Episode Transcript: Pineapple Fever

(One morning at SpongeBob's pineapple, SpongeBob looks out the window, then goes out in the hallway. He yawns and sticks his tongue out. Then he comes out wearing a pair of goggles over his eyes rather than his usual pair of glasses to go jellyfishing. He clears his throat.)

SpongeBob

Hey, Patrick.

Patrick

Hey, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob

All ready to go jellyfishing today?

Patrick

No. Just kidding!

(SpongeBob Laughs. Patrick shows a net with two scoops)

SpongeBob

I see you even brought your double net.

Patrick

Yep. It's three times as fun.

SpongeBob

Um, Patrick? Don't you mean twice as fun?

Patrick

Whst is?

SpongeBob

Your -- never mind.

Patrick

Oh, SpongeBob, That reminds me. We should probably check the weather report before we go.

SpongeBob

Good idea.

(Cut back to the pineapple where Patrick and SpongeBob are watching the weather report on TV.)

TV Reporter

And now the weather.

SpongeBob

Here we go.

Weatherman

Thank you, Phil. Today's weather forecast calls for -- (a piece of paper is given) A horrible storm will ravage the Bikini Bottom area.

Patrick And SpongeBob

A horrible storm?

Weatherman

You heard me. Panic is not advised although it is recommended. Also, an advisory has been issued to avoid any and all jellyfishing if possible.

(TV turns off, SpongeBob now stands in front of his living room window with some boards in his hands.)

SpongeBob

Patrick, help me get these boards nailed on.

Patrick

SpongeBob, this seems like a strange time to start decorating.

SpongeBob

Start dec -- you sir, do not recognize fine decorating when you see it.

(He goes up to his big bass on the wall to show an example.)

Patrick

Hmm.

SpongeBob

Admire it later, Patrick. Right now, we got to convert my house into a shelter capable to withstand extreme weather.

Patrick

You can say that again.

SpongeBob

Actually, I can't.

Patrick

Why?

SpongeBob

Because I just stepped on one of these nails.

(shows a picture of SpongeBob's shoe with a nail sticking out. Cut to Squidward's house humming and tweezing his eyebrows)

Squidward: Got ya. Now just one quick flick of the wrist, and --

(cut back to SpongeBob's where Patrick angrily nails a hammer causing a racket at Squidward's. He falls and bumps his head on his toilet, and it looks like his eyebrows are bleeding, but it's not he tweezed his skin off his eyebrow. He looks and gets angry. Then we are back to SpongeBob's pineapple where SpongeBob and Patrick are hammering his door.)

Patrick

Violin.

SpongeBob

Whoo! Nice work buddy. Now my house can withstand anything nature has to throw at us.

(Squidward angrily knocks down SpongeBob's door)

Patrick

I guess Squidward's not part of nature.

SpongeBob

Squidward! Did you come to weather out the storm with us?

Squidward

No! I-- what storm?

SpongeBob

The one Phil Preflemuster told us about.

Swquidward

Who's that?

Patrick

He's the weatherman on the news channel. He said --

Squidward

I can't understand a word you're saying.

SpongeBob

C'mon Squidward, it'll be fun! While the elements rage outside, we'll snuggle in here and pass the time by playing board games, and playing tic-tac-toe, and drinkin' hot cocoa, and playing tic-tac-toe, and doing jigsaw puzzles, and watchin' TV, and playin' board games, and drinkin' hot cocoa, and doing jigsaw puzzles, and playin' board games, and drinkin' hot teeeeea-

Patrick

I THOUGHT IT WAS COCOA!!!!

SpongeBob

Oh, yeah. Hot cocoooooooa, we'll be drinking.

Patrick

That's better.

Squidward

Well, I think I'll pass.

SpongeBob

Even if I let you borrow my huggly snuggly bunny slippers?

Squidward

Hmm, I'll have to think about that.

SpongeBob

OK, but you better think fast. Because Partick really likes --

(Squidward starts to leave when a bolt of lightning strikes. Squidward comes back burnt from the lightning strike.)

SpongeBob

Squidward, welcome back! Here's your slippers.

(another bolt of lightning strikes, and now we see Candles lit)

SpongeBob

That's better.

Squdward

What's better about it? I liked it better before, when I could see.

SpongeBob

Squidward, the lights went out

Squidward

Yes, they did, when you turned them off.

(Patrick Spits out his cocoa)

Patrick

SpongeBob!

SpongeBob

Patrick! What is it?

Patrick

I never realized how delicious your hot cocoa is.

SpongeBob

Thank you, Patrick.

Squidward

Oh, boy. How about some of those games you promised?

(yet another bolt of lightning strikes. The lightning causes impact on SpongeBob's pineapple leaves. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward get ready to play tic-tac-toe)

SpongeBob

Okay, boys let's roll to see who goes first.

Squidward

This is tic-tac-toe. You don't roll to see who goes first.

Patrick

He's right. You play rock, paper, scissors for it.

SpongeBob

Oh yeah.

(shot of the exterior of the pineapple again. Then Patrick holds up a "paper" hand, Squidward also holds up a "paper" hand, and SpongeBob holds up a "paper" hand)

Patrick

One.

Squidward

Two.

SpongeBob

Oh, it's a tie.

Patrick

Darn it!

Patrick, SpongeBob, Squidward

One, two, three.

Patrick

Darn it! I'll get you next time.

Squidward

One, two, three.

SpongeBob

Tie.

Patrick

Darn it!

Squidward

One, two --

SpongeBob

Tie.

Patrick

Darn it!

