Editing Episode Transcript: Pest of the West

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Episode Article: [[Pest of the West (Episode)|Pest of the West]]
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Episode Article: [[Pest of the West]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
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*[[SpongeBob]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
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*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
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*[[Sandy]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
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*[[Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
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*[[Squidward]]
*[[SpongeBuck SquarePants]] (debut)
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*[[SpongeBuck SquarePants]]
*[[Pecos Patrick]] (debut)
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*[[Pecos Patrick]]
*[[Squidward's Western Ancestor]] (debut)
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*[[Squidward's Western Ancestor]]
*[[Mr. Krabs' Western Ancestor]] (debut)
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*[[Mr. Krabs' Western Ancestor]]
*[[Dead Eye Plankton]] (debut)
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*[[Dead Eye Plankton]]
*[[Mrs. Puff's Western Ancestor]] (debut)
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*[[Mrs Puff's Western Ancestor]]
 
*Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch
 
*Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch
*Medieval Fish
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*Fish 1-6
*Krusty Krab customers
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*Patrick's Great-Great Uncle Patrick Revere
*[[Patrick Revere]]
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*Sandy's Great Aunt Rosie Cheeks
*Rosie Cheeks
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*Funeral Parlor and Ice Cream Parlor Order taker
*Funeral Parlor and Ice Cream Parlor order taker
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*Cowbone 1-2
*Cowbones
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*[[Patchy the Pirate]]
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*[[Potty the Parrot]]
+
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
===Patchy Segment===
 
'''Patchy:''' Hi, kids. Today we going to see the SpongeBob special: Pest of the West.
 
  
'''Potty:''' Pest of the West.
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(Episode starts at the Krusty Krab)
  
'''Patchy:''' Yes. (walks to the living room) Now, the TV. (presses a button. Mike from the movie ''Monsters, Inc.'' appears on the television) Not that. (presses another button. A lion appears on TV) Wrong again. (keeps flipping through the channels and grunting. A black and white dinosaur movie comes on, then a blob movie, then a baseball game,then the jungle, then the city. Potty flies over)
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SpongeBob: Backing up! (Walks backward, face to the ground) Boop, Boop, Boop, Boop, Boop, Boop, Boop, Boop,
  
'''Potty:''' Let me do it!
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Squidward: You're better off not knowing.
  
===Main Story===
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SpongeBob: Boop, Boop, Boop! (Flips over and puts a tray on a customer's table) Your Krabby Patty, sir.
(episode starts at the Krusty Krab)
+
  
'''SpongeBob''': Backing up! (walks backward, face to the ground, and imitates a truck backup alarm) Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop...
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Fish 1: Do you always serve your food this way?
  
'''Squidward''': You're better off not knowing.
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SpongeBob: You mean with a smile? Yes, sir! (Patrick walks in on a pretend horse)
  
'''SpongeBob''': ...boop, boop, boop! (flips over and puts a tray on a customer's table) Your Krabby Patty, sir.
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Patrick: Beware! Let it be known to all far and wide, The mollusks are coming! Tally, ho! (Rides around the Krusty Krab) The mollusks are coming! The mollusks are coming! The mollusks are coming! '''''THE MOLLUSKS ARE COMING!'''''
  
'''Customer''': Do you always serve your food this way?
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SpongeBob: '''''NOT THE MOLLUSKS!'''''
  
'''SpongeBob''': You mean with a smile? Yes, sir! (Patrick walks in on a pretend horse)
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Patrick: '''''Mollusks? What mollusks?'''''
  
'''Patrick''': Beware! Let it be known to all far and wide, the mollusks are coming! Tally, ho! (Rides around the Krusty Krab) The mollusks are coming! The mollusks are coming! The mollusks are coming! '''''THE MOLLUSKS ARE COMING!'''''
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SpongeBob: There aren't any mollusks coming, are there, Patrick?
  
'''SpongeBob''': '''''NOT THE MOLLUSKS!'''''
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Patrick: Nope. I was only pretending to be my famous, Great-Great Uncle Patrick Revere! He rode through the streets warning Bikini Bottom of the coming hordes of ravenous, man-eating mollusks! (A flashback begins with Patrick Revere riding through town)
  
'''Patrick''': Mollusks? What mollusks?
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Patrick Revere: The mollusks are coming! The mollusks are coming!
  
'''SpongeBob''': There aren't any mollusks coming, are there, Patrick?
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Patrick: It's too bad nobody listened to him.
  
'''Patrick''': Nope. I was only pretending to be my famous Great-Great Uncle, Patrick Revere! He rode through the streets warning Bikini Bottom of the coming hordes of ravenous, man-eating mollusks! (a flashback begins with Patrick Revere riding through town)
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Fish 2: What beeth the deal with ye olde nutcase? (Mollusks come in Fish 2,3 scream) (Flashback ends)
  
'''Patrick Revere''': The mollusks are coming! The mollusks are coming!
+
SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick. I didn't know you had a famous relative.
  
'''Patrick''': (narrating) It's too bad nobody listened to him.
+
Patrick: Well the best part about it is, I don't have to accomplish anything in life, because my Uncle already did it for me. Really takes the old pressure off.
  
'''Medieval Fish''': What beeth the deal with ye olde nutcase? (mollusks come in and both medieval fish scream and run off. Flashback ends)
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Mr. Krabs: That's nothing! My Great-Great Grandpappy Krabs invented the greatest thing since loose change! The Spendthrift Billfold System! Allow me to demonstrate. (Pulls out what looks like a dollar in a wallet.) Hey SpongeBob, how about a raise?
  
'''SpongeBob''': Wow, Patrick. I didn't know you had a famous relative.
+
SpongeBob: Gee, thanks Mr. Krabs!
  
'''Patrick''': Well, the best part about it is, I don't have to accomplish anything in life, because my Uncle already did it for me. Really takes the old pressure off.
+
Mr. Krabs: A-a-a watch. (Pulls on the dollar, a steel jaw trap grabs Mr. Krabs' finger) See?
  
'''Mr. Krabs''': That's nothing! My Great-Great Grandpappy Krabs invented the greatest thing since loose change! The Spendthrift Billfold System! Allow me to demonstrate. (pulls out what appears to be a dollar bill from his wallet) Hey SpongeBob, how about a raise?
+
SpongeBob: Doesn't that hurt?
  
