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Episode Transcript: The Sponge Who Could Fly

2007-10-09T17:37:43Z

84.160.222.241:

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Episode Article: [[The Sponge Who Could Fly (Episode)|The Sponge Who Could Fly]]

==Cractreres==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Plankton]]
*[[Grandpa Squarepants]]
*[[Mrs. Puff]]
*[[Patchy]]
*[[Potty]]
*[[Old Man Jenkins]]
*[[Fred]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Nancy]]

(scene opens up in front of Nickelodeon Studios, where a security guard is standing by the gate) 
French Narrator: Last week, a never-before-seen episode of Spongebob Squarepants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. (a large crowd of excited people is shown) Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch... (the title appears on screen) the Spongebob Squarepants Lost Episode! (an aerial shot of the town of Encino appears) Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the Spongebob Squarepants fan club, Patchy the Pirate! (inside his house, Patchy is inside the shower, humming; Potty flies up) 
Potty: Patchy! Patchy! The kids are here. (flushes the toilet) 
Patchy: WAH!!! (opens the curtain in panic) Hot! Hot! Hot! Potty, don't you know this is Patchy private time? (looks at the camera) Oh, hello! Dahh! (covers himself with the curtain) What are you all doing here? 
Potty: They're here to see the lost episode. Brawk! 
Patchy: But I haven't got the lost episode because I... well, I lost it! (starts to cry) 
Children: (off-screen) No, Patchy! Please! Don't say that, Patchy! Please! 
Patchy: But it is! It's lost and I have no idea where it is, so it's best if you forget all about old Spongebob. (shuts the curtain and cries loudly) 
(cuts to a montage of Spongebob's greatest moments) 
French Narrator: Remembering Spongebob. (Spongebob walks into the kitchen of the Krusty Krab, from "[[As Seen on TV (Episode)|As Seen on TV]]"; brings it around town, from "[[Bubblestand (Episode)|Bubblestand]]"; puts a mustard checkmark on a Krabby Patty then puts it down on a bun, from "[[The Chaperone (Episode)|The Chaperone]]"; struggles with his long legs, from "The Chaperone"; separates into two pieces then joins back together, also from "Bubblestand"; stands motionless in awe, also from "As Seen on TV"; struggles lifting up a bar with two teddy bears attached, from "[[Help Wanted (Episode)|Help Wanted]]"; skips outside tossing hearts in the air, from "[[Valentine's Day (Episode)|Valentine's Day]]"; goes for a blue jellyfish but winds up catching himself in his net, from "[[Tea at the Treedome (Episode)|Tea at the Treedome]]"; surfs backwards with his pants ripped then wipes out, from "[[Ripped Pants (Episode)|Ripped Pants]]"; dodges a karate chop from Sandy, from "[[Karate Choppers (Episode) Karate Choppers]]"; smokes a bubble pipe, from "Grandma's Kisses"; sheds a layer of his skin, from "[[F.U.N. (Episode)|F.U.N.]]"; floats around completely inflated, from "[[Pizza Delivery (Episode)|Pizza Delivery]]"; sends a message in a bubble, from "[[Naughty Nautical Neighbors (Episode)|Naughty Nutical Neighbors]]"; a muscular version of him chases a jellyfish, from "[[MuscleBob BuffPants (Episode)|Musclebob Buffpants]]"; lies in bed next to Squidward, from "[[Home Sweet Pineapple (Episode)|Home Sweet Pineapple]]"; scrubs the inside of his head, also from "The Chaperone"; clenches onto Mrs. Puff, from "[[Boating School (Episode)|Boating School]]"; rocks out, from "[[Band Geeks (Episode)|Band Geeks]]"; plucks his eyebrows, yet again from "The Chaperone"; sucks on a table, from "[[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (Episode)|Mermaidman and Barnacleboy]]"; shrinks on the stove, from "[[Nature Pants (Episode)|Nature Pants]]"; does a karate dance, also from "Karate Choppers"; blows the sand of Squidward, from "[[Reef Blower (Episode)|Reef Blower]]"; wiggles around, also from "[[F.U.N.]]"; gets shut out by Squidward, from "[[The Paper (Episode)|The Paper]]; an audience applauds; cuts back to Patchy, who is sitting on the couch) 
Patchy: I don't believe I lost the Lost Episode. (screws in his peg leg) I never lose anything. 
