Episode Transcript: The Great Patty Caper

[In the Krusty Krab Freezer, A Sponge opens the door. He enters the room. He starts to shiver. While shivering, he passes by a frozen skeleton. He stops at a box. He looks down and screams. As he screams, the scene cuts to an Octopus looking through the order window. It cuts to the dining area, where four fish look up from their meals. It cuts to A Greedy Crab's office, where he is stacking some money, but the scream makes it fall. It cuts back to the freezer. The Crab runs to the door.]

Mr.Eugene Harold Krabs: (first lines) What is it, boy?

[The Sponge babbles. The light turns on and he points to the box.]

Mr. Krabs: [while walking over to The Sponge and he still pointing and babbling] SpongeBob? [stops walking and grabs an oxygen tank and puts it over The Sponge's mouth. he stops babbling and starts taking deep breaths.] There, there, kid. What's the big deal? [Mr. Krabs tosses the oxygen tank.]

SpongeBob SquarePants:(first lines) M-M-M-M-Mr. Krabs! [The scene cuts to the empty box.] We're all out of Krabby Patties, sir.

[The scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs: That's nothing to fuss over, boy. We'll just whip up a new batch, like we did in the old days!

[The scene changes to show a cauldron in Mr. Krabs' office. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are surrounding it.]

Mr. Krabs: I know this process like the back of me claw. [grabs behind him for something] We always start with... [holds up an opened bag of flour] ...flour. [pours in the flour] Next, we add [lifts up some barnacle shavings] barnacle shavings. It's like riding a boat-cycle, ain't it, boy?

[Mr. Krabs pours in the barnacle shavings.]

SpongeBob: You never forget, boss man.

Mr. Krabs: What do ya say we do the next one together, eh?

Mr. Krabs: [while holding up a jar of sea salt] Sea salt.

SpongeBob: [while holding up a jar of turmeric] Turmeric.

Mr. Krabs: What are you on about, boy? Third step's always sea salt.

SpongeBob: That's funny, I remember turmeric third. And doesn't the recipe call for land salt?

Mr. Krabs: It's sea salt. And don't you remember SCABS?

SpongeBob: Scabs, sir?

Mr. Krabs: [while bubbles reading, "S.C.A.B.S." appear] Yeah, SCABS. You know, [as he pops each of the bubbles.] "salt comes after barnacle shavings." [while bubbles reading, "L.E.S.I.O.N.S." appear] Or was it LESIONS? Or wait... [as the bubbles for LESIONS float away] No, that doesn't sound right either. SpongeBob: Was it pustule? Mr. Krabs: Heavens, no. That's disgusting. All right, tell you what, why don't I just go fetch the formula? We'll settle this once and for all.

[Mr. Krabs walks over to his safe, humming. He opens it up. A Jelly-Bean Creature with one eye, who is holding the secret formula bottle and on a rocket, flies out of the safe. He laughs.]

Sheldon J.Plankton:(first lines) No need to wonder about this. I got your formula. [laughs and pulls out a cowboy hat and hits it on the rocket.] Yee-haw! [Plankton stops and flies backwards. The scene shows Mr. Krabs holding a magnet, which has the rocket, which has Plankton, who is holding the formula bottle, on it.]

Mr. Krabs: Aren't you getting a little tired of this, Plankton?

[Mr. Krabs shakes the magnet and the bottle falls into his other claw.]

Plankton: Come on, Krabs, don't you have any respect for tradition?

[Mr. Krabs, who is holding the rocket, which has Plankton on it, goes to the front door.]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, ho, ho, ho, Of course, I do. That's why I'm doing this.

[Mr. Krabs lets go of the rocket and it flies into a Chum Bucket front door window.]

Plankton: Ow.

[The scene cuts to inside the dining area of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs walks up to SpongeBob.]

Mr. Krabs: I need to somehow get Plankton to stop comin' after me precious formula.

SpongeBob: Hmm, I know! To keep Gary out of the biscuit tin, I hide the biscuits somewhere far away, like Patrick's house. Unfortunately, Patrick ends up eating the biscuits anyway.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's it, you genius. You just solved me decades-old dellemer. [Mr. Krabs runs away.]

SpongeBob: [yelling] I'm warning you, Mr. Krabs, Patrick'll eat anything you give him!

[The scene cuts to a TV with Elaine on it. There is also a card that reads, "Bikini Bottom Special Report".]

Elaine: Breaking news! [The card changes to show Mr. Krabs holding the recipe bottle.] Earlier today, Mr. Eugene Krabs, proprietor of the Krusty Krab restaurant, parted [The card changes to show the formula slightly above Mr. Krabs' claw, tilted, and the "thumb" part of his claw extended further.] with his beloved secret formula. We now go to Perch Perkins live on the scene. [The scene changes to show Perch Perkins outside the Krusty Krab.]

Perch Perkins:(first lines) Thanks, Elaine. Just moments ago, Eugene Krabs sent his famously delicious secret Krabby Patty formula packing.

[The scene cuts to show Mr. Krabs, who is holding the formula bottle, and SpongeBob outside of a truck, which contains a safe. They are in tears.]

Mr. Krabs: Take care of yourself, little formula.

[Mr. Krabs puts the formula bottle into the safe and closes it. The truck's backdoor then shuts. It is escorted by two highway patrol officers inside a Bikini Bottom Movers truck. It drives onto a platform with wheels, which is attached to a subway front car. It goes for a while until the platform is lift by a helicopter, which lifts it into a cargo plane. The plane then flies away. The scene cuts to SpongeBob, holding Perch Perkins microphone.]

SpongeBob: [while crying] Good-bye, secret recipe! Perch Perkins: [while struggling to get the microphone out of SpongeBob's hands] We wanted to ask Mr. Eugene Krabs [manages to get the microphone free] what compelled him to take such drastic measures. Mr. Krabs: Well, it's simple, Perch. [The scene cuts to a TV screen with Mr. Krabs on it.] It seems keeping me secret formula in hand has proven to be all too temptin' for a [turns towards the camera] certain diminutive one-eyed criminal element of society.

[The scene pans out to reveal that the TV is being watched by Plankton in the Chum Bucket.] [As the TV turns off] So, I finally got him in full retreat. [Plankton evilly laughs. The scene returns to Mr. Krabs' office, where Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are around the cauldron.]