'''SpongeBob''': Gee, thanks Mr. Krabs!
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Mr. Krabs: Every time!
  
'''Mr. Krabs''': Ah-ah-ah! Watch. (pulls on the dollar and a steel jaw trap grabs Mr. Krabs' finger) See?
+
SpongeBob: Gosh, I don't have anyone famous in my family.
  
'''SpongeBob''': Doesn't that hurt?
+
Patrick: Oh, well then it's lucky you have me as a famous friend. Or your life would be a hollow shell. (Scene cut to when SpongeBob is standing by a statue that looks like someone riding a seahorse, covered in jellyfish poop)
  
'''Mr. Krabs''': Every time!
+
SpongeBob: I'll bet you're someone's famous poop-covered ancestor. ''Sigh'' I never realized how sad and empty my life was, until my friends pointed it out. (Sandy jumps in)
  
'''SpongeBob''': Gosh, I don't have anyone famous in my family.
+
Sandy: '''HI-YAH!'''
  
'''Patrick''': Oh, well then it's lucky you have me as a famous friend. Or your life would be a hollow shell. (bubble-wipe to see SpongeBob standing by a statue that looks like someone riding a seahorse, covered in jellyfish poop)
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SpongeBob: Hi, Sandy.
  
'''SpongeBob''': I'll bet you're someone's famous poop-covered ancestor. ''Sigh'' I never realized how sad and empty my life was, until my friends pointed it out. (Sandy jumps in making karate-style movements)
+
Sandy: Something wrong, SpongeBob? You look sadder than a bullfrog full of sody-pop.
  
'''Sandy''': '''HI-YAH!'''
+
SpongeBob: Do you have any famous relatives, Sandy?
  
'''SpongeBob''': Hi, Sandy.
+
Sandy: I sure do! My great Aunt Rosie Cheeks was the first squirrel to discover oil. At Spindletop, Texas. (Flashback begins with a squirrel standing on top of an oil tower)
  
'''Sandy''': Something wrong, SpongeBob? You look sadder than a bullfrog full of sody-pop.
+
Rosie Cheeks: '''She's ready to blow!''' (Oil spurts out of the ground, Rosie Cheeks jumps away, flashback ends)
  
'''SpongeBob''': Do you have any famous relatives, Sandy?
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SpongeBob: Seems like everybody in town has a famous relative. Everybody except me.
  
'''Sandy''': I sure do! My great Aunt Rosie Cheeks was the first squirrel to discover oil. At Spindletop, Texas. (flashback begins with a live-action squirrel standing on top of an oil tower)
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Sandy: Come on, I'll bet y'all got someone famous in your family tree.
  
'''Rosie Cheeks''': She's ready to blow! (oil spurts out of the ground and Rosie  jumps away. Flashback ends)
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SpongeBob: Well, there was my Uncle Sherm. (Pulls out a wallet full of pictures) He could stick an entire watermelon up his nose. (Shows a picture of Uncle Sherm with a watermelon in his nose.)
  
'''SpongeBob''': Seems like everybody in town has a famous relative. Everybody except me.
+
Sandy: That's not the kind of famous I mean. Come on. Lets do a little digging around your family tree. (Cut to Bikini Bottom Library, Sandy pulls out a book.)
  
'''Sandy''': Come on, I'll bet y'all got someone famous in your family tree.
+
Sandy: "Family Histories of Bikini Bottom". Let's see, SquareHead, SquareShirt, SquarePants, Hey, looky here! (Points to a statue of SpongeBuck in a picture)
  
'''SpongeBob''': Well, there was my Uncle Sherm. (pulls out a wallet full of pictures) He could stick an entire watermelon up his nose. (shows a picture of Uncle Sherm with a watermelon in his nose)
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SpongeBob: '''Gasp!'''
  
'''Sandy''': That's not the kind of famous I mean. Come on. Lets do a little digging around your family tree. (bubble-wipe to Bikini Bottom Library, where Sandy pulls out a book) "Family Histories of Bikini Bottom". (reads from the book) Let's see, SquareHead, SquareShirt, SquarePants... Hey, looky here! (points to a statue of SpongeBob's Great Grandfather in a picture. SpongeBob gasps) It's a statue of SpongeBuck SquarePants!
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Sandy: It's a statue of SpongeBuck SquarePants!
  
'''SpongeBob''': I've never even heard of him! He got his own statue?
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SpongeBob: I've never even heard of him! He got his own statue?
  
'''Sandy''': Says here he saved the entire town of Dead Eye Gulch. That's what Bikini Bottom was known as back in the old west days. (cross-fade to Dead Eye Gulch with a train coming into the town; narrating) It was a town that lived under the tyranny of a nasty crook 'til a mysterious stranger came to town. (train stops. SpongeBuck gets off)
+
Sandy: Says here he saved the entire town of Dead Eye Gulch, that's what Bikini Bottom was known as back in the old west days.(Story Begins, train coming into scene) It was a town that lived under the tyranny of a nasty crook 'til a mysterious stranger came to town. (Train stops, SpongeBuck gets off.)
  
'''SpongeBuck SquarePants''': Wow! The big city! Well, time to make my fortune.
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SpongeBuck SquarePants: Wow! The big city! Well, time to make my fortune.
  
'''Sandy''': (narrating) Back in them days, the whole place was run by that no-good galoot, Dead Eye!
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Sandy: Back in them days, the whole place was run by that no-good gloot, Dead Eye!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Shoo-wee! This place sure is big and fancy-like! Gee, willikers! They got an ice cream parlor! (sees a building that says "Dead Eye Funeral Parlor". Camera pans down to another sign reading "Ice Cream Parlor." SpongeBuck walks up to the front) I'll take one scoop of vanilly ice cream, please.
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SpongeBuck: Shoo-Wee! This place sure is big and fancy-like! Gee, willigers! They got an ice cream parlor! (Sees a building that says "Dead Eye Funeral Parlor and Ice Cream Parlor", walks up to the front) I'll take one scoop of vanilly ice cream, please.
  
'''Funeral Fish''': You're new here, aren't you?
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Fish 4: You're new here, aren't you?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Yep. I just got off from the train.
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SpongeBuck: Yep. I just got off from the train.
  
