Episode Transcript: Cephalopod Lodge

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==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
 
*[[Eugene H. Krabs]]
 
*[[Eugene H. Krabs]]
 
* Chief of the society
 
* Chief of the society
 
* Roger
 
* Roger
 +
* Little Sock
 +
* Giant Sock
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
SpongeBob:(singing) Workin' at the Krusty Krab! Workin' at the Krusty Krab! La, la, la, la! Loo... (speaking) Squidward? Squidward? (snaps fingers four times) Squidward, are you okay?
+
'''SpongeBob''': (singing) Workin' at the Krusty Krab! Workin' at the Krusty Krab! La, la, la, la! Doo... (stops when he sees Squidward smiling and staring into the distance) Squidward? Squidward? (snaps fingers four times) Squidward, are you okay?
  
Squidward: Hm? Oh! I couldn't be better!
+
'''Squidward''': Hm? Oh! I couldn't be better!
  
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! It happened again, Mr. Krabs!
+
'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs! (He runs to Mr. Krabs' office. Mr. Krabs is stacking his money into a sculpture of himself in his office when suddenly SpongeBob crashes into him destroying it) It happened again, Mr. Krabs!
  
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': What are you talking about?
  
SpongeBob: It's Squidward!
+
'''SpongeBob''': It's Squidward! (Squidward continues to smile and stare into the distance) What is it about the third Wednesday of every month that makes Squidward so happy?
  
Squidward: (smiling and staring into the distance)
+
'''Mysterious man''': Psst. Squidward?
  
SpongeBob: What is it about the third Wednesday of every month that makes Squidward so happy?
+
'''Squidward''': Roger! Is that you?
  
Mysterious man: Psst. Squidward?
+
'''Mysterious man''': Tonight's the big night.
  
Squidward: Roger! Is that you?
+
'''Squidward''': (Gasp!)
  
Mysterious man: Tonight's the big night.
+
(A few hours pass. It is night now.)
  
Squidward: (Gasp!)
+
'''SpongeBob''': These camouflage outfits should help us find out what Squidward's secret Wednesday secret is!
  
A few hours pass. It is night now.
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (giggling)
  
SpongeBob: These camouflage outfits should help us find out what Squidward's secret Wednesday secret is!
+
(Squidward walks out of his house. SpongeBob and Patrick dive into kelp. When Squidward walks away, they follow him to a bus stop. A bus arrives, and Squidward gets in. SpongeBob and Patrick follow and hide under Squidward's bus seat. The bus arrives at a strange, pyramid-shaped building. Squidward gets off the bus.)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (giggling)
+
'''Squidward''': Hello, Brother Roger. (He and Brother Roger do secret hand-shake)
  
Squidward: (walks out of his house)
+
'''Brother Roger''': Come right in, Brother Squidward.
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (dive into kelp. When Squidward walks away, they follow him.)
+
'''Squidward''': Thank you.
  
Squidward:(sitting at bus stop. The bus arrives, and Squidward gets in.)
+
'''Lodge members''': (talking)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (hiding under Squidward's bus seat.)
+
'''Squidward''': (putting on red robes like the other lodge members) Ah. This almost makes the other 353 days worth living for.
  
The bus arrives at a strange, pyramid-shaped building. Squidward gets off the bus.
+
(A gong chimes. Everyone including Squidward gathers around lodge leader)
  
Squidward: Hello, Brother Roger.  
+
'''Lodge leader''': For centuries, cephalopods have had but one nemesis. Let ye among you who wishes to join the lodge face your greatest fear. Cantankerous Moray Eelius!
  
Squidward and Brother Roger: (do secret hand-shake)
+
'''Lodge members''': (Gasp!)
  
Brother Roger: Come right in, Brother Squidward.
+
'''Cantankerous Moray Eelius''': Huh?
  
Squidward: Thank you.
+
(A new lodge member shivers while walking up to the moray eel's cage)
  
Lodge members: (talking)
+
'''Squidward''': I'll never forget my initiation ceremony.
  
Squidward: Ah. This almost makes the other three hundred and fifty-three days worth living for.
+
'''New lodge member''': (shivering)
  
Lodge leader: For centuries, cephalopods have had but one nemesis. Let ye among you who wishes to join the lodge face your greatest fear. Cantankerous Moray Eeleus!
+
(Cantankerous Moray Eeleus stings new lodge member)
  
Lodge members: (Gasp!)
+
'''Lodge members''': (cheering)
  
Cantankerous Moray Eeleus: Huh?
+
(Brother Roger puts lodge hat on new lodge member)
  
New lodge member: (shivering while walking up to the moray eel's cage)
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (clapping)
  
Squidward: I'll never forget my initiation ceremony.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Yeah! Way to go!
  
