Episode Transcript: License to Milkshake

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Episode Article: License to Milkshake

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(episode begins at the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob cooking Krabby Patties)

SpongeBob: (Squidward hands him a slip) Another order? OK! Get ready, Spaty! Time to grill up one more golden-piping hot Krabby Patt- Wha? Double dipped milkshake? Gee, I haven't made one of those in a while! (pours milk and puts ice cream in a blender and turns it on using his elbow. Comes from the kitchen with the milkshake) ORDER UP! (walks over while putting whipped cream on top of the milkshake and walks over to Harold) One Double Dipped Milkshake! (Harold is about to take a sip, but SpongeBob stops him) Wait! I almost forgot! (takes out a cherry from his pocket and puts it on the milkshake) Cherry on top! There you are, sir! A perfect Double Dipped Milkshake! Enjoy!

Harold: Well, it looks delightful. (takes a sip, but nothing is sucked through the straw because the milkshake is too thick to drink. Sips harder and harder only to suck his eyeballs through the straw. Shoots them back into his eye sockets and notices the milkshake is frozen) This thing's frozen! (smashes it down and breaks the table) Barnacles! How am I supposed to drink this?! (licks it) GAH! (takes SpongeBob's hat and puts the frozen milkshake in it. Puts the hat back on SpongeBob's head) This shake is disgusting! (smashes his hand down, causing the milkshake to spray out of SpongeBob) Why, you probably don't even have a license to milkshake!

SpongeBob: A license to milkshake? Well, of course I do, silly! (reaches into his pocket and shows Harold his milkshake license) And it doesn't expire until... (looks at his license and notices something) ...seven years ago?!

Harold: Your milkshake license expired seven years ago?! OUTRAGEOUS! I DEMAND A REFUND!

Mr. Krabs: (appears between SpongeBob and Harold) He he he! Now... let's not say things we might regret later! Tell you what, (starts pushing Harold) you come back tomorrow and SpongeBob will make you a proper milkshake. (pushes Harold out the door) Alright! See you tomorrow! (picks up SpongeBob and throws him into his boat)

SpongeBob: Where are we going Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: I'm taking you back to school! (bubble-wipe to a base with people running with jugs of ice cream on their backs saying "One, two, three, four." Knocks SpongeBob out of his boat) There you are boy! (the base is shown in full) The Milkshake Academy! You know boy? Milkshaking technology and know-how is advanced since you were last a cadet!

SpongeBob: I shall do my best, sir! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob in uniform beside five other cadets)

Cadet: Hey, look! Up at the sky! (notices a tough-looking fish who blows a horn, then leaps down from a airplane getting closer as SpongeBob and the other cadets salute for him) I don't think he's wearing a parachute! (the fish uses two whipped cream bottles to spray himself slowly and safely to the ground)

Captain Frostymug: At ease, cadets. (the cadets are covered in whipped cream)

SpongeBob: (licks off the whipped cream that is on him) Mmmm!

Captain Frostymug: Welcome to the Milkshake Academy! I'm your instructor: Captain Frostymug! Let's not beat around the bush here, boys. Your mamma's not here to wipe the whipped cream from your chinny-chin-chins. And I'm not here to help you with your bendy straws. My sole purpose is to transform you from mere guppies into cool, cold-drafted, chilled to the bone, ice cream blooded, licensed milkshake makin' guppies! But you must prove yourself worthy of this distinction! (looks at SpongeBob) Do you consider yourself worthy, Cadet SquarePants?

SpongeBob: Yes sir! Worthy and ready!

Captain Frostymug: I see. Then this first test will be a breeze. What do you call this? (takes out a ice cream scooper)

SpongeBob: Oh, that's easy! It's an ice cream spatula! (the other cadets laugh at SpongeBob)

Captain Frostymug: That's enough! This, Cadet SquarePants, is your scooper. The most vital weapon in the milkshaker's arsenal! It's clear that most of you understand the fundamentals. Now it's time to see what you can do. (pounds his fist) Cadets! Man your milky, milky stations! (the other cadets start running around. Bubble-wipe to a room with machines)

SpongeBob: (walks up to one of the machines) A few more bells and whistles than I'm used to. But I think I can work with this! (puts ice cream into a cup and tries to work the machine pushing a random button over and over again) Oh dear! (the other cadets perfectly make their milkshakes)

Captain Frostymug: (tastes one of the milkshakes) Fantastic! Nice and creamy mouth feel. (notices SpongeBob randomly pressing a button) SquarePants appears to be having problems... again. You! Please explain where he has gone wrong!

Cadet #2: (rushes in) Sir, yes sir! Sir, he is attempting to use the upper control panels to mix! Sir! Every cadet knows that these are telemetry functions And all of the controls are on the lower panel! (points to a button on a lower panel) Sir!

SpongeBob: Oh! That's right! Heh, how silly of me! Mr. Krabs' right. (grabs the cup) Milkshaking has changed over the years. (presses the button and starts to blend up a milkshake)

Captain Frostymug: Very good! But how does it taste? (SpongeBob turns off the machine and puts whipped cream on it. He puts a cherry on top and gives it to Frostymug. Lifts up the cup, ready to taste the milkshake, but it is frozen, making it too thick to drink. It smashes him in the eye) Maybe we need to get back to basics... (bubble-wipe back to Frostymug and SpongeBob) Listen up, Cadet SquarePants! If you want to make a milkshake, you gotta know how it feels to be a shake! (a large, milkshake-shaped machine is shown) Behold! The Shake Simulator! In you go! NOW! MARCH! HUT TWO THREE FOUR! HUT TWO THREE FOUR! HUT! (SpongeBob runs into the machine. Pushes a button, causing another machine to lift SpongeBob up) Teach this upstart a lesson, I'm setting it to "OBLITERATE!" (turns the dial to obliterate. The other cadets gasp)

Cadet #2: But sir, no one's ever survived obliterate!

