Episode Transcript: Night Light

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SpongeBob and Patrick are lying down outside, all bored]  
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
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■SpongeBob: [yawns] Oh, I'm bored.  
!Back Episode Transcript
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■Patrick: Hmmm... Interesting. Me too! Let's go look for something to do in Old Man Squidward's shed!
!Next Episode Transcript
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■SpongeBob: Old Man Squidward's shed?!
|-
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■Patrick: [slowly] Yyyyyeeeep!
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook|The Original Fry Cook]]
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■SpongeBob and Patrick: [SpongeBob and Patrick sneak inside] Ooohhh! [they spot Squidward's lawn mower] What's that?!
|[[Episode Transcript: Rise and Shine|Rise and Shine]]
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■Patrick: What is it?  
|}
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■SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick.  
 
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■Squidward: Ahh. La-da-dee-la-da-dum-la-da-doo! ... [walking towards his shed]
Episode Article: [[Night Light]]
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■SpongeBob and Patrick:[SpongeBob's pretending to drive it and Patrick is immitating it. The door is about to open]
 
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■SpongeBob: It's Old Man Squidward!
==Characters==
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■Patrick: Hide!  
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
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■Squidward: [Searches through his gardening tools] Where's my trowl?  
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
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■Patrick: [whispering] SpongeBob?
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
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■SpongeBob: [whispering] Yes, Patrick?
*[[Gary]]
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■Patrick: Is this a trowl? [turns to reveal the trowl in his butt]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
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■SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick!
*[[Mermaid Man]]
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■Squidward: Oh, here it is. [reaches for it. screams] AAAHHHH!!!
*[[Barnacle Boy]]
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■SpongeBob and Patrick: [shouts] AAHHH!!!  
 
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■SpongeBob: Don't hurt us, Squidward!  
==Dialogue==
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■Patrick: We're bored!  
 
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■SpngeBob: We just wanted to play with your... [looks at lawnmower and points to it] ...whatever this thing is.
(The episode launches with SpongeBob reading at night in his pineapple home.)<br>
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■Squidward: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! You morons would probably...! [pauses] You want to play with my lawnmower?
 
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■SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!  
SpongeBob: (Reading) "And slowly... Ever so slowly... The ancient crypt door creeps open... And from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, crawled forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel!" (Closes the book and shudders.) That story is so scary! But it's only a story, right, Gary? (Gary is literally stiff with fear. He quakes and falls on his side. SpongeBob picks him up and puts him into bed next to him.) Why don't you sleep up here tonight, Gary? (Silence.) Well, I guess I should turn off the light now. (He does so.) Sure is dark. (He then sees a green monster with its brain protruding from his head in the dark. He gasps, screams and turns the light back on to reveal his inflatable raft chair.) Oh, it's just a chair! I guess I'm imagining things in the dark. (He turns off the light and hears a knocking on his window. He turns to it and sees that there's a shriveled green claw knocking.) Whoa! Another monster! (He turns on his light to reveal it's a green coral branch floating in the current.) Oh, it's just a coral branch. Nothing to be scared of! (He hears a creaking sound as if his door had opened.) What was that? (Turns the light on and off multiple times, seeing monsters over and over. The next day, at the Krusty Krab...)<br>
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■Squidward: Hmmm... [thinking]
 
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■SpongeBob: [mowing the lawn with Patrick] Thanks for leting us mow your lawn, Squidward! [SpongeBob and Patrick fall into lawnmower and get cut into pieces offscreen] AHHHH! My patty flipping hand! [SpongeBob and Patrick cry]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward, have you seen SpongeBob?(At that moment, a very drowsy and tired SpongeBob walks in. We see a close-up of his 5 O' clock shadow, bloodshot eyes, and droopy nose.)<br>
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■Squidward: [Not thinking. laughs to himself and starts the lawnmower] Knock yourselves out!
 
