

Song: "A Stove is a Stove"

A stove is a stove,
No matter where you go. 
A patty is a patty,
That's what I say.

A grill is a grill,
This is surely so,
And fries should be fries,
Either way.

But this grill is not a home.
This is not the stove I know.
I would trade it all away,
If you'd come back to stay.

This kitchen's not the same without you.
It's just a grill, it's true
(It's just a greasy spoon...) without you. (SpongeBob cries)

Plankton: What's he doing? All these tears and the show tunes? Why isn't he making the patties?! Forget it I'm going for plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.

Karen: You know that never works. The answer is obvious, to get to the SpongeBob you must show him compassion and understanding then he'll give you what you want.

Plankton: Will you be quiet? I'm thinking. I've got it! To get to the SpongeBob I must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want. (SpongeBob opens the patty maker machine and the patty have come to life) Hi.

SpongeBob: Ahh!! I'm sorry Plankton, I've tried my best. I'm not used to cooking this way! Please don't take my brain out!

Plankton: Hold it, SpongeBob, I'm capable of compassion and understanding.

SpongeBob: Really?! Then I would like to go back to the Krusty Krab.

Plankton: Let's not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?

SpongeBob: Well, I usually cook on a grill.

Plankton: You got it! (Plankton brings a grill into the Chum Bucket) Well it wasn't easy, but here it is! One old frying grill. How about we try it out?

SpongeBob: (gasps) It's...It's...It's just that I'm used to the grill facing that way.

Plankton: Say no more, I'll take care of everything. (Plankton pushes the grill) How about here?

SpongeBob: A little more to the left.

Plankton: How's this, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Move it over a little more.

Plankton: Here?

SpongeBob: Keep going.

Plankton: Here?

SpongeBob: Almost! Just a little more, that's it perfect! Right there! I don't know, it still doesn't feel right. (Plankton gasps)

Plankton: (cut to a blindfolded SpongeBob) Ok, you can open your eyes now! (he removes the blindfold) It's an exact replica of the Krusty Krab kitchen!

SpongeBob: It is! Here's the squeaky floorboards! (makes them squeak) The greasy fryers! (points to a machine) And that thing! One patty coming up, Mr. Krabs! (his face turns sad) I miss Mr. Krabs!

Plankton: Hold it, SpongeBob! I can show you that it's much better working for me! Is there anything that that cheapskate Krabs would never give you?

SpongeBob: Well... (cut to SpongeBob with some fancy rotating shoes on)

Plankton: Will you make those Krabby Patties now?

SpongeBob: There's still one thing... (cut to SpongeBob in a bubble bath, eating pistachio ice cream)

Plankton: Will you make those Krabby Patties now?

SpongeBob: Wait until I finish my ice cream! (cut to SpongeBob riding a toy car, with Plankton pushing him)

Plankton: (while pushing him) Will you make those Krabby Patties now?

SpongeBob: Faster! Faster! (cut to Plankton reading to SpongeBob a baby book)

Plankton: And then the little leprechaun said to the...(drool drops on Plankton. SpongeBob is sleeping. He wakes up)

SpongeBob: (yawns) I'm hungry.

Plankton: Yes, I'm hungry too. Why don't you whip us up a couple of Krabby Patties?

SpongeBob: (yawns again) I'm kind of in the mood for tacos.

Plankton: (laughs) That's a good one, SpongeBob. Ok, whip up those Krabby Patties.

SpongeBob: No!

Plankton: What! I gave you the shoes and the bath and I even massaged each one of ungrateful toes so I command you to make me a Krabby Patty!

SpongeBob: Tell you what. I'll make them when I feel like it.

Plankton: What? What! I am your boss and I command you to make me those Krabby Patties!

SpongeBob: (does a lame impression of Plankton)

Plankton: What! Ok, that's it, mister! You just lost your brain priveleges. (cut to Plankton outside of a lab) Yes, it's finished! I present Robo-Sponge...Chef...Bob...(to the audience) I put his brain in the robot, you know. You should have listened to me, SpongeBob. You see, I always get what I want. Come on out! (Robot SpongeBob comes out) I command you to make a Krabby Patty.

Robot SpongeBob: I don't feel like it.

Plankton: What? I command you to make me a Krabby Patty!

Robot SpongeBob: Response: Why don't you ask me later?

Plankton: What!

Robot SpongeBob: Get welded.

Plankton: Wait! I command you to make me a Krabby Patty!

Robot SpongeBob: (lying on ground lazily) I don't wanna. (drinks out of a cup of oil and snacks on nuts and bolts while reading a magazine)

Plankton: (screams)

Mr. Krabs: (cut to the Krusty Krab) Well, old girl, I guess this is the end. (holds up an "Out of Business" sign)

Plankton: (crying)Please, Krabs! Just take that yellow nightmare back!

Mr. Krabs: Well...(taking off the "Out of Business" sign off the doors) a deal's a deal, Plankton. He's your headache now.

Plankton: Oh, have mercy, Krabs! I'll give you anything! I beg of you!