(another shot of the pineapple then cut to Squidward with a tic-tac-toe board already made crossed off the X's.)

Squidward

There, I win. See?

(then we see SpongeBob and Patrick thinking. the clothes that Patrick is wearing is a bow, and SpongeBob is wearing a visor with reading glasses.)

Patrick

I'm not seeing anything here.

SpongeBob

Yeah it looks like a lot of junk.

Squidward

What do you mean, you're not seeing anything? That's three in a row. Tic-tac-toe!

Patrick

Easy, friend.

SpongeBob

Yeah, relax, Squidward. We're just having fun.

(he takes out a rulebook for tic-tac-toe.and flips through pages.)

SpongeBob

Oh, okay, yeah, okay. Here we go. Congratulations, Squidward.

Patrick

Well played.

(they clap; Squidward looks as if he's about to cry. Yet another shot of the pineapple)

SpongeBob

Come on, Patrick. You can do it.

(Patrick groans)

SpongeBob

Be the puzzle piece.

Patrick

Cannot complete jigsaw puzzle! Difficulty level too advanced. Rate of brain activity increasing decreased by 30 years per second.

SpongeBob

Come on, Grandpa, you can do it. You got a few years left in you.

Patrick

Eh?

SpongeBob

Go, Patrick, go! Go, Patrick, Go! Go, Patrick, go!

(Squidward wakes up from a nap)

SpongeBob

Go, Patrick!

Squidward

I told you creatures I was trying to take a nap over here. Now for the last time can't you just--

SpongeBob

Hang on, Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of the puzzle goes. WEREN'T YOU PATRICK?!

Patrick

Who's The green guy?

Squidward

It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go. Right here!

SpongeBob

Squidward. That wasn't your turn. That's cheating.

Squidward

Cheating? It's a jigsaw puzzle. You can't cheat.

SpongeBob

Oh, it's ok, Squidward. We'll just start over.

(SpongeBob jumbles the pieces, Squidward mumbles)

Squidward

I've got to get out of here!

(yet another lightning bolt strikes Squidward he comes back burnt again.)

SpongeBob

oh, welcome back, Squidward. We Were about to figure out where the first piece of the puzzle goes. Oh, maybe Squidward can help us.

Squidward

No he can't.

SpongeBob

Please, Squidward?

Squidward

No way.

SpongeBob

Please.

Squidward

I have an even better idea.

SpongeBob

What is it?

Patrick

Tell us.

Both

Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!

Squuidward

Shh. Quiet time. It's a game called "boundaries".

Patrick

Ooh-ooh!

Squidward

Yes, Patrick?

Patrick

Will there be any spelling in that game?

Squdward

Oh no, No spelling.

Patrick

Yes!

Squidward

It's very simple. The object of the game is to see how long everyone leaves Squidward alone until the storm passes. He will stay inside boundaries, he will define by chalk lines on the floor.

SpongeBob

I have a question.

Squidward

What?

SpongeBob

Where are we going to get the chalk?

Squidward

The chalk? I brought some!

(yet another flash of lightninng. An organ plays an ominous tune as Squidward goes up to SpongeBob's room. He draws the chalk line at the top of the stairs then tosses the chalk to SpongeBob and Patrick. Then. Squidward slams SpongeBob's bedroom door.)

Squidward

Brilliant work, as usual, Squidward. Now all I have to do is sit here until this storm passes over. (his stomach starts growling.) Wait a minute. I'm starving. SpongeBob's got to have some snacks around here. Ah, Jackpot.

(he starts eating snail food. Gary meows) I bet you wish I had some of this -- Snail food? (he spits the food out.) I've got to get some real food.

(SpongeBob is now dressed as a security guard)

SpongeBob

HALT! Nobody's to cross this boundary.

Squidward

I'm the one who drew the line. You're not supposed to cross.

SpongeBob

If you're the one who drew it, let me see some identification papers.

Squidward

Fine. But when this storm blows over, you'll regret this, mister. What the-- what? I don't have them. they must be in my other pants. Look, if you just let me cross, I can go get them.

SpongeBob

You may be telling the truth.

Squidward

Oh, thank you. I'm just so hungry.

SpongeBob

But then again, you may not. Come with me. We shall find out the truth.

Squidward

That'll be the day.

(Squidward runs downstairs, SpongeBob blows his whistle. Squidward makes it towards the kitchen, and near Spongebob's refrigerator.)

SpongeBob

Stop that cephalod!

(he jumps out of his security guard costume leaving on his underwear, and jumps on Squidward's back)

Squidward

Please. I just want to get onto the other side of my boundary.

Spongebob

This, I cannot allow. It's against the rules.

Squidward

But all I wanted was something to eat

Patrick

Did somebody say somethng to eat?

(SpongeBob and Squidward run into Patrick leaving food everywhere.)

Squidward

My food!

SpongeBob

Your food?

Patrick

Hey, I want some too.

(they run around in circles screaming.)

Squidward

Is this what we've really come to? is one little storm all it takes to turn us all into complete animals?

SpongeBob

Apparently so. Well, that and a refrigerator full of food anyways.

Squidward

Did you guys hear that?

Spongebob

It's just Patrick gnawing on his can.

Squidward

No, not that. I mean from outside.

SpongeBob

I don't hear anything.

Squidward

The storm must've Stopped.

SpongeBob

Squidward, wait!

Squidward

So long, suckers!

(the last shot of the episode shows Squidward falling from something. SpongeBob's Pineapple is now at the top of a tornado.)

Squidward

Curse you Preflemuster.