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■[SpongeBob and Patrick are riding around Squidward's yard on the lawnmower. The lawnmower breaks through the gate and rides straight toward the a graveyard. SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
Mr. Krabs: Whoa. You don't look so good, laddie.<br>
+
■The Flying Dutchman: Excuse me, Davy, I've got my first blind date in 400 years and I've got to look good. [picks a torn shirt] It's a little torn. Of course this was the shirt I was buried in. Ahhh, memories! [sniffs it] Bleah! [coughs] Okay, that one's a bit ripe. Stained. Too itchy! Hey, there she is! I've been saving this beauty for a special occasion! [puts on coat] Sssss! Looking good! [SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the lawn mower. The cave ceiling shakes and dirt lands on the Dutchman's cholthes. He gets furious] Who dares-- [gets hit by lawnmower] Who-- [gets hit by lawnmower again] --disturb-- [gets hit a second time] --The Flying-- [gets hit a third time] --Dutchman?! [feels his chin, reveals a mirror, and gasps, noticing his beard is gone] ME BEARD! Hey! [gets hit by lawnmower and gets livid. He zaps the lawnmower and takes SpongeBob and Patrick off of it] WHO DARES DISTURB THE FLYING DUTCHMAN?!
 
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■SpongeBob: You're not The Flying Dutchman!
SpongeBob: Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Krabs. I just had a rough night. But it's nice and bright today!(He walks into the kitchen and we hear a big clatter from outside. Mr. Krabs bursts through the kitchen door.)<br>
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■Patrick: Yeah. The Flying Dutchman has a beard.
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: I don't look like The Flying Dutchman, because... [lividly. shouts] YOU MORONS CUT OFF MY BEARD!!!
Mr. Krabs: Meandering mermaids! What's all this racket, boy?(We see SpongeBob running around in circles with a pot on his head.)<br>
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■SpongeBob: Ooh! It makes you look a thousand years younger!
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: I don't want to look younger! I HATE youth! I'll probably get pimples again.
SpongeBob: Aaahhh!!! The dark! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!(Mr. Krabs pulls it off his head.)<br>
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■Patrick: Your beard will just grow back.
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: You know nothing about me facial hair. It'll take a thousand years for my beard to grow back!
Mr. Krabs: Get a hold of yourself, boy.(SpongeBob is silent, but then blinks and screams.)<br>
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■SpongeBob: I'm sorry. But, we don't know what it's like to be ghosts.  
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: Well, now's the time you've learned. Until my beard grows back, I'm going to turn you two fools into ghosts. Prepare to be GHOSTIFIED! [echo]
SpongeBob: Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!!(Blinks) Ahhh!!! Blinks) Ahhh!!!(Blinks)<br>
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■Patrick: Ghostified? That's not even a real word.
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: [zaps SpongeBob and Patrick, but they giggle] Okay, you're having too much fun. [finishes zapping them and they become ghosts].
Mr. Krabs: What is it now, boy?<br>
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■Patrick: [wiggles his ghostly tail] We're mermaids!  
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: You're ghosts!  
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob blinks)Ahhh!!!(Blinks)Ahhh!!! Whenever I blink, I see nothing but the darkness!<br>
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■SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh'!  
 
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■SpongeBob: [to Patrick] We're ghosts! [with Patrick] Yaayyy!  
Mr. Krabs: Then don't blink.<br>
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■The Flying Dutchman: This isn't really working out the way I imagined.  
 
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■[Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden]
SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs.(Puts two french fries between his eyelids to prop them open.)<br>
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■SpongeBob and Patrick: [emerging from beneath and behind Squidward. ghostly voice] Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh! Squuiiidwaaarrrd! [Squidward looks behind him]
 
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■SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob.  
SpongeBob: Yes, it's working... (His eyes are unable to function properly, and shut. The french fries snap and go flying.)Ahhhh!!!<br>
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■Patrick: And Patrick! We're ghoooooooosts! [with SpongeBob] Ooohhhh
 
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■SpongeBob: We're going to haunt you! FOREVEEEEER! [with Patrick] Oohhh-- ! [Squiward sprays them with his hose. normal voice] Well, that killed the mood. [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the scene]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's enough! We've got 15 orders to fill! Now go in the cooler and get some fresh patties.<br>
+
■Squidward: I knew I shouldn't have lent them my lawnmower.  
 