'''Funeral Fish''': You don't say. (gives SpongeBuck the ice cream. As SpongeBuck licks it, the fish measures SpongeBuck and makes a coffin for him. SpongeBuck exits and notices that some people are looking at him. He looks at them, and the others pull their hats down. SpongeBuck keeps walking and licking until he stops at a place full of music. The music is coming from a place called the Krusty Kantina)
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Fish 4: You don't say. (Licks ice cream, Measures SpongeBuck and makes a coffin for him, SpongeBuck notices that some people are looking at him, he looks at them, pull their hats down, keeps walking and licking, music is coming from the Krusty Kantina)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' western ancestor''': Business is good today! (SpongeBuck walks in, ringing the bell by the door as he enters. Everyone stops)
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Mr. Krabs' western ancestor: Business is good today! (SpongeBuck walks in, wearing a bell that is ringing, everyone stops)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Howdy do, y'all?
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SpongeBuck: Howdy do, y'all?
  
'''Hopalong Tentacles''': Great, another hayseed.
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Squeeze Tentacles: Great, another hayseed.
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': (whispering to Hopalong Tentacles) Charge him double for his drinks.
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Mr. Krabs' ancestor (Whispering): Charge him double for his drinks.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Howdy partner! (sits down) Pardon, but is this stool taken?
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SpongeBuck: Howdy partner! (Sits down) Pardon, but is this stool taken?
  
'''Western Fish''': Yeah. Some fancy dude just sat in it. (SpongeBuck looks at the stool and smiles)
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Fish 5: Yeah. Some fancy dude just sat in it. (SpongeBuck looks at the stool and smiles)
  
'''Hopalong''': What can I get you, stranger?
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Squeeze: What can I get you, stranger?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Give me a shot... ''of milk''.
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SpongeBuck: Give me a shot ''of milk''.
  
'''Hopalong''': Milk?
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Squeeze: Milk?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Two percent.
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SpongeBuck: Two percent.
  
'''Hopalong''': Think you can handle it?
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Squeeze: Think you can handle it?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': I drink this stuff every day. Over the lips and through the gums, look out tapeworm, here it comes! Get ready, Tapey. (laughs and drinks the milk, which spills into his stomach, where a worm named Tapey is living. Yells and falls off the stool) Oh, yeah! Smooth.
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SpongeBuck: I drink this stuff every day. Over the lips and through the gums, look out tapeworm, here it comes! Get ready Tapey. (Laughs and drinks the milk, milk spills into a place where a worm is living) Aah, (Falls off the stool) Oh, yeah! Smooth.
  
'''Hopalong''': Right.
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Squeeze: Right.
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': What brings you to Dead Eye Gulch, stranger?
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Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: What brings you to Dead Eye Gulch, stranger?
  
'''Hopalong''': Strange is right.
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Squeeze: Strange is right.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': The name's SpongeBuck. I left home to make my way here in the big city. I'm here for the job. (holds up a paper that says 'Sheriff Wanted')
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SpongeBuck: The name's SpongeBuck. I left home to make my way here in the big city. I'm here for the job. (Holds up a paper that says 'Sheriff Wanted')
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Wonderful! You're hired. (Gives him a badge) Hey everybody! Meet our new sheriff! (everyone cheers)
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Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Wonderful! You're hired. (Gives him a badge) Hey everybody! Meet our new sheriff! (Everyone cheers)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Sheriff? I'm not here for the sheriff job. I'm here for the fry cook job. (holds up the same paper but points to a small section that says 'Fry cook wanted Low pay/No Benefits') Back home, I'm known for my rootin'-tootin', never-pootin' chili. The spiciest chili west of the old red barn. (Mr. Krabs' ancestor tries it and spits it out)
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SpongeBuck: Sheriff? I'm not here for the sheriff job. I'm here for the fry cook job. (Hold up the same paper but points to an ad that says 'Fry cook wanted Low pay/No Benefits') Back home, I'm known for my rootin-tootin, never-pootin chili. The spiciest chili west of the old west farm. (Mr. Krabs' ancestor tries it and spits it out)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': No offense, kid. But your chili tastes terrible.
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Mr. Krab's Ancestor: No offense, kid. But your chili tastes terrible.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': In a good way?
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SpongeBuck: In a good way?
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': No, in a terrible way. Look, we already gave you the badge. And the law of the west says: no take backs!
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Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: No, in a terrible way. Look, we already gave you the badge. And the law of the west says: no take backs!
  
'''Hopalong''': Since when?
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Squeeze: Since when?
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': (shushes Hopalong Tenacles) Shhhhhh! (to SpongeBuck) So that means, you're the new sheriff!
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Mr. Krab's Ancestor: Shhhhhh! So that means, you're the new sheriff!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': What happened to the old sheriff?
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SpongeBuck: What happened to the old sheriff?
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Uh, he's at Boot Hill. (points out the window to a cemetery with a sign reading "Boot Hill")
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Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Uh, he's at Boot Hill.(Shows a picture of a cemetery with a sign saying Boot Hill)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': (gasps) And why is he at Boot Hill?
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SpongeBuck: ''Gasp!'' And, why is he at boot hill?
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': (points out another window to a full cemetery with a sign saying "Old Dead Tree Hill." There is also a dead tree) Because Old Dead Tree Hill was totally full. (Patrick's ancestor bursts in)
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Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Because Old Dead Tree Hill was totally full. (Shows a picture of a full cemetery with a sign saying Old Dead Tree Hill, Pecos Patrick bursts in)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': He's a-comin'! Dead Eye's a-comin'!
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Pecos Patrick: He's a' coming! Dead Eye's a' coming!
  
'''Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch''': Dead Eye?!
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Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch: Dead Eye?!
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor and Hopalong''': Dead Eye?!
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Mr. Krabs' Ancestor and Squeeze: Dead Eye?!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Who's Dead Eye?
+
SpongeBuck: Who's Dead Eye?
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': I'll tell you who Dead Eye is! But I shall do it through song. Maestro, if you please. (Hopalong bows, sits at a piano and cracks his knuckles. He is about to play, but then he deposits a coin into the machine. Music starts playing)
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Pecos Patrick: I'll tell you who Dead Eye is! But I shall do it through song. Mistro if you please, (Squeeze is at the piano, cracks knuckles, about to play, deposits coin, music starts playing)
  
'''Song''': "[[Dead Eye]]"
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Song: "[[Dead Eye]]"
   
+
  Oh, Bikini Gulch was a purty place
'''Pecos Patrick''': Oh, Bikini Gulch was a purty place
+
 
  With sweet water and blue sky.
 
