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Editing Episode Transcript: Life of Crime
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
− | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob | + | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]] |
− | *[[Patrick | + | *[[Patrick]] |
− | *[[ | + | *[[Mr. Krabs]] |
*[[Lou]] | *[[Lou]] | ||
*[[Police|Officer Malley]] | *[[Police|Officer Malley]] | ||
*[[Police|Officer Durado]] | *[[Police|Officer Durado]] | ||
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==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
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(Open at the Krusty Krab. It’s only a shot of the building. A voice comes on from the television playing inside the K.K.)<br> | (Open at the Krusty Krab. It’s only a shot of the building. A voice comes on from the television playing inside the K.K.)<br> | ||
− | '''TV Announcer:''' And now, back to Crustacean | + | '''TV Announcer:''' And now, back to Crustacean Theatre! |
(Cut to shot of B/W TV show with a crustacean sleeping on the ocean floor wearing a traditional crab shell called a hermit crab. A bigger crab shows up, laughing menacingly, and steals the little crab’s shell. The little crab wakes up suddenly. The bigger crab | (Cut to shot of B/W TV show with a crustacean sleeping on the ocean floor wearing a traditional crab shell called a hermit crab. A bigger crab shows up, laughing menacingly, and steals the little crab’s shell. The little crab wakes up suddenly. The bigger crab | ||
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(Some policemen show up.)<br> | (Some policemen show up.)<br> | ||
− | '''Cop #1:''' Which way | + | '''Cop #1:''' Which way did he go?<br> |
− | '''Little Crab: | + | '''Little Crab:''' (pointing to the direction the thief ran) He went that way!<br> |
− | (The policemen run after the thief and catch him. Cut to shot of jail bars going down with the crab | + | (The policemen run after the thief and catch him. Cut to shot of jail bars going down with the crab thief behind it)<br> |
− | (Cut to shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick watching the | + | '''Thief:''' Curses! Foiled again!<br> |
+ | |||
+ | (Cut to shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick watching the television)<br> | ||
'''Mr. Krabs:''' What a no-good eel-in-a-kelp that guy was. There ain’t nothing worse than a thief. Thieves need to be locked up | '''Mr. Krabs:''' What a no-good eel-in-a-kelp that guy was. There ain’t nothing worse than a thief. Thieves need to be locked up | ||
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'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, I, uhh…<br> | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, I, uhh…<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': (holds up | + | '''Patrick''': (holds up towel from the “Sizzling Spring Sauna”) What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?<br> |
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Umm…<br> | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Umm…<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': But I don’t work here!<br> | '''Patrick''': But I don’t work here!<br> | ||
− | '''Mr. Krabs:''' See you later! (Takes out | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' See you later! (Takes out Mr.s. Puff’s hair curlers) Oh, that was a close one.<br> |
(Bubbles go up as the scene changes to Bikini Bottom Park, where people are frolicking and gamboling around. SpongeBob | (Bubbles go up as the scene changes to Bikini Bottom Park, where people are frolicking and gamboling around. SpongeBob | ||
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'''SpongeBob:''' I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | ||
− | (Patrick stops after | + | (Patrick stops after seeing a balloon cart)<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': | + | '''Patrick''': (gasp) I know what I want to do today! I need some money. (Patrick looks in both his empty pockets, and then |
decides to look in his belly button. All that is there are some lint, a paper clip and a ticket) Oh, I don’t have any | decides to look in his belly button. All that is there are some lint, a paper clip and a ticket) Oh, I don’t have any | ||
− | money | + | money. (Pleading to SpongeBob) SpongeBob, I want a balloon really, really badly! (His eye veins start growing.) REALLY, |
REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)<br> | REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)<br> | ||
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'''SpongeBob:''' Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?<br> | ||
− | ''''''Patrick''': '''No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon | + | ''''''Patrick''': '''No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon?<br> |
'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': And with a whale!<br> | '''Patrick''': And with a whale!<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob | + | '''SpongeBob & '''Patrick''':''' We love borrowing!<br> |
− | ( | + | (The balloon pops. Both look flabbergasted and sullen.)<br> |
− | '''SpongeBob | + | '''SpongeBob:''' It popped?<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': How are we going to return it now SpongeBob | + | (Both take another look, still quiet. They realize that it popped and start screaming.)<br> |
+ | |||
+ | '''Patrick''': How are we going to return it now, SpongeBob?<br> | ||
'''SpongeBob:''' (On the ground, picking up the balloon shards) I got the pieces!<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' (On the ground, picking up the balloon shards) I got the pieces!<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!<br> | '''Patrick''': (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!<br> | ||
− | + | (The two hectically try to put the two components back together, but can’t.)<br> | |
− | '''SpongeBob:''' We popped the balloon! We can’t return it! We’re thieves! We have to confess | + | '''SpongeBob:''' We popped the balloon! We can’t return it! We’re thieves! We have to confess.<br> |
'''Patrick''': Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about | '''Patrick''': Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about | ||
