Episode Transcript: Scavenger Pants

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[The episode begins at Squidward's house. Squidward is dancing along with the music from "The Nutcracker Suite." Squidward continues to dance and show off some of his moves. Just then, SpongeBob appears and joins in the dancing as well.]
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{{Transcript|Scavenger Pants|Squid Noir|Cuddle E. Hugs}}
  
'''SpongeBob:''' [whispering] You dance divinely.
+
==Characters==
[Squidward freaks out and clings himself to the ceiling with his suction cups. He loses his grip and falls to the floor. Patrick appears, removes the record from the phonograph and places a different record on it. The record begins playing funky, rock music.]
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*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
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*[[Patrick Star]]
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*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
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*[[Mama Tentacles]]
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*[[Sand Witch]]
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*[[Sandwich Monster]]
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*[[Loch Ness Monster]]
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*[[French Narrator]]
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*[[Gary the Snail]]
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 +
==Dialogue==
 +
(episode begins at Squidward's house. Squidward is dancing along with the music from "The Nutcracker Suite." Squidward continues to dance and show off some of his moves. Just then, SpongeBob appears and joins in the dancing as well)
 +
 
 +
'''SpongeBob:''' (whispering) You dance divinely. (Squidward freaks out and clings himself to the ceiling with his suction cups. He loses his grip and falls to the floor. Patrick appears, removes the record from the phonograph and places a different record on it. The record begins playing funky, rock music)
  
 
'''Patrick:''' Shall we?
 
'''Patrick:''' Shall we?
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I love this song!
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'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I love this song! (he and Patrick dance to the rock music. Squidward gets really angry and removes the record from the phonograph)
[Patrick and SpongeBob dance to the rock music. Squidward gets really angry and removes the record from the phonograph.]
+
  
 
'''Squidward:''' Why are you nitwits in my house?
 
'''Squidward:''' Why are you nitwits in my house?
Line 15: Line 27:
 
'''Patrick:''' And we don't want to be bored!
 
'''Patrick:''' And we don't want to be bored!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' We want to have fun.
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'''SpongeBob:''' We want to have fun. (Patrick kicks the pillar holding Squidward's head sculpture. Squidward screams and catches the sculpture before it hits the floor. Squidward sighs in relief and his head shatters. SpongeBob is standing upside down and Patrick eats his pants)
[Patrick kicks the pillar holding Squidward's head sculpture. Squidward screams and catches the sculpture before it hits the floor. Squidward sighs in relief and his head shatters. SpongeBob is standing upside down and Patrick eats his pants.]
+
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Squidward. Give us something fun to do. Please?
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'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Squidward. Give us something fun to do. Please? (Squidward groans and Patrick's stomach grumbles)
[Squidward groans and Patrick's stomach grumbles.]
+
  
 
'''Patrick:''' Oh, let's play lunch!
 
'''Patrick:''' Oh, let's play lunch!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' No problem. I'll whip up some grub.
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'''SpongeBob:''' No problem. I'll whip up some grub. (he and Patrick run over to the kitchen and begin taking stuff out of Squidward's fridge and cabinets)
[SpongeBob and Patrick run over to the kitchen and begin taking stuff out of Squidward's fridge and cabinets.]
+
  
 
'''Squidward:''' Leave my kitchen alone!
 
'''Squidward:''' Leave my kitchen alone!
  
SpongeBob: Hm, there must be something I can scavenge up around here.
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'''SpongeBob:''' Hmm, there must be something I can scavenge up around here.
  
Squidward: [grins evilly and gets an idea] Oh! That's it. How would you two like to go on a... scavenger hunt?
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'''Squidward:''' (grins evilly and gets an idea) Oh! That's it. How would you two like to go on a... scavenger hunt?
  
 
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Scavenger hunt?
 
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Scavenger hunt?
Patrick: What's a scavenger hunt?
 
[SpongeBob takes out a dictionary from his head, turns the pages with his nose, and looks up the word, "Scavenger Hunt."]
 
  
'''SpongeBob:''' [reading] "A party game in which participants work in teams to collect a list of miscellaneous objects!" Scavenger hunt, yeah! What's first on the list, Squidward?
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'''Patrick:''' What's a scavenger hunt? (SpongeBob takes out a dictionary from his head, turns the pages with his nose, and looks up the words "Scavenger Hunt")
  
'''Squidward:''' Um, oh, uh, well, let's see. [takes out a roll of toilet paper and pretends to read something on it] Bring back the rare Desert Sandwich.
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'''SpongeBob:''' (reading) "A party game in which participants work in teams to collect a list of miscellaneous objects!" Scavenger hunt, yeah! What's first on the list, Squidward?
[SpongeBob and Patrick giggle and began searching all over the place to look for Squidward's "Desert Sandwich." SpongeBob looks for it in the phonograph.]
+
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Sandwich?
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'''Squidward:''' Um, oh, uh, well, let's see. (takes out a roll of toilet paper and pretends to read something on it) Bring back the rare Desert Sandwich. (SpongeBob and Patrick giggle and begin searching all over the place to look for Squidward's "Desert Sandwich." SpongeBob looks for it in the phonograph)
[Patrick looks for it under Squidward's picture.]
+
  
'''SpongeBob:''' [looks for it in Squidward's nose, which causes him to scream] Sandwich? Sandwich? [lets go of Squidward's nose]
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'''SpongeBob:''' Sandwich? (Patrick looks for it under Squidward's picture. Looks for it in Squidward's nose, which causes him to scream) Sandwich? Sandwich? (lets go of Squidward's nose)
  
'''Squidward:''' [straightens out his nose] Not in here! The sandwich is only found deep in the Bikini Badlands, out there!
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'''Squidward:''' (straightens out his nose) Not in here! The sandwich is only found deep in the Bikini Badlands, out there!
  