  With sweet water and blue sky.
  'Til one day a beast come a-riding from the east
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  'Til one day a beast 'come a-riding from the east
 
  By the name of Ol' Dead Eye.
 
  By the name of Ol' Dead Eye.
  '''Chorus''': That dirty, no-good Dead Eye!
+
 
  '''Pecos Patrick''': Oh, he's robbed this town,
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  That dirty, no-good Dead Eye!
 +
 
 +
  Oh, he's robbed this town,
 
  He's pulled my pants down!
 
  He's pulled my pants down!
  '''Mrs. Puff's western ancestor''': He made all the pretty girls cry! (sobs)
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  He made all the pretty girls cry!
  '''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': That no-good goon wants my saloon!
+
 
 +
  That no-good goon wants my saloon!
 
  And me I.O.U's due tomorrow noon!
 
  And me I.O.U's due tomorrow noon!
  If we don't get some help here real soon...
+
  If we don't get some help here real soon,
  '''Chorus''': We'll lose everything we own to Dead Eye!
+
 
 +
  We'll lose everything we own to Dead Eye!
 
  We'd stop him if we weren't too scared to try!
 
  We'd stop him if we weren't too scared to try!
  '''Pecos Patrick''': And if you think that's funny,
+
 
 +
  And if you think that's funny,
 
  Well, let me tell you, sonny,
 
  Well, let me tell you, sonny,
  You won't be laughing when you SEE... (the patrons gasp)
+
  You won't be laughing when you SEE...
  HIS... (another gasp)
+
  HIS...
  BIG... (gasp)
+
  BIG...
  RED... (gasp)
+
  RED...
 
  DEAD EYE!
 
  DEAD EYE!
  '''Chorus''': Dead Eye!
+
  Dead Eye!
  
(on cue, Dead Eye Plankton comes through the door)
+
Dead Eye: That's me! Dead Eye Plankton!
  
'''Dead Eye Plankton''': That's me! Dead Eye Plankton!
+
Pecos Patrick: Who?
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Who?
+
Squeeze: We just sang a whole song about him!
  
'''Hopalong''': We just sang a whole song about him!
+
Dead Eye: Well, what are you looking at?! (Everyone hides, Dead Eye knocks a chair with a person down, pulls off Pecos Patrick's clothes)
  
'''Dead Eye''': Well, what are you looking at?! (everyone hides. Dead Eye knocks a chair with a person down, then pulls off Pecos Patrick's clothes)
+
Pecos Patrick: Aw, again? (Dead Eye flings checkers pieces in the air and flings them at the milk glasses with his whip, Squeeze and Mr. Krabs' Ancestor duck)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Aw, again? (Dead Eye flings checkers pieces in the air and flings them at the milk glasses with his whip. Squeeze and Mr. Krabs' ancestor duck)
+
Dead Eye: Get up you two! I'm here for my... money, Krabs (dips a coin in milk and bites on it).
  
'''Dead Eye''': Get up you two! I'm here for my... money, Krabs (dips a coin in milk and bites on it).
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: (Laughs nervously) What? How am I supposed to keep the deed to me saloon if you keep taking all me mortgage payments? I'm going broke, here! (Dead Eye bends the coin)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': (laughs nervously) What? How am I supposed to keep the deed to me saloon if you keep taking all me mortgage payments? I'm going broke here! (Dead Eye bends the coin)
+
Dead Eye: That's the idea! (Laughs) I thought we were all clear on that.
  
'''Dead Eye''': That's the idea! (laughs) I thought we were all clear on that.
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Oh, yeah. (Hands Dead Eye a bag of money)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' Ancestor''': Oh, yeah. (hands Dead Eye a bag of money)
+
Dead Eye: I'll be back at high noon tomorrow for the deed!
  
'''Dead Eye''': I'll be back at high noon tomorrow for the deed!
+
SpongeBuck: Hey! That's not your money!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Hey! That's not your money!
+
Dead Eye: WHO SAID THAT?! (Mr. Krabs' Ancestor points at SpongeBuck, Everyone runs away) Well, last time I checked, this town was Dead Eye Gulch! Not Yokelburg! (Laughs) Yokelburg... (Laughs again) Who are you anyway?
  
'''Dead Eye''': WHO SAID THAT?! (Mr. Krabs' ancestor points at SpongeBuck and everyone runs away) Well, last time I checked, this town was Dead Eye Gulch, not Yokelburg! (laughs) Yokelburg... (laughs again) Who are you anyway?
+
SpongeBuck: I'm SpongeBuck, the new sheriff. Want some chili?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': I'm SpongeBuck, the new sheriff. Want some chili?
+
Dead Eye: Sheriff! (Knocks down SpongeBuck's chili) 'Round these parts we call them coffin jockeys!
  
'''Dead Eye''': Sheriff! (knocks down SpongeBuck's chili) 'Round these parts we call them coffin jockeys!
+
SpongeBuck: Coffin jockeys!? (Runs over to Mr. Krabs' Ancestor) You didn't say anything about that!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Coffin jockeys?! (runs over to Mr. Krabs' ancestor) You didn't say anything about that! (exits)
+
Dead Eye: (Pulls out a pocket watch) That must be a new record for running off a sheriff.
  
'''Dead Eye''': (pulls out a pocket watch) That must be a new record for running off a sheriff.
+
SpongeBuck: (Is pretending to ride a horse, but is on a coffin) Hope I haven't missed the first post. Whoa, girl! (Coffin neighs like a horse)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': (pretending to ride a coffin as if it were a horse) Hope I haven't missed the first post. Whoa, girl! (coffin neighs like a horse)
+
Dead Eye: Where do you get these guys? (Mr. Krabs' Ancestor shrugs) All right, kid. I'm going to make it simple for you. I'm a villain, got it?
  