New lodge member: (shivering)
+
'''Patrick''': Way to go!
  
Cantankerous Moray Eeleus: (stings new lodge member)
+
'''Lodge members''': (Gasp!)
  
Lodge members: (cheering)
+
'''Lodge leader''': (Gasp!)
  
Brother Roger: (puts lodge hat on new lodge member)
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (clapping)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (clapping)
+
'''Squidward''': (Gasp!) SpongeBob? Patrick? Did you follow me here? (SpongeBob shakes his head but Patrick nods)
  
SpongeBob: Yeah! Way to go!
+
'''Lodge leader''': Brother Squidward! For thousands of years, no outsiders have witnessed this sacred initiation. You have deliberately desecrated the sanctity of this lodge!
  
Patrick: Way to go!
+
'''Snooty male judge''': Kick him out!
  
Lodge members: (Gasp!)
+
'''Squidward''': But...but, I...I...I...I...
  
Lodge leader: (Gasp!)
+
(Squidward and SpongeBob get kicked out of the cephalopod lodge. Squidward lands with his head stuck in the ground. He flails about wildly and we hear muffled shouting coming from him. SpongeBob pulls him out of the dirt)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (clapping)
+
'''Squidward''': I can't believe it. They kicked me out of the Cephalopod Lodge.
  
Squidward: SpongeBob! Patrick! Did you follow me here?
+
'''SpongeBob''': Do we get to join the lodge? (Squidward makes a face and SpongeBob smiles)
  
Lodge leader: Brother Squidward! For thousands of years, no outsiders have witnessed this sacred initiation. You have desicrated the sanctity of this lodge!
+
'''Squidward''': Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?
  
Squidward: But...but, I..I...I....
+
'''SpongeBob''': Huh? How did you know?
  
Squidward and SpongeBob:(get kicked out of lodge)
+
'''Squidward''': Psychic powers. Hey! Where's Patrick?
  
Squidward: I can't believe it. They kicked me out of the Cephalapod Lodge.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Maybe he got to join the lodge! (Patrick falls out of the sky and crushes Squidward) Or... maybe not. They didn't let you join either?
  
SpongeBob: Do we get to join the lodge?
+
'''Patrick''': Nah. I found the institution had nothing left to offer me. I was stagnating.
  
Squidward: Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hey, where's Squidward at?
  
SpongeBob: Huh! How did you know?
+
'''Patrick''': Hold on. (shakes his right leg. Nothing happens, so he shakes his left leg. Squidward's head pops out of Patrick's shorts) I found Squidward. (pulls Squidward out of his shorts. Then, pulls the hat out and puts it on Squidward's head.)
  
Squidward: Pshycic powers. Hey! Where's Patrick?
+
'''Squidward''': The last thing in my life I really enjoyed, and SpongeBob ruined it, too.
  
SpongeBob: Maybe he got to join the lodge!
+
'''Patrick''': Well, at least you still have the hat.
  
Patrick: (falls out of the sky and crushes Squidward)
+
'''Squidward''': Yeah. I do, don't I?
  
SpongeBob: Or... maybe not. They didn't let you join either?
+
'''Brother Roger''': Ahem. (takes Squidward's hat)
  
Patrick: Nah. I found the institution had nothing of to offer me. I was stagnated.
+
'''SpongeBob''': You still have your robes. (Brother Roger strips Squidward's robes off)
  
SpongeBob: Hey, where's Squidward?
+
'''Patrick''': You still have your underwear. (Brother Roger strips off Squidward's underwear, leaving him [off-camera] naked)
  
Patrick: Hold on. (shakes right leg. Nothing happens. shakes left leg)
+
'''Squidward''': No! (SpongeBob covers his own eyes and Patrick's. Squidward pulls on his regular shirt) You can look now.
  
Squidward: (head pops out of Patrick's shorts)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Don't you worry, Squidward. I'm sure if Patrick and I just explain what happened, they're sure to let you back in.
 
+
Patrick: Found Squidward. (pulls Squidward out of his shorts. Then, pulls the hat out and puts it on Squidward's head.)
+
 
+
Squidward: The last thing in my life I really enjoyed. And SpongeBob ruined it, too.
+
 
+
Patrick: Well, at least you still have the hat.
+
 
+
Squidward: Yeah. I do, don't I?
+
 
+
Brother Roger: Eh, hem. (takes Squidward's hat)
+
 
+
SpongeBob: You still have your robes.
+
 
+
Brother Roger: (takes Squidward's robes)
+
 
+
Patrick: You still have your underwear.
+
 
+
Brother Roger: (takes Sguidaward's underwear)
+
 
+
Squidward: No!
+
 
+
SpongeBob: (covers his own eyes and Patrick's)
+
 
+
Squidward: (pulls on his regular shirt) You can look now.
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Don't you worry, Squidward. I'm sure if Patrick and I just explain what happened, they're sure to let you back in.
+
  
 
(knocks on Cephalopod Lodge door)
 
(knocks on Cephalopod Lodge door)
  
Brother Roger: What is it? Oh, it’s you two.
+
'''Brother Roger''': What is it? Oh, it’s you two.
 