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■[Bubble transition at night]
SpongeBob: You want me to go in there?(He points to the freezer seen in "[[SB-129]]", "[[Nasty Patty]]" & "[[The Original Fry Cook]]". It is dark, and frost drifts out. We pan in on the darkness, and Tom Kenny's head appears, holding a flashlight up to itself and laughing while making an irritated expression. It seems to swirl around the doorframe. SpongeBob screams and clings to the kitchen ceiling. Mr. Krabs prys him off and pulls him down.)<br>
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■SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. Being a ghost can sure tire ya out!
 
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■Patrick: Good night, ghostbuddy!
Mr. Krabs: Now, look here. Your work is starting to effect me profits. You need to get some shut-eye. Why don't you get yourself a night light?<br>
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■SpongeBob: [gets the key to his door, but it falls through his hand] That's odd. However shall I get in? [leans on door and falls through it] That's handy! [yawns] I am beat! Well, I don't have to take the stairs! [flies through the ceiling and into his bedroom, then lies down on his bed] Ah. (Snores) but falls through the bed, the floor, and ends up underground. Bubble transition to morning; SpongeBob exits his house with a very sleepy expression. He then goes to Patrick's house].
 
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■SpongeBob: [tired] Hey, Patrick. I didn't sleep so good last night.  
SpongeBob: Night light?<br>
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■Patrick: I didn't sleep at all. I can see through my eyelids. [closes his eyes and can see through his eyes; grabs SpongeBob] MY EYELIDS!!
 
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■SpongeBob: [gasps] I'm late for work!  
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, boy! It'll keep your room lit, so you won't be scared stiff!<br>
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■Patrick: [whispers] My eyelids...
 
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■[Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs. (That night, SpongeBob browses Barg 'N' Mart wearing his green pajamas and nightcap.)Night light, night light.... Oh! (Sees a whole wall of them in different shapes and colors at the end of an aisle. He sees one that he likes in particular.) Oh, it's beautiful! (He walks up to the cashier, who is a purple, female fish with blonde hair and her employee vest over her pajamas.) Excuse me! Are these night lights guaranteed to keep the creepy creatures of the dark away?<br>
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■SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'm here!
 
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■Harold: [walks by, gets scared of SpongeBob, seeing him as a ghost, and runs out of The Krusty Krab. screams] Ahh! Mermaid!
Cashier: If I answer "Yes", will you leave the store sooner?(Cut back to SpongeBob's pineapple the same night. He plugs the night light into the outlet, and it illuminates the room
+
■Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're late! Why are you bright green, and what happened to your legs?
slightly with a blue color.)<br>
+
■Squidward: He's a ghost, Mr. Krabs.  
 
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■Mr. Krabs: A ghost, eh? Can you still cook Krabby Patties?  
SpongeBob: Now that I can see... (Jumps up and floats into bed.) Woo-hoo! I can sleep! (He yawns and pulls over the covers. But suddenly, he screams again.) I wonder what's in my dark, scary-looking bathroom! (Screams again and returns to Barg 'N' Mart.) Ahh!!! Night light! Night light! (We see a shot of the cashier, sipping coffee, as SpongeBob panics and  
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■SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs!
darts to the back of the store. Then, he approaches the camera, night light in hand. He leaves a dollar on the counter.) Oh, thank you, thank you! (At home, he plugs it in and sighs with relief. Then, he screams, seeing that his closet is dark. He runs back to Barg'N Mart and we see the same shot as earlier. He runs home and puts a night light in his closet, but notices that his hallway is dark. He runs to and from and to and from Barg'N Mart. Then, back at home, we see him plugging in the rest of the night lights.) There, there, there, and there. (Plugs one into an outlet in his medicine cabinet, under his fridge, in his toilet, and the back of Gary's shell.) I've been needing to change your tail light anyways, Gary. (He giggles. We see his whole living room is covered with a wall of millions of night lights.) Now there's not one square inch of dark!<br>
+
■Mr. Krabs: Then get your Captain's Quarters in the kitchen!  
 
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■SpongeBob: Aye, aye, old living employeer! [flies through Mr. Krabs and into the kitchen, leaving Mr. Krabs covered in slime]
Gary: Meow.<br>
+
■Mr. Krabs: Ewww.
 