'''Dead Eye''': Where do you get these guys? (Mr. Krabs' ancestor shrugs) All right, kid. I'm going to make it simple for you. I'm a villain, got it?
+
SpongeBuck: Uh huh.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Uh huh.
+
Dead Eye: And this town ain't big enough for the both of us! Understand?
  
'''Dead Eye''': And this town ain't big enough for the both of us! Understand?
+
SpongeBuck: Yep.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Yep.
+
Dead Eye: So, vamoose! Or we're going to have to settle this western-style at high noon, savvy?
  
'''Dead Eye''': So, vamoose! Or we're going to have to settle this western-style at high noon, savvy?
+
SpongeBuck: Sounds great!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Sounds great!
+
Dead Eye: You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
  
'''Dead Eye''': You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
+
SpongeBuck: Nope.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Nope.
+
Dead Eye: ''Sigh'' (Cracks whip at SpongeBuck, SpongeBuck runs away) And stay out! Hey, only three seconds off my record! (Everyone is looking at Dead Eye) What are you hayseeds looking at? (cracks whip, Everyone screams and runs away) Git! Get out of here!
  
'''Dead Eye''': (sighs and cracks whip at SpongeBuck. The coffin runs away, carrying SpongeBuck with it) And stay out! (checks his watch again) Hey, only three seconds off my record! (everyone is looking at Dead Eye) What are you hayseeds looking at? (cracks whip and everyone screams and runs away) Git! Get out of here!
+
Fish 6: What's gonna happen to the town now, pa?
  
'''Western Fish #2''': What's gonna happen to the town now, pa?
+
Fish 7: I ain't your pa. (Both scream and run away)
  
'''Western Fish #3''': I ain't your pa. (both scream and run away)
+
Dead Eye: I love this town! (Laughs evilly, end of 1st half of show.)
  
'''Dead Eye''': I love this town! (laughs evilly and cracks his whip at the camera. In the desert, SpongeBuck is still riding the coffin like a horse)
 
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Whoa, gal, whoa! Whoa! (trips on a rock) Looks like the end of the trail. We're out of food... (shows his arm, with no hand) ...water, and lip balm! (lip balm turns to dust. SpongeBuck's lips crack and break off) I'm sorry old Pine! Guess I'm gonna have to put you out of your misery! (takes out a saw) So long, old friend! (he is about to saw coffin in half)
+
(Second half of episode begins in the desert, and SpongeBuck is riding the coffin like a horse)
  
'''Cowbone''': Hey, buddy, better be careful. Heat does funny things to your head.
+
SpongeBuck: Whoa, gal, whoa! Whoa! (Trips on a rock) Looks like the end of the trail. We're out of food, (shows his arm, with no hand) water, and lip balm! (Lip balm turns to dust, SpongeBuck's lips crack and break off) I'm sorry old Paint! Guess I'm gonna have to put you out your misery! So long old friend! (Is about to saw coffin in half)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': It does?
+
Cowbone 1: Hey, buddy, better be careful. Heat does funny things to your head.
  
'''Cowbone #2''': Oh, don't listen to that guy, kid! He's looney! (both laugh. SpongeBuck joins in and then sees Pecos Patrick also laughing)
+
SpongeBuck: It does?
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Oh, hey SpongeBuck! Those guys are a barrel of laughs, huh? But lazy! Anyway, you've got to get back and save the town, sheriff!
+
Cowbone 2: Oh, don't listen to that guy, kid! He's looney! (Both laugh, SpongeBuck laughs, Pecos Patrick laughs)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': I ain't no sheriff. Or fry cook or even coffin jockey, and I'm no match for Dead Eye Plankton! I'm nothing. (Pecos Patrick slaps him)
+
Pecos Patrick: Oh, hey SpongeBuck! Those guys are a barrel of laughs, huh? But lazy! Anyway, you've got to get back and save the town, sheriff!
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Out west, a man gets right back up on his coffin and faces his problems with the help of his idiot sidekick friend! That's me! (cut to a crudely-drawn picture of Pecos Patrick saying "Duuhh")
+
SpongeBuck: I ain't no sheriff. Or fry cook or even coffin jockey, and I'm no match for Dead Eye Plankton! I'm nothing. (Pecos Patrick slaps him)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': I don't know... (Pecos Patrick slaps him again) Okay, okay! I'll do it! Just stop hurting me! Besides, you're right! It's time I looked fate in the eye! So, I'll go back to Dead Eye Gulch, whip Plankton, and save the town at high noon!
+
Pecos Patrick: Out west, a man gets right back up on his coffin and faces his problems with the help of his idiot sidekick friend! That's me! (Shows a picture of Pecos Patrick and he's saying Duuhh,)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Hop on, buddy! (SpongeBuck gets on Pecos Patrick's double-wide coffin)
+
SpongeBuck: I don't know, (slaps him again) Okay, okay! I'll do it! Just stop hurting me! Besides, you're right! It's time I looked him in the eye! So, I go back to Dead Eye Gulch, whip Plankton, and save the town at high noon!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Thanks, idiot friend! But I don't know how we'll ever get back to Dead Eye Gulch by high noon.
+
Pecos Patrick: Hop on, buddy!
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Don't worry. I got a short cut. He-ya! (starts riding coffin, which rides them off a cliff. Both land on a cactus, yell in pain and jump very high in the direction of Dead Eye Gulch. There we see a carriage riding around town, with the ancestors of both Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs, as well as Hopalong Tentacles, inside)
+
SpongeBuck: Thanks, idiot friend! But I don't know how we'll ever get back to Dead Eye Gulch by high noon.
  
'''Mrs. Puff's ancestor''': Why are we going so fast?
+
Pecos Patrick: Don't worry. I got a short cut. He-ya! (Starts riding coffin, rides over a cliff, both land on a cactus, both start flying toward Dead Eye Gulch, in Dead Eye Gulch, a carriage riding around town)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': 'Cause without a sheriff, Dead Eye won't stop until he has the clothes off our backs! (Dead Eye is in the road)
+
Mrs. Puff's Western Ancestor: Why are we going so fast?
  
