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Editing Episode Transcript: Driven to Tears
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| − | !Back Episode | + | !Back Episode Transscript |
| − | !Next Episode | + | !Next Episode Transscript |
|- | |- | ||
| − | |align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode | + | |align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Hocus Pocus|Hocus Pocus]] |
| − | |[[Episode | + | |[[Episode Transscript: Rule of Dumb|Rule of Dumb]] |
|} | |} | ||
| − | Episode Article: [[ | + | Episode Article: [[Driven to Tears]] |
==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[ | + | *[[SpongeBob]] |
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Patrick]] |
*[[Gary]] | *[[Gary]] | ||
| − | *[[ | + | *[[Mr. Krabs]] |
*[[Mrs. Puff]] | *[[Mrs. Puff]] | ||
| − | *[[Father | + | *[[Father Squarepants]] |
*[[Mother SquarePants]] | *[[Mother SquarePants]] | ||
| − | + | Narrator: A very special day in Bikini Bottom<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: I'm ready! (walking up to Mrs Puff's Boating School with Patrick) I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring | |
| + | my flashcards?<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Right here, buddy. (takes them out of his pocket) Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. (eats | |
| − | + | the cards) Mmm.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: No, Patrick!<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Patrick, I needed those.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: 57 times.<br> | |
| − | '' | + | Patrick: Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, Spongebob, because you're a winner.<br> |
| − | + | Spongebob: I'm a winner?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: I'm a winner.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: I'm a winner.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Who's a winner?!<br> | |
| − | ''' | + | Spongebob: I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)<br> |
| − | + | Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (Spongebob walks up sobbing)<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: How'd you do, winner? (sobbing continues) Let's see that license.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: I didn't get a license, Patrick.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to you?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: Let's just go home, Patrick.<br> |
| − | '' | + | Patrick: We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.<br> |
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's |
| + | pants rip off)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Please, Spongebob. I think I know what I'm doing.<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: No, Patrick. No!<br> | |
| − | + | Mrs Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Patrick: You're not the judge of me.<br> |
| − | + | Mrs Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to Spongebob, outside the boating school)<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: Spongebob! Spongebob!<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: I'm here for you, buddy.<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: I passed my test!<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: You got a perfect score?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Perfect score. (eye twitches)<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Patrick: Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registartion building)<br> |
| − | + | Lady: Stand behind the line, sir.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: (smiling) How do I look?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: (sarcastically) Like a winner.<br> | |
| − | + | Lady: Ready?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Huh?<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Fish: Congratulations, Mr Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: Does that mean I get a free key chain?<br> | |
| − | + | Fish: Uhh, no.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Oh.<br> | |
| − | + | Fish: You get a brand-new boatmobile. The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Yeah! All right!<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Fish: Women will want you. (all sigh) Men will want to be you. (all sigh) You'll be the envy of your friends. (Spongebob |
| + | groans)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Spongebob:("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever. | |
| + | Right, Spongebob?<br> | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two milionth person to get his license.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Two millionth?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Then you can get a free boat just like me.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Yeah, just like you.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: I try to serve as an inspiration to others.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving | |
| + | around your house for hours.<br> | ||
| − | '' | + | Patrick: I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?<br> |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: Thanks for the ride, Patrick.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. Spongebob imitates Patrick. | |
| + | Scene cuts to Spongebob in bed asleep. His clock turns to 3:00am when an engine revving is heard which sends Spongebob into | ||
| + | his diving board then back into his bed) Patrick, what are you doing?<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: I'm trying to work on my boatmobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to | |
| + | sleep. (Spongebob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)<br> | ||
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: 4 o'clock? (yawns. Doorbell rings) Who could be at the door at this hou-- (falls down the stairs. Opens the |
| + | door) Now what is it, Patrick?<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: You will never guess what happen to me today.<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: You got your license.<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: You got a new boat.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)<br> | |