+
SpongeBob: We just came to explain that Squidward had no idea that we followed him to the lodge. So, it's not his fault.
+
 
+
Patrick: Yeah. Not his fault.
+
 
+
Brother Roger: Then who's fault was it?
+
 
+
Patrick: Was it my fault?
+
  
SpongeBob: No, it wasn't your fault, Patrick.
+
'''SpongeBob''': We just came to explain that Squidward had no idea that we followed him to the lodge. So, it's not his fault.
  
Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob. And it wasn't your fault either.
+
'''Patrick''': Yeah. Not his fault.
  
Brother Roger: Well, if it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Squidward's fault, who's fault was it?
+
'''Brother Roger''': Well, then, whose fault was it?
  
Patrick: Uh...maybe it's your fault.
+
'''Patrick''': Was it my fault?
  
Brother Roger: Squidward is never allowed in this lodge again!
+
'''SpongeBob''': No, it wasn't your fault, Patrick.
  
Squidward: SpongeBob! Are they letting me back in the lodge?!
+
'''Patrick''': Thanks, SpongeBob. And it wasn't your fault either.
  
SpongeBob: No. You can't set foot in the lodge.
+
'''Brother Roger''': Well, if it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Squidward's fault, then whose fault was it?
  
Patrick: Ever!
+
'''Patrick''': Uh...maybe it's your fault.
  
Squidward: Oh. Now that you two have ruined the last good thing in my life,...I think I'll go slam my head in the door. Repeatedly.
+
'''Brother Roger''': Squidward is never allowed in this lodge again! (slams door)
  
SpongeBob: Squidward, wait! I'm sorry we got you kicked out of your lodge. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
+
'''Squidward''': SpongeBob! Are they letting me back in the lodge?!
  
Squidward: No. Why didn't you just make up your own dumb club instead of ruining mine?
+
'''SpongeBob''': No. You can't set foot in the lodge.
  
SpongeBob: That's it!!! (jumps on Squidward) Squidward! We'll make our own club! And it'll be so much better than that dumb old Cephalop-olaphapa Lodge! And you can be our leader! How great does that sound, O Mighty One?! Wanna join
+
'''Patrick''': Ever!
our club, Patrick?
+
  
Patrick: Dog-pile on Squidward!
+
'''Squidward''': Oh. Now that you two have ruined the last good thing in my life...I think I'll go home and slam my head in the door...repeatedly.
  
Squidward: Aaahhhh! (The three walk back home).
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, wait! I'm sorry we got you kicked out of your lodge. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
  
SpongeBob: Squidward, you're the lodge expert. What do we do first?
+
'''Squidward''': No. Why didn't you just make up your own dumb club instead of ruining mine?
  
Squidward: Say good-bye. (enters his house)
+
'''SpongeBob''': That's it! (jumps on Squidward) Squidward! We'll make our own club! And it'll be so much better than that dumb old Cephalop-olaphapa Lodge! And you can be our leader! How great does that sound, O Mighty One?! Want to join our club, Patrick?
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: Good-bye!
+
'''Patrick''': Dog-pile on Squidward!
  
Squidward: Morons.
+
'''Squidward''': Aaahhhh! (The three walk back home)
  
SpongeBob: (climbs in through Squidward's window) So anyway, Squidward, I was thinking we should be working on our secret lodge initiation.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, you're the lodge expert. What do we do first?
  
Patrick: (falls through Squidward's window) Hey.
+
'''Squidward''': Say good-bye. (enters his house)
  
SpongeBob: Patrick and I have come up with a secret hand-shake.
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Good-bye!
  
Patrick: Secret!
+
'''Squidward''': Morons.
  
SpongeBob: (claps hands over head)
+
'''SpongeBob''': (climbs in through Squidward's window) So anyway, Squidward, I was thinking we should be working on our secret lodge initiation.
  
 +
'''Patrick''': (falls through Squidward's window) Hey.
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: Patty-cake, patty-cake, sailor man! Bake me a cake as fast...
+
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick and I have come up with a secret hand-shake.
  
Squidward: SpongeBob! That's not a secret hand-shake! Everybody knows Patty-cake!
+
'''Patrick''': Secret!
  