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■SpongeBob: [goes through kitchen door] La la la la! [grabs spatula, but it falls through his hand; picks up spatula, whistles, and breaks it, revealing its spirit; uses it to pick up a Krabby Patty, but it falls through; SpongeBob begins to struggle picking up the patty, but it burns, and dissappears; SpongeBob begins to wail] Aaahaahaah! I can't cook Krabby Patties! I don't wanna be a ghost anymore, Patrick!
SpongeBob: What was that, Gary?<br>
+
■Patrick: I don't either. I can't even eat anything! Food just goes right through me! [eats a Krabby Patty, but it falls through him]
 
+
■Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Bleah! / Yuck!
Gary: Meow.(SpongeBob gasps and rolls his eyes in, like he did in Plankton, to see his brain in the back of his head.)<br>
+
■Patrick: Maybe the weird hairless man will change us back?
 
+
■SpongeBob: Yeah! Let's go see The Flying Dutchman!  
SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! I've got darkness inside of me!(He turns on two flashlights and sticks them in his eye sockets. Outside his pineapple, the whole thing seems to be glowing orange from all the lights. It wakes Patrick up, and he walks outside.)<br>
+
■[Bubble transition to The Flying Dutchman's cave, where he is rubbing his chin, which is where his beard used to be]
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: Well, at least I still have my personality.  
Patrick: SpongeBob's having a party without me? (Walks over to SpongeBob's pineapple and knocks on the door.) Hmph! Throw a party without your best friend? Oh, we'll just see about that.(SpongeBob opens the door and yanks Patrick inside.)<br>
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■SpongeBob and Patrick: [begging. SpongeBob] Change us back! Change us back! We don't like being ghosts! I don't want to be a ghost! [Patrick] Change us back! Change us back! Change us back! We don't like to be a lie again!
 
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■SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Dutchman, we can't take it! Constantly moaning and groaning!
SpongeBob: That was close, Patrick! You're safe under these night lights. But you can't go out in the dark, buddy! You don't know what kind of creepy critter could be lurking in those shadows!<br>
+
■Patrick: Invisible to the world!
 
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■SpongeBob: [starts to cry] Living without a soul!
Patrick: Oh!(Patrick starts shuddering, and runs out. SpongeBob follows, but gets bounced back be the door, into his chair beside Gary.)<br>
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■Patrick: [crying] IT'S MISERABLE!
 
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■SpongeBob: [sobs] HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS?! [cut to Squidward sipping tea. He looks back. He continues]
SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick! (He hear a thundering sound and the ground shakes.) What is that, Gary? (We see Patrick's rock smash through the wall and he slides it into SpongeBob's pineapple. Gary climbs on the armrest of SpongeBob's inflatable chair that he's in as it's pushed into the other wall, where it pops. SpongeBob runs over to Patrick, who is panting and
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■The Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you feel my pain. Well, I'll lift the curse from ya. [snaps fingers, but they are still ghosts]
out of breath.) Patrick, what are you doing!?!<br>
+
■SpongeBob: Hey. We're still ghosts.  
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The curse will wear off when my beard grows back.
Patrick: Oh! I had to move my rock out of the dark and into the light.<br>
+
■SpongeBob: But we want to be normal, now!
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: Well, I want to be on my date, now! But, you knuckleheads loused that up, too!
SpongeBob: You know what that means? (He somersaults into the air and dies a flip. He lands on a neon light that says "Sleepover". Confetti sprinkles from the roof, and SpongeBob's tongue rolls out like a noisemaker.) Sleepover! (He jumps down, two sleeping bags in hand. He bows and presents one to Patrick.) Your sleeping bag, sir.<br>
+
■SpongeBob: We're still ghosts, because you can't go on your date?
 
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■Patrick: And you can't go on your date because you're ugly?
Patrick: Thank you, my good man.(Both unroll theirs in a regal manner, hop inside each of theirs, and dance to a sea shanty. When they're done, they laugh.)<br>
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■Both: MAKEOVER!  
 
