Episode Transcript: Bumper to Bumper

This is a transcript for Bumper to Bumper.

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• Frankie Billy: Once around the roundabout. [clears the roundabout] Left at the wall. [clears the brick wall] Over the Bump of Truth. [clears the bump] And finally, the flaming hoop! [clears the hoop, then crosses the finish line] Thank you, Mrs. Puff, I am now a car daring figure and a producting member of society. [exaggeratingly cheers] WOO-HOO! YEAH!!
• Mrs. Puff: [proudly] Oh, nothing brings me more joy than teaching. I can't wait to pass my next student.
• SpongeBob: [enters car excitingly] Hello, Mrs. Puff. I'm all set for my driving test. [Mrs. Puff shatters to pieces on the car floor] Mrs. Puff, you OK?
• Mrs. Puff: Just start driving. [SpongeBob accidentally floors it in reverse] Turn this boat around immediately!
• SpongeBob: Right away, ma-am. [SpongeBob turns the wheel but goes around in circles knocking out all the traffic cones] Don't worry, Mrs. Puff. I have this under control... [pulls off the wheel crashing into the lighthouse and the wall, tying the bump in knots (literally!), and crashing through the ramp and the flaming hoop]
• [setting pans to house where two teenage fish are watching Goin' Bananas 3 in 3D on the television]:
• Announcer: Next up, Goin' Bananas 3: In 3D.
• Teenage Fish #1: [to Teenage Fish #2] Hey, dude, pass the 3D glasses. This is supposed to be, like, in 3D.    
• Teenage Fish #2: Oh, yeah, right! [gets the two 3-D g'lasses. On the TV, a drunk driver appears]
• Drunk Driver: Here I am! I'm coming at ya like your worst nightmare!! [laughs'. 'SpongeBob crashes through the wall of the house]
• Teenage Fish #1 and #2: Wow!

• Mrs. Puff: I think it's safe to say you have once again, failed your driving test!
• SpongeBob: [teenage fish laugh] Uh, but, Mrs, Puff, I...
• Mrs. Puff: No buts, SpongeBob! You failed this test over and over. I'm beginning to believe your simply unteachable. [teenage fish laugh again] Now, get out of my sight.
• SpongeBob: [crying] Aah...Eee...III...I'm sorry, Mrs. Puff!
• [SpongeBob runs off crying. Mrs. Puff is growling]
• Teenage Fish #1: Dude, this is, like, the gnarliest 3-D movie ever! [Mrs. Puff enlargens. She accidentally falls over on the teenage fish]
• [Mrs. Puff' house]:
• Mrs. Puff: If only SpongeBob could pass his boating test, he'd be out of my life once and for all. Unfortunately, I keep getting reminded of the consequences if I get too angry with the little nuisance. [there is a handcuff locked on her leg and it is beeping with a red light flashing on it] I can't even leave town without violating my parole. [groans] Ohh! If there was only some way that I didn't have to live in fear. [eyes widen] Fear. That's the answer. SpongeBob is afraid of the driving course! So it would stand to reason that if he took the driving test somewhere else besides the driving course, he would pass! [goes outside and sees two cars drive by her house] Of course! The answer's been in front of me all along! I'll test SpongeBob on a real road and then he'll be out of my life forever! [laughs] Yeah! What could possibly go wrong?
• [Scene fades to SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is extremely tired. He groans. Gary brings his bowl over to him. Gary meows]
• SpongeBob: Not now, Gary. Can't you see I'm wallowing in my own filth? Ohhhhhhhh... [door knocks] Come back later-- I'm wallowing. [door knocks five times] Ehhh... [opens door. His eyes widen]
• Mrs. Puff: Good morning, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: [gasps and runs]
• Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob? SpongeBob? [SpongeBob coughs. He is in the screen of the TV] SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mrs. Puff. I am trying to stay out of your sight.
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, that! Let's forget what I said. It's time to take a fresh approach.
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, I...You said...Don't you remember? I'm an... [Mrs. Puff turns the TV on "Mute"]
• Mrs. Puff: We don't have time for this, SpongeBob. We have a long day of driving ahead of us!
• [Bubble transition over to the desert. Mrs. Puff is driving. SpongeBob sees two clams cawing]
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, why have you taken me to this weathery moat and slightly scary landscape?
• Mrs. Puff: To overcome your fears, silly!
• [They pass a skeleton pointing left and it falls apart]
• SpongeBob: It's not working!
• Mrs. Puff: Here we are!
• SpongeBob: Uh, where are we?
• Mrs. Puff: This old abandoded road is the perfect venue for your driving test.
• SpongeBob: DR-IVING TEST?!
• Mrs. Puff: That's right! You're free from all the distracting obsiticles on the boating course. (she stops the boat)