SpongeBob: Not the way we do it.
+
(SpongeBob claps his hands over his head)
  
Patrick: We don't use our pinkies.
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Patty cake, patty cake, sailor man! Bake me a cake as fast...
  
Squidward: (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of his house) Out!!!!!!
+
'''Squidward''': SpongeBob! That's not a secret hand-shake! Everyone knows Patty cake!
  
Patrick: I don't think Squidward wants to join our lodge.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Not the way we do it.
  
SpongeBob: Oh, sure he does. He just needs a little push. (knocks on Squidward's door)
+
'''Patrick''': We don't use our pinkies.
  
Squidward: Oh, what now? I'm coming! What do you... Great. Must be one of SpongeBob's pranks.
+
'''Squidward''': (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of his house, and screams) '''''GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!!'''''
  
SpongeBob: (traps Squidward in a light brown bag) Let's move. (SpongeBob and Patrick carry the bag away.)
+
'''Patrick''': I don't think Squidward wants to join our lodge.
  
They arrive at Jellyfish Fields.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, sure he does. He just needs a little push. (knocks on Squidward's door)
  
SpongeBob: Okay, we can let him out now.
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, what now? I'm coming! What do you... Great. Must be one of SpongeBob's pranks.
  
Squidward: Are you insane? You kidnapped me?
+
'''SpongeBob''': (traps Squidward in a light brown bag) Let's move. (SpongeBob and Patrick carry the bag away. A while later, they arrive at Jellyfish Fields.)
  
SpongeBob: Oh, we didn't kidnap you. We just brought you here for...
+
'''SpongeBob''': Okay, we can let him out now.
  
Patrick: Initiation.
+
'''Squidward''': Are you insane? You kidnapped me?
  
Squidward: What? What kind of initiation?
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, we didn't kidnap you. We just brought you here for...
  
SpongeBob: A very special initiation. (pulls a jellyfish out of his net)
+
'''Patrick''': Initiation.
  
Squidward: Oh, boy. Look at the time! Gotta run.
+
'''Squidward''': What? What kind of initiation?
  
Patrick: (smashes Squidward to the ground)
+
'''SpongeBob''': A very ''special'' initiation. (pulls a jellyfish out of his net)
  
SpongeBob: Would you care to go first, Brother Patrick?
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, boy. Look at the time! Gotta run. (He is stopped by Patrick, who smashes Squidward to the ground)
  
Patrick: After you, Brother SpongeBob.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Would you care to go first, Brother Patrick?
  
SpongeBob: (flicks the jellyfish and puts it on his tongue) Ow! Ooo, ooo! Ow! Brother Patrick.
+
'''Patrick''': After you, Brother SpongeBob.
  
Patrick: Brother SpongeBob. (slaps the jellyfish and puts it on his tongue) Aaahhhh! Brother Squidward. (pulls on Squidward's tongue and puts the jellyfish on it)
+
'''SpongeBob''': (flicks the jellyfish and puts it on his tongue) Ow! Ooo, ooo! Ooo! (muffled) Brother Patrick.
  
Squidward: (jumps into the air) Eee-aahhhhhhh!
+
'''Patrick''': Brother SpongeBob. (slaps the jellyfish and puts it on his tongue) Aaahhhh! (muffled) Brother Squidward. (pulls on Squidward's tongue and puts the jellyfish on it)
  
The next morning, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are all back at home.
+
'''Squidward''': (jumps into the air, screaming) Eee-aaahhhhhhh!
  
Unknown person: (knocks on Squidward's door)
+
(The next morning, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are all back at home. An unknown person knocks on Squidward's door, leaving a package behind)
  
Squidward: What's this? Can it be? My lodge robes! I'm back in the lodge! I gotta try 'em on! (He comes out of his room, dressed in a chicken suit) Huh? This can't be right! These aren't my cephalopod robes!
+
'''Squidward''': What's this? Can it be? My lodge robes! I'm back in the lodge! I gotta try 'em on! (He comes out of his room, dressed in a chicken suit) Huh? This can't be right! These aren't my cephalopod robes!
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (giggling. They are in chicken suits, too.)
+
(SpongeBob and Patrick giggle. They are in chicken suits, too.)
  
SpongeBob: They sure aren't. They're your uniform for your new lodge! Welcome to the first official meeting of...the Feather Friends.
+
'''SpongeBob''': They sure aren't. They're your uniform for your new lodge! Welcome to the first official meeting of the Feather Friends.
  
Squidward: Feather Friends?
+
'''Squidward''': Feather Friends?
  
SpongeBob: Somebody already had Feather Buddies.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Somebody already had Feather Buddies.
  