'''Patrick:''' [he and SpongeBob stop looking] Oh.
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'''Patrick:''' (he and SpongeBob stop looking) Oh.
  
'''Squidward:''' [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out and shuts the door] Phew. I am a genius.
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'''Squidward:''' (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out and shuts the door) Phew. I am a genius. (SpongeBob and Patrick stop at a sign pointing to the Goodlands and to the Badlands)
[SpongeBob and Patrick stop at a sign pointing to the Goodlands and to the Badlands.]
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'''SpongeBob:''' Goodlands, half a league.
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[SpongeBob and Patrick observe the Goodlands. There, they see jellyfish swimming around, flowers and trees dancing, a sun and rainbow shining down and a sea unicorn skipping along.]
+
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Badlands, 20,000 leagues?
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'''SpongeBob:''' Goodlands, half a league. (he and Patrick observe the Goodlands. There, they see jellyfish swimming around, flowers and trees dancing, a sun and rainbow shining down and a sea unicorn skipping along) Badlands, 20,000 leagues? (he and Patrick observe the Badlands. There, they see a dried up wasteland with a volcano, a cactus and a skeleton with sea urchins crawling out. SpongeBob and Patrick are stunned, but they decide to go there anyway. Bubble-wipe to them traveling the Badlands. They become exhausted from the high temperatures and are very thirsty since they had no drinking water with them. SpongeBob and Patrick collapse from exhaustion)
[SpongeBob and Patrick observe the Badlands. There, they see a dried up wasteland with a volcano, a cactus and a skeleton with sea urchins crawling out. SpongeBob and Patrick are stunned, but they decide to go there anyway. The scene changes to them traveling the Badlands. They become exhausted from the high temperatures and are very thirsty since they had no drinking water with them. SpongeBob and Patrick collapsed from exhaustion.]
+
  
'''Patrick:''' So...thirsty. [rings SpongeBob's sweat and drinks it for water] Oh.
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'''Patrick:''' So...thirsty. (rings SpongeBob's sweat and drinks it for water) Oh.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' [dried up and very weak] It's no use. We'll never find the rare Desert Sandwich.
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'''SpongeBob:''' (dried up and very weak) It's no use. We'll never find the rare Desert Sandwich. (suddenly, a sandstorm-like tornado appears out of nowhere. SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror and sand gets into their eyes. The sand tornado lifts them in the air and starts to carry them away. Meanwhile, back at his house, Squidward is in his bathroom, dancing to "The Nutcracker Suite" again. The door opens and Squidward flies backwards. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive) Squidward! We did it! We brought back the first item! (the sand tornado comes through the door and into the living room)
[Suddenly, a sand tornado appears out of nowhere. SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror and sand gets into their eyes. The sand tornado lifts them in the air and starts to carry them away. Meanwhile, back at Squidward's house, Squidward is in his bathroom, dancing with "The Nutcracker Suite" again. The door opens and Squidward flies backwards. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive.]
+
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward! We did it! We brought back the first item!
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'''Squidward:''' Sand? (sand is blown in Squidward's face. The sand tornado dies down, revealing a witch within it. The witch cackles. Spits out the sand) Witch? (the witch cackles) Oh, good grief! Not that kind of sand witch! The Desert Sandwich has tomatoes and bread and—and—mayo.
[A sand tornado comes through the door and into the living room.]
+
  
'''Squidward:''' Sand? [sand is blown in Squidward's face]
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'''Sand Witch:''' No worries, I used to work at an evil deli. (creates a sandwich with her magic) Ta-da!
[The sand tornado dies down, revealing a witch within it. The witch cackles.]
+
  
'''Squidward:''' [spits out the sand] Witch? [the witch cackles] Oh, good grief! Not that kind of sand witch! The Desert Sandwich has tomatoes and bread and—and—mayo.
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'''Squidward:''' Oh, looks pretty good. (takes a bite and spikes poke out from his cheeks. Screams as the sandwich comes to life and bites his nose) Get it off! Get it off! (gets mauled by the sandwich monster. The sand witch cackles. Bubble-wipe to the sandwich monster being locked in the refrigerator)
 
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'''Sand Witch:''' No worries, I used to work at an evil deli. [creates a sandwich with her magic] Ta-da!
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'''Squidward:''' Oh, looks pretty good. [takes a bite and spikes poke out from his cheeks; he screams as the sandwich comes to life and bites his nose] Get it off! Get it off! [gets mauled by the sandwich monster]
+
[The sand witch cackles. The scene changes to the sandwich monster being locked in the refrigerator.]
+
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' What's next on our scavenger hunt, Squidward?
 
'''SpongeBob:''' What's next on our scavenger hunt, Squidward?
  
'''Squidward:''' Hmm...oh. [sees a picture of a flower] Mm-hmm. Your next item is the Boxing Begonia! [spins the globes and points to the location] It only grows in the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench.
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'''Squidward:''' Hmm...oh. (sees a picture of a flower) Mm-hmm. Your next item is the Boxing Begonia! (spins the globe and points to the location) It only grows in the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench.
  