Potty: What about your leg? 
Patchy: Well, yeah, but... 
Potty: And your eye. 
Patchy: Well, the eye, I... 
Potty: And your hand. 
Patchy: And the h... oh, get out of here you blasted bird! (shoos Potty away) Hmm... if only I had a map to tell me where the Lost Episode is. (a screeching car sounds and a brick flies through the window and hits Potty; he mutters gibberish and then falls over) 
Potty: What is it? Brawk! 
Patchy: Hey... it's a map! It's a map to the Lost Episode of Spongebob I lost! 
Potty: It's a dream come true! 
Patchy: (giggles) We gotta go find it, Potty! (shouts excitedly and runs over to the door; snaps) Oh, first I'll need me treasure hunting leg. (grabs a black boot out of a bin of umbrellas and screws it on his wooden leg while limping out the door; it now functions like a normal leg) Come on, Potty! Ah! Times a-wastin'! (runs down the steps, along with Potty) 
Potty: Brawk! 
Patchy: (an elderly woman sits on her porch, knitting) Ten paces past Mrs. Johnson's house. (walks past the woman's house) 
Mrs. Johnson: Would you boys like some cookies? 
Patchy: Put 'em in a doggie bag, Mrs. Johnson. Can't right now, we're on a treasure hunt. (continues walking) 
Mrs. Johnson: Okay, don't catch a cold. 
Patchy: Walk five fathoms past Don's Import Store and Delicatessen. (looks up at a store by that name; walks next to a tree) Half a league to the forked tree. (looks up at a tree with plastic forks growing on it) Oh! (stands somewhere else, looking at the map) Now all that's left is... Huh?! The seven trials of monkey lagoon?! (lowers the map and sees a playground full of children) Merciful Neptune. Only for Spongebob. Only for Spongebob!!! (runs into the playground; rides back and forth on a small green horse) AHHHHH!!! Whoa!!! (goes up and down on a see-saw) Whoa!!! Whoa! (slides down a slide with his hands up) YAHHHHH!!! (hits the ground) Ow! (gets spun around on a merry-go-round) AHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! (slowly climbs on the monkey bars while a little kid punches him in the back) Ahh... Ahh... Ah! (inside a giant climbing thing while a group of kids laugh at him) AHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! (gets pushed on the swing by a little girl) AHHHHH!!! DAHHH!!! (the swing he was on returns with only a hook attached to it; the little girl stares at it, confused; cuts to Patchy digging in the sand) We made it! We survived the trials! Oh, I'm really gonna dig this lost episode! (laughs) Dig it, get it? (laughs some more) 
Potty: (covered in sand) You stink! 
Patchy: And I just got out of the shower. (laughs again; sticks his shovel in the ground and hits something) Hey Potty, I think I hit something. (camera zooms out; a large treasure chest sits in the sand) Clever... bury your treasure above the surface. 
Potty: Brawk! 
Patchy: (opens the chest; a golden glow shines from it) This is it! (a man in a construction hat sits in the chest, holding a tape; Patchy takes it; the man cups his hands) I don't know what it means either. (slams the top of the chest on the man) But I got what I came for! Come on Potty, time's a-wastin'. (runs off, jumping around and shouting excitedly again; runs into his house, still excited, and holds the tape up) Yeah!!! Popcorn. (slams a bag of popcorn down on the table) Soda. (puts a cup of soda on the table) Pickled garlic! (puts a jar of pickled garlic down on the table, next to the other things; runs and sits down) Potty, hit the remote! 
Potty: (drops an egg that hits the remote) Brawk! (the VCR turns on) 
Patchy: (grabs the popcorn) This is gonna be great! (a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen) I can't believe it. More Spongebob! (starts eating the popcorn; the countdown makes it's way down to five) This so exciting! (laughs, shaking the popcorn, which flies everywhere; the countdown ends) Here it comes!
