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Episode Transcript: Whirly Brains
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Episode Article: Whirly Brains
Characters
- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Patrick Star
- Sandy Cheeks
- Squidward Tentacles
- Mrs. Puff
- Eugene H. Krabs
- Old Timer
- Gary
Dialogue
(episode begins at SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob hits the cup with the stick)
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: (sighs) Yes, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Do you think it will make the game more exciting if we played it with... (holds out two sticks) two sticks? (Patrick's head buffs up and he snatches the sticks from SpongeBob's hands)
Patrick: Two sticks?! That's against the rules! You can't change the rules, SpongeBob, just because I'm winning!
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Patrick. I'm just so bored playing "Stick in a Cup."
Nathiel Waters: (on television) Are you tired of playing with an old stick and a cup?
SpongeBob and Patrick: (turn their heads to the TV) Yeah.
Nathiel: (on TV) Well, say goodbye to boring and hello to whirly brains! The exciting new toy that puts you in the driver's seat of your own mind! It's so simple! Just flip your lid, attach the propeller, and watch your brain soar hundreds of feet into the air as you control the action! (SpongeBob and Patrick get very excited about the advertisement on TV and their eyes were put in a trance. Two fishing poles drag them to the screen) Get your Whirly Brain today and free your mind!
SpongeBob: Free my mind! Free my mind! Free my mind! (chews on a stick. Patrick chews on a cup. Both SpongeBob and Patrick grab the television and start doing a tug-of-war with it) I want it!
Patrick: No, I want it!
SpongeBob: No, I want it!
Patrick: No, I want it!
SpongeBob: No, it's mine!
Patrick: I want it! I want it!
SpongeBob: No, it's mine! (they pull so hard that they accidentally break the television into pieces)
Patrick: Sorry to hear about your TV, SpongeBob. (they put the television back together and it turns on)
Nathiel: (on TV) Whirly Brains available now at Bikini Bottom Toy Shop. (SpongeBob and Patrick put the television down and start dancing around)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly brains! Whirly brains! Whirly brains! Whirly brains! Whirly brains! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob opening the Whirly Brain box and taking out the propeller. SpongeBob climbs up on Patrick)
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. Just let me flip your lid so I can attach the propeller directly to your brain. (tries to open Patrick's head, but fails as it gets out of shape. Slides down and Patrick straightens out his face. Reads the instruction paper) Step one... (reads) Oh, I see what to do. (pulls out a monster mask, puts it on and scares Patrick out of his wits. Patrick's head opens up. Takes off mask) It's just me, Patrick.
Patrick: Oh! (sighs. SpongeBob attaches the propeller on Patrick's brain and gives Patrick the mask)
SpongeBob: Now, you do me! (Patrick puts on the mask)
Patrick: Boo! (SpongeBob screams as his head opens up. Attaches the propeller on SpongeBob's brain and takes off the mask. SpongeBob takes out the remote controls and gives one to Patrick)
SpongeBob: It's time to free our minds! (he and Patrick activate the remotes and their brains slowly exit their heads with their eyeballs attached, leaving their bodies blind. Their whirly brains then fly around the air) Wow, Patrick! I've never seen the world from this angel before!
Patrick: (laughs) And the propeller tickles my think folds! (laughs) Hey, hey, hey, SpongeBob! Eye bump!
SpongeBob: Eye bump! (their whirly brains crash into each other and injure their eyes) Patrick, no more eye bumps. Okay?