Patrick: Yeah. Those Feather Buddies better hope they don't run into us in a dark alley.
+
'''Patrick''': Yeah. Those Feather Buddies better hope they don't run into us in a dark alley.
  
Squidward: Grrrr. (rips his chicken suit in half) I don't want to be a Feather Buddy!!!!
+
'''Squidward''': (growls and rips his chicken suit in half) I DON'T WANT TO BE FEATHER BUDDY!!!!!!!!
  
SpongeBob: Do you still wanna be a Feather Friend?
+
'''SpongeBob''': Do you still want to be a Feather Friend?
  
Squidward: Grrr...no.
+
'''Squidward''': Grrr...no.
  
SpongeBob: Aw...Squidward, I hadn't realized how special your lodge was to you. I'll get you back in that club. And I know just how to do it. (takes off his chicken suit) Everything we need is in this drawer. (pulls Squidward's sock out of the  
+
'''SpongeBob''': Aw...Squidward, I hadn't realized how special your lodge was to you. I'll get you back in that club. And I know just how to do it. (takes off his chicken suit) Everything we need is in this drawer. (pulls one of Squidward's socks out of the drawer)
drawer)
+
  
Squidward: A sock?
+
'''Squidward''': A sock?
  
SpongeBob: Not just a sock...a disguise. Patrick and I will climb inside the sock and pretend to be a giant albino eel. We will then gain entrance to the lodge, and frighten everyone inside. Once they're good and terrified, you, Squidward, will  
+
'''SpongeBob''': Not just a sock...a disguise. Patrick and I will climb inside the sock and pretend to be a giant albino eel. We will then gain entrance to the lodge, and frighten everyone inside. Once they're good and terrified, you, Squidward, will storm in, defeat that giant eel, and rescue all the lodge members. You'll be a hero, Squidward. They'll have to let you back in the lodge!
storm in, defeat that giant eel, and rescue all the lodge members. You'll be a hero, Squidward. They'll have to let you back in the lodge!
+
  
Patrick: Hm. It's genius. But, I see one flaw in your plan.
+
'''Patrick''': Hm. It's genius. But, I see one flaw in your plan.
  
Squidward: One flaw?
+
'''Squidward''': One flaw?
  
Patrick: That sock is way too small.
+
'''Patrick''': That sock is way too small.
  
SpongeBob: It is. Time to break out the heavy artillery. (grabs a giant sock)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, it is. Time to break out the heavy artillery. (grabs a photo-realistic giant sock)
  
Patrick: That's what I'm talkin' about!
+
'''Patrick''': That's what I'm talking about!
  
It is night time at the Cephalopod Lodge.
+
(It is night time at the Cephalopod Lodge, where another meeting is beginning. SpongeBob and Patrick, both inside the photo-realistic giant sock, and Squidward look on)
  
Albino eel (SpongeBob): Okay, Squidward. Just give us five minutes and then do your stuff.  
+
'''Albino eel (SpongeBob)''': Okay, Squidward. Just give us five minutes and then do your stuff.  
  
Albino eel (SpongeBob and Patrick): (walk to the lodge)
+
(SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the lodge still inside the sock)
  
Squidward: Huh.
+
'''Squidward''': Huh?
  
Narrator: 5 minutes later.......
+
'''Narrator''': 5 minutes later.
  
Squidward: (walks to the lodge) This is ridiculous, No one is dumb enough to believe SpongeBob and Patrick are a..a....giant albino eel!  
+
'''Squidward''': (walks to the lodge) This is ridiculous. No one is dumb enough to believe SpongeBob and Patrick are a..a....giant albino eel?!  
  
Lodge members: (screaming and running)
+
(The lodge members are seen screaming and running away from the "albino eel")
  
Albino eel (Patrick): Roooo!
+
'''Albino eel (Patrick)''': Roooo!
  
Albino eel (SpongeBob): Roar!
+
'''Albino eel (SpongeBob)''': ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRR!
  
Lodge members: (screaming and running)
+
(More screaming and running away from the Cephalopod Lodge)
  
Albino eel (Patrick): Roo!
+
'''Albino eel (Patrick)''': Roo!
  
Albino eel (SpongeBob): Roar!
+
'''Albino eel (SpongeBob)''': ROOOOOAAAARRRRR!
  
Squidward: Unbelievable.
+
'''Squidward''': Unbelievable.
  
Lodge member: Squidward!
+
'''Lodge member''': Squidward!
  
Brother Roger: Look out!
+
'''Brother Roger''': Look out!
  
Lodge member: There's a giant albino eel on the loose!
+
'''Lodge member''': There's a giant albino eel on the loose!
  