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■[Bubble transition to SpongeBob untying the Dutchman's hair and wraps it around his head; Patrick shakes his head; Bubble transition to SpongeBob spreading jelly on the Dutchman's face. Patrick smashes a jellyfish hive and they land on the Dutchman's face; SpongeBob and Patrick shake their heads. Bubble transition; SpongeBob is now on the Flying Dutchman's face]
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you made that gaping hole in the wall, letting in all t-t-t-t-t-t...<br>
+
■The Flying Dutchman: Thanks, fellas! I love the new beard. Well, I'm off on my date. Don't wait up. [he and Patrick laugh]
 
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■Patrick: I don't get it...  
Both: ''THE DARK!!!'' (They both scream and jump out of their sleeping bags. They stand on the other side of Patrick's rock, away from the hole, and under the lights. Meanwhile, at Squidward's house, the light reflects off of his picture frame, to his vanity-dresser mirror, to his hand-held mirror, and to his sky roof window, where it shines down on his eyes, covered by a sleeping mask. The light laser burns his eyes to a crisp.)<br>
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■Narrator: Several months later.  
 
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■[SpongeBob and Patrick are lying around]
Squidward:'Aaahhhhh!!! '''''BURNING!!!''''' (He cools his eyes with his glass of water on his nightstand. Through his singed, blackened, and charred eyes, he looks out the window to see that it's another one of SpongeBob and Patrick's escapades. Back at the pineapple, SpongeBob and Patrick cling to each other, quivering and shivering.)<br>
+
■SpongeBob: Well, here we are several months later! I wonder how the Flying Dutchman's doing on his date!
 
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■The Flying Dutchman: I can't do it. SHE WANTS TO MARRY ME! I ain't the marrying type. [The Flying Dutchman's date appears] AAAHHHH! [runs away]
SpongeBob: The darkness, Patrick. I can feel it. Like it's creeping up on us...(Squidward darts in front of them.)<br>
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Squidward: What are you two whimpering about?(Both scream, and Patrick jumps into SpongeBob's mouth for protection.)<br>
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Squidward: It's me, Squidward, you idiots!(Patrick pops out of SpongeBob's mouth.)<br>
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Patrick: Hi, Squidward!<br>
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Squidward: Listen, you guys. I don't care or want to know what you do in your spare time. But could you turn off all these lights?<br>
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SpongeBob: But, Squidward! Without our night lights, the creepy creatures of the dar-<br>
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Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, there are no creepy creatures of the dark. It's all in your imagination.(Squidward starts nearing the exit, when Patrick drags behing him, tugging on the back of his nightgown.)<br>
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Patrick: No, Squidward! Don't go out in the dark! (The back of Squidward's nightgown tears off.) Oh, why won't he listen?(Patrick cries over SpongeBob's shoulder, and SpongeBob consoles him by giving him a pat on the back.)<br>
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SpongeBob: Patrick, what if Squidward's right? What if all this is all in our imagination?<br>
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Patrick: Well, in that case, we'll need even more lights!<br>
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SpongeBob: You said it, Pat!(They run outside and return with a huge neon sign.)<br>
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Patrick: Quick! Turn it on, SpongeBob! (He does so. The light says "Pinky's Dance Studio" and has mechanical swaying legs with fishnet tights on.) More lights! (They run out and return with a spotlight. Patrick shines it on his face, which causes it to become all hard and crusty.) More light! (They run to a lighthouse and Patrick tips it over onto SpongeBob. Then, they carry it into SpongeBob's house through the hole Patrick made, and slide it onto Patrick's rock. The whole house is elevated because of this, until it snaps in half and the bottom half lands like normal. We see the top helf is lifted by the lighthouse. The light from it shines on the cracks from the brozen house and into the sky, causing it to look like an "M". Cut to [[Shady Shoals]] Rest Home, where superheroes Mermaidman and Barnacleboy sit on a couch watching TV. Barnacleboy has dozed off.)<br>
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Fish #1: (On TV) The battery-operated spoon has saved me so much time.<br>
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Mermaidman: (Sighs) This is what passes for info-tainment these days? (Sees the "M" light in the air and mistakes it for the "MermaSignal". ) Sweet mother of Neptune's mother! Look, Barnacleboy! A call to action! To the Invisible Boat Mobile!(Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple home.)<br>
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Patrick: More lights, SpongeBob! More lights!(They crash into Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.)<br>
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SpongeBob: Mermaidman!?!<br>
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Patrick: Barnacleboy!?!<br>
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SpongeBob: Aww... Are you here to protect us from the darkness that surrounds us?<br>
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Mermaidman: We don't have time for your childish games! We're responding to the distress signal that you sent!<br>
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SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mermaidman. There appears to be a misunderstanding. Patrick and I put up those lights to scare away the creepy creatures of the dark! We weren't trying to summon you.<br>
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Mermaidman: Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob. Do you know how hard it is in our... advanced age... to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless there's a real emergency. (Cut to a super villain dressed like a white moth. He cackles, and flutters towards SpongeBob's house.) And another thing: What the-!?! (He sees the moth villain.) Dear Neptune! It's the most dangerous and foreboding of all our arch nemesis-- My mortal enemy whom I have searched 57 years for! At last, I have you! (The Moth laughs manically and Mermaidman gets his fists up.) Come get some, fiend! (The Moth kicks Mermaidman in the nose, and it throbs and swells.) Come back here, rival! (He becomes weary and heroically naps on Patrick's rock.)<br>
+
 
