Episode Transcript: I'm With Stupid

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Procrastination	Sailor Mouth

Episode Article: I'm with Stupid

Characters

Dialogue

Patrick: Need...furniture!

SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement? (Patrick continues to clean) Hey, Patrick! Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing. But I can see you're busy having an episode.

Patrick: Do you know whatm SpongeBob? It's all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. Why, let's go jellyfishing! It's not like we have any work to do! Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews! And nobody has anything to dust or to clean or to wipe! Or fabricate!

SpongeBob: But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate!

Patrick: (starts crying) I don't know what to do, SpongeBob! You've got to help me!

SpongeBob: (gasps) Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel.

Patrick: It's not that, SpongeBob. It's worse.

SpongeBob: Darn, I liked the funnel. Then what is it?

Patrick: Look! (takes out a rolled-up piece of paper from his belly button)

SpongeBob: Hey, a note!

Patrick: Turn it over, there's a letter!

SpongeBob: You're right!

Patrick: And, I got this message from my parents!

SpongeBob: Your parents? (reads the note out loud) Dear Patrick, your mom and I are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day. Please try to remember, but not too hard, or you'll hurt yourself like last time. Love, Daddy.

Patrick: SpongeBob, my parents think I'm dumber than a bag of diapers.

SpongeBob: No, they don't, Patrick. They just like to push your buttons. Like this! (pushes Patrick's belly button and his eyes elongate) Beep!

Patrick: That one cheered me up. At least for today.

SpongeBob: Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb, then they must not know what dumb really is.

Patrick: But don't they watch television?

SpongeBob: That's what I'm saying, Pat! If they got to meet a real dummy, they'd realize what a genius you really are!

Patrick: But don't genies live in a lamp? And besides, we don't know andy dumb people. Don't worry, Patrick! I'll be the dummy! When your parents see how dumb I act, they'll think you're the smartest guy ever!

Patrick: Math is power!

(cut to the next day. Patrick is in front of his mirror.)

Patrick: A B C D E F G...(doorbell rings) Oh! It must be them!

Janet: Can I get the bullhorn again, Marty?

Patrick: The what? (Marty is so bored from banging that he still knocks on Patrick's head) Hi Mom, Hi Dad!

Marty: Son! You recognized us this time!

Patrick: Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents?

Marty: Son, you never were a bright one. (Patrick wonders. Marty laughs) Aren't you gonna show us inside?

Janet: He probably forgot where it is!

Patrick: Well I know where it...

Marty: Oh. Let me lead the way so we don't get lost. (Patrick, Marty and Janet hold hands) Ok, son, hold hands now! (inside the house) Ok, we're almost there! Let go on three. One...two...three!

Janet: Good job!

Marty and Janet: Pats for Patrick! (both laugh)

Patrick: I'll go get the beverages. (Patrick holds a tray full of drinks)

Marty: Wow, son! You put the drinks in something this time! Ah, son, you must have been working all night to put these together for us!

Janet and Marty: We love you!

Patrick: Hooray, the idiot is here! I mean, I'll get it!

SpongeBob: Protective helmet, check.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary!

Gary: Meow?

SpongeBob: What could go wrong? (Patrick's rock opens)

Patrick: What a surprise!

SpongeBob: Hi.

Patrick: Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Hi.

Marty: Hello there!

Janet: How do you do?

SpongeBob: Hi.

Marty: Put it there. (SpongeBob puts a doll on his hand)

Doll: Mama! Mama!

Patrick: He means "shake". No, SpongeBob, no! Shake hands! No, SpongeBob! Grab my dad's hand. Garb it with only one hand! Good boy! Now move your arm up and down!

Janet: Well, SpongeBob. Do you live nearby?

SpongeBob: Hi.

Patrick: No, SpongeBob. Show him your house! (reveals a blouse) No, not your blouse! Your house!

Janet: He lives in a fruit?

Marty: That's unhealthy.

Patrick:Hey, SpongeBob! Do you want to stay for dinner!

Marty: Does he always do that after he eats?

Patrick: Only on Wednesdays.

Marty: Um, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken.

Patrick: Yeah. It would take more than masking tape to fix that guy.

Marty: Whoa! Do you think he'll be okay?

Patrick: Oh, that's nothing. You sould see him in the morning. Prancing around yelling "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!" He drives all the neighbors crazy! Why, just the other day, our neighbor Squidward was...(SpongeBob crashes into the walls. It's really not help for him. I mean, look at the way he dresses. Only someone with holes drilled in their head would wear that stuff! And how about his shape! I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested, but not box-chested! Hey, SpongeBob do you have any maskara I could borrow?

Marty: The boy wears make-up?

Janet: What a car!

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! Patrick!

Patrick: Awe, he said my name.

Marty: Wow, how'd you train him to do that?

Patrick: Ow! He bit me!<br?

SpongeBob: Patrick, meet me in the kitchen!

Patrick: Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation. A dumb one! So, what's in your mind? Oh, wait, I already know the answer. Nothing! See, that's funny. Cause your dumb!

SpongeBob: Patrick, could you let up on the insults just a little bit?

Patrick: Oh, were those too complicated for you? I'll try summing them down.

SpongeBob: Patrick, I get the feeling that you think you I really am a dumb! (Patrick is now wearing a T-shirt reading "I'm with the dummy" pointing at SpongeBob)

Patrick: That's just what I thought you would say. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are.

SpongeBob: I'm only pretending to be dumb! It was our plan, remember!

Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could understand how stupid you sound right now when you talk of imaginary plans. Tell you what. You've got me in a good mood. I'll humor you. Go on, go on, ask "smart" for everyone.

SpongeBob: Ok, I will!

Patrick: And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for you!

SpongeBob: I have a confession to make. I lied about being stupid. I acted like a fool so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more. I know how to talk and eat and do laundry. I even seperate the darks and the whites. So let's say we try again. Hi! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants. And I am not a dummy.

Marty: Amazing! Three minutes in the kitchen and our son has taught him to speak in complete sentences.

Patrick: It wasn't easy, dad!

SpongeBob: But...

Janet: Looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man!

SpongeBob: Now you listen to me! I'm not dumb! I have a brain! See, here's a picture of it!

Patrick: That must be actual size!

SpongeBob: No! It's normal size. It's simply functional, watch. 2 plus 2 equals 4.

Marty: Wow, son! You taught him math too!

SpongeBob: No!

Marty: And you thought him to sing! And now he's short-circuiting!

Marty: You know, son, I know when it comes to crisis, well, you're a three-wad. But that guy! He's a wet man in a dark cape. He even makes phone operators seem smart! But more importantly, son, you've shown me how much of a quick-witted boy you've become I feel like I'm really seeing you for the first time. Isn't that right, Janet?

Janet: You bet! Marty!

Patrick: Janet? Marty? Who are you people?!

Janet: Marty! I'm scared! (doorbell rings)

Squidward: Excuse me. Does this lovely couple belong to you? They've been standing outside my house saying "Where's Patrick?" all day! It's driving me nuts!

Patrick: Mom! Dad!

Herb: Wow, son! You actually recognized us this time.

Margie: And you remembered to get dressed today!

Marty: Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son.

Janet: Oh yeah!

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