Episode Transcript: Night Light

SpongeBob and Patrick are lying down outside, all bored] ■SpongeBob: [yawns] Oh, I'm bored. ■Patrick: Hmmm... Interesting. Me too! Let's go look for something to do in Old Man Squidward's shed!

■SpongeBob: Old Man Squidward's shed?! 

■Patrick: [slowly] Yyyyyeeeep! ■SpongeBob and Patrick: [SpongeBob and Patrick sneak inside] Ooohhh! [they spot Squidward's lawn mower] What's that?!

■Patrick: What is it? 

■SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. ■Squidward: Ahh. La-da-dee-la-da-dum-la-da-doo! ... [walking towards his shed] ■SpongeBob and Patrick:[SpongeBob's pretending to drive it and Patrick is immitating it. The door is about to open]

■SpongeBob: It's Old Man Squidward! 

■Patrick: Hide! ■Squidward: [Searches through his gardening tools] Where's my trowl? ■Patrick: [whispering] SpongeBob? ■SpongeBob: [whispering] Yes, Patrick? ■Patrick: Is this a trowl? [turns to reveal the trowl in his butt] ■SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick! ■Squidward: Oh, here it is. [reaches for it. screams] AAAHHHH!!! ■SpongeBob and Patrick: [shouts] AAHHH!!! ■SpongeBob: Don't hurt us, Squidward! ■Patrick: We're bored! ■SpngeBob: We just wanted to play with your... [looks at lawnmower and points to it] ...whatever this thing is.

■Squidward: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! You morons would probably...! [pauses] You want to play with my lawnmower?
■SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 

■Squidward: Hmmm... [thinking] ■SpongeBob: [mowing the lawn with Patrick] Thanks for leting us mow your lawn, Squidward! [SpongeBob and Patrick fall into lawnmower and get cut into pieces offscreen] AHHHH! My patty flipping hand! [SpongeBob and Patrick cry]

■Squidward: [Not thinking. laughs to himself and starts the lawnmower] Knock yourselves out!
■[SpongeBob and Patrick are riding around Squidward's yard on the lawnmower. The lawnmower breaks through the gate and rides straight toward the a graveyard. SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
■The Flying Dutchman: Excuse me, Davy, I've got my first blind date in 400 years and I've got to look good. [picks a torn shirt] It's a little torn. Of course this was the shirt I was buried in. Ahhh, memories! [sniffs it] Bleah! [coughs] Okay, that one's a bit ripe. Stained. Too itchy! Hey, there she is! I've been saving this beauty for a special occasion! [puts on coat] Sssss! Looking good! [SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the lawn mower. The cave ceiling shakes and dirt lands on the Dutchman's cholthes. He gets furious] Who dares-- [gets hit by lawnmower] Who-- [gets hit by lawnmower again] --disturb-- [gets hit a second time] --The Flying-- [gets hit a third time] --Dutchman?! [feels his chin, reveals a mirror, and gasps, noticing his beard is gone] ME BEARD! Hey! [gets hit by lawnmower and gets livid. He zaps the lawnmower and takes SpongeBob and Patrick off of it] WHO DARES DISTURB THE FLYING DUTCHMAN?!
■SpongeBob: You're not The Flying Dutchman! 

■Patrick: Yeah. The Flying Dutchman has a beard. ■The Flying Dutchman: I don't look like The Flying Dutchman, because... [lividly. shouts] YOU MORONS CUT OFF MY BEARD!!!

■SpongeBob: Ooh! It makes you look a thousand years younger! 

■The Flying Dutchman: I don't want to look younger! I HATE youth! I'll probably get pimples again.

■Patrick: Your beard will just grow back. 

■The Flying Dutchman: You know nothing about me facial hair. It'll take a thousand years for my beard to grow back!

■SpongeBob: I'm sorry. But, we don't know what it's like to be ghosts. 

■The Flying Dutchman: Well, now's the time you've learned. Until my beard grows back, I'm going to turn you two fools into ghosts. Prepare to be GHOSTIFIED! [echo]

■Patrick: Ghostified? That's not even a real word. 

■The Flying Dutchman: [zaps SpongeBob and Patrick, but they giggle] Okay, you're having too much fun. [finishes zapping them and they become ghosts].

■Patrick: [wiggles his ghostly tail] We're mermaids! 

■The Flying Dutchman: You're ghosts! ■SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh'! ■SpongeBob: [to Patrick] We're ghosts! [with Patrick] Yaayyy! ■The Flying Dutchman: This isn't really working out the way I imagined. ■[Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden] ■SpongeBob and Patrick: [emerging from beneath and behind Squidward. ghostly voice] Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh! Squuiiidwaaarrrd! [Squidward looks behind him]

■SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob. 