'''Dead Eye''': (laughs evilly) Great idea! (whipping is heard. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs' ancestor, Mrs. Puff's ancestor, and Hopalong Tentacles. They have been stripped down to their underclothes) Okay, let's see... (checking off a list) Personal possessions, clothes off your backs... That should about do it! Look, I'm just going to drop off all my new stuff at the bank. I'll be back at high noon to rub my victory in your face with a little dance. (starts dancing) Uh huh, waa-waa! Uh huh, waa-waa!
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: 'Cause without a sheriff, Dead Eye won't stop until he has the clothes off our backs! (Dead Eye is in the road)
  
'''Hopalong''': I gotta admit, he's got skills.
+
Dead Eye: (Laughs evilly) Great idea! (Scene cut to where Mr. Krabs' Ancestor, Mrs. Puff's Ancestor, and Squeeze have no clothes on but their underclothes) Okay, let's see, (checking off a list) personal possessions, clothes off your backs, that should about do it! Look, I'm just going to drop off all my new stuff at the bank. I'll be back at high noon to rub my victory in your face with a little dance. Uh huh, waa-waa! Uh huh, waa-waa!
  
'''Dead Eye''': That's right! And when I take the deed to your saloon, Krabs, I'll own every building in town! And you'll all have to work for me the rest of your miserable lives! (laughs but then coughs) Swallowed a bug! I hate that. It totally ruins an evil laugh. Yee-haw! (rides off)
+
Squeeze: I gotta admit, he's got skills.
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': So, that's it.
+
Dead Eye: That's right! And when I take the deed to your saloon Krabs, I'll own every building in town! And you'll all have to work for me the rest of your miserable lives! (laughs but then coughs) Swallowed a bug! I hate that. It totally ruins an evil laugh. Yee-how! (Rides off)
  
'''Mrs. Puff's ancestor''': We lost.
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: So, that's it.
  
'''Hopalong''': I don't know how it could get any worse. (SpongeBuck and Pecos Patrick come screaming to the ground)
+
Mrs. Puff's Ancestor: We lost.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Hi, guys! I'm back in the nick of time!
+
Squeeze: I don't know how it could get any worse. (SpongeBuck and Pecos Patrick start falling)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': We're heroes!
+
SpongeBuck: Hi, guys! I'm back in the nick of time!
  
'''Hopalong''': You're morons!
+
Pecos Patrick: We're heroes!
  
'''Mrs. Puff's ancestor''': It's too late. Plankton's taken everything!
+
Squeeze: You're morons!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': But it's only 11:55. The final showdown always takes place at high noon.
+
Mrs. Puff's Ancestor: It's too late. Plankton's taken everything!
  
'''Mrs. Puff's ancestor''': Well, I guess the early bird gets the worm.
+
SpongeBuck: But it's only 11:55. The final showdown always takes place at high noon.
  
'''Hopalong''': ''And'' all our stuff.
+
Mrs. Puff's Ancestor: Well, I guess the early bird gets the worm.
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': And me money! (sniffs sadly) Me beautiful, beautiful money!
+
Squeeze: And all our stuff.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': You can't give up! Before I came here, I would've given up, too. But in the short 20 minutes I've known you, I've come to love Dead Eye Gulch.
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: And me money! Me beautiful, beautiful money!
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Could you get to the point? We're freezing!
+
SpongeBuck: You can't give up! Before I came here, I would've given up, too. But in the short 20 minutes I've known you, I've come to love Dead Eye Gulch.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': What I'm a-sayin' is: if we all team up together, we can stand up to Dead Eye Plankton, and run him right out of Dead Eye Gulch for good! So, what do you say?
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Could you get to the point? We're freezing!
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Well, I think we all know the answer.
+
SpongeBuck: What I'm a saying is if we all team up together, we can stand up to Dead Eye Plankton, and run him right out of Dead Eye Gulch for good! So, what do you say?
  
'''Everyone but SpongeBuck and Pecos Patrick''': Forget it, SpongeBuck!
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Well, I think we all know the answer.
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Why are you all standing in your pajamas? No, don't tell me. Oh, I know! You're throwing a slumber party! (strips to his pajamas and brandishes a pillow) Pillow fight! (whacks Hopalong with his pillow. Laughs, then whacks SpongeBuck)
+
All: Forget it, SpongeBuck!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': That pillow sure packs a wallop!
+
Pecos Patrick: Why are you all standing in your pajamas? No, don't tell me. Oh, I know! You're throwing a slumber party! Pillow fight! (Whacks Squeeze with his pillow laughs then whacks SpongeBuck)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': It's made out of wood, (Pulls out a wooden log inside the pillow) like all pillows in the old west. Round 2?
+
SpongeBuck: That pillow sure packs a wallop!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': I do believe I'd sit this one out.
+
Pecos Patrick: It's made out of wood, (Pulls out a wooden log inside the pillow) like all pillows in the old west. Round 2?
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Looks like it's just you and me, kid. (whacks himself with the log)
+
SpongeBuck: I do believe I'd sit this one out.
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Come on, guys! We can do this! If we work together!
+
Pecos Patrick: Looks like it's just you and me, kid. (Whacks himself with the log)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': No offense, kid. But your advice is as terrible as your chili.
+
SpongeBuck: Come on, guys! We can do this! If we work together!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': I don't blame you for losing faith. I lost faith too. But then, I discovered the love of my new idiot friend. And together we've come far. So I'm sure with all of us working together in idiot friendship, we can beat Dead Eye and save the town! So let's huddle up and make a plan, together! (whispers)
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: No offense, kid. But your advice is as terrible as your chili.
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Uh huh... (SpongeBuck whispers again) Uh huh, uh huh... (SpongeBuck whispers a third time
+
SpongeBuck: I don't blame you for losing faith. I lost faith too. But then, I discovered the love of my new idiot friend. And we've come far. So I'm sure with all of us working together, in idiot friendship, we can beat Dead Eye and save the town! So let's huddle up and make a plan, together! Bzbzbzbzbzb
  
'''Hopalong''': Uh, SpongeBuck, why do you keep saying "bzbzbzbzbzbzb"?
+
Pecos Patrick: Uh huh,
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Umm...
+
SpongeBuck: Bzbzbzbzbzbzb
  
'''Hopalong''': You don't have a plan, do you?
+
Pecos Patrick: Uh huh, uh huh,
  
'''SpongeBuck''': No. To be honest, I didn't think I'd get this far. (everyone groans) But I know we can beat him! If we just work together!
+
SpongeBuck: Bzbzbzbzbzbzbzbzb
  
'''Dead Eye''': Oh, I am terrified.
+
Squeeze: Uh, SpongeBuck, why do you keep saying bzbzbzbzbzbzb?
  
