Patchy the Pirate

Patchy before his suicide
Born:	July 13, 1962
Sexual Orientation:	homosexual and Sadomasochist
Profession:	President of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club Former fry cook of The Poop Deck Host of "Patchy's Pick" The DJ behind the Ultimate SpongeBob Sponge Bash
Favorite Episode	Shanghaied
First Appearance	Christmas Who?
Latest Appearance	Truth or Square
Friends:	Potty (sometimes enemy) Mrs. Johnson Longbeard SpongeBob
Enemies:	Gorilla Mr. Pirateson The Birdbrains
Portrayor:	Tom Kenny

Patchy the Pirate (* 1962) is the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club and he is also SpongeBob’s number one fan. Unlike most SpongeBob characters, Patchy is human, and is played by John F. Kennedy. Patchy lives in an unnamed slum in Fort Lauderla, Florida with his pet parrot, Potty Adolf III. Patchy is mostly featured during special episodes, such as The Sponge Who Could Fly and Christmas Who?. He really loves SpongeBob and was furious when he thought the lost episode of SpongeBob was nothing but SpongeBob going through "a bunch of cheap walk cycles". He thinks the past is cooler than the future, and had a whole argument about it with Potty in the episode Ugh!. In Autobiography he wrote that he had sex with Stephen Hillenburg. It is unknown if he has ever been a real pirate and not just a guy living in a normal neighborhood. He also has an elderly neighbor named Mrs. Johnson who always gives Blowjobs to the other neighbours. It is shown in the episode Suck Dick when he was upset at Potty, that he knew Potty ever since he was a little boy, and Potty was just an egg. He is in a relationship with My Foot.

Appearances

Patchy wears a black pirate hat with a skull and crossbones on it, a red and white bandana, an eye patch (hence the name "Patchy"), a long black beard, a purple robe, a white shirt, a hook on his hand, a peg leg for one leg, and black boots for the other leg. It appears to be missing some flesh. Sometimes Potty teases at Patchy for losing his leg, arm, eye, and the SpongeBob episode The Sponge Who Could Fly.

Job

He works as a prostitute with only male clients. He works in the Krusty brothel

this and that

He suffered a broken penis, while he exercised the practice Cock and Ball Torture. In an interview he said that his penis was amputated. He is also a BDSM-activist.

Personality

He describe hisself as a Sex Maniac. He also told he used a so-called giant dildo.

Quotes

• "I don't know what it means either"
• "This is the end of SpongeBob! WAAAAH!!!!"
• "Oh go away, you stupid bird."
• "Get me out of here, you scurvy bird!"
• "You what???"
• "Hey kids!"
• "Now time for the cartoon."
• "Oh, no! I've ruined the lost episode! Now it's lost forever!"
• "It's time for fan mail."
• "You ate all me cookie dough!"
• "Turn on the Weather Channel!"
• "Hurray! Lets Watch."
• "Wow, Wasn't That Great Kids?"
• "WHAT!? They let a Smelly Hairy Fleabag like that serve food!!!?"

Trivia

• Patchy is allergic to tomatoes. (Friend or Foe?)
• Patchy does not like to eat mayo. (Atlantis SquarePantis)
• Patchy's bedroom is filled with various SpongeBob merchandise. (The Sponge Who Could Fly)
• Patchy wears SpongeBob boxers. (The Sponge Who Could Fly)
• Patchy has a cell phone that has the whistle ending of the SpongeBob theme song whenever someone calls. (Atlantis SquarePantis)
• Patchy wrote letters to kids inside some DVD Boxed Sets
• Patchy as a boy already had a beard as seen on episode Friend or Foe?.
• On episode Atlantis SquarePantis at the part where Patchy was giving his sandwich to the vulture, when he says "Come on!", it sounds more like SpongeBob.
• Patchy was bitten by a dinosaur once. (Ugh!)
• At random times, Patchy's eyepatch switches eyes and his hook switches hands.
• In Friend or Foe? Patchy finds out that The Poop Deck let a "Smelly Hairy Fleabag" (Gorilla) serve food as his replacement.
• In Friend or Foe? Patchy's hook switches from his Spatula to his Hook.
• In Truth or Square? Patchy doesn't have a peg leg and actually has two legs.