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Editing Episode Transcript: That's No Lady
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'''Patrick''': Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.<br> | '''Patrick''': Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob''': -ricia. | + | '''SpongeBob''': -ricia. Pa-pa-Patricia. (laughs nervously)<br> |
'''Larry''': Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.<br> | '''Larry''': Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.<br> | ||
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'''Larry''': I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.<br> | '''Larry''': I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.<br> | ||
− | '''SpongeBob''': C'mon, Patricia. (grabs | + | '''SpongeBob''': C'mon, Patricia. (grabs her hand and walks off)<br> |
'''Patrick''': Bye.<br> | '''Patrick''': Bye.<br> | ||
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'''SpongeBob''': But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another 2 hours.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another 2 hours.<br> | ||
− | '''Mr. Krabs''': (hands SpongeBob a spatula) There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? (notices | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (hands SpongeBob a spatula) There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? (notices Patricia as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty) SpongeBob, who's your friend?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.<br> | ||
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'''SpongeBob''': No.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': No.<br> | ||
− | '''Mr. Krabs''': We do? Great, she can start right away. (Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper until Patrick walks in. He stops and stares at him)<br> | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': We do? Great, she can start right away. (Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper until Patrick [as Patricia] walks in. He stops and stares at him)<br> |
'''Squidward''': And who are you, my Rubenesque beauty?<br> | '''Squidward''': And who are you, my Rubenesque beauty?<br> | ||
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'''Mr. Krabs''': That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.<br> | '''Mr. Krabs''': That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.<br> | ||
− | '''Squidward''': Well, she sure is stunning. ( | + | '''Squidward''': Well, she sure is stunning. (Patricia is picking her nose)<br> |
'''Mr. Krabs''': Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. (walks off. Patricia is cleaning tables until Squidward walks up to her)<br> | '''Mr. Krabs''': Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. (walks off. Patricia is cleaning tables until Squidward walks up to her)<br> | ||
− | '''Squidward''': Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. (hands | + | '''Squidward''': Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. (hands her a piece of paper) Likeness is uncanny, if I do say so myself. (drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture)<br> |
'''Patrick''': Uhh, thank you, Squidward. (Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand)<br> | '''Patrick''': Uhh, thank you, Squidward. (Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand)<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': Excuse me, Squidward. (eats the drawing, burps then walks off)<br> | '''Patrick''': Excuse me, Squidward. (eats the drawing, burps then walks off)<br> | ||
− | '''Mr. Krabs''': (hands | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': (hands Patricia both trays) This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. (Patricia walks up to a table with the number seven on it)<br> |
'''Patrick''': Forty...thirty...<br> | '''Patrick''': Forty...thirty...<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': OK. (sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays)<br> | '''Patrick''': OK. (sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays)<br> | ||
− | '''Mr. Krabs''': Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time now, but I feel like a special connection has been made. ( | + | '''Mr. Krabs''': Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time now, but I feel like a special connection has been made. (Patricia inhales the table cloth, candle, Krusty Meals, and radio. Then "she" burps loudly)<br> |
− | '''SpongeBob''': (walks in) Quite an appetite... but she's all woman. (scene cuts to | + | '''SpongeBob''': (walks in) Quite an appetite... but she's all woman. (scene cuts to Patricia walking in the kitchen with two orders. Squidward walks into the kitchen playing a soothing song on his clarinet)<br> |
− | '''Squidward''': Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the Sizzle Lips Squid for nothing. ( | + | '''Squidward''': Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the Sizzle Lips Squid for nothing. (Patricia tries to walk away, but Squidward blocks "her") So, are you free this Saturday night?<br> |
'''Patrick''': No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.<br> | '''Patrick''': No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.<br> | ||
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'''Patrick''': Well, I can't. SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night. I have to get back to Krusting the Krab. (walks off) Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. (opens the cabinet in front of him and notices Squidward on the top shelf)<br> | '''Patrick''': Well, I can't. SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night. I have to get back to Krusting the Krab. (walks off) Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. (opens the cabinet in front of him and notices Squidward on the top shelf)<br> | ||
− | '''Squidward''': Are you sure about Saturday night? ( | + | '''Squidward''': Are you sure about Saturday night? (Patricia closes the cabinet)<br> |
'''Patrick''': Persistent bunch. (turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head)<br> | '''Patrick''': Persistent bunch. (turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head)<br> | ||
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'''Squidward''': But I made reservations for two at...<br> | '''Squidward''': But I made reservations for two at...<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': I said no. ( | + | '''Patrick''': I said no. (He scene cuts to Patricia lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs' head is) No. (scene cuts to Patricia using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground) No way. (scene cuts to Mr. Krabs in a water job) No. (scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet) No. (scene cuts to Patricia in the middle of the Krusty Krab) No! (Patricia walks into the kitchen) What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.<br> | ||
− | '''Patrick''': I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. (opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. All the customers say hi to | + | '''Patrick''': I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. (opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. All the customers say hi to her)<br> |
'''Fish #3''': The lovely Patricia... (blows a kiss) ...has returned to us. <br> | '''Fish #3''': The lovely Patricia... (blows a kiss) ...has returned to us. <br> |