Episode Transcript: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

Dialogue

[The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on] Krabs: Come on Spongebob, it’s quitting time. [the lights turn off and Krabs and Sponge walk out] I’ve got a card game tonight. [he locks the doors] Spongebob: Who’re you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? [we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on] Krabs: I’m going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. [Sponge gasps] Spongebob: Plankton! [a thought bubble appears over Sponge’s head with Plankton inside] But Mr. Krabs, he’s your archenemy. [he picks up a Krabby Patty] He’s been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years. [the Plankton in the bubble sees the burger and goes to get it, but Sponge swats him with a fly swatter] Plankton: Ouch. [the thought bubble disappears] Spongebob: Why would you play cards with him? Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! [cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table] Why I’ve been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! [Krabs puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, Krabs’ eyes have turned to dollar signs] I never lose! [the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways. Dissolve to morning where Krabs walks to work crying, and Sponge walks in laughing] Spongebob: Taking him to the cleaners, that a hot one! [Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] How’d the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs? Krabs: I lost. Spongebob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose? Krabs: I didn’t lose any money. [he sheds away a tear] I lost… Spongebob: Don’t tell me you lost the Krusty Krab! Krabs: I lost… [Sponge grabs him] Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn’t lose the Krabby Patty secret formula! Krabs: I… lost… [he points to Sponge] you! Spongebob: What? Krabs: I bet your contract and I lost. [Sponge stares blankly, then laughs] Spongebob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I got to make those Krabby Patties. [he begins to walk to the door, but Krabs’ claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor] Krabs: I’m afraid you don’t work here anymore. [Squid runs out the door to the two] Squidward: Please tell me this isn’t a joke. Spongebob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. [Plankton walks over] Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I’m afraid he’s not joking. [he points at Sponge] You work for me now, Spongebob! [he whips out a bucket with the initials “CB” on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [Plankton jumps on Sponge’s head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat, and puts the bucket on his head. Sponge screams and runs to Krabs, knocking Plankton and the bucket off] Spongebob: But Mr. Krabs! I don’t want to work for him! [he tugs at Krabs’ shirt collar] I want to work for you here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying and hug] Krabs: I’m sorry, boy! It’s all my fault! Plankton: What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [he whips out a crowbar] I would! [he jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry Sponge off Krabs. Sponge goes flying with Krabs’ arms still clung to him] Krabs: Spongebob! Spongebob: Mr. Krabs! [he slams into a cage and Krabs’ arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door] Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I’ve been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty secret formula but I’ve got the next best thing: the guy who makes ‘em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] I’m gonna run you out of business, Krabs. [the propeller spins and pilots Sponge into the Chum Bucket] Spongebob: Mr. Krabs! Krabs: Spongebob! [he sobs] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs’ head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping Sponge into it] Spongebob: What is this place? [the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. Sponge gasps. A giant boiler turns on. Sponge yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled “Science!” appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. Sponge screams. Plankton bursts open the doors] Plankton: OK, I’m ready for my Krabby Patty! [he walks over to Sponge] Spongebob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I haven’t, uh… Plankton: Perhaps you don’t understand. You work for me now [he jumps onto Sponge’s knee] and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or I’ll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! [we see a giant robot that bares a slight resemblance to Sponge] So get cooking. [he twangs Sponge’s nose. Later, Sponge is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. Sponge screams. He looks at a digital sign reading, “KITCHEN”] Spongebob: The sign says “kitchen,” but my heart says “jail.” [Sponge walks toward the window, where he sees the silhouette of the Krusty Krab. A song starts]