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Editing Episode Transcript: That's No Lady
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[ | + | *[[SpongeBob]] |
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Patrick]] |
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Squidward]] |
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Mr. Krabs]] |
*[[Larry the Lobster]] | *[[Larry the Lobster]] | ||
==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
| − | |||
| − | + | (scene opens to Patrick running in the street)<br> | |
| − | + | Fish #1: (off-screen) Hey! (Patrick looks around) Hey, you there! | |
| − | + | Patrick: Me?<br> | |
| + | |||
| + | Fish #1: Yes, you. Get outta town! (Patrick runs and screams. Fish shrugs his shoulders as another fish walks up) Get outta | ||
town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. (another fish walks up) Here ya go, sir. (hands him a flyer. | town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. (another fish walks up) Here ya go, sir. (hands him a flyer. | ||
| − | Fish reads it. | + | Fish reads it. Scene cuts to Parick running up to SpongeBob's house and opening the door)<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: I gotta get out of town! (SpongeBob hands Patrick a glass of lemonade) Oh, thanks SpongeBob.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Sure, Patrick, ya...<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: (screams) I gotta get going. He told me to.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Who did?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Uhh, well, uhh...hmmm, I'm not sure but he has a briefcase.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Ahh, a briefcase?! He might be a paid assassin. (both start to cry) But, Patrick, you can't go. Not like this. | |
| + | Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo? (shows a picture of the two at one of the expos)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. (both cry more)<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Unset, please unset it. (Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen counter and sets a briefcase on it to fill up | |
| + | with clothes)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. My clothes.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: (packs up a bunch of peanut butter) My peanut butter!<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: That's my peanut butter.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: And my pickles. (stuffs a bunch of pickles into the bag and closes it)<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. (cries) With all my pickles!<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: It's the end of me. Being here.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Wait! Stop! What about all our plans? 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat Kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush | |
| + | teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me? | ||
| − | + | Patrick: I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever...in Bikini Bottom.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: But...what if you weren't Patrick Star?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: You are Patrick Star but you won't be for long.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Huh? (scene cuts to SpongeBob putting on a visor over Patrick's eyes) There ya go, Patrick. No one will know it's | |
| + | you. (Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole) | ||
| + | Patrick, you ok? | ||
| − | + | Larry: Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work. We're gonna have to try harder.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Yeah, well, thanks ol' SpongeBob for your help. It was a noble effort but alass, all in vain, it's no use. I must | |
| + | leave. (holds out his arms and runs passed SpongeBob to pet a rock) Goodbye rock. Goodbye coral. (hugs the coral but it | ||
| + | sticks to him) Ow! Goodbye seaweed. (walks off)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume. (looks at the seaweed) Hmmm...<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Goodbye sky. (SpongeBob walks up to Patrick and puts some seaweed on his head)<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: That's it. With the seaweed on your head, you could be a...<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Oh, I know, I know! I could be a seaweed monsterman. And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Patrick, there already is a seaweed monsterman. (scroll over to a monster with seaweed all over its body)<br> | |
| − | + | Seaweed Monsterman: Hey!<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Doh.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: It's ok, Patrick. So you can't be a monster. But that vegetation on your head gives me an idea of what you can | |
| + | be. (scene cuts to inside a store) You're all set. Come on out, Patrick. (Patrick steps forward, looking like a girl. | ||
| + | Wearing a blonde wig and green top and bottom. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down the street)<br> | ||
| − | + | Fish #2: Hi, SpongeBob. And hello, lady. (tips his hat to Patrick)<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: The disguise is working, Patrick. I mean, Patricia. (both giggle)<br> | |
| − | + | Larry: SpongeBob, you never told me you had a girlfriend.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Pat-ricia. Pat-ricia. Patricia. (laughs)<br> | |
| − | + | Larry: Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Actually, Larry, she's not my girlfriend, she's just a...<br> | |
| − | + | Larry: It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: But she's not my girlfriend.<br> | |
| − | + | Larry: I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: C'mon, Patricia. (grabs her hand and walks off)<br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: Bye.<br> | |
| − | + | Larry: Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: (runs up) SpongeBob! This is not the time for Sunday Stroll. It's time for work.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another 2 hours.<br> | |
| + | Mr. Krabs: (hands SpongeBob a spatula) There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? (notices | ||
| + | Patricia as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty)<br> | ||
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, who's your friend?<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.<br> | |
| + | Mr. Krabs: (eyes inflate back to normal) Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. SpongeBob, do we need any more | ||
| + | help down at the Krusty Krab?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: No.<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: We do? Great, she can start right away. (scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper | |