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Ooh! [giggle as they run out the door]
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'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Ooh! (giggle as they run out the door)
  
'''Squidward:''' Ha. That'll keep them out of my hair. [rubs his head and it glimmers since he has no hair] Oh.
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'''Squidward:''' Ha. That'll keep them out of my hair. (rubs his head and it glimmers since he has no hair) Oh. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick looking down at the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench)
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick looking down at the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench.]
+
  
 
'''Patrick:''' It's so straight-down-y.
 
'''Patrick:''' It's so straight-down-y.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry, Patrick. A scavenger is always prepared. [pulls out a rope, ties it to a nearby rock and goes to climb down, but the rope isn't long enough] The rope is too short! We need another one!
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'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry, Patrick. A scavenger is always prepared. (pulls out a rope, ties it to a nearby rock and goes to climb down, but the rope isn't long enough) The rope is too short! We need another one!
  
'''Patrick:''' [throws down a rope] Here!
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'''Patrick:''' (throws down a rope) Here!
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Thanks, Patrick! Where'd you get another rope?
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Thanks, Patrick! Where'd you get another rope?
Patrick: From that rock!
 
[Patrick slips off the edge and falls down into the canyon with SpongeBob, crashing into some stalagmites in the process. They both crash to the ground below the canyon.]
 
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Found it!
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'''Patrick:''' From that rock! (slips off the edge and falls into the canyon with SpongeBob, crashing into some stalagmites in the process. They both crash to the ground below the canyon)
[The scene changes back to Squidward's house where Squidward resumes his dancing. SpongeBob and Patrick swing into his house through the window with the Boxing Begonia they found.]
+
 
 +
'''SpongeBob:''' Found it! (bubble-wipe back to Squidward's house where Squidward resumes his dancing. SpongeBob and Patrick swing into his house through the window with the Boxing Begonia they found)
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' We're back!
 
'''SpongeBob:''' We're back!
  
'''Squidward:''' What? But—but it's not possible! [becomes amazed at the Boxing Begonia's beauty] Boxing Begonia? It's beautiful.
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'''Squidward:''' What? But—but it's not possible! (becomes amazed at the Boxing Begonia's beauty) Boxing Begonia? It's beautiful. (the Boxing Begonia comes to life and starts beating up Squidward with boxing gloves)
[The Boxing Begonia comes to life and starts beating up Squidward with boxing gloves.]
+
  
'''Patrick:''' The champ takes a swift uppercut to the jaw. [punches himself]
+
'''Patrick:''' The champ takes a swift uppercut to the jaw. (punches himself)
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward is against the ropes. A left, a right.
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward is against the ropes. A left, a right.
  
'''Patrick:''' How can a man stand it?
+
'''Patrick:''' How can a man stand it? (Squidward falls flat on the floor, knocking out his dentures)
[Squidward falls flat on the floor, knocking out his dentures.]
+
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, and the champ is down!
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, and the champ is down!
  
'''Patrick:''' [holding up the Boxing Begonia] The winner!
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'''Patrick:''' (holding up the Boxing Begonia) The winner! (bubble-wipe to a beaten up Squidward pacing back and forth)
[The scene changes to a beaten up Squidward pacing back and forth.]
+
  
 
'''Squidward:''' How do you keep finding everything?
 
'''Squidward:''' How do you keep finding everything?
  
'''SpongeBob:''' [meditating] You have to keep your skull... numb.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (meditating) You have to keep your skull... numb.
  
 
'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we're numbskulls!
 
'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we're numbskulls!
  
'''Squidward:''' [sighs and takes out a book] Your next mission is to find [points to the picture of the Loch Ness Monster] the Loch Ness Monster and bring him back...alive.
+
'''Squidward:''' (sighs and takes out a book) Your next mission is to find... (points to the picture of the Loch Ness Monster) ...the Loch Ness Monster and bring him back...alive.
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Ooh, the Loch Ness Monster!
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Ooh, the Loch Ness Monster!
  
'''Patrick:''' Oh, so good! Oh, so good! [takes out a notebook and a pencil; he sharpens his pencil with his bellybutton] What color?
+
'''Patrick:''' Oh, so good! Oh, so good! (takes out a notebook and a pencil. Sharpens his pencil with his belly button) What color?
  
'''Squidward:''' [pushes the sofa] Doesn't matter! Good luck! [throws them out and grins evilly] They'll never find it. And if they do, it'll eat them. [laughs] It's a win-win. [yelps as the sofa falls on top of him]
+
'''Squidward:''' (pushes the sofa) Doesn't matter! Good luck! (throws them out and grins evilly) They'll never find it. And if they do, it'll eat them. (laughs) It's a win-win. (yelps as the sofa falls on top of him. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick rowing their boat upside-down in the rivers of Scotland)
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick rowing their boat upside-down in the rivers of Scotland.]
+
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
Line 134: Line 121:
 
'''Patrick:''' How are we gonna find a monster in the dark? I can't see anything.
 
