Transcript: Astrology with Squidward - "Cancer"

This is a transcript for the Astrology with Squidward short "Cancer."

Characters

• Squidward Tentacles
• Eugene H. Krabs (as the zodiac sign "Cancer")

Dialogue

(short begins with the Astrology with Squidward logo on a purple background. The logo consists of Squidward on a orangish circle that says "ASTROLOGY WITH SQUIDWARD", doing a squat which is a form of yoga)

Announcer: And now, Astrology with Squidward... (romantic music plays. Fade to Squidward playing his clarinet with a poster and a blue circle saying "CANCER" and Mr. Krabs on it)

Squidward: (playing his clarinet) Happy Birthday to "Cancer", sign of the Krab. Not all Cancerians are "Krabby." But they are all good at causing problems and then blaming them on others. Many famous fibbers and elected officials are cancers. My prediction for cancer this week: you will fall asleep 7 times. (a sound effect is heard) Don’t worry, you’ll wake up. I’m your Nicktoon astrologer, Squidward reminding you that is bad karma to eat animated seafood. (plays his clarinet while the romantic music plays again. Fade back to the circle, and the short ends)

Other Transcripts

SpongeBob Shorts: "And Krabs Saves the Day" • "Anything for Baby" • "Balloons" • "Frozen Krabby Patty" • "Gumshoe SquarePants" • "How to Avoid Getting Stuck in a Time Capsule" • "Jellyfishing Safety Tips" • "Juice Man" • "Krabby Patty Jingle" • Krabby Patty Report" • "Lessons Learned" • "Me Money" • "More Feeling" • "Pie" • "Plankton Pays" • "Plankton’s Color Nullifer" • "Plankton’s Holiday Hits" • "Plankton’s Plan" • "Road Danger" • "Sand Castles" • "Separation Anxiety" • "SpongeBob’s Legendary Dance Party" • "SpongeBob Lends a Helping Pants" • "SpongeBoard" • "SpongeGod" • "Spongelock Holmes" • "Surfing Dreams" • "Surprise Sandy Day" • "The Legend of SpongeBob" • "The Outfit" • "The Story of King Neptune" • "The Turn-Around" • "Things to Do When Encountering a Legendary Creature" • "Time Accident" • "Time Machine" • "Tips for Jellyfish Fields" • "Traffic" • "What Else Can a Krabby Patty Do?" • "What If the Mystery Ended This Way?" • "You Can’t Swim" Nicktoons Shorts: "12 Days of Nickmas" • "2000 Kids' Choice Awards Short" • "How the You-Know-Who Stole the You-Know-What" • "Nickelodeon Holiday Party" • "Nicktoons Battle" • Nicktoons Studios Rules" • "Patrick the Snowman" Standalone Episodes: Beneath the Bun: Secrets of the Krabby Patty • Sandy’s Vacation in Ruins • SpongeBob’s Super Bowl Party • The Endless Summer Astrology with Squidward: "Cancer" • "Gemini" • "Leo" • "Pisces" • "Sagittarius" • "Taurus" Movies in Bikini Bottom: Fisherman 4: Revenge of the Hook • Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Movie • Slumber Party Zombie Attack Other: Anchor Arms Commercial • Transcript: Chum Bucket Commercial • Fiery Fist O' Pain Commercial • Gene Scallop’s Krusty Krab Evaluation • "Just One Bite" Deleted Scene • Mr. Magic’s Magical Magic Kit Commercial • SpongeBob’s Speech as Hall Monitor • SpongeBob SquarePants 4-D • SpongeBob SquarePants 4D: The Great Jelly Rescue • Only Known Squidward Chat Episode • Tentacle Acres Commercial • The Best Day Ever Marathon • The Krusty Krab Commercial • The New Sponge Commercial