'''All''': Dead Eye Plankton?!
+
SpongeBuck: Umm...
  
'''Dead Eye''': So, fry cook, you're back! And all alone.
+
Squeeze: You don't have a plan, do you?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': You wish, Dead Eye! We are united! Right, g-- Hey! (sees all of SpongeBuck's friends hiding at the Krusty Kantina)
+
SpongeBuck: No. To be honest, I didn't think I'd get this far. (Everyone groans) But I know we can beat him! If we just work together!
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': We're right behind you boy! WAY, ''WAY'' behind you!
+
Dead Eye: Oh, I am terrified.
  
'''Dead Eye''': So, it's come to this. Mano y mano.
+
All: Dead Eye Plankton?!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Well, you can hold the mano, because it's come down to you and me!
+
Dead Eye: So, fry cook, you're back! And all alone.
  
'''Dead Eye''': Well, well, well, look at the time! High noon! (a clock strikes 12:00. Dead Eye and SpongeBuck walk toward each other until SpongeBuck steps on Dead Eye) Ow! (everyone who was hiding look at SpongeBuck, then come out and cheer) I hate all of you!
+
SpongeBuck: You wish, Dead Eye! We are united! Right g-- Hey! (All of SpongeBuck's friends are hiding at the Krusty Kantina)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Can I try?
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: We're right behind you boy! WAY WAY behind you!
  
'''Dead Eye''': You can't do this! (steps on Dead Eye)
+
Dead Eye: So, it's come to this. Mono e Mono.
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Three yee-haws for SpongeBuck!
+
SpongeBuck: Well, you can hold the mono, because it's come down to you and me!
  
'''Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch''': Yee-haw! Yee-haw! Yee-haw! (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Kantina, where Mr. Krabs' ancestor is holding a line for patrons to step on Dead Eye)
+
Dead Eye: Well, well, well, look at the time! High noon! (A clock strikes 12:00, Dead Eye and SpongeBuck walk toward each other until SpongeBuck steps on Dead Eye) Ow! (Everyone who's hiding looks at SpongeBuck, Everyone comes out and cheers) I hate all of you!
  
'''Mr. Krabs''': Step right up, folks! Just a dollar to stomp on ol' Dead Eye Plankton! (several patrons give a dollar each)
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Can I try?
  
'''Dead Eye''': (we see the patrons stepping on him) Ah! Ouch! Ooh!
+
Dead Eye: You can't do this! (Steps on Dead Eye)
  
'''Mrs. Puff's ancestor''': Take that, you no-good little varmint!
+
Pecos Patrick: Three yee-haws for SpongeBuck!
  
'''Dead Eye''': I have a lot of money! (gets stepped on)
+
Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch: Yee-Haw! Yee-Haw! Yee-Haw! (scene cut to where Mr. Krabs' Ancestor is holding a line to step on Dead Eye at the Krusty Kantina)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Well, sheriff, you beat Dead Eye Plankton and saved the town. (SpongeBuck drinks a glass of milk, but Pecos Patrick spills his. Both say "Ahh" in contentment)
+
Mr. Krabs: Step right up, folks! Just a dollar to stomp on old Dead Eye Plankton!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': You forgot the most important part. I discovered the power of idiot friendship. (a crudely-drawn picture of them both going "Duuh" is displayed)
+
Dead Eye: Ah! Ouch! Ooh!
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Come with me, I want to show you something. (bubble-wipe to outside the Kantina)
+
Mrs. Puff's Ancestor: Take that, you no-good little varmint!
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Thank you, sheriff SpongeBuck, for saving our town. And for stepping on that little varmint.
+
Dead Eye: I have a lot of money! (Gets stepped on)
  
'''Dead Eye''': History will vindicate me! (gets stepped on by Pecos Patrick)
+
Pecos Patrick: Well, sheriff, you beat Dead Eye Plankton and saved the town. (SpongeBuck drinks a glass of milk, but Pecos Patrick spills his, both say Ahh,)
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': We melted down Plankton's gold and made a statue in your honor. (pulls off a sheet revealing a golden statue of SpongeBuck on a coffin)
+
SpongeBuck: You forgot the most important part. I discovered the power of idiot friendship. (Shows a picture of them both going Duuh,)
  
'''Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch''': Oooh!
+
Pecos Patrick: Come with me, I want to show you something.
  
'''Hopalong''': I liked my design better. (shows a piece of paper with his idea on it. The drawing is actually of himself)
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Thank you sheriff SpongeBuck for saving our town. And for stepping on that little varmint.
  
'''Mr. Krabs' ancestor''': Sorry about the whole tricking you into being sheriff thing. And to make it up to you, I've got a new badge for you. If you'll take it. (puts another badge reading "Fry Cook" on SpongeBuck)
+
Dead Eye: History will vindicate me! (Gets stepped on by Pecos Patrick)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Wow! Fry cook! (everyone starts clapping) Thank you, good people of Bikini Gulch! The statue is truly amazing! Maybe a little too heavy in the hindquarters, but still, if I ever have a Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson, I'd want him to look at this and say "Hey! I'm proud of my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather!"
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: We melted down Plankton's gold and made a statue in your honor. (Pulls off a sheet revealing a golden statue of SpongeBuck on a coffin)
  
'''Citizens of Bikini Gulch''': Aaw!
+
Citizens of Dead Eye Gulch: Oooh!
  
'''Western Fish #4''': Say seaweed! (picture is taken and the episode returns to the present day)
+
Squeeze: I liked my design better. (Shows a piece of paper with his idea on it, but it is him)
  
'''SpongeBob''': So my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa SpongeBuck saved the town of Bikini Gulch and everyone in it! I wonder what happened to the statue of my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa. (Sandy and SpongeBob walk out of the library) It was much better than that one we have now. (both walk by the statue SpongeBob saw earlier)
+
Mr. Krabs' Ancestor: Sorry about the whole tricking you into being sheriff thing. And to make it up to you, I've got a new badge for you. If you'll take it. (Puts the badge on SpongeBuck)
  
'''Sandy''': Yeah, and it's covered in jellyfish poop.
+
SpongeBuck: Wow! Fry cook! (Everyone starts clapping) Thank you, good people of Bikini Gulch! The statue is truly amazing! Maybe a little too heavy in the hindquarters, but still, if I ever have a Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson, I'd want him to look at this and say 'Hey! I'm proud of my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather!'
  
