Episode Transcript: Are You Happy Now?

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Episode Article: Are You Happy Now?

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode starts with a shot of the Krusty Krab)

French Narrator: Ahhh... The Krusty Krab, Bikini Bottom’s answer to fine dining. (Patrick pops out of a dumpster and eats a Krabby Patty) And here we see one of its patrons now. (Patrick runs away from the back of the Krusty Krab like a dog. Camera zooms in a window to SpongeBob reading a book) Ah... yes, moving on. Oh, it is the SpongeBob, creator of the fine cuisine within. Now, let us watch. (cut to the interior)

Squidward: (holding a order ticket) One Krabby Patty, extra grease. (SpongeBob hums and chuckles; flips a page in his book)

SpongeBob: Whoa!

Squidward: Mmm.

SpongeBob: (flips another page) Ooooooh! (starts laughing. Squidward begins to lose his temper. Laughs more and flips a page, then gasps and moans)

Squidward: Grr... (SpongeBob gasps again and laughs even more, and does some movements)

Squidward: All right, let me see that! (picks up the book that SpongeBob was looking at, which says "THE KRUSTY KRAB WORK SCHEDULE") The Krusty Krab work schedule, what’s so great about this?

SpongeBob: (gasps) What’s so...g- why, it’s my happy book. The Krusty Krab is where all of my happiest memories occurred.

Squidward: Hmmm... (places SpongeBob’s book on the grill. It catches on fire and turns into ash) Oops, I accidentally burned up your memories!

SpongeBob: Don’t worry, Squidward. (walks to his cabinet and opens it. We wee a lot of books inside there) I have a whole cabinet of backups. (Squidward deflates) So...what’s your happiest memory, Squidward?

Squidward: Ummm, let me think... (a thought bubble appears. Inside it, a video of TV static zooms in. Then it cuts to the color bars screen. The thought bubble disappears and he sighs) I guess I don’t have a happiest memory. Oh, well. (walks away. SpongeBob thinks and he pops out from Squidward's boat. This makes Squidward angry)

Squidward: (angrily) Yes?!

SpongeBob: (sadly) Squidward, you don't have a happiest memory?

Squidward: So what?

SpongeBob: How can you live without a happiest memory? (grabs Squidward’s arm) Do you cry yourself to sleep at night?

Squidward: I hear you crying all the time!

SpongeBob: Well, with joy, Squidward, with joy.

Squidward: Look, I don’t need a happy memory, so just get back to your culinary grease factory and leave me alone! (SpongeBob hides under the boat)

Sandals: Hi, uh...I’d like to order a Krabby Patty, please. (Squidward suddenly bursts into tears, bawling hysterically) (confused) Okay... can someone else take my order? (SpongeBob appears out from Squidward’s boat again and starts crying too; he hugs Squidward)

Sandals: (annoyed) I’ll wait.

Squidward: (crying) You’re right, SpongeBob, I don’t have a happiest memory. This is horrible!

SpongeBob: Don’t worry, Squidward, I’ll help you make a happiest memory.

Squidward: (sniffs) Really? Do you think you can?

SpongeBob: (puts his arm around Squidward) No problem.

Squidward: Well, it’s against my better judgement, but, okay. (SpongeBob squeals with excitement. Bubble-wipe to a concert, violin sounds are heard playing by four fish)

SpongeBob: (while he and Squidward are walking to their seats) You love music, right, Squidward?

Squidward: Mmm hmm.

SpongeBob: Then this will definitely be your happiest memory!

Squidward: Hey, this isn’t so bad. I think I actually feel kind of...happy!

SpongeBob: See? Your happiest memory is forming! (cut to Nat playing a violin but his bow gets caught in a string and it launches from it)

SpongeBob: Oops. That was a sour note. (notices the violin bow on Squidward’s right eye)

Squidward: This is not my happiest memory... (bubble-wipe to the Museum with Squidward walking inside there) Why are we at the Art Museum?

SpongeBob: Well, you love art. Maybe you’ll find a happy memory in here!

Squidward: Great... I get to see all the art of people who have succeeded (depressing tone) where I’ve failed. My art will never be shown in this... (walks into a statue resembling him. He hits his left eye) What the? This...this...this is my sculpture! How did it get here? (a sign says "Created By SQUiDWARD TENTACLES")

Curator: (walks up to Squidward’s sculpture along with a group of fish) Oooh! You’re just in time! Art lovers, this is Squidward Tentacles! Creator of this piece! (the group is in awe)

SpongeBob: Wow! Your work at a museum, Squidward!