| + | until Patricia walks in)<br> | ||
| + | Squidward: And who are you my rifeness beauty?<br> | ||
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.<br> | |
| − | + | Squidward: Well, she sure is stunning. (Patricia is picking her nose)<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. (walks off. Patricia is cleaning tables until Squidward walks | |
| + | up to her)<br> | ||
| − | + | Squidward: Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. (hands her a piece of paper) Likeness is uncanny, if I do say so myself. | |
| + | (drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patricia: Uhh, thank you, Squidward. (Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand)<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: Order up, Miss Patricia.<br> | |
| + | Patricia: Excuse me, Squidward. (eats the drawing, burps then walks off)<br> | ||
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: (hands Patricia both trays) This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. (Patricia walks up to a table | |
| + | with the number seven on it)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patricia: Forty...thirty...<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Mr. Krabs: That's a 7, Patricia.<br> |
| − | + | Patricia: Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty meals?<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs:(gasps) Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two Krusty meals, myself. (spreads a table | |
| + | cloth, with a radio, on the table) I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.<br> | ||
| − | + | Patricia: Ok. (sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays)<br> | |
| + | Mr. Krabs: Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been | ||
| − | ' | + | made. (Patricia inhales the table cloth and all the food. Then she burps out the radio)<br> |
| + | SpongeBob: Quite an appetite but she's all woman. (scene cuts to Patricia walking in the kitchen with two orders. Squidward plays a soothing song on his clarinet)<br> | ||
| − | + | Squidward: Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the 'Sizzlelips Squid' for nothing. So, are you free this Saturday | |
| + | night?<br> | ||
| − | ' | + | Patricia: No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.<br> |
| − | + | Squidward: SpongeBob?!<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: (using a megaphone) Get back to work, you gold-bricking freeloader. Hut two, hut two, yah, yah! And don't come | |
| + | back 'til all the patties are krabby. (throws megaphone away) Well, now that we're alone, how would you like to be my date | ||
| + | Friday night to a... | ||
| − | + | Patricia: Well, I can't. SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night. I have to get back to Krusting the Krab. | |
| + | (walks off) Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. (opens the cabinet in | ||
| + | front of him and notices Squidward on the top shelf)<br> | ||
| − | + | Squidward: Are you sure about Saturday night? (Patricia closes the cabinet)<br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: Persistent bunch. (turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head)<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: How about Sunday brunch?<br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: No thanks, again! (walks over to the toaster where Squidward's head pops up)<br> | |
| − | + | Squidward: But I made reservations for two at...<br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: I said no. (scene cuts to Patricia lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs head is) No. (scene cuts to Patricia | |
| + | using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground) No way. (scene cuts to Mr. Krabs | ||
| + | in a water job) No. (scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet) No. (scene cuts to Patricia in the middle of the Krusty Krab) | ||
| + | No! (Patricia walks into the kitchen) What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do | ||
| + | with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.<br> | ||
| − | ' | + | SpongeBob: But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | Patricia: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. |
| + | (opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. Al the customers say hi to her)<br> | ||
| − | + | Fish #3: The lovely Patricia... (blows a kiss) ...has returned to us. <br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: I have an announcement to make. The entire day that I've worked here I've wanted to say... (notices the fish from | |
| + | the beginning, giving out flyers, has entered the Krusty Krab. He starts to stutter) I've wanted to say that, uhh, that I | ||
| + | will eat any leftovers on your plate. (smiles and walks away)<br> | ||
| − | + | Customers: Huh?<br> | |
| − | + | Fish #1: Ahoy, waitress, aren't you gonna take my order?<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Patricia: I'll be right there, sir.<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: What's the matter, Patrick?<br> | |
| − | '' | + | Patricia: That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: (gasps) The assassin.<br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: (walks up to the customer) What can I get you, sir?<br> | |
| − | + | Fish #1: Say, don't I know you from somewhere?<br> | |
| − | + | Patricia: No.<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Fish #1: Hmmm...that's it. Get outta town!<br> |
| − | ' | + | Patricia: He's on to us.<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: I won't let you do it. You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town. | |
| − | + | Squidward & Mr. Krabs: Patrick?!<br> | |
| − | + | Fish #1: You forgot your flyer. (hands them one of his flyers)<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: (reading flyer) Get outta town! To beautiful Sunny Shore Resorts. Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of | |
| + | town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.<br> | ||
| − | + | Patricia: Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore. (rips off his disguise. Everyone gasps while Squidwards eyes | |
| + | shrink in horror)<br> | ||
| − | + | Squidward: Umm, I think I need to take a shower.<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Mr. Krabs: So, let me get this straight, you're not a woman?<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: No.<br> | |
| − | + | Mr. Krabs: Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.<br> | |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list? (both run out with excitement) | |
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[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 4]] | [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 4]] | ||
[[Category:Transcript]] | [[Category:Transcript]] | ||
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