'''Patrick:''' How are we gonna find a monster in the dark? I can't see anything.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' We don't have to find it. It'll find us. [pulls out some bagpipes and plays music with it]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' We don't have to find it. It'll find us. (pulls out some bagpipes and plays music with it. As SpongeBob plays music with his bagpipes, a shadowy creature swims around and looms over them. SpongeBob and Patrick wail in fright. Meanwhile, back at Squidward's house, Squidward resumes his dancing and is playing with his clarinet while wearing a beautiful, purple hat)
[As SpongeBob plays music with his bagpipes, a shadowy creature swims around and looms over them. SpongeBob and Patrick wail in fright. Meanwhile, back at Squidward's house, Squidward resumes his dancing and is playing with his clarinet while wearing a beautiful, purple hat.]
+
'''Squidward:''' [sighs] I'm the greatest. [hears a knock at the door] And here comes the worst. [takes off his hat]
+
  
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' [enters] We're back!
+
'''Squidward:''' (sighs) I'm the greatest. (hears a knock at the door) And here comes the worst. (takes off his hat)
[The Loch Ness Monster smashes through the wall above the front door with his head.]
+
  
'''Squidward:''' [shuddering] The lo—lo— The Loch Ness Monster! How did you find it?
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (they enter) We're back! (the Loch Ness Monster smashes through the wall above the front door with its' head)
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, simple. [takes out his bagpipe] Bagpipes.
+
'''Squidward:''' (shuddering) The lo—lo— The Loch Ness Monster! How did you find it?
  
'''Squidward:''' [grabs the bagpipe] It likes bagpipe music? [the bagpipes blow air out]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, simple. (takes out his bagpipe) Bagpipes.
  
'''Patrick:''' No, it hates it.
+
'''Squidward:''' (grabs the bagpipe) It likes bagpipe music? (the bagpipes blow air out)
[The Loch Ness Monster roars, grabs Squidward with his mouth, and swallows him whole with the bagpipes.]
+
  
'''The Loch Ness Monster:''' Ahh...
+
'''Patrick:''' No, it hates it. (the Loch Ness Monster roars, grabs Squidward with his mouth, and swallows him whole with the bagpipes)
 +
 
 +
'''Loch Ness Monster:''' Ahh...
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' But it sure loves to eat 'em!
 
'''SpongeBob:''' But it sure loves to eat 'em!
  
'''French Narrator:''' One very long digestive tract later...
+
'''French Narrator:''' ''One very long digestive tract later...'' (Squidward is completely worn out from nearly being digested from the Loch Ness Monster. SpongeBob and Patrick bounce on the sofa while Squidward sits in agony)
[Squidward is completely worn out from nearly being digested from the Loch Ness Monster. SpongeBob and Patrick bounce on the sofa while Squidward sits in agony.]
+
  
 
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Give us another one! Give us another one! Give us another one!
 
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Give us another one! Give us another one! Give us another one!
  
'''Squidward:''' Oh, brother! [grins evilly and comes up with another idea] Brother...
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'''Squidward:''' Oh, brother! (grins evilly and comes up with another idea) Brother...
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, just one more.
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, just one more.
  
'''Squidward:''' [pretends to act nervous] Well, all right, it's—it's impossible, but... [sniffles as he pretends to cry] if only you could find my long lost brother.
+
'''Squidward:''' (pretends to act nervous) Well, all right, it's—it's impossible, but... (sniffles as he pretends to cry) ...if only you could find my long lost brother.
  
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' [hold Squidward's hands] Brother?
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (holding Squidward's hands) Brother?
  
'''Squidward:''' [chuckles wickedly as he grabs his picture and draws a moustache on it; he turns around and pretends to be heartbroken] I haven't seen him since he was a baby.
+
'''Squidward:''' (chuckles wickedly as he grabs his picture and draws a moustache on it; he turns around and pretends to be heartbroken) I haven't seen him since he was a baby.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Aww.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Aww...
  
 
'''Patrick:''' Baby with a mustache.
 
'''Patrick:''' Baby with a mustache.
  
'''Squidward:''' [rubs his head] He was an early bloomer.
+
'''Squidward:''' (rubs his head) He was an early bloomer.
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' What was his name?
 
'''SpongeBob:''' What was his name?
Line 179: Line 163:
 
'''Squidward:''' Name, huh? Um...
 
'''Squidward:''' Name, huh? Um...
  
SpongeBob: "Um?" Aw, what a pretty name.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' "Um?" Aw, what a pretty name.
  
'''Squidward:''' [pretends to be heartbroken] If I could just see him again... [pretends to cry] No.
+
'''Squidward:''' (pretends to be heartbroken) If I could just see him again... (pretends to cry) No. (SpongeBob and Patrick fall for Squidward's cruel lies and they sob hysterically)
[Bob and Larry fall for Squidward's cruel lies and they sob crazily.]
+
  
'''Bob:''' Oh, that was beautiful!
+
'''SpongeBob''': (hugs Patrick) That's so sad!
  
'''Larry:''' Hold me, Bob!
+
'''Patrick:''' Even my armpits are crying! (his armpits shed blue tears and he blows nose)
  
'''Bob:''' I would if I could, man!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Patrick, we've got some extreme scavenging to do.
  
'''Jean Claude:''' Pull yourselves together!
+
'''Patrick:''' Yeah!
  
'''Phillipe:''' Yes, you have a show to wrap-up!
+
'''Squidward:''' (carries them out the door) Oh, thank you. (throws them down and slams the door) I'm free! (laughs. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick finding Squidward's "brother" in the streets of Bikini Bottom)
  
'''Bob:''' Oh, your right. I'm sorry. Where were we?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward's brother! (looks for Squidward's "brother" in Jellyfish Fields. Climbs up a tree with Patrick) Squidward's brother! (peeks into a jellyfish hive) Squidward's brother? (he and Patrick get stung by jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick pop out of an bathtub when an old lady was taking a bath)
  
'''Larry:''' Madame Blueberry.
+
'''Patrick:''' Squidward's brother? (he and SpongeBob get whacked in the heads by the old lady. SpongeBob and Patrick go to look for Squidward's "brother" at Squidward's house. SpongeBob knocks on the door and Squidward answers it)
  
[Bob and Larry sob crazily]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps with Patrick) He's right here! Squidward's brother!
  