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SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! Mermaidman needs assistance! There is no need to fear, AbsorboPants is here!(The Moth flies towards the lighthouse, and SpongeBob runs up it, too. The Moth cackles.)<br>
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The Moth: Savory light, come to me...<br>
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SpongeBob: Say, let me help you! (He grabs the Moth and locks him inside of the lighthouse window with the light beacon. The Moth flutters around frantically and screams.) Is that enough light for you? (SpongeBob laughs, then jumps down to the heroes and Patrick.) Well, he's all taken care of.<br>
+
 
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Mermaidman: Who?<br>
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SpongeBob: The Moth, silly! You'll be happy to know he won't be going anywhere anytime soon!(At that moment, the Moth pushes up on the lighthouse and flies away, taking SpongeBob's house with him.)<br>
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The Moth: See you in ''another'' 57 years!(He laughs wickedly as he flutters away.)<br>
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Mermaidman: No!!!<br>
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Barnacleboy: I think it's time to go home, Mermaidman.<br>
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Mermaidman: Why are we here again?<br>
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SpongeBob & Patrick: Bye, Mermaidman & Barnacleboy!<br>
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Mermaidman: Who are those to hideous creatures of the dark?<br>
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Barnacleboy: (Yawning) I'll tell you about it in the morning. Now, drive!<br>
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(Mermaidman and Barnacleboy zoom off in the [[Invisible Boat Mobile]].)<br>
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SpongeBob: We're all alone, Patrick. No lights. No shelter.<br>
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(The two cry and hug each other. Then, it is dawn and the sun rises.)<br>
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Patrick: Huh? SpongeBob, there's a really big light! I'll go get it, buddy!<br>
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(He runs up a beam of light to the sun.)<br>
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SpongeBob: Pat! Come Ba!!!...(He yawns and falls asleep on Patrick's rock. Then, Patrick comes down from the sun, his tail end flaming.)<br>
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Patrick: Too much light! Too much light! Ahhh!!!
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{{Template:Transcripts/Season 5}}
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[[Category:Transcript]]
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[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
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Revision as of 09:28, 24 January 2013

SpongeBob and Patrick are lying down outside, all bored] ■SpongeBob: [yawns] Oh, I'm bored. ■Patrick: Hmmm... Interesting. Me too! Let's go look for something to do in Old Man Squidward's shed!

■SpongeBob: Old Man Squidward's shed?! 

■Patrick: [slowly] Yyyyyeeeep! ■SpongeBob and Patrick: [SpongeBob and Patrick sneak inside] Ooohhh! [they spot Squidward's lawn mower] What's that?!

■Patrick: What is it? 

■SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. ■Squidward: Ahh. La-da-dee-la-da-dum-la-da-doo! ... [walking towards his shed] ■SpongeBob and Patrick:[SpongeBob's pretending to drive it and Patrick is immitating it. The door is about to open]

■SpongeBob: It's Old Man Squidward! 

■Patrick: Hide! ■Squidward: [Searches through his gardening tools] Where's my trowl? ■Patrick: [whispering] SpongeBob? ■SpongeBob: [whispering] Yes, Patrick? ■Patrick: Is this a trowl? [turns to reveal the trowl in his butt] ■SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick! ■Squidward: Oh, here it is. [reaches for it. screams] AAAHHHH!!! ■SpongeBob and Patrick: [shouts] AAHHH!!! ■SpongeBob: Don't hurt us, Squidward! ■Patrick: We're bored! ■SpngeBob: We just wanted to play with your... [looks at lawnmower and points to it] ...whatever this thing is.

