Episode Transcript: The Inside Job (Episode)

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Someone's in the Kitchen with Sandy Greasy Buffoons

Episode Article: The Inside Job

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

Plankton: (sighs) Oh.

(surf guitar music)

(the screen displays a hamster running in exercise wheel with carnival music)

Plankton: Eh, that's the life.

Karen: (screen changes to herself) Plankton!

Plankton: Hey, I was watching that!

Karen: And I'm tired of watching you sit around all day. Admit it, the Chum Bucket is a total failure.

Plankton: It is not! Business is just slow.

Karen: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. If you'd take my advice, the Krabby Patty recipe would be yours.

Plankton: You? You're just a computer. I'm the evil genius around here.

Man: (door bangs open) This is it, son, The Chum Bucket.

Plankton: Looks like this failure has a customer. Hello. Are you lost?

Man: No, we're not lost. I promised my boy I'd take him to the Chum Bucket today.

Plankton: Really?

Man: Wow, look at that order window! It's completely covered in grime and filth.

Kid: Cool.

Man: (he smells it) Smell that air!

Kid: It makes me want to hurl.

Man: I think the Chum Bucket is the high point of our tour.

Plankton: Your tour?

Man: That's right. We're visiting the most disgusting places in bikini bottom. And so far, you're #1. Farewell, you filthy little fella. (the two leave)

Man: What do ya say we try the city dump next?

Kid: Oh, boy.

Plankton: (groans)

Karen: So how'd it go?

Plankton: You're right. I'm such a failure.

Karen: Aww. So, do you give up?

Plankton: Yes.

Karen: You'll do what I tell you now?

Plankton: Yes.

Karen: Here's all you have to do. You want the patty recipe, then go to the man who wrote it, Eugene Krabs.

Plankton: Right. Why didn't I think of that before?

Karen: With my mind connector, you'll be able to read Krabs' mind, transferring the recipe directly into your teeny, tiny, little brain.

Plankton: Wow, that's a pretty good idea! Whoa! Um, Karen? Whoa!

Karen: Hold still.

Plankton: Mmph!

Karen: You'll need this. (puts a smaller tool with plungers attached at the end)

Plankton: And just how am I supposed to attach it to Krabs' brain?

Karen: Leave that to me, hon. (Sucks him in a pipette)

(Doors burst open)

Karen: Prepare for launch. Target in range. Launch sequence initiated.

Plankton: No, wait! (Karen squeezes it) There he is! (launches him to Mr. Krabs, but Squidward is carrying a garbage bag) Get out of the way! This is it! (Patrick walks at outside) Move it! Ha, ha! You're mine!

(It is SpongeBob that was holding a cardboard cutout of Mr. Krabs)

SpongeBob: Hey, where do you want this life-size cutout of you, Mr. Krabs?

Plankton: No! (gets inside SpongeBob) Aah! Oof!

Mr. Krabs: (offscreen) I told ya to stop playing with that thing and get back to work!

Plankton: Ugh. great.

Karen: (antenna comes out) Plankton, what happened?

Plankton: Thanks to your brilliant aim, honey, I'm stuck inside that fool of a fry cook.

Karen: Well, honey, you'll just have to change plans.

(Plankton is going to unplug SpongeBob's eye plugs)

SpongeBob: Huh? (his eyes go completely black as a bulb) Hey, Squidward, we blew a fuse. -

Squidward: I'm gonna blow a fuse if you don't get that order up.

Plankton: It works! (plugs himself with SpongeBob eye plugs, his eye glow in the dark) I can see everything SpongeBob sees.

SpongeBob: Hey, can somebody hit the lights?

Squidward: SpongeBob, where's the Krabby Patty for order 17?

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, is that you? Oh, it's so dark in here. I can't see a thing.

Squidward: Can you just get the Krabby Patty?

SpongeBob: Sure thing Squidward. One Krabby Patty coming up!

Plankton: He's gonna make a Krabby Patty right in front of me!

SpongeBob: Oh no, where are those patties? No, nuh uh, Ha! (Grabs the aluminum) There are you patty! (Grabs a sponge) And one fluffy bun, like so, (uses soap as special sauce) and a squirt of special sauce.

Plankton: Heh, heh, special sauce. Wait, soap is the special sauce?

SpongeBob: Then you grab yourself some lettuce. (takes out strings from the mop, and uses the other sponge) And voila! One perfect Krabby Patty! I only wish I could see how beautiful it looks. Number 17, your patty is ready. Whoa! Watch your step, Squidward. It is pitch black out here.

Squidward: Don't know, don't want to.

SpongeBob: Order number 17? Order number 17. Order 17? (he pulls a customer's face and then searches in his mouth) Nope. Mmm … no. Order 17? (puts his hands in customers mouth.) Order 17. (Puts the “patty” down in front of a male customer) Your Krabby Patty, ma'am.

Plankton: That's it! (Unplugs from SpongeBob's eyes and plugs them back into SpongeBob) I'm trying something else. Where are those eardrums?

