Episode Transcript: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V

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Episode Article: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V

Characters

Dialogue

Narrator: The New Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. In a familiar restaurant, in a familiar part of town, a call goes out in frustration.

All: Will you hurry up?

Narrator: A call that would normally be answered by Bikini Bottom's semi-retired champions. (If) they weren't the ones causing the problem.

Mermaidman: Let's see...I wanna, no. I wanna, uh, no, uh, hmmm...

Squidward: Sir, will you please order already? You're holding up the line!

SpongeBob: (whispering in Mermaidman's ear) Psst. Hey, Mermaidman, get a Krabby Patty.

Mermaidman: I've made my decision!

Line of Customers: Hooray!

Mermaidman: 1 Krabby Patty for me and a Pipsqueak Patty for the boy.

Barnacleboy: Now, wait just a darn minute.

Line of Customers: Awww!

Barnacleboy: I don't want a Pipsqueak Patty. I want an adult size Krabby Patty.

Mermaidman: The Krabby Patty is too big for you. You'll never finish it.

Barnacleboy: Don't you see what you're doing. You're treating me like a child.

Mr. Krabs: The boys eyes are bigger than his stomach. (laughs)

Barnacleboy: And that's another thing. I'm not a boy. I'm so old I got hairs growing out of the wrinkles in my liver spots. (shows a hair popping out)

Squidward: One Pipsqueak Patty (Shows a small Patty with a smile with pickles and Ketchup) and your bib and high chair.

Barnacleboy: I'm 68 years old and I want a Krabby Patty!

Mermaidman: Your Pipsqueak is getting cold. Shall I feed you?

Barnacleboy: Feed this, old man! (slaps the Krabby Patty out of Mermaidman's hand) I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra! From now on, I want to be called Barnacle Man! And, I'm through protecting citizens that don't respect me!

SpongeBob: I respect you, Barnacle Man!

Barnacle Man: That's Barnacleboy, I mean, man! Ohh... I say if you're not going to give me the respect I want as a hero, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain. A villain who is... evil!

SpongeBob: Evil??

Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Patrick, & Sandy: Evil?? (Mr. Krabs slaps MM)

Mermaidman: EVIL!!!

Barnacle Man: I'm crossing over to the dark side! (points to dark side of Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: Why should I waste money lighting the whole store? (villain car comes in)

Dirty Bubble: Did someone say evil?

SpongeBob: Holy oil spill! It's Mermaidman and Barnacleboy's arch enemies: Man-Ray and The Dirty Bubble! (BB gets in villain car)

Barnacle Man: Nighty night, you old goat!

Mermaidman: Nighty-night! (to Squidward) Will you tuck me in?

Realistic Fish Head: We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives for this news report. Man-Ray, The Dirty Bubble, and now, playing for the dark side, Barnacleboy...

Barnacle Man: Barnacle Man!

Realistic Fish Head: ...have been committing a series of crimes in Bikini Bottom. (shows Man-Ray, The Dirty Bubble, and Barnacle Man ding-dong-ditching)

Barnacle Man: Shh!

Citizen: (opens door) I'll get you crazy kids!

Realistic Fish Head: These three have named their new alliance: Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as E.V.I.L.! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the evil? Why am I asking you all these questions? Mermaidman, where are you? (Mr. Krabs slaps MM again)

Mermaidman: Huh? I'm right here! Don't worry, good citizens! Nothing will stop me from defeating the E.V.I.L.! Nothing! (ice cream truck sounds) Ice cream? I love ice cream! Two scoops of prune with bran sprinkles. Mmm. (MM takes a bite but explodes then E.V.I.L. is shown as ice cream men)

Barnacle Man: You might as well give up, Mermaidman, because there are three of us and only one of you. You don't stand a chance.

SpongeBob: Are you okay, Mermaidman? Oh, how are you going to beat those three guys all by yourself?

Mermaidman: You're right. (sits down) I give up.

SpongeBob: You can't give up. What if we help you?

Mermaidman: No, no, that's a terrible idea. But what if you help me?

SpongeBob: Okay!

Mermaidman: Who wants to save the world?

SpongeBob: I do!

Sandy: I do!

Patrick: I do!

Squidward: I don't.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes, you do. No world means no money! Now go save the world, or you're fired!

Mermaidman: Then it's settled! To the Mermalair!

SpongeBob: Wow! The Mermalair!

Mermaidman: These costumes belonged to the original International Justice League of Super Acquaintances!

SpongeBob: Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were the most heroic heroes ever! And you had the best lunch box, too.

Mermaidman: Once you put on these costumes, their fantastic powers will become yours.

Sandy: Wow! I didn't think super powers worked that way.

Mermaidman: Sure! Power's all in the costume! Why else would we run around in colored undies?

Squidward: I can think of three good reasons.

Narrator: The Quickster... with the ability to run really... quick!