'''Jean Claude:''' All right, that does it. Cue the music!
+
'''Patrick:''' The rascal shaved his moustache!
  
'''Phillipe:''' Unless, of course, you have any objections!
+
'''Squidward:''' (sighs) Good grief. (slams the door on SpongeBob and Patrick)
  
'''Bob:''' No... I don't care. Go ahead.
+
'''French Narrator:''' ''Six months later...'' (SpongeBob and Patrick are completely tired and their voices have grown weak from looking for Squidward's "brother")
  
'''Jean Claude:''' Hit it, boys!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (weakly) Um, Squidward's brother!
  
'''Singers:''' And so what we have learned applies to our lives today and God has a lot to say in his book.
+
'''Patrick:''' (weakly) Squidward's brother! (SpongeBob and Patrick bump into a mailbox and it reads "Mrs. Tentacles" on it)
  
[Bob sniffles]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Mrs. Tentacles? (he and Patrick run up to Mrs. Tentacles' house and SpongeBob knocks on the door with his nose. Mama Tentacles answers) Mrs. Tentacles, you're Squidward's mother. You must know where Squidward's brother is.
  
'''Patrick:''' Even but my armpits are crying!
+
'''Mama Tentacles:''' Brother? Squidward never had a brother. One of him was enough. (shuts the door)
  
'''Mindy:''' Eww!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Aww, that's so sad. Squidward wanted a baby brother so badly he imagined one.
 
+
'''Singers:''' You see, we know that God's word is for everyone and now that our song is done, we'll take a look.
+
 
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Patrick, we've got some extreme scavenging to do!
+
 
+
Patrick: Yeah!
+
 
+
'''Squidward:''' [carries them out the door] Oh, thank you. [throws them down and slams the door] I'm free! [laughs]
+
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick finding Squidward's "brother" in the streets of Bikini Bottom.]
+
 
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward's brother!
+
[SpongeBob looks for Squidward's "brother" in Jellyfish Fields.]
+
 
+
'''SpongeBob:''' [climbs up a tree with Patrick] Squidward's brother! [peeks into a jellyfish hive] Squidward's brother? [he and Patrick get stung by jellyfish]
+
[SpongeBob and Patrick pop out of an old lady's bathtub when an old lady was taking a bath.]
+
 
+
'''Patrick:''' Squidward's brother? [he and SpongeBob get whacked in the heads by the old lady]
+
[SpongeBob and Patrick go to look for Squidward's "brother" at Squidward's house. SpongeBob knocks on the door and Squidward answers it.]
+
 
+
'''SpongeBob:''' [gasps with Patrick] He's right here! Squidward's brother!
+
 
+
'''Patrick:''' The rascal shaved his moustache!
+
 
+
'''Squidward:''' [sighs] Good grief. [slams the door on SpongeBob and Patrick]
+
 
+
'''French Narrator:''' Six months later...
+
[SpongeBob and Patrick are completely tired and their voices have grown weak from looking for Squidward's "brother."]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' [weakly] Um! Squidward's brother!
+
 
+
'''Patrick:''' [weakly] Squidward's brother!
+
[SpongeBob and Patrick bump into a mailbox and it reads "Mrs. Tentacles" on it.]
+
 
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Mrs. Tentacles? [run up to Mrs. Tentacles' house and knocks on the door with his nose; Mrs. Tentacles answers] Mrs. Tentacles, you're Squidward's mother. You must know where Squidward's brother is.
+
 
+
'''Mrs. Tentacles:''' Brother? Squidward never had a brother. One of him was enough. [shuts the door]
+
 
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Aw, that's so sad. Squidward wanted a baby brother so badly he imagined one.
+
  
 
'''Patrick:''' Oh, man. Now it'll take even longer to find him.
 
'''Patrick:''' Oh, man. Now it'll take even longer to find him.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Hm? [a rain cloud forms above his head] Oh, I'm getting a brainstorm!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Hmm? (a rain cloud forms above his head) Oh, I'm getting a brainstorm!
  
Patrick: I've got you, buddy. [takes out an umbrella and puts it over SpongeBob's head]
+
'''Patrick:''' I've got you, buddy. (takes out an umbrella and puts it over SpongeBob's head)
  
'''SpongeBob:''' No, Patrick, let it flow. [his body absorbs the raindrops from his raincloud] Ooh, I have a plan.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' No, Patrick, let it flow. (his body absorbs the raindrops from his rain cloud) Ooh, I have a plan. (bubble-wipe to Squidward playing his song "I Hate People" on his clarinet while dancing around and destroying everything inside SpongeBob's house. He enters SpongeBob's room and spins Gary around)
[The scene changes to Squidward playing his song "I Hate People" on his clarinet while dancing around and destroying everything inside SpongeBob's house. He enters SpongeBob's room and spins Gary around.]
+
  
Gary: [groans as he is annoyed with Squidward; he goes into his shell and puts earmuffs on] Meow!
+
'''Gary:''' (groans as he is annoyed with Squidward. Goes into his shell and puts earmuffs on) Meow! (Squidward jumps outside and hops on top of Patrick's rock. It is revealed that while SpongeBob and Patrick had been gone for six months, he attached their houses onto his own house and made it into his own playground. He slides back into his house through the window)
[Squidward jumps outside and hops on top of Patrick's rock. It is revealed that while SpongeBob and Patrick had been gone for six months, he attached their houses onto his own house and made it into his own playground. He slides back into his house through the window and finishes his song.]
+
  
'''Squidward:''' Oh, I love my two new homes. And best of all, I haven't heard from those idiots in months! [laughs until SpongeBob and Patrick squish him with the front door as they enter]
+
'''Squidward:''' Oh, I love my two new homes. And best of all, I haven't heard from those idiots in months! (laughs until SpongeBob and Patrick squish him with the front door as they enter)
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward. We found your brother.
 