Squidward: (excited) Gosh! I can’t believe it! I think this might be it!

SpongeBob: Your happiest memory?

Squidward: Yeah!

Curator: And now the performance artist Fiasco will say a few words about this piece. (the camera shifts over to Fiasco)

Squidward: Gosh! Fiasco himself is talking about my art!

Fiasco: Ahem! Squid... ward... go toward... the light... (takes out a flamethrower and activates it) of my flamethrower! (burns down Squidward's sculpture and the Art Critic's group claps for him)

Squidward: (depressed) And now he’s melted it... (Fiasco takes away the sign "Created by Squidward Tentacles" and replaces it with "Burned by Fiasco") Not a happiest memory...

SpongeBob: Um... it’s kind of smokey in here! (grabs Squidward’s arm) You need fresh air! (walks off with him holding his arm. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Squidward (who is blindfolded wearing a white cloth over his eyes) in a hot air balloon) What a majestic view!

Squidward: What view?

SpongeBob: Oh yeah! I forgot about your blindfold! (removes Squidward’s blindfold) Isn’t it beautiful?

Squidward: (looks down at his house) Very nice... except that I’m (scared) afraid...of...heights!

SpongeBob: Oh! Sorry, Squidward! I’ll take us down! (takes out a needle)

Squidward: What?! Nooo! (SpongeBob pops the balloon) Oh boy... (he and SpongeBob start flying around and the balloon crashes into a mountain. He knocks away the basket and notices SpongeBob’s butt) Oh yeah... nice view... (SpongeBob is now submerged into the mountain)

Harold: (reaches the top) Son of a seahorse! 20 years of training and a couple of amateurs just leap out of a balloon! Here! (gives SpongeBob his flag that resembles a mountain) You plant it! (walks back down, mumbling in anger) All that time and money and resources wasted on...

SpongeBob: Hey! We’re the first to ever reach the top of Mt. Bikini! Surely that must make for our happiest memory! I claim this mountain in the name of Squidward Tentacles! (accidentally jams the flag onto Squidward’s foot. Squidward shakes in pain. Closeup view of Squidward’s foot)

Squidward: (removes the flag from his foot and notices the mountain starting to shake) Uh oh... (the snow starts to carry him and SpongeBob down the mountain)

Harold: Stupid amateurs... (stops walking and notices the snow) Fantastic... (the snow carries him, SpongeBob, and Squidward onto Conch Street)

Squidward: (pops his head up from the mound) Time to face facts. I’ll never have a happiest memory. (opens the snow up like a door and walks out then turns to SpongeBob) And if I do, it definitely won’t involve you. (closes the snow door on SpongeBob and locks it; then walks inside his house and slams the door) Hello misery... I’m home... (walks up the stairs in depression; gets on his bed) I might as well go to bed for a hundred years or so. (lays down in bed) Wake me when I’m dead... (rolls; he falls under his bed and he rolls under there; sighs. A time card appears)

French Narrator: Two weeks later...

SpongeBob: (at his house) Gary, I am worried about Squidward. He hasn’t come out of his house for two weeks now!

Gary: Meow eow-ow.

SpongeBob: (knocks on Squidward’s door) Why isn’t he answering? (looks through Squidward’s mail slot) Squidward! Squidward! (camera shows that Squidward’s house is a mess) Now I’m really worried! Squidward! Squidward! (notices Squidward through the window. He gasps) Squidward! Down here! He’s upstairs! (Gary uses his slime to take SpongeBob up to the house near Squidward's right window. Squidward is depressed, and wearing a beard. SpongeBob is sitting on top of Gary; He knocks on the window) Hey! Hey! Squidward! (Squidward pulls the blinds down on both windows) Well at least we know that he is still alive. Uh oh... (Gary’s shell falls off and SpongeBob lands on the ground)

Gary: (while his shell falls off) Meowwwwwwwwwwwww!

SpongeBob: (screaming; he falls to the ground inside Gary’s shell. then runs into Squidward’s house and Gary’s shell cracks off of him) I’m OK, Gary!