Squidward: (clears throat) Do not worry. I will save you. Be gone, foul beast, or, I will smite thee. (punches the sock twice)
+
'''Squidward''': (clears throat) Do not worry. I will save you. Be gone, foul beast, or, I will smite thee. (punches the sock twice)
  
Albino eel (SpongeBob and Patrick): Oh! Oh, ow! Ow! Oof! (sock flattens and collapses)
+
'''Albino eel (SpongeBob and Patrick)''': Oh! Oh, ow! Arrgh! Oof! (sock flattens and collapses)
  
Lodge members: (cheering) Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
+
'''Lodge members''': (cheering) Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
  
Squidward: (laughing)
+
(Squidward laughs as Brother Roger puts the robe and hat back on him, implying that he has been reinstated into the Cephalopod Lodge. Suddenly, however, the emotional ceremony is interrupted by the incessant cheering of SpongeBob and Patrick)
  
Brother Roger: (gives Squidward his hat and robes)
+
'''SpongeBob''': Way to go, Squidward.
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (cheering)
+
'''Patrick''': It works!
  
SpongeBob: Way to go, Squidward.
+
(the lodge members glare angrily at Squidward and pick him up)
  
Patrick: It works!
+
'''Announcer''': Will somebody kick them out?
  
Squidward: Whoa!
+
'''Squidward''': Whoa!
  
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward: (get kicked out of lodge)
+
(SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward are thrown out of the lodge again)
  
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. We still have the Feather Friends.
+
'''SpongeBob''': Don't worry, Squidward. We still have the Feather Friends.
  
Patrick: But you'll have to pass the initiation again.
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'''Patrick''': But you'll have to pass the initiation again. (Turns on the stinging jellyfish)
  
Squidward: Aaah! Aaaaahhhh!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
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'''Squidward''': Aah! No! (Patrick grabs Squidward's tongue. Blackout and a sting is heard) '''AAAAAAAGH!!!!'''
  
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{{Transcripts/Season 6}}
  
 
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[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]
 
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[[Category:Transcript]]

Revision as of 13:34, 30 July 2021

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Grandpappy the Pirate Squid's Visit

Episode Article: Cephalopod Lodge

Characters

Dialogue

SpongeBob: (singing) Workin' at the Krusty Krab! Workin' at the Krusty Krab! La, la, la, la! Doo... (stops when he sees Squidward smiling and staring into the distance) Squidward? Squidward? (snaps fingers four times) Squidward, are you okay?

Squidward: Hm? Oh! I couldn't be better!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (He runs to Mr. Krabs' office. Mr. Krabs is stacking his money into a sculpture of himself in his office when suddenly SpongeBob crashes into him destroying it) It happened again, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?

SpongeBob: It's Squidward! (Squidward continues to smile and stare into the distance) What is it about the third Wednesday of every month that makes Squidward so happy?

Mysterious man: Psst. Squidward?

Squidward: Roger! Is that you?

Mysterious man: Tonight's the big night.

Squidward: (Gasp!)

(A few hours pass. It is night now.)

SpongeBob: These camouflage outfits should help us find out what Squidward's secret Wednesday secret is!

SpongeBob and Patrick: (giggling)

(Squidward walks out of his house. SpongeBob and Patrick dive into kelp. When Squidward walks away, they follow him to a bus stop. A bus arrives, and Squidward gets in. SpongeBob and Patrick follow and hide under Squidward's bus seat. The bus arrives at a strange, pyramid-shaped building. Squidward gets off the bus.)

Squidward: Hello, Brother Roger. (He and Brother Roger do secret hand-shake)

Brother Roger: Come right in, Brother Squidward.

Squidward: Thank you.

Lodge members: (talking)

Squidward: (putting on red robes like the other lodge members) Ah. This almost makes the other 353 days worth living for.

(A gong chimes. Everyone including Squidward gathers around lodge leader)

Lodge leader: For centuries, cephalopods have had but one nemesis. Let ye among you who wishes to join the lodge face your greatest fear. Cantankerous Moray Eelius!

Lodge members: (Gasp!)

Cantankerous Moray Eelius: Huh?

(A new lodge member shivers while walking up to the moray eel's cage)

Squidward: I'll never forget my initiation ceremony.

New lodge member: (shivering)

(Cantankerous Moray Eeleus stings new lodge member)

Lodge members: (cheering)

(Brother Roger puts lodge hat on new lodge member)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (clapping)

SpongeBob: Yeah! Way to go!

Patrick: Way to go!

Lodge members: (Gasp!)

Lodge leader: (Gasp!)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (clapping)

Squidward: (Gasp!) SpongeBob? Patrick? Did you follow me here? (SpongeBob shakes his head but Patrick nods)

Lodge leader: Brother Squidward! For thousands of years, no outsiders have witnessed this sacred initiation. You have deliberately desecrated the sanctity of this lodge!

