Episode Transcript: Karate Star

(Episode starts in SpongeBob's house with SpongeBob chopping up a pineapple into a figure of Gary)

SpongeBob: Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Ya! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya, YA! Ta-da! A gift, in your likeness. (puts the figure of Gary to Gary)

Gary: (disgusted) Meow.

SpongeBob: Cause you're so sweet. Get it? Cause pineapples are sweet, and you are sweet also as well! Get it? (laughs as Gary slithers off. As SpongeBob keeps laughing, a fly from the figure flies into his mouth, causing him to choke. He punches, and grabs himself. Then Patrick walks inside the kitchen)

Patrick: Hey, buddy. What's going on man? Bucket of cheese? (SpongeBob continues struggling) Oh, he's... not right!!! Don't worry pal, I'll help you! (he punches SpongeBob into the air, and SpongeBob hits a wall)

SpongeBob: D'oh... (the fly flies out of his mouth)

Patrick: Buddy! You okay?

SpongeBob: Uh...Patrick, thank you so much! If it wasn't for your tremendous gorilla strength, I would've been a goner! If there's anything I can do to return to favor, anything at all, you just let me know. Anyway, back to my karate exercises. (He pulls out a watermelon from under and puts it on the counter.) Oh, and help yourself for the cheese bucket. (Patrick walks off) Thanks again, buddy! (SpongeBob chops the watermelon in half) Hi-ya!

(Patrick grabs a bucket from the refrigerator. He dips his hand in the bucket and sucks on the cheese.)

SpongeBob: (chops a baguette) Hi-ya! (exhausted) Phew.

(Patrick notices SpongeBob)

Patrick: Hey! (looking at the chopped baguette) I wanna learn how to do that!

SpongeBob: Wha-what, you mean karate?

Patrick: Uh-huh!

SpongeBob: Oh. Patrick. Patrick, my dear. Dear friend, karate is a delicate art a skill that takes years to- (is cut off by Patrick)

Patrick: If I recall correctly, I seem to remember saving your life a few minutes ago.

SpongeBob: Yeah, however- (is cut off again)

Patrick: And, I also remember you saying "If there's anything you can do to return to favor, anything at all", to let you know.

SpongeBob: Oh, I did say that Patrick, but, well, karate is about finesse, not so much brute strength. You see there's so much that you don't know. You have not even scratched the surface of the surface.

Patrick: (sad) Then, teach me.

SpongeBob: As you wish. Just remember one thing. With power, comes responsibility.

Patrick: Aw, yeah! Mama!

(Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick outside in karate clothes, and a brick mound)

SpongeBob: Ok, let's start off simple. This is a basic move called the Inverted Whirlpool.

Patrick: Inverty whirpy, got it.

(SpongeBob hops backwards and upside-down he twists his feet and flies like a propeller and knocks the brick wall)

Patrick: Woo-hoo! That was AWESOME!

SpongeBob: Think you can handle that?

Patrick: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

(Patrick walks and hops backwards and upside-down and twists his feet and flies and laughs.)

Patrick: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh yeah, oh yeah! (knocks the wall and continues laughing and flying) Hey, how do you stop this thing?!

(Patrick goes towards a lemonade stand)

Lemonade man: Neptune's trousers! What's that?! (Runs off screaming as Patrick knocks down the stand)

(Bubble transition)

SpongeBob: Now this is very easy. Watch closely. (Does yoga moves) You got it?

Patrick: Definitely. (does a move, and spins around. Then SpongeBob taps his arm and he falls to the ground)

SpongeBob: Patrick, I didn't want to have to say this but you're... you're unteachable!

Patrick: What?! (gets angry) Uh... (angrily chops a concrete barrier) Barnacles!

SpongeBob: (looking at the chopped barrier) Look what you did to this wall of cinder blocks. And all my years of training I've never seen a perfect slice. (amazed) No one's ever been able to execute such a clean karate chop through solid cinder!

Patrick: (Amazed) Wow!

SpongeBob: You're a natural! A karate genius!

Patrick: Plamo!

SpongeBob: (gets out a sword) Now let's put your new skills to the test. (closeup view of the sword) This is sharpened, tempered, steel. Don't be frustrated if it takes a few tries. (Patrick chops the sword) Whoa. (throws the sword in the air) Amazing!

(Bubble transition to a big, old, rusted, boat that says Ol' Ironsides on it)

SpongeBob: This is an abandoned broad-iron steam-boat. (Bangs on it) Solid as a rock. Think you got what it takes?

(Patrick chops the boat, but nothing happens)

SpongeBob: Ah, better luck next time. (The boat chops in half)

Patrick: Yeah!! I bet I can chop anything!

Sadie: AHHHHHHH!!! (Patrick is about to chop her baby)

Patrick: HI--

SpongeBob: (Stops Patrick) NOOOOOOOOO!!!! What did I tell you?!

Patrick: I'm a ge-ne-ius?

SpongeBob: Not that, (pulls out a cassette player) this.

SpongeBob in the cassette player: With power, comes responsibility.

SpongeBob: That means no chopping of other life forms or their property. You understand?

Patrick: Yeeeees!