'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward. We found your brother.
  
'''Squidward:''' [pulls himself off to door and cruelly laughs at them] You urchin brains! I never had a brother!
+
'''Squidward:''' (pulls himself off to door and cruelly laughs at them) You urchin brains! I never had a brother!
  
 
'''SpongeBob:''' You do now!
 
'''SpongeBob:''' You do now!
Line 277: Line 221:
 
'''Squidward:''' What are you morons talking about?
 
'''Squidward:''' What are you morons talking about?
  
'''SpongeBob:''' [takes Mrs. Tentacles by the hand and leads her in] Come on in, Mama.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (takes Mama Tentacles by the hand and leads her in) Come on in, Mama.
 +
 
 +
'''Squidward:''' (stammering as he is shocked to see his mother) Ma—Mama?
  
'''Squidward:''' [stammering as he is shocked to see his mother] Ma—Mama?
+
'''Mama Tentacles:''' Isn't it lovely, dear? I've adopted your two little friends.
  
'''Mrs. Tentacles:''' Isn't it lovely, dear? I've adopted your two little friends.
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (they hold up their adoption papers) Brothers. (Squidward begins to lose his sanity as he panics like crazy. He rubs his head until it explodes. Bubble-wipe to a camera man preparing to take a picture of Mama Tentacles, Squidward, SpongeBob and Patrick)
  
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' [hold up their adoption papers] Brothers.
+
'''Camera Man:''' Oh, what a beautiful family—yeee. Smile! (Mama Tentacles, SpongeBob and Patrick smile for the camera while Squidward groans in defeat. The camera snaps a picture of the "family")
[Squidward begins to lose his sanity as he panics like crazy. He rubs his head until it exploded. The scene changes to a camera man preparing to take a picture of Mrs. Tentacles, Squidward, SpongeBob and Patrick.]
+
  
'''Camera Man:''' Oh, what a beautiful family—yeee. Smile!
+
{{Transcripts/Season 11}}
[Mrs. Tentacles, SpongeBob and Patrick smile for the camera while Squidward groans in defeat. The camera snaps a picture of the "family", thus ending the episode.]
+
[[Category:Transcript]]
 +
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 11]]

Latest revision as of 19:15, 25 April 2023

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Squid Noir
Cuddle E. Hugs

Episode Article: Scavenger Pants

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins at Squidward's house. Squidward is dancing along with the music from "The Nutcracker Suite." Squidward continues to dance and show off some of his moves. Just then, SpongeBob appears and joins in the dancing as well)

SpongeBob: (whispering) You dance divinely. (Squidward freaks out and clings himself to the ceiling with his suction cups. He loses his grip and falls to the floor. Patrick appears, removes the record from the phonograph and places a different record on it. The record begins playing funky, rock music)

Patrick: Shall we?

SpongeBob: Oh, I love this song! (he and Patrick dance to the rock music. Squidward gets really angry and removes the record from the phonograph)

Squidward: Why are you nitwits in my house?

SpongeBob and Patrick: We're bored!

Patrick: And we don't want to be bored!

SpongeBob: We want to have fun. (Patrick kicks the pillar holding Squidward's head sculpture. Squidward screams and catches the sculpture before it hits the floor. Squidward sighs in relief and his head shatters. SpongeBob is standing upside down and Patrick eats his pants)

SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward. Give us something fun to do. Please? (Squidward groans and Patrick's stomach grumbles)

Patrick: Oh, let's play lunch!

SpongeBob: No problem. I'll whip up some grub. (he and Patrick run over to the kitchen and begin taking stuff out of Squidward's fridge and cabinets)

Squidward: Leave my kitchen alone!

SpongeBob: Hmm, there must be something I can scavenge up around here.

Squidward: (grins evilly and gets an idea) Oh! That's it. How would you two like to go on a... scavenger hunt?

SpongeBob and Patrick: Scavenger hunt?

Patrick: What's a scavenger hunt? (SpongeBob takes out a dictionary from his head, turns the pages with his nose, and looks up the words "Scavenger Hunt")

SpongeBob: (reading) "A party game in which participants work in teams to collect a list of miscellaneous objects!" Scavenger hunt, yeah! What's first on the list, Squidward?

Squidward: Um, oh, uh, well, let's see. (takes out a roll of toilet paper and pretends to read something on it) Bring back the rare Desert Sandwich. (SpongeBob and Patrick giggle and begin searching all over the place to look for Squidward's "Desert Sandwich." SpongeBob looks for it in the phonograph)

SpongeBob: Sandwich? (Patrick looks for it under Squidward's picture. Looks for it in Squidward's nose, which causes him to scream) Sandwich? Sandwich? (lets go of Squidward's nose)

Squidward: (straightens out his nose) Not in here! The sandwich is only found deep in the Bikini Badlands, out there!

