Episode Transcript: I ♥ Dancing

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Episode Article: I ♥ Dancing

Characters

• Squidward Tentacles
• SpongeBob SquarePants
• Squilliam Fancyson
• Twins
• Dance Judge
• Patrick Star (cameo)
• Krusty Krab Customers

Dialogue

(episode begins with the camera zooming in on Squidward's house. The door opens and Squidward appears)

Squidward: The coast looks clear... (steps outside and closes the door to his house, standing in front of it with his hands over it as if he does not want anyone to see him. Tiptoes away, down the road. Walks by SpongeBob's pineapple house just as it opens)

SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! (Squidward grunts and keeps walking down the street. Starts jogging toward Squidward and stops right in front of him. Squidward stops walking. Raises his hand in the air and twirls around. Starts tapping his feet. Points near Squidward's forehead, and in the other direction as he turns around) Today I feel like doing some dancing! (points down, and then points to Squidward)

Squidward: That's funny. Even a barnacle knows you need music to dance. (SpongeBob puts his finger up to his mouth and starts shaking his butt side to side)

SpongeBob: Oh-ho-ho, I got music, friend... (runs up to Squidward) ...in my mind! (takes out his brain. Musical notes come out of it, rock music plays. Turns a dial, and banjo country-style music comes out of it. Turns it again, and acoustic ballad music plays. Cut to SpongeBob, still holding his brain up out of his head) Oh, I love this song! (throws his brain up into the air, and runs away. Takes off his hat with a funny face, and his brain lands back into his head. Rubs his hand together) Here I go! (starts walking back and fourth and waving his floppy arms mysteriously, with a face as if he is sleepwalking. Turns and starts moving his legs forward and in back of each other)

Squidward: That is the most stupidest dance move I've ever seen! (SpongeBob huffs and makes a face not like any other to this reaction)

SpongeBob: Who put you on the planet? (breathes heavily. Cut to Squidward still walking toward the Krusty Krab, but SpongeBob is walking backwards behind him with a cheerful face. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab later that day, with SpongeBob still dancing. Lifts his leg and uses his spatula to pick up six patties, and then hops on the wall. Flies up the wall, onto the ceiling, and the gravity forces down the patties onto one big plate with six smaller plates on it, but the patties all land on the same plate. Then, the patties all bounce onto the plate they should be on. Walks over to the plate with his hands over his pants as if he has to go to the bathroom, then lifts his arm, then his other in a pattern, then twirls around. When he stops, the top buns are on his back. They all fly off, and onto the patties one at a time. The door swings open, and SpongeBob, with a smile, holds up all six Krabby Patties in one hand (with Squidward still watching). Throws the patties up into the air and starts whistling, walking backwards right then left, then stops when the patties all fly on Squidward's head. SpongeBob's hands are up in the air when one grabs the giant plate. Runs away skipping, varying the plate with one hand again. Squidward's face lays flat on Cashy, and then he moans. Points to the ground closing his eyes, twirling the plate on one finger. Then, a close-up scene of the plate appears, and all the Krabby Patties fly off the big plate, still on their little ones all to the right customers. One customer receives his patty, a drink, some french fires, a sandwich on french bread, and then a pizza appears and lands on top of the table covering everything else. He sticks his tongue out like a dog getting ready to eat it, but a knight falls on it. Then, the entire table collapses. SpongeBob is now in front of the door. He is still twirling the plate around on one finger. Twirls himself around and starts to float in the air. Lands in front of another customer's table, and all that is left on the plate is one Krabby Patty. Starts sliding left, then he slides right, and gallops like a (sea)horse, and jump ropes over the patty once, and falls down. Gets back up and starts moving his legs, and takes his hat off, holding the plate in the other hand. Holds the patty with two hands for a quick second, and the area where his neck is splits in half marked by the top of his shirt, and the patty slips through the opening. Repeats several times before jumping up, and uses the patty like a rope to swing back to where he was before in front of the table. Smiles and bows, causing the patty to slide off of the giant plate, and onto the table. Both the customer and SpongeBob smile) Your krabby patty, ma'am. (raises the plate) Now eat it, swallow it, and chew it down!

Dance Judge: (as SpongeBob walks away) Oh, thank you very much, darling. And your dance moves are really cool, too.

SpongeBob': (his head flexes back) Really? (runs back to the customer) You like my dancin'?