Patrick: (rubs his eye hole) I feel you. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly around SpongeBob's house. The whirly brains fly through the chimney and come out through the sink faucet. SpongeBob's whirly brain flies around the kitchen to look for Patrick's whirly brain. Patrick's whirly brain, who is in the freezer, sneaks up on SpongeBob's whirly brain and pulls it in. The two whirly brains fight each other inside, which makes the refrigerator bounce around the house and sends it crashing outside. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh as their whirly brains feel dizzy)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly freeze! (whirly brains fly through a bush and make a SpongeBob and Patrick-shaped topiary. Patrick's whirly brain slices the pineapple peel off of SpongeBob's house, revealing Gary doing his business in his litter box. Gary hides himself in the curtain. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. I know who we can spy on. (laughs. Bubble-wipe to Squidward in his bathtub)
Squidward: (sighs) The sanctity of my bathroom. The only place in the world where I can... (unravels his nose) let it all hang out. (sighs) Me... (sinks into his tub and rests. SpongeBob and Patrick whirly brains peek inside Squidward's bathroom)
SpongeBob: Hey, where's Squidward? I'm sure I saw him in here. (whirly brain flies in and lays on Squidward's head)
Patrick: Well, maybe he fell in the toilet. I'll check! (whirly brain flies into Squidward's toilet) Squidward, are you in here? Did you fall in? Squidward! (Squidward wakes up)
Squidward: Stop serenading me, you sap! It's my day off! Now, go away! (takes out a mirror and looks at his reflection. To his horrifying surprise, he sees SpongeBob's whirly brain on his head and freaks out)
SpongeBob: Found him! (Patrick's whirly brain flies out of Squidward's toilet)
Patrick: Yep, that's him! Hi, Squidward! (Squidward is freaked out)
Squidward: Aliens from Mars! It's an invasion! (jumps out the window and lands flat on his face in the ground. Gets up and frantically runs around naked. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick flying their whirly brains around until they slice their heads. The heads fall on the wrong bodies)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly brains are go! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains switching Perry and Evelyn's cups at the Le Café. They both drink the wrong cups until they spit in each other's faces. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)
Patrick: She spit in his face! (laughs. Bubble-wipe to Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs going on a date. SpongeBob and Patrick both spy on them with their whirly brains)
Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff, we've been dating for 16 years now. So, I was sincerely hoping that today might finally be the day that...
Mrs. Puff: Yes, Eugene?
Mr. Krabs: Can I steal a little kiss?
Mrs. Puff: Oh! (laughs) Oh, Eugene! I thought you'd never ask. (SpongeBob turns the brain gas lever on the remote)
Mr. Krabs: Come here, you. (as he and Mrs. Puff are about to share a kiss, SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains pass gas, which causes Mrs. Puff to inflate herself) What a woman!
Mrs. Puff: (blushes) Oh, Eugene! (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains flying around, creating a whirly brain-shaped cloud with the gas. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh until someone throws eggs in their faces)
SpongeBob and Patrick: What was that? (right in front of SpongeBob and Patrick is a kid who also has a whirly brain, but he is using it to bully people like throwing eggs)
Kid: Oh, that smarts! (laughs) Bullseye!
Patrick: I thought we were the first kids on the block to get whirly brains!
Kid: What are you? Thick? Every kid in town's got a whirly brain! (spits. Numerous whirly brains fly around SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains)
Buddy: Daddy, daddy! Can I have a whirly brain too?
Fred: Absolutely not, son. Your brain is your body's most important organ, not a toy. (Buddy cries while a whirly brain flies towards Fred and hits him. Buddy laughs)
SpongeBob: Hooray! Now, we can play whirly brains with the whole neighborhood! Hey, kid! Race ya to the end of the street!
Kid: Eat my brainstem slowpoke! (the three whirly brains take their positions for their race)
Patrick: Get ready, get set, punch it! (the three whirly brains fly through the air at fast speed. The kid's whirly brain spits out gas to blind SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains. SpongeBob and Patrick cough and continue to fly. The kid's whirly brain laughs as he is beating them, but unfortunately, the kid's whirly brain ends up flying into Bubble Bass's butt. SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly past Bubble Bass)
SpongeBob: Yes! We're gonna beat him, Patrick! We're gonna win! (their whirly brains continue flying until suddenly, they get hit by someone's cane and fall on the ground. The cane belongs to a grouchy old man who thought kids were invading his property with toys)
Old Timer: Play your toys into my yard, will ya? Well, they're mine now! (takes SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains inside his house and stores them into a barrel where he keeps the other whirly brains in. Wraps a sheet over the barrel so they won't fly out)
SpongeBob: Hey, what's going on? Everything went dark! Uh, Patrick, can you see anything?
Patrick: Only the dismal abyss of black nothingness. (eyeholes widen)
SpongeBob: Aw, our remote controls are dead too! Oh, Patrick, I don't want to jump to any conclusions here, but I think that we have lost our minds!
Patrick: (laughs) M-O-O-N. (laughs) That spells moon! (laughs hysterically)
SpongeBob: Okay, don't panic, Patrick. We'll find them. Just take it easy. Take it easy! PATRICK, TAKE IT EASY!
Patrick: I'm taking it easy, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Our brains are probably right around here somewhere. Uh, here brains! Brains! Here, boy! (stutters)
Patrick: Here, brains! (SpongeBob and Patrick look for their whirly brains. SpongeBob touches Nazz who is holding her baby)
SpongeBob: Brainy, where are you? (Patrick touches police officer John)
Patrick: Brain, brain, brain! I think I found it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I've found mine too! (has the baby on his head with its' feet sticking out of his eye holes while Patrick has a fire hydrant on his head) Oh, darn it. I still can't see.