Patrick: (he and SpongeBob stop looking) Oh.

Squidward: (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out and shuts the door) Phew. I am a genius. (SpongeBob and Patrick stop at a sign pointing to the Goodlands and to the Badlands)

SpongeBob: Goodlands, half a league. (he and Patrick observe the Goodlands. There, they see jellyfish swimming around, flowers and trees dancing, a sun and rainbow shining down and a sea unicorn skipping along) Badlands, 20,000 leagues? (he and Patrick observe the Badlands. There, they see a dried up wasteland with a volcano, a cactus and a skeleton with sea urchins crawling out. SpongeBob and Patrick are stunned, but they decide to go there anyway. Bubble-wipe to them traveling the Badlands. They become exhausted from the high temperatures and are very thirsty since they had no drinking water with them. SpongeBob and Patrick collapse from exhaustion)

Patrick: So...thirsty. (rings SpongeBob's sweat and drinks it for water) Oh.

SpongeBob: (dried up and very weak) It's no use. We'll never find the rare Desert Sandwich. (suddenly, a sandstorm-like tornado appears out of nowhere. SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror and sand gets into their eyes. The sand tornado lifts them in the air and starts to carry them away. Meanwhile, back at his house, Squidward is in his bathroom, dancing to "The Nutcracker Suite" again. The door opens and Squidward flies backwards. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive) Squidward! We did it! We brought back the first item! (the sand tornado comes through the door and into the living room)

Squidward: Sand? (sand is blown in Squidward's face. The sand tornado dies down, revealing a witch within it. The witch cackles. Spits out the sand) Witch? (the witch cackles) Oh, good grief! Not that kind of sand witch! The Desert Sandwich has tomatoes and bread and—and—mayo.

Sand Witch: No worries, I used to work at an evil deli. (creates a sandwich with her magic) Ta-da!

Squidward: Oh, looks pretty good. (takes a bite and spikes poke out from his cheeks. Screams as the sandwich comes to life and bites his nose) Get it off! Get it off! (gets mauled by the sandwich monster. The sand witch cackles. Bubble-wipe to the sandwich monster being locked in the refrigerator)

SpongeBob: What's next on our scavenger hunt, Squidward?

Squidward: Hmm...oh. (sees a picture of a flower) Mm-hmm. Your next item is the Boxing Begonia! (spins the globe and points to the location) It only grows in the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh! (giggle as they run out the door)

Squidward: Ha. That'll keep them out of my hair. (rubs his head and it glimmers since he has no hair) Oh. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick looking down at the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench)

Patrick: It's so straight-down-y.

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick. A scavenger is always prepared. (pulls out a rope, ties it to a nearby rock and goes to climb down, but the rope isn't long enough) The rope is too short! We need another one!

Patrick: (throws down a rope) Here!

SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick! Where'd you get another rope?

Patrick: From that rock! (slips off the edge and falls into the canyon with SpongeBob, crashing into some stalagmites in the process. They both crash to the ground below the canyon)

SpongeBob: Found it! (bubble-wipe back to Squidward's house where Squidward resumes his dancing. SpongeBob and Patrick swing into his house through the window with the Boxing Begonia they found)

SpongeBob: We're back!

Squidward: What? But—but it's not possible! (becomes amazed at the Boxing Begonia's beauty) Boxing Begonia? It's beautiful. (the Boxing Begonia comes to life and starts beating up Squidward with boxing gloves)

Patrick: The champ takes a swift uppercut to the jaw. (punches himself)

SpongeBob: Squidward is against the ropes. A left, a right.

Patrick: How can a man stand it? (Squidward falls flat on the floor, knocking out his dentures)

SpongeBob: Oh, and the champ is down!

Patrick: (holding up the Boxing Begonia) The winner! (bubble-wipe to a beaten up Squidward pacing back and forth)

Squidward: How do you keep finding everything?

SpongeBob: (meditating) You have to keep your skull... numb.

Patrick: Yeah, we're numbskulls!

Squidward: (sighs and takes out a book) Your next mission is to find... (points to the picture of the Loch Ness Monster) ...the Loch Ness Monster and bring him back...alive.

SpongeBob: Ooh, the Loch Ness Monster!

Patrick: Oh, so good! Oh, so good! (takes out a notebook and a pencil. Sharpens his pencil with his belly button) What color?

Squidward: (pushes the sofa) Doesn't matter! Good luck! (throws them out and grins evilly) They'll never find it. And if they do, it'll eat them. (laughs) It's a win-win. (yelps as the sofa falls on top of him. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick rowing their boat upside-down in the rivers of Scotland)

SpongeBob: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

Patrick: How are we gonna find a monster in the dark? I can't see anything.

SpongeBob: We don't have to find it. It'll find us. (pulls out some bagpipes and plays music with it. As SpongeBob plays music with his bagpipes, a shadowy creature swims around and looms over them. SpongeBob and Patrick wail in fright. Meanwhile, back at Squidward's house, Squidward resumes his dancing and is playing with his clarinet while wearing a beautiful, purple hat)

Squidward: (sighs) I'm the greatest. (hears a knock at the door) And here comes the worst. (takes off his hat)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (they enter) We're back! (the Loch Ness Monster smashes through the wall above the front door with its' head)

Squidward: (shuddering) The lo—lo— The Loch Ness Monster! How did you find it?

SpongeBob: Oh, simple. (takes out his bagpipe) Bagpipes.