Potty: Brawk! Pipe down! 
("Walk Cycles" begins on the TV screen; Spongebob is walking down the road while techno music plays in the background; his body squishes up, then returns to normal; then, his body extends and his arms flail around; he returns to normal, then squishes up three times, shrinking smaller and smaller, in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; once again, squishes up smaller and smaller in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; starts running frantically while sweating and looking left to right; extends his body, this time with his tongue sticking out and flailing around; begins frantically running again; his limbs and body separate and his eyes pop out of his head; begins walking normally again; "Walk Cycles" ends; a beeping noise comes from the TV; Patchy stares blankly for a moment) 
Patchy: That's it? That's the Lost Episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles! 
Potty: What a rip! 
Patchy: Grrrrr... (his face turns red and smoke steams out of his ears) Spongebob betrayed us! (runs over to a wall of framed Spongebob pictures; begins tearing them off the wall) I'm sorry I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place! (enters his Spongebob-merchandise-filled room and starts throwing things everywhere) I'm gonna get rid of all my Spongebob stuff! All of it! All of it! (rips his Spongebob boxers out of his pants) All of it! (runs to the door) I'm gonna run away, that's what I'll do! Run away! (runs out the door crying) 
Potty: Sheesh, what a hothead! 
Announcer: (on TV, another countdown has started at twenty-three seconds with the words "Spongebob Squarepants Episode 118 The Real Lost Episode") And now, the real Lost Episode! 
Potty: Brawk! Patchy, come back! There's more! 
Patchy: (opens the door) Really? (shuts the door, then reenters again, completely reversing what he did earlier; sits back down) Hooray! Let's watch! 
("The Sponge Who Could Fly" opens up in Jellyfish Fields) 
French Narrator: Here we see the proud jellyfish hunter. (Spongebob stands completely still at the top of a hill, holding his net) He stands motionless to lure the jellyfish into a false sense of security. (a jellyfish swims right be him) And when his prey ventures to close, he springs into action. 
Spongebob: (puts on his safety glasses; turns into a spring and bounces after the jellyfish; stops in midair and looks down) Huh? (stretches out and starts falling downward, now in normal form) AHHHHHHHHH!!!! (hits the ground) Ooh! (separates into seven smaller Spongebobs, who all run away and then join back together, except for one, which Spongebob catches and places in an open space on his backside; wipes the sweat off his forehead) Phew! I salute you, oh majestic jellyfish. (salutes a jellyfish that buzzes over his head) Your command of the sky is unmatched. Floating just out of the reach of my net, but near enough that I can see your untamed beauty. (a jellyfish floats up and down above Spongebob's palm; music begins to play as a microphone lowers in front of him; he clears his throat)

Music: "[[I Wish I Could Fly]]"
If only I could join you there in the air
Floating free without a care
I wish I could fly
And see things with a different eye
(Spongebob's two eyes combine into one big eye; the camera zooms into it and his pupil becomes him flying through the sky)
I would fly so very high and touch the sky
(flies through a crowd)
And never have to ask why it is that I can't fly
(the blue sky backdrop turn back into Jellyfish Fields, and Spongebob falls to the ground; he gets up) 
Spongebob: Wait a minute, I'm forgetting the words of Grandpa Squarepants. (a thought cloud appears above Spongebob's head; Spongebob's grandfather is inside of it)
Grandpa Squarepants: If we were meant to fly, we'd have propellers on our heads or jet engines on our backs. (the cloud disappears) 
Spongebob: (snaps) I'm gonna follow his advice, by gum. I'll invent a flying machine! (cuts to Spongebob working on building a plane outside of a barn; Patrick walks up to him) 
Patrick: What's that contraption, Spongebob? 
Spongebob: That, Patrick, is a flying machine. 
Patrick: (laughs) 
Spongebob: What's so funny? 
