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Editing Episode Transcript: Survival of the Idiots
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[ | + | *[[SpongeBob]] |
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Patrick]] |
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Sandy]] |
==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
| − | |||
| − | + | (SpongeBob and Patrick are running down the block jumping up and down, disfiguring themselves in the process. They're | |
| + | shouting assorted things about going to Sandy's house. Then, they stop in mid-run when they see Sandy's treedome is enclosed | ||
| + | with metal walls. The two walk up to the door, which has a "Keep Out" sign on it)<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Sandy? (they enter) Hey Sandy, what's with the sign? |
| − | + | (the two walk up to a TV which shows Sandy in a nightgown eating nuts)<br> | |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Look, she's on the Eating Channel.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' (on TV) Howdy! (eats another nut) If y'all are watching this, that means I'm asleep for the winter. This sleep is |
| + | called hibernation. ("HIBERNATION" appears on the bottom of the screen) During hibernation, animals don't like to be woken | ||
| + | up. So do not disturb. (sternly) That means you, SpongeBob. (Patrick turns the TV off and puts on Sponge's water helmet and | ||
| + | his own)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' We better put these on.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Never mind, Pat. Sandy said not to come in. Let's am-scray.<br> |
| − | + | (Patrick pushes the button, letting all the water drain out of the front foyer)<br> | |
| − | '''Patrick:''' SpongeBob | + | '''Patrick:''' When are you gonna learn, SpongeBob? "No" means "yes"!<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, listen, how many times do we have to...<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' SpongeBob, look at this! (Sandy's treedome is covered in snow and it's snowing. Sponge gasps and walks in)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' ( | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What is this stuff? (pan around the treedome)<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' It's a vast, swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading, fluffy pillows |
| + | of excitement and comfort as you've never felt before.<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (teary-eyed)Wow, Pat! That was beautiful!<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' What, I was just reading this candy wrapper, see? (he hands SpongeBob the wrapper. SpongeBob gasps)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Patrick! Put your helmet back on! (Pat has taken his helmet off and is eating the snowflakes) You know there's no |
| + | water in Sandy's house!<br> | ||
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' It's okay, SpongeBob. This stuff is water! Look! (Pat lets a flake land on his tongue and it melts into water)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I guess you're right. It's okay here!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Take it off. No one's looking. (Sponge does so and the two cheer and burrow themselves in the snow. They pop back up |
| + | with noses made of snow. Then, they hear a weird sound, like Sandy snoring) SpongeBob, did you hear that?<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I think it came from Sandy's tree.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' That is one tired tree.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Let's check it out. (cut to inside Sandy's tree where Sponge and Pat come in. They both gasp) Look what's in |
| + | Sandy's bed! (they walk over to the bed, where Sandy is asleep in hibernation form, looking like some weird squirrel-like | ||
| + | monster)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Looks like an over-inflated Sandy doll!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I think this thing is Sandy.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Hibernation must mean the opposite of beauty sleep.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' (snoring, talking in sleep) I've had enough of your dastardly deeds, Dirty Dan. I'm gonna get you and your partner, |
| + | Pinhead Larry or my name ain't Sheriff Sandy. (snores)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (giggles) She must be dreaming about Texas outlaws. (the two giggle) Look out Sandy, I'm Dirty Dan.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' I'm gonna catch you and throw you in jail at taxpayers' expense.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Oh, you better run faster, Sandy.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Yeah! I'm getting away! Faster! (Sandy moves her arms and legs)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Hurry, we're getting in a taxi!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Faster, faster! (the two giggle)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' I'll get you two. You're nothing but pure evil! Just like newspaper comics. (snores off to sleep, the two giggle again) |
| + | <br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Patrick. We shouldn't disturb her anymore.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' That's not disturbing. ''This'' is disturbing. (Patrick struggles to create a talking face that protrudes from his back) |
| + | Hi there, SpongeBob. My name is Patback.<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Ha! That is really disturbing! (the two laugh uncontrollably. Cut to Sandy, her eye shoots open. A giant shadow |
| + | looms over SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick stops laughing while SpongeBob continues to laugh)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Uh, SpongeBob?<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (stops laughing) Huh? (Sandy is really mad now, she's steaming and roaring. Sponge and Pat run, but Sandy has them |