Squidward: (grabs the bagpipe) It likes bagpipe music? (the bagpipes blow air out)

Patrick: No, it hates it. (the Loch Ness Monster roars, grabs Squidward with his mouth, and swallows him whole with the bagpipes)

Loch Ness Monster: Ahh...

SpongeBob: But it sure loves to eat 'em!

French Narrator: One very long digestive tract later... (Squidward is completely worn out from nearly being digested from the Loch Ness Monster. SpongeBob and Patrick bounce on the sofa while Squidward sits in agony)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Give us another one! Give us another one! Give us another one!

Squidward: Oh, brother! (grins evilly and comes up with another idea) Brother...

SpongeBob: Come on, just one more.

Squidward: (pretends to act nervous) Well, all right, it's—it's impossible, but... (sniffles as he pretends to cry) ...if only you could find my long lost brother.

SpongeBob and Patrick: (holding Squidward's hands) Brother?

Squidward: (chuckles wickedly as he grabs his picture and draws a moustache on it; he turns around and pretends to be heartbroken) I haven't seen him since he was a baby.

SpongeBob: Aww...

Patrick: Baby with a mustache.

Squidward: (rubs his head) He was an early bloomer.

SpongeBob: What was his name?

Squidward: Name, huh? Um...

SpongeBob: "Um?" Aw, what a pretty name.

Squidward: (pretends to be heartbroken) If I could just see him again... (pretends to cry) No. (SpongeBob and Patrick fall for Squidward's cruel lies and they sob hysterically)

SpongeBob: (hugs Patrick) That's so sad!

Patrick: Even my armpits are crying! (his armpits shed blue tears and he blows nose)

SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, we've got some extreme scavenging to do.

Patrick: Yeah!

Squidward: (carries them out the door) Oh, thank you. (throws them down and slams the door) I'm free! (laughs. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick finding Squidward's "brother" in the streets of Bikini Bottom)

SpongeBob: Squidward's brother! (looks for Squidward's "brother" in Jellyfish Fields. Climbs up a tree with Patrick) Squidward's brother! (peeks into a jellyfish hive) Squidward's brother? (he and Patrick get stung by jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick pop out of an bathtub when an old lady was taking a bath)

Patrick: Squidward's brother? (he and SpongeBob get whacked in the heads by the old lady. SpongeBob and Patrick go to look for Squidward's "brother" at Squidward's house. SpongeBob knocks on the door and Squidward answers it)

SpongeBob: (gasps with Patrick) He's right here! Squidward's brother!

Patrick: The rascal shaved his moustache!

Squidward: (sighs) Good grief. (slams the door on SpongeBob and Patrick)

French Narrator: Six months later... (SpongeBob and Patrick are completely tired and their voices have grown weak from looking for Squidward's "brother")

SpongeBob: (weakly) Um, Squidward's brother!

Patrick: (weakly) Squidward's brother! (SpongeBob and Patrick bump into a mailbox and it reads "Mrs. Tentacles" on it)

SpongeBob: Mrs. Tentacles? (he and Patrick run up to Mrs. Tentacles' house and SpongeBob knocks on the door with his nose. Mama Tentacles answers) Mrs. Tentacles, you're Squidward's mother. You must know where Squidward's brother is.

Mama Tentacles: Brother? Squidward never had a brother. One of him was enough. (shuts the door)

SpongeBob: Aww, that's so sad. Squidward wanted a baby brother so badly he imagined one.

Patrick: Oh, man. Now it'll take even longer to find him.

SpongeBob: Hmm? (a rain cloud forms above his head) Oh, I'm getting a brainstorm!

Patrick: I've got you, buddy. (takes out an umbrella and puts it over SpongeBob's head)

SpongeBob: No, Patrick, let it flow. (his body absorbs the raindrops from his rain cloud) Ooh, I have a plan. (bubble-wipe to Squidward playing his song "I Hate People" on his clarinet while dancing around and destroying everything inside SpongeBob's house. He enters SpongeBob's room and spins Gary around)

Gary: (groans as he is annoyed with Squidward. Goes into his shell and puts earmuffs on) Meow! (Squidward jumps outside and hops on top of Patrick's rock. It is revealed that while SpongeBob and Patrick had been gone for six months, he attached their houses onto his own house and made it into his own playground. He slides back into his house through the window)

Squidward: Oh, I love my two new homes. And best of all, I haven't heard from those idiots in months! (laughs until SpongeBob and Patrick squish him with the front door as they enter)

SpongeBob: Squidward. We found your brother.

Squidward: (pulls himself off to door and cruelly laughs at them) You urchin brains! I never had a brother!

SpongeBob: You do now!

Patrick: Two brothers! Us!

Squidward: What are you morons talking about?

SpongeBob: (takes Mama Tentacles by the hand and leads her in) Come on in, Mama.

Squidward: (stammering as he is shocked to see his mother) Ma—Mama?

Mama Tentacles: Isn't it lovely, dear? I've adopted your two little friends.

SpongeBob and Patrick: (they hold up their adoption papers) Brothers. (Squidward begins to lose his sanity as he panics like crazy. He rubs his head until it explodes. Bubble-wipe to a camera man preparing to take a picture of Mama Tentacles, Squidward, SpongeBob and Patrick)

Camera Man: Oh, what a beautiful family—yeee. Smile! (Mama Tentacles, SpongeBob and Patrick smile for the camera while Squidward groans in defeat. The camera snaps a picture of the "family")


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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