Patrick: Yeah, my brain won't fit back in. (hits the fire hydrant with a hammer. Nazz takes her baby out of SpongeBob's head, leaving it's stinky diaper behind)
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, ma'am, you forgot something.
Nazz: That's okay. You can keep it. (leaves)
Patrick: I'll take it! (takes the smelly diaper and puts it in his head. He closes his head and marks dots on it to make it look like eyes) Oh, yeah! Lookin' good!
SpongeBob: Ew! Give me that! (kicks Patrick's head open and throws away the smelly diaper)
Patrick: Aww, man! That felt all squishy! (laughs)
SpongeBob: Patrick, we need help. Let's call Sandy.
Patrick: Okay. SANDY!
SpongeBob: (takes out smartphone) Patrick, I meant on the phone. (dials the number and calls Sandy)
Sandy: (on phone) Hello?
SpongeBob and Patrick: SANDY! (bubble-wipe to Sandy using her "brain detector" while SpongeBob and Patrick are tied to a rope so they won't get lost)
Sandy: Dang. You two sure are lucky that I created this brain detector last summer. I was beginning to think I'd never use this thing.
SpongeBob: Oh, I hope we find our brains soon. They're probably cold and hungry by now. Poor things. (soon, everyone in town is looking for their missing whirly brains and as they look, they end up crashing into each other)
Sandy: And it looks like you're not the only critters around these parks to lose your minds. [looks at her detector] Hmm... And my detector is leading us directly to that house. (the old man who stole SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains is sleeping on his rocking chair on the porch) Excuse me, kind sir. Would you mind too terribly if we just came in your house for a minute and looked around for my friend's missin' brains? (the old man is still sleeping) We're gonna take that as a yes. Step lively, fellas! (she, SpongeBob and Patrick enter the old man's house) This place has a ten-gallon case of the creepies. I wonder what's in... (takes a peek inside the barrel. Gasps) Hey, fellas! I think I've found your brains!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! (they jump in excitement but accidentally creak the floor)
Old Timer: (offscreen) Hey!
SpongeBob, Sandy and Patrick: Huh?
Old Timer: What are you sneak thieves doing into my house? Them brains violated my air space and I'm keepin' them! I'm callin' the cops! (SpongeBob and Patrick plead the old man not to call the police, crying)
Sandy: Sorry nothin'! Look, Old Timer, one false move and I'll be on you like a horsefly on a cracker barrel!
Old Timer: Bring it on, Slimmy Whiskers! All twenty-threes can do your bees knees with one nickel, sister!
Sandy: Alright! Now you listen to me, you twisted coot! You can't steal somebody's brain just because it flies into your yard! That's brain-napping! And it looks like I'll be the one callin' the police!
SpongeBob: Oh, I love it when Sandy gets aggressive. Let's give her some room. (he and Patrick back up but they both trip over the barrel and frees the whirly brains the old man stole. The whirly brains fly out of the old man's house and head back to town to find their owners. Some of the whirly brains ring the doorbells)
Fred: Oh, Brainy, you're back! (everyone cheers as their whirly brains have been returned. SpongeBob and Patrick's whirly brains fly back into their heads. SpongeBob and Patrick remove the propellers from their brains and close their heads, returning to normal)
SpongeBob: Whew! I'll never be a no-brainer again! [laughs]
Sandy: Everyone has their brains back, so I'm a let it go this time. But if you steal as much as a beach ball, so help me I'll...
Old Timer: (cries) I'm sorry, Squirrel Lady! I just couldn't take watching all the kids have fun in the air while I'm stuck here with this crotchety cane on the ground!
SpongeBob and Sandy: Aww!
Sandy: Well, I think we've got a cure for what ails you. Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Sandy, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Sandy: I think I'm thinkin' what you're thinkin'.
SpongeBob: Patrick? (Patrick is pulling his head with a plunger)
Patrick: My think is clogged. (bubble-wipe to the old man who is flying through the air with the whirly brain propellers and is having a lot of fun)
Sandy: Sure was nice of you two to donate your whirly brains to the old timer. You fellas did a good deed today.
SpongeBob: Oh, no need to thank us, Sandy. If we can just make one angry old man happy, that and itself is thanks enough. The dignity of the elderly was the victor here today. (the old man flies above several old people at Shady Shoals Resting Home)
Old Timer: (laughs) Look out my dears below! Take a ride on the love copter! (Squidward, who is still naked, runs past Shady Shoals Resting Home)
Squidward: The Martians are coming! Run for your lives! You're next! YOU'RE NEXT!