− | some dumb mail fraud scheme or a highjacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever | + | some dumb mail fraud scheme or a highjacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever.<br> |
'''SpongeBob:''' (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal. | '''SpongeBob:''' (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal. | ||
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(A crowd gathers around admiring the show)<br> | (A crowd gathers around admiring the show)<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob | + | '''SpongeBob & '''Patrick''':''' (yelling) It’s not working! |
'''Squidward (offscreen)''' I really thought it would work. | '''Squidward (offscreen)''' I really thought it would work. | ||
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'''Patrick''': Uhh!<br> | '''Patrick''': Uhh!<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob:''' (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail*. No more Gary. No more movies. No more Squidward. No more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything. <br> |
'''Patrick''': (crying) I want ice cream!<br> | '''Patrick''': (crying) I want ice cream!<br> | ||
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'''SpongeBob:''' And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?<br> | ||
− | (A picture of a strong, muscular man shows up. He is wearing | + | (A picture of a strong, muscular German man shows up. He is wearing nothing but flower-styled shorts.)<br> |
− | '''Muscleman:''' | + | '''Muscleman:''' Yea! buns and thighs.<br> |
(Back to fire scene)<br> | (Back to fire scene)<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': (cheering) Rectangles!<br> | '''Patrick''': (cheering) Rectangles!<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob:''' Not just any | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Not just any rectangles…Candy bars. (Patrick stares at it, amazed)<br> |
'''Patrick''': Ohh!<br> | '''Patrick''': Ohh!<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob:''' All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives | + | '''SpongeBob:''' All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives. (Gives one to Patrick)<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': Thanks SpongeBob | + | '''Patrick''': Thanks SpongeBob. (Stupidly) I think I’ll eat it now. (Takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, |
− | finishes the rest and then sighs) I think I’ll eat it now | + | finishes the rest and then sighs) I think I’ll eat it now. (Takes another big bite, but realizes it’s just his hand) Oww! |
− | Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it | + | Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it.<br> |
− | '''SpongeBob:''' You just ate it Pat. It’s all over your face.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You just ate it, Pat. It’s all over your face.<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': (still looking) Where’d it go? | + | '''Patrick''': (still looking) Where’d it go? I’m gonna to starve. (Digs a big hole) Where’d it go?<br> |
(The sand from Patrick’s digging-like-a-dog covers SpongeBob. Patrick’s head pops up under SpongeBob)<br> | (The sand from Patrick’s digging-like-a-dog covers SpongeBob. Patrick’s head pops up under SpongeBob)<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be? | + | '''Patrick''': I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be? (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!<br> |
'''SpongeBob:''' What?<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' What?<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.<br> | '''Patrick''': Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob:''' You ate | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You ate yours’, (points to his candy bar) this is mine.<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': You took my only food | + | '''Patrick''': You took my only food, (camera pans down to show Patrick’s stomach blasting with cellulite) now I’m going to starve.<br> |
'''SpongeBob:''' (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': Yours? You mean mine | + | '''Patrick''': Yours? You mean mine.<br> |
'''SpongeBob:''' Do you want it or what?<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' Do you want it or what?<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': I don’t want it unless you admit you took it | + | '''Patrick''': I don’t want it unless you admit you took it.<br> |
− | '''SpongeBob:''' This is my candy bar | + | '''SpongeBob:''' This is my candy bar.<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': Liar, liar, plants for hire | + | '''Patrick''': Liar, liar, plants for hire.<br> |
− | '''SpongeBob:''' It’s | + | '''SpongeBob:''' It’s “pants on fire”, Patrick.<br> |
'''Patrick''': Well, you would know, liar.<br> | '''Patrick''': Well, you would know, liar.<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob:''' Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself.<br> |
− | '''Patrick''': You | + | '''Patrick''': You better not!<br> |
(SpongeBob rips open the wrapper)<br> | (SpongeBob rips open the wrapper)<br> | ||
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(SpongeBob licks the bar all around while Patrick screams. Then SpongeBob eats the bar.)<br> | (SpongeBob licks the bar all around while Patrick screams. Then SpongeBob eats the bar.)<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': (angrily | + | '''Patrick''': (angrily) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.<br> |
'''SpongeBob:''' Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?<br> | '''SpongeBob:''' Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': You said it.<br> | '''Patrick''': You said it.<br> | ||
− | (They put both their together, but Patrick’s is already eaten. Patrick’s mouth is covered with some lollipop residue.)<br> | + | (They put both their lollipops together, but Patrick’s is already eaten. Patrick’s mouth is covered with some lollipop residue.)<br> |
+ | |||
+ | '''Patrick''': All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? (Everyone starts laughing.)<br> | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''SpongeBob''': Oh brother. | ||
− | '''Patrick''': | + | '''Patrick''': I mean it! |
{{Transcripts/Season 2}} | {{Transcripts/Season 2}} |