SpongeBob: Hey, the lights are back on! (SpongeBob screams as he saw the Krabby Patty that he just made.) AHH!! (Goes in Mr. Krabs office) Mr. Krabs! Help me, Mr. Krabs. I've forgotten how to make Krabby Patties. Please tell me the secret recipe again.

Plankton: (he climbs up the SpongeBob's ear drums) Finally, the ear drum. Whew. Now, I'll just unplug this thing. (struggles)

Mr. Krabs: Need a little refresher, eh? Okay, boy. I'll run through the Krabby Patty formula one more time. First...

(Plankton unplugs the ear plugs, turning it to silent)

(Obviously, you can't hear what Mr. Krabs' saying. it's silent.)

Plankton: Let me see what I can tune in here. (Plugs it in) Hmm.

Mr. Krabs: The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is...

Plankton: Jackpot!

SpongeBob: Huh?

Mr. Krabs I said, The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is-

SpongeBob: Could you speak a little louder, please?

Mr. Krabs: (louder) The secret to the Krabby Patty formula is-

SpongeBob (yelling) What?

Plankton: Here it comes!

Mr. Krabs: (Grabs a megaphone) (Through a megaphone) THE SECRET TO THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS-

Plankton: (His eardrums burst out) AHHH! (Unplugs with hard force from SpongeBob's eardrums) I hate my life!

Mr. Krabs: Is this thing loud enough?

SpongeBob: Oh, sure, I can hear you fine now.

Mr. Krabs: What was the question again?

SpongeBob: Oh, it, uh-- you know, I don't remember.

Mr. Krabs: Me neither. So we good?

SpongeBob: Yeah.

Mr. Krabs: Get out!

SpongeBob: Okay!

Plankton: Enough with these petty carnal senses! If I'm going to get the Krabby Patty recipe, I'm gonna have to go to command central. (laughs evilly) The brain! (plugs into the brain) (laughs evilly) Ugh! (he acts like SpongeBob) Hi, friend. Why am I making idiotic comments? (he gasps as he saw "Superficial Greetings" on the brain) Superficial Greetings? (Unplugs) What kind of idiot-- (sees the parts of the brain) Personal Opinions? Knock-knock Jokes? No, no, no, no! This is all useless! I'm gonna have to go in deeper. (he gets inside the SpongeBob's Brain House) Ugh. (he's in the brain version of the living room) Where am I?

Brain Gary: Meow, meow, meow! (it slides around it)

Plankton: Ew. That's disgusting. Now, where do morons keep all their secrets? (he finds in the brain closet, searching in the squarepants, but not found) Nope. (then he finds under the brain bed in the brain bedroom) Doesn't this kid have any secrets? Aha! (opens door) The library. Where he keeps records of his every thought. All of his deepest, juiciest secrets. (opens the file drawer) [grunting] In convenient alphabetical order. Look at that. Q, R, S. Sounds that make Squidward upset? (he opens the file and hears SpongeBob's laughs.) "Patrick's favorite places to be scratched"? Squidward: What are you doing? (SpongeBob is scratching Squidward's back)

SpongeBob: Uh, uh, scratching.

Plankton: Aagh, all of these secrets are lame! Wait a minute. What's this? (picks up a pink paper that says "Krabby Patty Recipe") The secret recipe isn't in the brain? It's located in the heart. How cheesy. (Plankton slides down SpongeBob's spines and he lands to the heart) Ugh. Uh. (Plugs to the heart) The Krabby Patty recipe. Yes, yes, yes! Here it is! (his lips are licking) My mouth is watering! (cut to SpongeBob's tongue being cleaned) My taste buds are tingling! Mm, mm. oh, yeah. It feels so good! I can feel it all the way to my finger! Stumps. All of the ingredients coming together in perfect harmony! And it's all mine! (he laughs evilly) Hwuh. Okay, that was weird. Like I was saying, the Krabby Patty recipe is the delicious sole property of the Krusty Krab. Hwuh. Who said that? What's happening to me? (he gasps) Fuzzy. It's-- (Plankton's body is transforming, sponge emerges out on him, grows eyelashes, his eye rolled to SpongeBob, and his teeth shatters, grows buckteeth.) It's beautiful! (he laughs) All of the delicious ingredients living in perfect harmony.

Karen: You got the recipe?

Plankton: I sure did.

Karen: Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it back to the Chum Bucket.

Plankton: Karen, wouldn't that be stealing?

Karen: What? Stealing?

Plankton:The Krabby Patty recipe is the delicious sole property of the Krusty Krab.

Karen: Oh, brother. (she presses a button, Plankton is emerging out of SpongeBob's nostril)

Patrick: Hey, everybody! Wait, that's not what I wanted to say. Now, what was it?

(Plankton lands on Patrick's forehead, begins to transform, his hand changes to a starfish, eyelashes fall, his eye roll to Patrick buckteeth shatters and grows a tooth) Huh? (he sighs, Plankton's body turn pink)

Patrick: Oh, well. Never mind. (Karen's hand opens the door, and removes Plankton from Patrick)

Karen: Well, where's the recipe?

Plankton: The what?

Karen: I knew you'd louse this up.

Plankton: Louse what up?

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