Snooty male judge: Kick him out!

Squidward: But...but, I...I...I...I...

(Squidward and SpongeBob get kicked out of the cephalopod lodge. Squidward lands with his head stuck in the ground. He flails about wildly and we hear muffled shouting coming from him. SpongeBob pulls him out of the dirt)

Squidward: I can't believe it. They kicked me out of the Cephalopod Lodge.

SpongeBob: Do we get to join the lodge? (Squidward makes a face and SpongeBob smiles)

Squidward: Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?

SpongeBob: Huh? How did you know?

Squidward: Psychic powers. Hey! Where's Patrick?

SpongeBob: Maybe he got to join the lodge! (Patrick falls out of the sky and crushes Squidward) Or... maybe not. They didn't let you join either?

Patrick: Nah. I found the institution had nothing left to offer me. I was stagnating.

SpongeBob: Hey, where's Squidward at?

Patrick: Hold on. (shakes his right leg. Nothing happens, so he shakes his left leg. Squidward's head pops out of Patrick's shorts) I found Squidward. (pulls Squidward out of his shorts. Then, pulls the hat out and puts it on Squidward's head.)

Squidward: The last thing in my life I really enjoyed, and SpongeBob ruined it, too.

Patrick: Well, at least you still have the hat.

Squidward: Yeah. I do, don't I?

Brother Roger: Ahem. (takes Squidward's hat)

SpongeBob: You still have your robes. (Brother Roger strips Squidward's robes off)

Patrick: You still have your underwear. (Brother Roger strips off Squidward's underwear, leaving him [off-camera] naked)

Squidward: No! (SpongeBob covers his own eyes and Patrick's. Squidward pulls on his regular shirt) You can look now.

SpongeBob: Don't you worry, Squidward. I'm sure if Patrick and I just explain what happened, they're sure to let you back in.

(knocks on Cephalopod Lodge door)

Brother Roger: What is it? Oh, it’s you two.

SpongeBob: We just came to explain that Squidward had no idea that we followed him to the lodge. So, it's not his fault.

Patrick: Yeah. Not his fault.

Brother Roger: Well, then, whose fault was it?

Patrick: Was it my fault?

SpongeBob: No, it wasn't your fault, Patrick.

Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob. And it wasn't your fault either.

Brother Roger: Well, if it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Squidward's fault, then whose fault was it?

Patrick: Uh...maybe it's your fault.

Brother Roger: Squidward is never allowed in this lodge again! (slams door)

Squidward: SpongeBob! Are they letting me back in the lodge?!

SpongeBob: No. You can't set foot in the lodge.

Patrick: Ever!

Squidward: Oh. Now that you two have ruined the last good thing in my life...I think I'll go home and slam my head in the door...repeatedly.

SpongeBob: Squidward, wait! I'm sorry we got you kicked out of your lodge. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

Squidward: No. Why didn't you just make up your own dumb club instead of ruining mine?

SpongeBob: That's it! (jumps on Squidward) Squidward! We'll make our own club! And it'll be so much better than that dumb old Cephalop-olaphapa Lodge! And you can be our leader! How great does that sound, O Mighty One?! Want to join our club, Patrick?

Patrick: Dog-pile on Squidward!

Squidward: Aaahhhh! (The three walk back home)

SpongeBob: Squidward, you're the lodge expert. What do we do first?

Squidward: Say good-bye. (enters his house)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Good-bye!

Squidward: Morons.

SpongeBob: (climbs in through Squidward's window) So anyway, Squidward, I was thinking we should be working on our secret lodge initiation.

Patrick: (falls through Squidward's window) Hey.

SpongeBob: Patrick and I have come up with a secret hand-shake.

Patrick: Secret!

(SpongeBob claps his hands over his head)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Patty cake, patty cake, sailor man! Bake me a cake as fast...

Squidward: SpongeBob! That's not a secret hand-shake! Everyone knows Patty cake!

SpongeBob: Not the way we do it.

Patrick: We don't use our pinkies.

Squidward: (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of his house, and screams) GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!!

Patrick: I don't think Squidward wants to join our lodge.

SpongeBob: Oh, sure he does. He just needs a little push. (knocks on Squidward's door)

Squidward: Oh, what now? I'm coming! What do you... Great. Must be one of SpongeBob's pranks.

SpongeBob: (traps Squidward in a light brown bag) Let's move. (SpongeBob and Patrick carry the bag away. A while later, they arrive at Jellyfish Fields.)

SpongeBob: Okay, we can let him out now.

Squidward: Are you insane? You kidnapped me?