■Squidward: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! You morons would probably...! [pauses] You want to play with my lawnmower?
■SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 

■Squidward: Hmmm... [thinking] ■SpongeBob: [mowing the lawn with Patrick] Thanks for leting us mow your lawn, Squidward! [SpongeBob and Patrick fall into lawnmower and get cut into pieces offscreen] AHHHH! My patty flipping hand! [SpongeBob and Patrick cry]

■Squidward: [Not thinking. laughs to himself and starts the lawnmower] Knock yourselves out!
■[SpongeBob and Patrick are riding around Squidward's yard on the lawnmower. The lawnmower breaks through the gate and rides straight toward the a graveyard. SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
■The Flying Dutchman: Excuse me, Davy, I've got my first blind date in 400 years and I've got to look good. [picks a torn shirt] It's a little torn. Of course this was the shirt I was buried in. Ahhh, memories! [sniffs it] Bleah! [coughs] Okay, that one's a bit ripe. Stained. Too itchy! Hey, there she is! I've been saving this beauty for a special occasion! [puts on coat] Sssss! Looking good! [SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the lawn mower. The cave ceiling shakes and dirt lands on the Dutchman's cholthes. He gets furious] Who dares-- [gets hit by lawnmower] Who-- [gets hit by lawnmower again] --disturb-- [gets hit a second time] --The Flying-- [gets hit a third time] --Dutchman?! [feels his chin, reveals a mirror, and gasps, noticing his beard is gone] ME BEARD! Hey! [gets hit by lawnmower and gets livid. He zaps the lawnmower and takes SpongeBob and Patrick off of it] WHO DARES DISTURB THE FLYING DUTCHMAN?!
■SpongeBob: You're not The Flying Dutchman! 

■Patrick: Yeah. The Flying Dutchman has a beard. ■The Flying Dutchman: I don't look like The Flying Dutchman, because... [lividly. shouts] YOU MORONS CUT OFF MY BEARD!!!

■SpongeBob: Ooh! It makes you look a thousand years younger! 

■The Flying Dutchman: I don't want to look younger! I HATE youth! I'll probably get pimples again.

■Patrick: Your beard will just grow back. 

■The Flying Dutchman: You know nothing about me facial hair. It'll take a thousand years for my beard to grow back!

■SpongeBob: I'm sorry. But, we don't know what it's like to be ghosts. 

■The Flying Dutchman: Well, now's the time you've learned. Until my beard grows back, I'm going to turn you two fools into ghosts. Prepare to be GHOSTIFIED! [echo]

■Patrick: Ghostified? That's not even a real word. 

■The Flying Dutchman: [zaps SpongeBob and Patrick, but they giggle] Okay, you're having too much fun. [finishes zapping them and they become ghosts].

■Patrick: [wiggles his ghostly tail] We're mermaids! 

■The Flying Dutchman: You're ghosts! ■SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh'! ■SpongeBob: [to Patrick] We're ghosts! [with Patrick] Yaayyy! ■The Flying Dutchman: This isn't really working out the way I imagined. ■[Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden] ■SpongeBob and Patrick: [emerging from beneath and behind Squidward. ghostly voice] Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh! Squuiiidwaaarrrd! [Squidward looks behind him]

■SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob. 

■Patrick: And Patrick! We're ghoooooooosts! [with SpongeBob] Ooohhhh ■SpongeBob: We're going to haunt you! FOREVEEEEER! [with Patrick] Oohhh-- ! [Squiward sprays them with his hose. normal voice] Well, that killed the mood. [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the scene]

■Squidward: I knew I shouldn't have lent them my lawnmower. 

■[Bubble transition at night] ■SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. Being a ghost can sure tire ya out! ■Patrick: Good night, ghostbuddy! ■SpongeBob: [gets the key to his door, but it falls through his hand] That's odd. However shall I get in? [leans on door and falls through it] That's handy! [yawns] I am beat! Well, I don't have to take the stairs! [flies through the ceiling and into his bedroom, then lies down on his bed] Ah. (Snores) but falls through the bed, the floor, and ends up underground. Bubble transition to morning; SpongeBob exits his house with a very sleepy expression. He then goes to Patrick's house].