■Patrick: And Patrick! We're ghoooooooosts! [with SpongeBob] Ooohhhh ■SpongeBob: We're going to haunt you! FOREVEEEEER! [with Patrick] Oohhh-- ! [Squiward sprays them with his hose. normal voice] Well, that killed the mood. [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the scene]

■Squidward: I knew I shouldn't have lent them my lawnmower. 

■[Bubble transition at night] ■SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. Being a ghost can sure tire ya out! ■Patrick: Good night, ghostbuddy! ■SpongeBob: [gets the key to his door, but it falls through his hand] That's odd. However shall I get in? [leans on door and falls through it] That's handy! [yawns] I am beat! Well, I don't have to take the stairs! [flies through the ceiling and into his bedroom, then lies down on his bed] Ah. (Snores) but falls through the bed, the floor, and ends up underground. Bubble transition to morning; SpongeBob exits his house with a very sleepy expression. He then goes to Patrick's house].

■SpongeBob: [tired] Hey, Patrick. I didn't sleep so good last night. 

■Patrick: I didn't sleep at all. I can see through my eyelids. [closes his eyes and can see through his eyes; grabs SpongeBob] MY EYELIDS!!

■SpongeBob: [gasps] I'm late for work! 

■Patrick: [whispers] My eyelids... ■[Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab] ■SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'm here! ■Harold: [walks by, gets scared of SpongeBob, seeing him as a ghost, and runs out of The Krusty Krab. screams] Ahh! Mermaid!

■Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're late! Why are you bright green, and what happened to your legs?
■Squidward: He's a ghost, Mr. Krabs. 

■Mr. Krabs: A ghost, eh? Can you still cook Krabby Patties? ■SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs! ■Mr. Krabs: Then get your Captain's Quarters in the kitchen! ■SpongeBob: Aye, aye, old living employeer! [flies through Mr. Krabs and into the kitchen, leaving Mr. Krabs covered in slime]

■Mr. Krabs: Ewww. 

■SpongeBob: [goes through kitchen door] La la la la! [grabs spatula, but it falls through his hand; picks up spatula, whistles, and breaks it, revealing its spirit; uses it to pick up a Krabby Patty, but it falls through; SpongeBob begins to struggle picking up the patty, but it burns, and dissappears; SpongeBob begins to wail] Aaahaahaah! I can't cook Krabby Patties! I don't wanna be a ghost anymore, Patrick!

■Patrick: I don't either. I can't even eat anything! Food just goes right through me! [eats a Krabby Patty, but it falls through him]
■Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Bleah! / Yuck! 

■Patrick: Maybe the weird hairless man will change us back? ■SpongeBob: Yeah! Let's go see The Flying Dutchman! ■[Bubble transition to The Flying Dutchman's cave, where he is rubbing his chin, which is where his beard used to be]

■The Flying Dutchman: Well, at least I still have my personality. 

■SpongeBob and Patrick: [begging. SpongeBob] Change us back! Change us back! We don't like being ghosts! I don't want to be a ghost! [Patrick] Change us back! Change us back! Change us back! We don't like to be a lie again!

■SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Dutchman, we can't take it! Constantly moaning and groaning!
■Patrick: Invisible to the world! 

■SpongeBob: [starts to cry] Living without a soul! ■Patrick: [crying] IT'S MISERABLE! ■SpongeBob: [sobs] HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS?! [cut to Squidward sipping tea. He looks back. He continues]

■The Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you feel my pain. Well, I'll lift the curse from ya. [snaps fingers, but they are still ghosts]
■SpongeBob: Hey. We're still ghosts. 

■The Flying Dutchman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The curse will wear off when my beard grows back.

■SpongeBob: But we want to be normal, now! 

■The Flying Dutchman: Well, I want to be on my date, now! But, you knuckleheads loused that up, too!

■SpongeBob: We're still ghosts, because you can't go on your date? 

■Patrick: And you can't go on your date because you're ugly? ■Both: MAKEOVER! ■[Bubble transition to SpongeBob untying the Dutchman's hair and wraps it around his head; Patrick shakes his head; Bubble transition to SpongeBob spreading jelly on the Dutchman's face. Patrick smashes a jellyfish hive and they land on the Dutchman's face; SpongeBob and Patrick shake their heads. Bubble transition; SpongeBob is now on the Flying Dutchman's face]

■The Flying Dutchman: Thanks, fellas! I love the new beard. Well, I'm off on my date. Don't wait up. [he and Patrick laugh]
■Patrick: I don't get it... 

■Narrator: Several months later. ■[SpongeBob and Patrick are lying around] ■SpongeBob: Well, here we are several months later! I wonder how the Flying Dutchman's doing on his date!

■The Flying Dutchman: I can't do it. SHE WANTS TO MARRY ME! I ain't the marrying type. [The Flying Dutchman's date appears] AAAHHHH! [runs away]