| − | + | Gary: Meow.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Yes, Gary, I saw his new boat. (scene cuts to morning where Spongebob is leaving home to go to work) I'm so | |
| + | tired. (horn honks)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to | |
| − | + | Patrick driving Spongebob to the Krusty Krab)<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Thanks for the ride.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boatmobile...<br> |
| − | + | Mr Krabs: Spongebob, you're manning the drive-thru.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: When did we get a drive-thru?<br> | |
| − | + | Mr Krabs: I realized there's a lot of young people on the go these days. They don't have time to sit down and eat. They're | |
| + | too busy out on the open road living their dreams.<br> | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: I used to have a dream.<br> | |
| − | + | Mr Krabs: Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually. Now stop dreaming and work for a living.<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: The horn still works. (scene cuts to Spongebob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick | |
| + | drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, Spongebob.<br> | ||
| − | ' | + | Spongebob: What's with the helmet, Patrick?<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Boy, driving is so easy.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Oh?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Do you want me to give you lessons?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Oh! (drives over to Spongebob's parents)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Patrick!<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.<br> | |
| − | '' | + | Mr Squarepants: Patrick, how many times do we have to tell you we're Spongebob's mom and dad, not yours?<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: What? I'm an orphan? Oh, but guess what? I passed my driver's test.<br> | |
| − | + | Mrs Squarepants: That's great, Patrick.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Spongebob failed his test, so don't mention it.<br> | |
| − | + | Mrs Squarepants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Mom!<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Patrick: Well, I've got to take Mr Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.<br> |
| − | + | Spongebob: Hey. (Patrick drives off)<br> | |
| − | + | Mr Squarepants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)<br> | |
| − | ''' | + | Patrick: Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')<br> |
| − | + | Spongebob: Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Yeah, yeah.<br> | |
| − | '' | + | Spongebob: (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to |
| + | a policeman)<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: What? Where? Who?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock | |
| + | him with your radar gun?<br> | ||
| − | ' | + | Officer: Umm...ok. (uses radar gun. It reads 0mph) Actually, he's going 40mph under the limit. So, move along before I run you in, tattletale. (drives off)<br> |
| − | + | Spongebob: Are you sure you don't want to run him in? (scene cuts to Patrick driving. Green light turns red) It's a red | |
| − | him | + | light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran three red lights.<br> |
| − | + | Patrick: So?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: You're suppose to stop.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: I think the driving genius knows what he's doing.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Driving genius? Would a genius make an illegal u-turn through an orphanage?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: I should've gotten that license. And this should be my boatmobile.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: How can you say that? If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license.<br> | |
| + | Spongebob: If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face.<br> | ||
| − | + | Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face. This) is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it | |
| + | in Spongebob's face)<br> | ||
| − | + | Spongebob: Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this. You don't deserve this. (tears up Patrick's license then | |
| + | laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the officers hands) | ||
| − | + | Officer: Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. (drives off after Spongebob & Patrick)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob & Patrick: It's the police!<br> | |
| − | + | Officer: (over speaker) Pull it over, litterbug!<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Litterbug? No! (drives faster)<br> | |
| − | + | Officer: Oh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Patrick, what do you think you're doing?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front | |
| + | lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail. Scene cuts to courtroom)<br> | ||
| − | + | Judge: 90 days. I hope you learned a valuable lesson about littering.<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's | |
| + | innocent. I tore up Patrick's license and threw it out the window. I'm the litterbug. Take me instead.<br> | ||
| − | + | Judge: Well, considering there's no legal precedent...oh, what the heck. 90 days! (Spongebob is put in jail)<br> | |
| − | + | Narrator: One debt to society later... (door buzzes. Spongebob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Patrick!<br> | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | Patrick: Spongebob! (both hug)<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows | |
| + | him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boatmobile, buddy.<br> | ||
| − | ' | + | Patrick: Oh, I don't have a boatmobile anymore.<br> |
| − | + | Spongebob: What?<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)<br> | |
| − | ' | + | Patrick: How's that?<br> |
| − | + | Spongebob: Yeah!<br> | |
| − | + | Patrick: Ready, buddy?<br> | |
| − | + | Spongebob: Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shouldres and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo! | |
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