SpongeBob: Wanna see me run to that mountain and back? (doesn’t move) Wanna see me do it again?

Narrator: Captain Magma... get him angry and he's bound to erupt!

Squidward: Krakatoa! (lava shoots out)

Narrator: The Elastic Waistband... able to stretch his body into fantastic shapes and forms!

Patrick: I can finally touch my toes! (stretches his toes over the back of his body and to his hands)

Narrator: And Miss Appear... now you see her... (disappears) ... now you don't.

Sandy: Does this outfit make me look fat?

Narrator: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Viacom.

Mermaidman: So, it's settled then. We'll get one cheese pizza, one with pepperoni and mushrooms, and one with olives.

Chief: Super Acquaintances, we need your help.

SpongeBob: Holy halibut! It's the chief!

Chief: Thank you for the introduction, Quickster, but we all know who I am! More importantly, we've found information on the whereabouts of E.V.I.L.

Patrick: The whoseabouts of what?

Sandy: You just tell us where they are, Chief, and we'll hog-tie 'em faster than you can say "Salsa Verde".

Chief: Our sources last found E.V.I.L. harassing teenagers up at "Make Out Reef". You know, Make-Out Reef? (makes out with himself) Whoo hoo hoo!

SpongeBob: Flopping flounder, Mermaidman, Make-Out Reef!

Mermaidman: Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!

Squidward: Ah, Make-Out Reef. Good times, good times.

Mermaidman: To Make-Out Reef, away!

Patrick: Does this mean we're not getting pizza?

John & Nancy: Stop, please!

E.V.I.L.: John and Nancy, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Dirty Bubble: Oh! Shine the flashlight in that car, Man-Ray!

Man-Ray: Haha, with pleasure! (shines on a guy making out with a pillow)

Fish': Hey, man, that's not cool.

Mermaidman: You leave those young lovers alone!

Man-Ray: Well if it isn't Milk Maid Man! You've saved us the trouble of tracking you down!

Mermaidman: You fiends can't win! You're outnumbered!

Man-Ray: You senile bag of fish paste! There are three of us and only one of you!

SpongeBob: Make that two!

Man-Ray: The Quickster!

Squidward: Three!

Barnacle Man: Captain Magma!

Patrick: Four!

Dirty Bubble: The Elastic Waistband!

Sandy: Five!

E.V.I.L.: M-M-Miss Appear!

Mermaidman: And me makes ten, I think.

Man-Ray: Uh-oh, I don't have a good feeling about this.

Barnacle Man: Oh, there goes our toy deal.

Mermaidman: Super Acquaintances, attack!

Barnacle Man: Oh no, please, mercy!

Squidward: Krakatoa! (lava shoots out onto The Quickster)

SpongeBob: Ah! Ah! Ah! Get it off!

Patrick: I'll save you, Quickster, ahh! (stretches his arms to try and save The Quickster but ends up getting stuck)

Mermaidman: I'll cool you off, Quickster, with one of my water balls! (concentrates but throws water ball at Captain Magma)

Squidward: No, no, I'm not the quickster. I'm Captain Mag... (gets hit and burns up) ma. (disintegrates)

Sandy: Well, I guess it's up to me! I'll sneak over... unseen... and catch them by surprise. (a car hits Sandy sending her off the cliff) Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SpongeBob: Get it off! Get it off! (eventually stops but only shown as shoes) Whew... I'm glad that's over!

Barnacle Man: We did it, we won! This day belongs to E.V.I.L.! You've lost, Mermaidman, and the superhero/super-villain rules say you have to give in to my demands.

Mermaidman: Okay, what do you want?

Man-Ray: World domination! Tell him we want world domination!

Dirty Bubble: Oh, and make him eat dirt! Ha! In addition to the domination thing.

Barnacle Man: Number one, I want to be treated like a superhero, not a sidekick. Number two, I want to be called Barnacle Man. And number three...

Man-Ray: Come on, domination!

Barnacle Man: I want an adult-sized Krabby Patty.

Dirty Bubble: Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt?

Barnacle Man: Need a hand, superpal? (both start to get tears in their eyes)

Mermaidman: Good to have you back on the side of justice, Kyle. Let's go get you that Krabby Patty!

Man-Ray: Was that it?! Oh, that's sickening.

Dirty Bubble: Oh, this reminds me of the time I went to Cancun with the killer shrimp. (laughs) Oh, they had these papaya drinks that were to die for!

Man-Ray: Oh, Neptune, shut up.

Mermaidman: How is that adult-sized Krabby Patty treating you, Barnacle Man?

Barnacle Man: Actually, it's pretty big. I'm not sure if I can finish the whole thing. (everyone laughs, starting with the heroes, SpongeBob, and his friends, who were all wrapped up or casted. Then we see a fish and his pillow he kissed laughing, and then it was the Dirty Bubble and Man-Ray, who in jail, and finally, the chief, who is still making out.)


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