Gary: (nonchalantly) Meow... (bubble-wipe to inside SpongeBob's house and near the phone)

SpongeBob: Squidward sure seems depressed. I think I’ll call him to cheer him up! (starts calling Squidward. Cut to Squidward’s house)

Squidward: (mumbling as he walks towards the phone)...I’m still alive... (picks up the phone)

SpongeBob: (on the phone) Hello? Squidward? Are you there? (Squidward throws his phone out his window and into SpongeBob’s house. He cracks SpongeBob’s window as he does this. The phone is next to Gary) Squidward? Are you there? Squidward?

Gary: (confused) Mrow?

SpongeBob: Gary? What are you doing at Squidward’s? Uh Gare? Can you put Squidward on the phone? (notices Gary trying to give him another phone and takes it) Hold on a second, someone’s on the other line. (echoing) Hello? Hello!? Hello!? (SpongeBob shakes in confusion. Squidward’s phone breaks) Hello? (his phone then breaks. Both phones spark. Cut back to Squidward’s house)

Squidward: I just can’t seem to get happy... (opens his oven, shoves his head in there and takes out burned brownies) Well, that didn’t help... (hears ringing; then walks over to his phone) Huh? That’s strange, I could have swear I just threw that darn phone away. (notices his fax machine. Beeping sounds ar heard) Oh yeah. My fax machine. Now, why did I buy that again?

SpongeBob: (emerges from the fax machine and is in paper form) Hi, Squidward! (Squidward grabs him) You sure are a hard man to get a hold of! (sniffs) Hey, do I smell brownies?

Squidward: Yes... (places SpongeBob into the paper shredder and picks the box up) Thanks for stopping by. (dumps SpongeBob out of his window then closes it. Gary slithers towards the paper bits)

Gary: (sighs) Meow. (gathers up the bits of SpongeBob and puts him back together in a paper form. He gets up covered in slime)

SpongeBob: Thanks, Gary! I have to find a way to give Squidward a happiest memory. These pants may be square, but it’s time to think outside of the box! (cut to Squidward's house)

Squidward: (in depression; grabs a rope) I can’t seem to get happy... (swings the rope over) Maybe this will help. (pulls on the rope to reveal a scallop in a cage but it sprays an unknown purple liquid at him which he doesn’t like and the cage falls on his face; the scallop then flies away) Nope... I guess not... (hears knocking) Oh great... I wonder who that could be... (walks to the door with mail all over the ground; looks through the mail slot and notices the mailfish) You’re not SpongeBob.

Mailfish: I have a package here for a Squidward "Tentaclees"?

Squidward: (corrects him) Tentacles. Yes, that’s me.

Mailfish: Well, here you go. (gives Squidward the package)

Squidward: Thaaanks... (closes his door) Doesn’t say who it’s from. No doubt SpongeBob’s hiding inside. Ah well, here goes nothing. (opens the package) Gotcha! Huh? (notices it is empty) It’s empty. Empty, just like my miserable life! (SpongeBob emerges from the box) I see nothing but darkness ahead... (SpongeBob tapes him in another box) SpongeBob!? (starts muffling as SpongeBob takes him to the Krusty Krab; SpongeBob then opens the box with Squidward in anger)

SpongeBob: Surprise! I figured what you needed was a party to help cheer you up! (shows him a cake) Unfortunately, everyone I tried to invite was busy or sick, but don’t worry, I used my papier mâché skills to fill the party with your favorite person: me! (the camera zooms out to show the Krusty Krab filled with papier mâché SpongeBobs, and a batter saying "HAPPY HAPPiEST MEMORY SQUiDWARD" on it. A victorious stinger plays) So what do ya think? Happiest memory or what? (walks off)

Squidward: You don’t seem to understaaand. (starts to get angry) I... don’t... WANT... (angry skulls appear in his eyes, saying what he’s saying) A... HAPPIEST...MEM-ORY!!! (starts to go crazy and destroys the cake by jumping on it)

SpongeBob: (talking to a papier mâché SpongeBob) Are you enjoying the hors d’oeuvres?

Squidward: (rips a papier mâché SpongeBob apart then jumps up and tears two more apart; then he uses two chainsaws to saw another three more; then goes on a pole and crawls to the ceiling and grabs the banner that says "Happy Happiest Memory Squidward," rides it like Tarzan, and kicks more of them away) I feel won-der-ful! (laughs maniacally and destroys more papier mâché SpongeBobs; the real SpongeBob smiles) This is it, my happiest memory!

SpongeBob: Sigh... he’s so handsome! (episode ends)

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