■SpongeBob: [tired] Hey, Patrick. I didn't sleep so good last night. 

■Patrick: I didn't sleep at all. I can see through my eyelids. [closes his eyes and can see through his eyes; grabs SpongeBob] MY EYELIDS!!

■SpongeBob: [gasps] I'm late for work! 

■Patrick: [whispers] My eyelids... ■[Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab] ■SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'm here! ■Harold: [walks by, gets scared of SpongeBob, seeing him as a ghost, and runs out of The Krusty Krab. screams] Ahh! Mermaid!

■Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're late! Why are you bright green, and what happened to your legs?
■Squidward: He's a ghost, Mr. Krabs. 

■Mr. Krabs: A ghost, eh? Can you still cook Krabby Patties? ■SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs! ■Mr. Krabs: Then get your Captain's Quarters in the kitchen! ■SpongeBob: Aye, aye, old living employeer! [flies through Mr. Krabs and into the kitchen, leaving Mr. Krabs covered in slime]

■Mr. Krabs: Ewww. 

■SpongeBob: [goes through kitchen door] La la la la! [grabs spatula, but it falls through his hand; picks up spatula, whistles, and breaks it, revealing its spirit; uses it to pick up a Krabby Patty, but it falls through; SpongeBob begins to struggle picking up the patty, but it burns, and dissappears; SpongeBob begins to wail] Aaahaahaah! I can't cook Krabby Patties! I don't wanna be a ghost anymore, Patrick!

■Patrick: I don't either. I can't even eat anything! Food just goes right through me! [eats a Krabby Patty, but it falls through him]
■Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Bleah! / Yuck! 

■Patrick: Maybe the weird hairless man will change us back? ■SpongeBob: Yeah! Let's go see The Flying Dutchman! ■[Bubble transition to The Flying Dutchman's cave, where he is rubbing his chin, which is where his beard used to be]

■The Flying Dutchman: Well, at least I still have my personality. 

■SpongeBob and Patrick: [begging. SpongeBob] Change us back! Change us back! We don't like being ghosts! I don't want to be a ghost! [Patrick] Change us back! Change us back! Change us back! We don't like to be a lie again!

■SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Dutchman, we can't take it! Constantly moaning and groaning!
■Patrick: Invisible to the world! 

■SpongeBob: [starts to cry] Living without a soul! ■Patrick: [crying] IT'S MISERABLE! ■SpongeBob: [sobs] HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS?! [cut to Squidward sipping tea. He looks back. He continues]

■The Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you feel my pain. Well, I'll lift the curse from ya. [snaps fingers, but they are still ghosts]
■SpongeBob: Hey. We're still ghosts. 

■The Flying Dutchman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The curse will wear off when my beard grows back.

■SpongeBob: But we want to be normal, now! 

■The Flying Dutchman: Well, I want to be on my date, now! But, you knuckleheads loused that up, too!

■SpongeBob: We're still ghosts, because you can't go on your date? 

■Patrick: And you can't go on your date because you're ugly? ■Both: MAKEOVER! ■[Bubble transition to SpongeBob untying the Dutchman's hair and wraps it around his head; Patrick shakes his head; Bubble transition to SpongeBob spreading jelly on the Dutchman's face. Patrick smashes a jellyfish hive and they land on the Dutchman's face; SpongeBob and Patrick shake their heads. Bubble transition; SpongeBob is now on the Flying Dutchman's face]

■The Flying Dutchman: Thanks, fellas! I love the new beard. Well, I'm off on my date. Don't wait up. [he and Patrick laugh]
■Patrick: I don't get it... 

■Narrator: Several months later. ■[SpongeBob and Patrick are lying around] ■SpongeBob: Well, here we are several months later! I wonder how the Flying Dutchman's doing on his date!

■The Flying Dutchman: I can't do it. SHE WANTS TO MARRY ME! I ain't the marrying type. [The Flying Dutchman's date appears] AAAHHHH! [runs away]
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