Patrick: Well, it's like my grandpa used to say. (a thought cloud appears over his head; Grandpa Squarepants is inside it again)
Grandpa Squarepants: If we were meant to fly, uh... hey, I'm not your grandfather! (pokes Patrick in the head with his cane; the thought cloud disappears) 
Spongebob: Well, here I go, Patrick! (runs to the front) I'm off to fly with the jellyfish! Ignition, check! (spins the propeller around) Landing gear... (kicks the tire) check! Complimentary peanuts... (holds up a bag of peanuts) check-a-roo. (hops into the cockpit, now with a hat and glasses on) Ready for takeoff! (pushes a handle forward; the plane starts up, then comes to pieces; the propeller spins through the air and slices through a grain silo next to the farm; sand pours out of it and covers him and Patrick) 
Patrick: You cut a hole in Farmer Jenkins' grain silo! 
Spongebob: Don't remind me. 
Jenkins: (runs up) I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines! Now git! (Patrick and Spongebob run away) 
Patrick: We better do what he says. He knows how to grow food! (cuts to Patrick standing in front of his rock, looking dumb; Spongebob runs up with blueprints in his hand) 
Spongebob: Well, it took me all night, but here they are. The new blueprints! I wasn't even close with that last one. Propellers, rudders... (blows raspberries; cuts to him standing on the top of a cliff in a rubbery bat costume) This one's gonna fly! (stretches out the wings; the camera focuses on Spongebob's butt, which is sticking out more than ever) I can feel it. Ready, Patrick? 
Patrick: (at the bottom of the cliff) Ready! 
Spongebob: (jumps and starts flapping his wings; starts gasping) It's working, Patrick! I'm flying! I'm... (ceases to fly) falling!!! (hits the ground) Ooh! (Patrick runs over and sprays him with a fire extinguisher; cuts to Spongebob, holding a clipboard, and Patrick, walking) 
Spongebob: This is it, Patrick. The physics are all here. This time, I'm gonna fly! (walks up to a lawn chair with two balloons attached to it and a brick sitting on it) 
Patrick: Oh boy, a birthday party! 
Spongebob: (laughs) No, Patrick. This is the Squarepants Flyer Mark Three. (goes over and picks up the brick) All you do is remove the brick, or ballast, and... (turns around and realizes that his invention is no longer there) Huh? (looks up and sees it flying away) Well, back to the drawing board. 
Patrick: Can we have the cake now? (singing) Happy, happy birthday to you! (cuts to Spongebob, attached to a red kite, which is attached to a bicycle that Patrick is on) 
Spongebob: Patrick, get ready to say "Eureka!" 
Patrick: Okay! 
Spongebob: Go!!! (Patrick starts pedaling; Spongebob lifts up off the bucket he is standing on and flies through the air) It's working! I'm flying! (flies past three fish on the side of the road) 
Cap Fish: Hey! Look at that guy tied to a kite! 
Fred: Why's he doing that? 
Nancy: Oh my goodness... 
Fred: Why's he doing that? 
Cap Fish: He'll fall and break his... 
Nancy: Can you see from up there? 
Spongebob: Do not be afraid, earthbound people. I am not a flying monster, I am just one of you. (suddenly, the kite snaps on him and falls out of the sky) Doh! (Patrick keeps pedaling as Spongebob repeatedly hits the ground behind him) Ow! Patrick! Ow! Patrick! Ow! Patrick! Ow! Patrick! (the three fish crack up; cuts to the Barg'n-Mart; Spongebob is standing at the cash register in front of Vendor; he puts the shredded kite on the counter) Excuse me, sir, but I would like to return this kite. 
Vendor: Hey... I know you. Yeah, from today's paper! (holds up a newspaper with a picture of Spongebob on the front page and the headline "Local Nutcase Tries to Fly") 
Spongebob: "Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs too! 
Vendor: No they didn't. 
Spongebob: (raises his fist) You'll see. (walks outside, and past Monroe and his mother) 
Monroe: Look mom, it's the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom. 
Mother: Wow! I wonder why he's still using his legs. 
Monroe: Come on, Bird Man. Flap your wings and fly! (makes flapping motions; he and his mother laugh cruelly; Spongebob walks away, only to encounter many other fish) 
Cap Fish: Hey, Bird Man, going to check on your eggs? 