| + | both by the britches. They run in mid-air anyway)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Faster, SpongeBob! She's gaining on us!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Sandy, no! Stop!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' I warned you, Dirty Dan! Now you've just crossed the border into Hurtville!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Sandy, it's us, your friends! SpongeBob and Patrick!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Please Sandy, I can't afford dry-cleaning!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' Gonna skin ya and make a pair of size six? boots. (she falls asleep and drops the two. They inch away and see Sandy |
| + | fall back into her bed)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Fun's over.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Whew, we sure don't want to wake her up again. Too bad we don't have any earplugs to put on her.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Yeah, all's I got is this bellybutton lint. (he takes the lint out of its designated area. It somehow forms into the |
| + | shape of earmuffs)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' All right, Pat! (he takes them and crawls over to the bed. Pat follows. Sponge puts the earmuffs on Sandy)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' I'm gonna rip your arms off? and flapjacks? (snores)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Well, that oughta work.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' (loudly) Hey Sandy, does it work? (Sponge and Pat look at each other and raise their eyebrows repeatedly and in |
| + | symmetry)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Hey Sandy, if you can't hear us, don't say anything!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Hey Sandy, don't wake up! (the two giggle, Sponge takes a megaphone up to Sandy and yells into it)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' See ya later, Sheriff Sandy! (laughs, the two run down to the snowy plains and act like outlaws, with that |
| + | drawling voice) You're under arrest!<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' You'll never catch me! (giggles, he makes a snowball and throws it at Sponge's face. They both laugh. Pat starts to |
| + | make another one, but he's hit by a giant mound of snow. Sponge fired it from a giant snow cannon) Hey that's not fair! | ||
| + | Cowboys couldn't afford cannons.<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' They couldn't afford station wagons either! (he shoots one out at Pat)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Nice paneling.<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' All right, Pinhead. Your time is up! (cut to Pat, who looks like a cone-head)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Who you calling Pinhead? I want to be Dirty Dan!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' I'm dirty. (he's hit on the head by a giant snow shovel that Sponge has)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I say I'm Dirty Dan. (Pat runs off and returns with a giant board with a nail in it made of snow and whacks Sponge |
| + | with it)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' I say I'm Dirty Dan! (the two repeatedly hit each other arguing about who Dirty Dan is. Inside the tree, Sandy |
| + | humbly sleeps? until the lint earmuffs fall off. Cut back to outside, where Sponge screams when he sees something) Screaming | ||
| + | will get you no- (Sandy's arm reaches out and grabs Pat's forehead and rips it off. We see Sandy is really ticked off now)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' Which one of you fellas is the real Dirty Dan? |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Uh? I am? (Sandy slaps Pat all the way across the treedome)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Patrick! (Pat slams against the dome and little drumsticks float around his head)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Hot wings? (cut back to Sandy and Sponge)<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' Okay, Pinhead Larry, now you get yours! (Sponge runs off as Sandy pounds the ground where he was standing) (bellowing) |
| + | PINHEAD!!! (Sponge whimpers and runs, Sandy is close behind. Sponge later doesn't seem to be going far because she's right in | ||
| + | front of Sandy on the exercise wheel. He slips and gets flung across the wheel. He flies off and slams into the picnic table, | ||
| + | leaving a giant crater in its place. Sandy leans over the crater) Now you're gonna pay for those crimes, Pinhead! (Sponge | ||
| + | picks up a wood board)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Sandy, stay back. I'm warning ya! (Sandy roars right in Sponge's face) Okay, I warned ya! (Sponge throws the wood |
| + | board, Pat pops up for no reason)<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Did you win? (he's hit by the board and rolls down the crater to Sponge's feet) Hi SpongeBob! (Sandy leaps down the |
| + | crater, Sponge and Pat scream as a giant cloud simulating a fight appears. Cut to the treedome at night where two gravestones | ||
| + | are in front of Sandy's: one for Dirty Dan, one for Pinhead Larry. Pat and Sponge come up from under the snow in respective | ||
| + | tombstone order) Okay, SpongeBob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just want to be Patrick!<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Let's get out of here before Sandy wakes up again! (the two run to the door and Sponge tries his best to open it. |
| + | His extended arm loses grip and smacks Pat in the face) Sorry Patrick, but the door is slippery! It's frozen shut!<br> | ||
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Let me have a try. (he goes up to the door and spits on both hands, preparing to open the door) Open sesame! |
| + | (nothing happens, Patrick shrugs) Well, I've done all I can do.<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Then we're stuck in here? until the door thaws? in spring.<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Barnacles. (cut to much later, where Sponge and Pat are completely buried in snow, shivering and blue) Is it spring |