SpongeBob: Good! (Looks at his watch which goes off he gasps) Oh man, I'm late for work! See ya later buddy. (runs off) Don't forget what I said.

Patrick: Ok! I'm a genius!

(Bubble transition to Patrick's rock. Patrick chops hot dogs onto a plate)

Patrick: Karate power! (eats some chopped hot dogs)

(Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab with Patrick walking towards it)

Squidward: (reading a magazine that says Modern Crochet) Oh, what's this? Hmm, I haven't seen this before. Oh yeah, mm-hmm.

SpongeBob: Hey look, it's Patrick!

Patrick: (Outside) Hi-ya, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: What are you doing in-

Patrick: Hi-ya! (smashes the door and walks in)

SpongeBob: (disgusted) Dear Neptune!

Patrick: Good day, gents. Uh, Squidward, I would like a HI-YA!

Squidward: (confused) A what?

Patrick: I said, one Krusty Combo. Did you speak karate?

(Squidward groans)

Patrick: HI-YA! (walks over to the table and chops his meal in midair) Looks de-lish.

(SpongeBob walks over to Patrick)

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think you're perfect slice a bit too far?

Patrick: I don't know what you're talking about. You are the one who called me a karate ge-ne-ius. and frankly, (throws his cape off) I'm offended by your previous accusation. (gets up) I don't need this! (walks off) I beg you, good dude.

SpongeBob: But, but, but...

Patrick: (angry) No buts! Just hands! HI-YA! (smashes more of the restaurant)

SpongeBob: (facepalms) Oh...

Mr. Krabs: Uh... you do realize I am taking that out of yer paycheck.

(Bubble transition to Patrick at a ice cream shop)

Patrick: (drooling) Uh... (satisfied) Seaweed surprise! Also, (continues drooling)uh... malted coral crunch! (shows a very tall ice cream cone) Ooh, ooh, also! Lipids and cream!

Ice cream manager #1: We're all out. Infact, we're out of everything. Which means you owe us $86.50.

Patrick: (Takes out a dirty lollipop) What do you say to a trade? (closeup view of the disgusting lollipop)

Ice cream manager #1: I say pay up before I call the cops.

Patrick: (angry) You DARE refuse my barter??!! Then accept my chop! HI-YA! (chops the counter, which causes money from the tip jar to fly, and the ice cream manager catches it. Then the ice cream flies and Patrick opens his mouth wide and it falls in his mouth. He gets a brain-freeze, and turns into a ice crystal, and he chops the ice. He's now overweight) Oh... I don't feel so good.

Ice cream manager #2: Ah-ha! Hand in the tip jar, again eh?

(Patrick tries to walk out, but can't. Then he chops the doors wide enough so he can exit. He walks outside and smells something good)

Patrick: (sniffs) Mmm. What is that wonderful stench? (sees a fish eating something. He runs over to him)

Fish #3: Spinach and chocolate spaghetti sauce. You wanna bite?

Patrick: (chops the fish's meal) NO!!! It's more fun to chop! Hahahaha! Haha! Ha!

(Bubble transition to Bikini Bottom Arcade)

Patrick: (Chops a arcade machine that two fish are playing on. They run off) I win! I win! I win!

(Bubble transition to Patrick chopping outside)

Patrick: HI-YA, HI-YA-

(Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob mopping)

Lifeguard: Help! Help! There's a mad chopper on the loose!

SpongeBob: Mad chopper?! (He gasps and throws the mop down) Patrick!

Lifeguard: (Grabs onto SpongeBob) We need the cops, kid!

SpongeBob: Cops? No that won't be necessary. I'll handle this citizen.

Lifeguard: (grabs onto SpongeBob's ankle) Don't do it, kid!

SpongeBob: Unhand my ankle, sir! My friend needs me.

Lifeguard: You don't know what you're doing! Don't walk out that door!! (SpongeBob walks out) NOOOOOO!!!

(Bubble transition to SpongeBob riding a unicycle through town and Patrick chops a boat)

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?

Patrick: SpongeBob! Just the man I was looking for. (chops SpongeBob off the unicycle) Why don't you thank you buddy. (SpongeBob babbles) For teaching me the karate chop, silly!

SpongeBob: You've got to stop, buddy! You're destroying the entire town!

(Scene pans around the carnage of the town)

Patrick: Wow...

SpongeBob: Just stop chopping, ok, Patrick?

Patrick: You got it, buddy! No more karate chops! (Chops a jail truck, letting the prisoners escape)

SpongeBob: You're still chopping!

Patrick: I know! (tries to chop SpongeBob who ducks) Weird, huh?

SpongeBob: Patrick, stop it!

Patrick: Oh, ok. I know. I'll stop a chop with a chop! (chops his own arm and hits himself in the head)

SpongeBob: (Grabs onto Patrick's arm) You must resist!

Patrick: I...(Throws SpongeBob onto a fire hydrant and he screams. Patrick flies and chops Squidward's leaf sculpture)

SpongeBob: (running) Wait up, Patrick! (stops and gasps) Triton's tunic!

Dennis: He's headed straight for the Barg'N-Mart! (Everyone runs off screaming)