Nancy: Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on. 
Fred: (steps in front of Spongebob and starts flapping his arms and making chicken noises; a crowd of fish around him laughs) 
Spongebob: Go on and laugh, but it is a sad day in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed for having dreams! (two fish holding babies stand to the side of him) 
Mother #2: You think you're the only one with unfulfilled dreams?
Stubble Fish: I was supposed to be a concert pianist... until I realized I didn't have any fingers. (looks at his hands)
Fish: We all had dreams. 
Nancy: What makes you so special? (the crowd of fish turns into an angry mob, along with pitchfork and torches) 
Mob: Let's get him! 
Spongebob: (the mob chases him; he starts panting, then stops) Huh? (camera zooms out to reveal Spongebob just stepped off the edge of a cliff) AHHHHH!!! 
Fish: Good riddance, dreamer! 
Spongebob: AHHHHH!!! (lands in a Mud Removal truck) Ooh! (the truck makes a sharp turn and Spongebob falls out, covered in mud; while falling) Well, it can't get any worse. Doh! (lands in a Feather Delivery truck; sticks his head up, which is now covered with feathers) I guess I spoke too soon. (cuts to Spongebob, with a towel wrapped around his body and the top of his head, looking out the window at the jellyfish flying by) There they go again, Gary. (sighs) I suppose I'll never join them in the sky. I'll be stuck on the ground, sentenced to a flightless life. (takes off his towel, under which is his underwear, and tosses it away) Oh well. I guess all dreams aren't meant to come true. (grabs his pants and puts them on) Back to reality. (walks over to the sink; Gary follows) 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: No, Gary, my dreams are silly. (takes the towel off of his head; grabs a comb and blow-dryer and starts brushing and drying his spongy hair; the phone rings; he sticks the blow-dryer partially in his pants and answers the phone) Hello? No, this isn't the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom. What? (the blow-dryer starts to inflate his pants) No, I certainly do not live in a birdcage. Who is this? Joe Momma? Well, listen up, Joe. (Gary retreats inside his shell) I hate to break it to you, but flying is impossible. (floats upward and hits the ceiling) I have to go now. My head just hit the ceiling. Huh? Hey! Look, Gary! (pulls the blow-dryer out of his pants) I... I think I'm flying! Jellyfish Fields, here I come! (the top half of his pineapple opens up and he flies out of it) 
Monroe: (points) Mom, look! It's the flying guy! 
Mother: Wow, I guess he wasn't a lunatic after all. 
(flying over the town)

Music: "[[He's Flying]]"
I'm flying. I'm flying!
(Cap Fish pops up)
He's flying!
(Johnson pops out the window)
He's flying!
(the old woman fish pops up)
He's really, really flying!
(Nancy opens her door; Tom pops out of the sewer, moving his fingers in rhythm)
They laughed, they scoffed, before I had liftoff.
(the Old Woman Fish stands next to a blue fish with balloons; an aqua fish stands next to another older fish; a business fish and Vendor pass by)
But now he's flying.
(Spongebob passes over them)
He's flying high in the sky. (Johnson drives by in a boat; another fish drives behind them; a couple other fish enter the scene)
I'd love to hang around to say I told you so.
(takes off)
But it's off to Jellyfish Fields I go!
(passes by a sign pointing in the direction of the Fields, making it bobble)
Roads and streets are not for me. (passes over an intersection with a stoplight)
Help! Please help! My snail is up a tree.
I've had her since I was a little girl.
(takes a deep breath)
But now it looks like the end of her world.
(the tree branch holding the snail snaps off)
NO!!!!!!
(catches the snail)
Gotcha!
(laughs; hands the snail to Mrs. Puff)
Next time, try the elevator.
(flies off)
Thank you, Bird Man!
(flies upward in a circle, leaving a swirling rainbow path behind him; flies up to a plane, in which Fred is sitting, among others)
I have never felt so free!
(Fred looks out the window at Spongebob in bewilderment)
High in the sky is the place for me.