SpongeBob: Oh, we didn't kidnap you. We just brought you here for...

Patrick: Initiation.

Squidward: What? What kind of initiation?

SpongeBob: A very special initiation. (pulls a jellyfish out of his net)

Squidward: Oh, boy. Look at the time! Gotta run. (He is stopped by Patrick, who smashes Squidward to the ground)

SpongeBob: Would you care to go first, Brother Patrick?

Patrick: After you, Brother SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: (flicks the jellyfish and puts it on his tongue) Ow! Ooo, ooo! Ooo! (muffled) Brother Patrick.

Patrick: Brother SpongeBob. (slaps the jellyfish and puts it on his tongue) Aaahhhh! (muffled) Brother Squidward. (pulls on Squidward's tongue and puts the jellyfish on it)

Squidward: (jumps into the air, screaming) Eee-aaahhhhhhh!

(The next morning, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are all back at home. An unknown person knocks on Squidward's door, leaving a package behind)

Squidward: What's this? Can it be? My lodge robes! I'm back in the lodge! I gotta try 'em on! (He comes out of his room, dressed in a chicken suit) Huh? This can't be right! These aren't my cephalopod robes!

(SpongeBob and Patrick giggle. They are in chicken suits, too.)

SpongeBob: They sure aren't. They're your uniform for your new lodge! Welcome to the first official meeting of the Feather Friends.

Squidward: Feather Friends?

SpongeBob: Somebody already had Feather Buddies.

Patrick: Yeah. Those Feather Buddies better hope they don't run into us in a dark alley.

Squidward: (growls and rips his chicken suit in half) I DON'T WANT TO BE FEATHER BUDDY!!!!!!!!

SpongeBob: Do you still want to be a Feather Friend?

Squidward: Grrr...no.

SpongeBob: Aw...Squidward, I hadn't realized how special your lodge was to you. I'll get you back in that club. And I know just how to do it. (takes off his chicken suit) Everything we need is in this drawer. (pulls one of Squidward's socks out of the drawer)

Squidward: A sock?

SpongeBob: Not just a sock...a disguise. Patrick and I will climb inside the sock and pretend to be a giant albino eel. We will then gain entrance to the lodge, and frighten everyone inside. Once they're good and terrified, you, Squidward, will storm in, defeat that giant eel, and rescue all the lodge members. You'll be a hero, Squidward. They'll have to let you back in the lodge!

Patrick: Hm. It's genius. But, I see one flaw in your plan.

Squidward: One flaw?

Patrick: That sock is way too small.

SpongeBob: Yeah, it is. Time to break out the heavy artillery. (grabs a photo-realistic giant sock)

Patrick: That's what I'm talking about!

(It is night time at the Cephalopod Lodge, where another meeting is beginning. SpongeBob and Patrick, both inside the photo-realistic giant sock, and Squidward look on)

Albino eel (SpongeBob): Okay, Squidward. Just give us five minutes and then do your stuff.

(SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the lodge still inside the sock)

Squidward: Huh?

Narrator: 5 minutes later.

Squidward: (walks to the lodge) This is ridiculous. No one is dumb enough to believe SpongeBob and Patrick are a..a....giant albino eel?!

(The lodge members are seen screaming and running away from the "albino eel")

Albino eel (Patrick): Roooo!

Albino eel (SpongeBob): ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRR!

(More screaming and running away from the Cephalopod Lodge)

Albino eel (Patrick): Roo!

Albino eel (SpongeBob): ROOOOOAAAARRRRR!

Squidward: Unbelievable.

Lodge member: Squidward!

Brother Roger: Look out!

Lodge member: There's a giant albino eel on the loose!

Squidward: (clears throat) Do not worry. I will save you. Be gone, foul beast, or, I will smite thee. (punches the sock twice)

Albino eel (SpongeBob and Patrick): Oh! Oh, ow! Arrgh! Oof! (sock flattens and collapses)

Lodge members: (cheering) Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!

(Squidward laughs as Brother Roger puts the robe and hat back on him, implying that he has been reinstated into the Cephalopod Lodge. Suddenly, however, the emotional ceremony is interrupted by the incessant cheering of SpongeBob and Patrick)

SpongeBob: Way to go, Squidward.

Patrick: It works!

(the lodge members glare angrily at Squidward and pick him up)

Announcer: Will somebody kick them out?

Squidward: Whoa!

(SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward are thrown out of the lodge again)

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. We still have the Feather Friends.

Patrick: But you'll have to pass the initiation again. (Turns on the stinging jellyfish)

Squidward: Aah! No! (Patrick grabs Squidward's tongue. Blackout and a sting is heard) AAAAAAAGH!!!!

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