| + | yet? | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' N-n-n-no. (Pat and Sponge's snow covering on their faces breaks off)<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' I'm so cold that I'm shivering! (a piece of Pat's side of his head cracks off, revealing his brain. Sponge snaps off |
| + | his two nose drippings and clicks them together)<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I'm so cold that I can use my nose drippings as a pair of chopsticks!<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' I'm so cold that I'm shivering! | + | '''Patrick:''' I'm so cold that? I'm shivering!<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' I' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Maybe we should build a fire. I got it! We'll burn the bark from Sandy's tree! (Sponge begins to pull a strip of |
| + | bark off the tree but he's stopped by Sandy's booming voice) | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' (off-screen) You're gonna be wearing an iron lung when I'm through with you, Pinhead! (Sponge quickly puts the strip back on and masking-tapes it on. Sponge goes back to Pat)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' The fire's not going to happen, Patrick. I don't get it! How does Sandy survive these intense conditions every |
| + | year?<br> | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Maybe she just ignores it.<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Maybe?<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' Maybe | + | '''Patrick:''' Maybe?<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' Maybe | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Maybe it's her fur! (cut to a shot of a real-life squirrel)<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''SpongeBob & Patrick:''' Yeah! (cut to inside the tree where Sponge and Pat marvel at Sandy's fur)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Look at all that warm, toasty fur!<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' It's like a gold mine? but with fur. (Sponge ever so slowly goes to pluck a hair off Sandy)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Carefully? carefully? (Pat smacks him)<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Come on, do it! I'm freezing here!<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' All right, all right, hang on a second! (he plucks one hair off and Sandy jumps up from her sleep and roars |
| + | ferociously. Then goes back to sleep) That should be enough, right? (Pat takes the hair)<br> | ||
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Sponge, I'm a big man. A big, BIG man! |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Well, I guess I've lived a full life! (he plucks one more hair, causing the same reaction with Sandy)<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' This is taking too long! I want the warm now! (he takes a piece of masking tape, places it on Sandy, and rips it |
| + | off, leaving a long hole where her fur used to be. Sandy roars and goes back to sleep)<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Pat, are you crazy? (we see Pat has placed the fur on his forehead)<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' No, I'm warm.<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Let me see that roll of tape. (as we pan out from the tree, we hear the tape ripping out Sandy's fur and her |
| + | roaring. Cut to later, Pat comes out of the tree with a strip of hair on his forehead and his pants full of fur. Sponge comes | ||
| + | out with a weird fur hairdo and a goatee.)<br> | ||
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Man, that fur really hits the spot! No more frozen armpits. (he lifts his arm up, revealing fur under it)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And this eyebrow/goatee combo works like a charm. This is the best idea we've ever had. <br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''Patrick:''' You said it!<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I'm ready for the longest, coldest winter ever!<br> |
| − | '''Patrick:''' | + | '''SpongeBob & Patrick:''' Bring it on! (just then, all the snow stops and melts. It's springtime again, flowers bloom)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Spring?<br> |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' (yawns) Wow, spring already? (Sponge and Pat run frantically to the door, but it hasn't thawed yet)<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Tartar sauce! The lock is still frozen!<br> |
| − | '''Sandy:''' ( | + | '''Sandy:''' (off-screen) I sure can't wait to go outside and warm my fur! (Sponge and Pat frantically blow on the door handle |
| + | until it melts. Sandy peeks out the window) Oh look, it's SpongeBob and Patrick! (with that, SpongeBob and Patrick go crazy | ||
| + | trying to open the door. Sandy walks over. She sees all the different fur assortments the two are wearing. She looks down at | ||
| + | herself in her bikini, sees that all her fur is gone, and screams)<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' It's okay, Sandy. Squirrel pattern baldness is quite common in small mammals! (Pat hides his furry forehead piece. |
| + | Sandy is really ticked now)<br> | ||
| − | '''Sandy:''' | + | '''Sandy:''' SpongeBob... Patrick...<br> |
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry, Sandy, we've got you covered. (giggles nervously. Cut to Sandy's arm pouring some lemonade, she |
| + | giggles)<br> | ||
| − | '''Sandy:''' ( | + | '''Sandy:''' More lemonade, boys? (pan out to see that Patrick is curled around Sandy's head and SpongeBob is curled around Sandy's body, |
| + | in order to cover up her baldness. The two take a glass)<br> | ||
| − | '''SpongeBob:''' | + | '''SpongeBob & Patrick:''' Thanks, Sandy.<br> |
| − | '''Sandy:''' | + | '''Sandy:''' Spring sure is lovely. |
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{{Transcripts/Season 2}} | {{Transcripts/Season 2}} | ||
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[[Category:Transcript]] | [[Category:Transcript]] | ||
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| + | {{Slogan}} | ||