(flies away; Fred pulls down an oxygen mask and starts breathing heavily)
Helping friends from up above.
(Spongebob flies onward some more, still leaving a rainbow path behind him; sprinkles drop down over a group of children; Monroe sticks his tongue out and catches one, then makes a face in disgust)
These are the things that I love!
(picks up a dime off the ceiling of a building and drops it in Mr. Krabs's hand)
I'll help Mr. Krabs reclaim his dime.
I'm rich!
(Patrick stares in awe at a mime doing his shtick; Spongebob swoops down and lifts him into the air)
Spongebob: And I'll save Patrick from this mime!
Patrick: Thanks, buddy!
Spongebob: (flies over to a kelp bush) Even Plankton needs some help, when he gets tangled in the ke-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-elllllllp! (inside the bush, Plankton is struggling to untangle himself from a piece of kelp; Spongebob lifts him up)
Plankton: Please put me down!
("He's Flying" ends; cuts to the Bikini Bottom News, where A Realistic Fish Head is reporting)
Fish Head: All of Bikini Bottom is abuzz over the identity of a mysterious flying man who helps people. (cuts to Tom, wearing a bad hairpiece)
Tom: He found my hair piece! (cuts to a little boy fish)
Boy: He helps people... and he flies... and he helps people.
Fish Head: (back at the desk) Who knows what superhero act of courage he'll astound us with next?
(cuts to a foggy night at Goo Lagoon; the lighthouse is shining its light around, when suddenly, it goes out; Johnson and an old fish run up)
Johnson: Oh no! The light in the Goo Lagoon lighthouse went out, and Sailor Jenkins is headed for the coastline!
Jenkins: (drives through the fog in a boat on the lagoon) I'm glad I gave up farming!
Spongebob: (flies down) I'm coming! (takes out the old light bulb and reaches behind his back to get a new one; screws it in and flips the switch; it turns on and Sailor Jenkins turns back around; a crowd of people run up, cheering)
Johnson: Thanks, mysterious flying man!
Jenkins: (slams into a large rock in the middle of the lagoon; starts to sink) I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines!
Spongebob: (walking away, with his pants deflated, brushing his hands off) That's enough good deeds for one day. I've got a date with a flock of jellyfish.
Mr. Krabs: (runs up) Spongebob! Son! I need you and your magical pants!
Spongebob: But Mr. Krabs, I invented these pants so I could fly with the jellyfish! If I keep doing favors for people I'll never make my dreams a reality. (starts to walk away)
Mr. Krabs: But Spongebob, it's an emergency!
Spongebob: (stops; inflates his pants) Let's roll! (flying through the sky with Mr. Krabs in his arms) Where to, Mr. K?
Mr. Krabs: Uh... my garage.
Spongebob: You've got it! (lands next to Mr. Krabs's garage) What's the emergency, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Are you sure you're up for it, boy?
Spongebob: I think my pants can handle it.
Mr. Krabs: I need you...
Spongebob: (anxiously) Yes?
Mr. Krabs: To clean...
Spongebob: Clean up crime?
Mr. Krabs: My garage.
Spongebob: (his pants deflate) That's your emergency?
Mr. Krabs: But Spongebob, everyone knows it's easier to clean a garage when you can fly!
Spongebob: (crosses his arms) All right, Mr. Krabs. I'll clean your garage. But after this, no more favors! (inflates his pants again; later, he flies out of the garage, finished with the job) All done, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: (sunbathing) And the recyclables?
Spongebob: Aw, shrimp. (turns around and reenters the garage; even later, he flies away) Finally! Jellyfish Fields, here I come!
Patrick: (off-screen) Spongebob!
Spongebob: Patrick's in trouble.
Patrick: (lying on his back in the street) Spongebob! Spongebob!
Spongebob: (flies down to him) What is it, buddy?
Patrick: Will you scratch my tummy? (Spongebob gets annoyed but does it anyway) Ah...