'''SpongeBob''': Wait a minute! (goes over and starts to pick at the jellyfish poop)
+
Citizens of Bikini Gulch: Aaw!
  
'''Sandy''': Gross! Don't touch that, SpongeBob! Eeew! What are you doing?! (SpongeBob wipes the poop off the statue to reveal gold) That boy ain't hooked up right.
+
Fish 8: Say seaweed! (Picture takes, story ends)
  
'''SpongeBob''': Look, Sandy!
+
SpongeBob: So my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa SpongeBuck saved the town of Bikini Gulch! And everyone in it! I wonder what happened to the statue of my Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa. (Sandy and SpongeBob walk out of the library) It was much better than that one we have now. (Both walk by the statue SpongeBob saw earlier)
  
'''Sandy''': Huh? (the statue is revealed to be the SpongeBuck statue)
+
Sandy: Yeah, and it's covered in jellyfish poop.
  
'''SpongeBob''': SpongeBuck was here all along! Sorry Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa. I didn't recognize you all covered in poop.
+
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, (Goes over and starts to pick at the jellyfish poop)
  
'''Sandy''': Wow!
+
Sandy: Gross! Don't touch that, SpongeBob! Eeew! What are you doing?! (SpongeBob wipes the poop off the statue to reveal gold) That boy ain't hooked up right.
  
'''SpongeBob''': I've got a lot to live up to. Maybe one day people will know the name SpongeBob SquarePants!
+
SpongeBob: Look, Sandy!
  
'''Sandy''': Keep dreaming, SpongeBob. Keep dreaming. (fade to black. Fade in to the Krusty Kantina where SpongeBuck is on stage, riding a coffin, while Hopalong plays the piano)
+
Sandy: HUH? (The statue reveals to be the SpongeBuck statue)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Hey, everybody! It's good to be here at the Krusty Kantina! We got a real special show for y'all tonight! Featuring my new best pal, this guy! (Pecos Patrick gets on stage, also riding a coffin) He's an idiot! (everyone cheers)
+
SpongeBob: SpongeBuck was here all the long! Sorry Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa. I didn't recognize you all covered in poop.
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': So, what are we gonna sing about, SpongeBuck?
+
Sandy: Wow!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': We're gonna sing a song about friends!
+
SpongeBob: I've got a lot to live up to. Maybe one day people will know the name SpongeBob SquarePants!
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': What kind of friends, SpongeBuck?
+
Sandy: Keep dreaming, SpongeBob. Keep dreaming. (Scene cut to the Krusty Kantina where SpongeBuck is on stage)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Well, listen up and I'll tell you!
+
SpongeBuck: Hey, Everybody! It's good to be here at the Krusty Kantina! We got a real special show for y'all tonight! Featuring my new best pal, this guy! (Pecos Patrick gets on stage,) He's an idiot! (Everyone cheers)
  
'''Song:''' "[[Idiot Friends]]"
+
Pecos Patrick: So, what are we gonna sing about, SpongeBuck?
  '''SpongeBuck''': Who's there for you when you are sad and down?
+
 
  '''Skull Chorus''': Idiot Friends!
+
SpongeBuck: We're gonna sing a song about friends!
  '''Pecos Patrick''': Who picks you up and slaps you all around?
+
 
  '''Flower Chorus''': Idiot Friends!
+
Pecos Patrick: What kind of friends, SpongeBuck?
  '''SpongeBuck''': Who puts thorns in you so you can save the town?
+
 
'''Pecos Patrick''': Idiot Friends,
+
SpongeBuck: Well, listen up and I'll tell you!
 +
 
 +
Song: [[Idiot Friends]]
 +
  Who's there for you when you are sad and down?
 +
  Idiot Friends!
 +
  Who picks you up and slaps you all around?
 +
  Idiot Friends!
 +
  Who puts thorns in you so you can save the town?
 
  Idiot Friends,
 
  Idiot Friends,
  '''All''': Idiot Friends!
+
  Idiot Friends,
  '''Pecos Patrick''': Duh, duh duh duh du duh duh do.
+
Idiot Friends!
  '''All''': Idiot Friends!
+
 
  '''Pecos Patrick''': Dah de da da da da da do.
+
  Duh, duh duh duh du duh duh do
  '''All''': Idiot Friends!
+
  Idiot Friends!
  '''Pecos Patrick''': De da da da-doodle, duh do.
+
  Dah de da da da da da do
 +
  Idiot Friends!
 +
  De da da da-doodle, duh do
 +
 
 +
Pecos Patrick: You know SpongeBuck, all we've been singing about is what I've done for you. Well, what have you done for me? (Dead Eye pulls his pants down)
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': You know SpongeBuck, all we've been singing about is what I've done for you. Well, what have you done for me? (Dead Eye pulls his pants down and laughs evilly)
+
Who helps you pick your pants up off the ground?
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Who helps you pick your pants up off the ground?
+
Pecos Patrick: Thanks, buddy!
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Thanks, buddy!
+
Dead Eye: Curses!
  
'''Dead Eye''': Curses!
+
Pecos Patrick: Only and idiot friend would do that!
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Only and idiot friend would do that!
+
SpongeBuck: Let's bring it home, idiot friend!
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Let's bring it home, idiot friend!
+
Pecos Patrick: Okay.
  
'''Pecos Patrick''': Okay.
+
Who lets you ride on his coffin,
 +
Slaps you hard and often?
 +
What do you and me have in common?
 +
We're idiot friends!
  
(the music begins)
+
(Everyone Cheers)
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Who lets you ride on his coffin,
+
SpongeBuck: Thank you, thank you very much.
'''Pecos Patrick''': Slaps you hard and often?
+
'''SpongeBuck''': What do you and me have in common?
+
'''Both''': We're idiot friends!
+
  
(everyone cheers)
+
{{Transcripts/Season 5}}
  
'''SpongeBuck''': Thank you, thank you very much.
+
{{slogan}}
  
{{Transcripts/Season 5 Ver. 2}}
 
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]

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