Dance Judge: (holding a remote with an antenna coming out of it) That's right, kid. You got the dazzle-dazzle-dazzle. I love how you did that shuffle into the moonsault, and then backed the landing!

SpongeBob: (giggles) Well, that's very nice of you to say (walks away)

Dance Judge: Wait! (SpongeBob stops with a surprised face) I'm not finished speaking words. (stands up) I'm a high-cast talent agent and I want to invite you to an audition. I am a very talented client who needs a backup dancer and you got what it takes! (gives SpongeBob a card) Come down to my dance studio tomorrow afternoon. You're goin' places, kid. (walks away. SpongeBob moves his legs running next to the cash register-boat)

Squidward: Would you please stop dancing?

SpongeBob: No, I can't stop dancin' now, Squidward. I have to practice for my big audition tomorrow! (holds up his card in front of Squidward whose eyes are following it).

Squidward: You got a dance audition?

SpongeBob: That's right! (starts moving his feet) So I gotta practice as much as I can until tomorrow. (makes beeping sound running back into the kitchen).

Squidward: That idiot got a dance audition? He doesn't know the first thing about suddle intercasies of dance! (sighs) Let him practice 'til he drops! He's gotta make it to that part. (stops, with a mischevious smile; in a sneaky voice) That's it! He'll just have to practice 'til he drops! when he does, I'll be there all tidied up and ready to show my stuff! (jumps into the kitchen window) Oh, SpongeBob! SpongeBob, wait! SpongeBob... (jumps onto the kitchen ground) ...duh, I mean, uh... (his eyelids droop a little) I suppose I could take you under my toodilage, you know, show you a few moves.

SpongeBob: Under your toodilage, really, you mean it? (his mouth shrinks)

Squidward: But, you must do exactly as I say. Got that?

SpongeBob: (his eyes grow, and raises his head a little bit) I am dance-putty in your hands! (bubble-wipe to outside Squidward's house. Inside, SpongeBob and Squidward are both on the top floor with dancing outfits on. Squidward is writing on a checkboard)

Squidward: Hm.... (walks behind SpongeBob and pulls his headband, and it snaps right back with a little flash)

SpongeBob: Oh, what are you doing, Squidward?

Squidward: Oh, um, just a physical assesment I do with all of my new pupils. (giggles) Yeah, I'd say judging with the condition of those flabby ankles.

SpongeBob: Flabby?

Squidward: That's right. You need some physical conditioning before you ever set foot on the dance partnering. I want you to run to the top of Oyster Peak then back. (points his conductor and tentacle there. SpongeBob starts running)

SpongeBob: Oh, anything to get rid of these flabby ankles of mine. (Squidward smiles mischievously)

Squidward: By the time that idiot gets back, he'll be too tired to dance! (starts laughing. SpongeBob appears right next to Squidward, but his head is not exactly looking at him. Drops his checkboard and pencil) What are you doing here?"

SpongeBob: (in a sing-song voice) I'm back from Mount Oyster! (takes a snowglobe out of nowhere and hands it to Squidward) Here. (cut to a close-up of the snowglobe. Snow is falling from the snowglobe, and jingle bells are heard) Got this for you at the gift shop.

Squidward: Bah! (takes the snowglobe and throws it over his shoulder. Picks SpongeBob up) Let's move on to our first dance lesson. (carries SpongeBob over to a treadmill. Puts him down on the treadmill and points to the treadmill) I want you to moonwalk on this treadmill while I read this entire novel! (walks away. The treadmill starts working, and SpongeBob starts moonwalking on it. Squidward, meanwhile, is in a library, reading the novel on a blue chair with a purple lamp shining above his head. Stands up as beeping noises are heard) Huh? Huh? What, is he still at it? (opens the door to the library and screams as smoke comes out of the treadmill with SpongeBob not a inch tired. The treadmill explodes due to being on for too long) My treadmill! (SpongeBob moves both of his hands out more)

SpongeBob: You know Squidward, exercising is fun and all. But when are we gonna learn some... (in a British accent) ...dancing? (Squidward grunts angrily crushing his tentacles)

Squidward: All right! You wanna learn some... (in a British accent) ...dancing? ...I'll show you dancin'! (puts on a record) You know what, guest people, goneit! (slaps a ribbon he is holding like a reign) R-r-r-r-r-ribbon!

(SKIPPING...)

SpongeBob: How is that part, Patrick?