Captain Frostymug: SILENCE! He needs to learn, cadet. (the machine starts shaking SpongeBob around until it stops) Now, let's see how the boy turned out. (presses a button which causes the machine to pour out SpongeBob who fills up the cup)

SpongeBob: That was fun! Can I go again? (Frostymug growls. Bubble-wipe to Frostymug beside a chalkboard)

Captain Frostymug: Never, in my thirty years of milkshake instruction, have I had such an unteachable moron! Cadets! Do you have any ideas on how to teach Cadet SpongeBob?

Cadet #3: You'd be better off teaching a hunk of coral, sir! (he and the other cadets laugh at SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: I'll show you! I'll show you all I can make a milkshake! (marches off. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob riding a motorcycle to a sunset. Bubble-wipe to the other cadets shooting cherries at the milkshake target. Cadet #2 succeeds and SpongeBob tries it. Shoots the cherry but it shoots off the top and starts bouncing all over the place and eventually hits Captain Frostymug's buttocks. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob blending a milkshake but he pours out a Krabby Patty. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob playing volleyball with three other cadets. The volleyball lands in SpongeBob's mouth but he shoots it out through his head and he starts to sweat. Gets handed a milkshake and drinks it. Pours the rest on his head and starts to slowly shake it off. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Frostymug riding in airplanes. Frostymug opens his and holds out a cup. Pulls a lever causing ice cream to come out, but it misses the cup and lands in Frostymug's turbine causing his plane to catch on fire and crash, but Frostymug safely floats down on a parachute. Bubble-wipe to the other cadets blending milkshakes and Frostymug drinking them using his bendy straw. They all succeed until he reaches SpongeBob and his milkshake bends Frostymug's straw. Bubble-wipe to a ceremony room)

Captain Frostymug: When you first came to me just four short hours ago, you were nothing but a bunch of soda jerks. But now, you stand before me proud, mighty, milkshake makin' machines! It is with great pride I bestow upon you your milkshake operator license. Now, come up here and get them! (starts handing out licenses and shaking the hands of the other cadets until he reaches SpongeBob) Well, I'm afraid there're aren't no more milkshake licenses. And do you know why?

SpongeBob: Um... the printer ran out of ink?

Captain Frostymug: No, you simpleton! There're aren't any more milkshake licenses because you don't get one! (pushes SpongeBob's mouth in)

SpongeBob: (pulls out mouth) Why not?

Captain Frostymug: Hmm...let me see! (walks over and grabs a cup) Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that you couldn't even get past Step #1 of making a milkshake: Filling the glass with ice cream!

SpongeBob: (rushes over to the machine, putting the cup under it) No, Captain Frostymug! I can do it! Let me show you! I just know I can! (turns on the machine)

Captain Frostymug: No, here let me show you! (grabs the cup) You're suppose to raise the cup to the spinny thing! (starts suddenly sweating and looking nervous) Um, the...the spinny thing... (a flashback begins outside a shop called "Milk Shake" with the words "Twenty Years Earlier" below. Inside the shop is a young Captain Frostymug)

Customer: Boy, I can't wait to have one of your renowned shakes, Sir Frostymug!

Young Frostymug: You tried the rest, now prepare for the best! (turns on the machine and the milkshake sprays on a electrical cord which causes the machine to spray milkshake on all of the customer's faces. They all start to scream and run all over the place) NOOOOO! (flashback ends)

Captain Frostymug: NOOOO!

SpongeBob: What's wrong, Captain Frostymug?

Captain Frostymug: I haven't touched a milkshake machine in twenty years! (gets his arm caught in the blender) Dear Neptune's thunderclap! I'm stuck in the blender! HEEEELLLP!


Captain Frostymug: (screams as his whole body starts to slowly get sucked in the blender) MY ARM! (screams)

SpongeBob: Don't worry, sir! I'm coming! (grabs onto Frostymug) Gotcha, Captain!

Captain Frostymug: Save yourself, boy! I'm a goner!

SpongeBob: NO! I'm not leaving you behind! (pulls Frostymug from the blender and the machine explodes. Places Frostymug down)

Captain Frostymug: Thanks, SpongeBob! (coughs) You know, no one has ever treated me this old captain with much kindness. And in return, I'd like to tell you a little secret. All these years, I've been able to make milkshakes without machines because making milkshakes really comes from within! Does that make sense?

SpongeBob: Not at all... (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab) One milkshake, coming right up! (tosses the ice cream into his body and starts shaking. Pours the milkshake into the glass from his head, then whipped cream, and finally a cherry on top)

Harold: (tastes it) You redeemed yourself, SpongeBob! This is the best milkshake I'd ever had! (other customers line up behind him with money)

Mr. Krabs: Where'd you learn those moves SpongeBob?

Captain Frostymug: (enters on a wheelchair) That would be from me! And in light of decent events, SpongeBob, I'd like to give you this. (hands SpongeBob his milkshake license)

SpongeBob: (gasps) My milkshake license! If only if were this easy to get a boating license! (laughs)

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