(a montage begins)
Larry: Help me pick out a tie? (holds out three different colored ties; Spongebob picks one)
Squidward: Clean my bathtub? (Spongebob unwillingly obeys)
Mrs. Puff: Balance my checkbook? (Spongebob scribbles in her checkbook)
Plankton: Help spread the word of evil? (Spongebob hands out newspapers with the headline "EVIL" on them)
Hat Fish: Untangle my phone chords?
Cap Fish: Do my geometry?
Nancy: Talk to my plants!
Gray Fish: Rub my scalp? (Spongebob rubs the man's scalp) Mmm... oh yeah!
Spongebob: (stops and starts flailing his arms) Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm supposed to be at Jellyfish Fields right now. But instead, I'm rubbing your scalp. And I don't even know who you are.
Gray Fish: But, we went to elementary school together.
Spongebob: Dennis? (starts rubbing his scalp again)
Dennis: Mmm... oh yeah!
(cuts to a crowd of fish searching for Spongebob)
Cap Fish: Spongebob!
Monroe: Hey Spongebob!
Fred: Spongebob!
Spongebob: (hiding behind a rock) If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. (quietly flies away)
Monroe: Hey! There he is!
Spongebob: (flies faster)
Monroe: He's getting away!
Light Purple Fish: No! He owes us favors!
Monroe: Get him!!! (the angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while Spongebob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; Spongebob keeps flying)
Spongebob: I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!
Johnson: He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll catch him now!
Jenkins: (off-screen) I'll take care of this!
Crowd: It's Cannonball Jenkins!!!
Jenkins: (inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward Spongebob; he collides with him, and Spongebob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; Spongebob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute) I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! (the crowd watches as Spongebob crashes to the ground; they walk over)
Fred: What have we done? (starts to cry) Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. (picks up the pants) A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. (the crowd leaves; Spongebob, now in his underwear, regains consciousness)
Spongebob: Well, it was fun while it lasted. (walks up to Jellyfish Fields, then walks away) I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. (sighs; starts to raise up in the air; a group of jellyfish are below him, carrying him up; "All You Need is Friendship to Fly" begins) Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... (the jellyfish carry him back to Bikini Bottom; singing) You don't need a plane to fly. (Johnson looks out the window at him) Plastic wings may make you cry. (a flock of scallops fly by) Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away. (the crowd of fish bury Spongebob's pants as the mourn over them) Inflatable pants... you may as well skip! (arrives at his home; the jellyfish put him back on the ground) If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah. (the jellyfish buzz away; waves) Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was.
Patrick: (walks up) Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice.
Spongebob: No more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. (opens his door)
Patrick: Suit yourself. (lifts up his arm and flies away)
Spongebob: (turns back around) Did Patrick just... ? (laughs) Nah! (enters his house again, but opens the door one last time, just to make sure; cuts back to Patchy's house)
Patchy: Wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
Potty: Let's watch it again.
Patchy: (chuckles) That's a great idea, Potty. (looks on the table) Where's the remote? (continues searching) Where's the remote? (stands up) Oh, I lost the remote! They should make those things... (a brick flies through the window and hits Patchy on the head) Eh... (falls to the floor)
Potty: Brawk!
Patchy: (stands back up and drops the brick on his foot; he is now holding his remote) My remote! (goes to the window) Thanks, stranger!
Mrs. Johnson: (outside, in a wheelchair) Don't mention it, Patchy! (flames shoot of the back of her wheelchair and she peels off, leaving a skid mark behind) Now, which one of these cockamamie buttons is rewind? (presses a button; a juggling clown appears on TV) No, that's not it. (presses another button; a weatherman appears on TV) Doh! Wrong again. (keeps flipping through the channels and grunting; a black and white horse movie comes on, then a football game, then the anemone from Your Shoe's Untied; Potty flies over)
Potty: Brawk! Let me do it!
Patchy: No, get away! (the lights go out) That's the light switch! (the light turns back on; Patchy and Potty fight over the remote, until a mariachi band pops up from behind the couch)
Potty: Brawk! That's the mariachi band button!
Patchy: Grrrrr... I hate technology!!! (continues pressing buttons on the remote) Rewind... darn you! (suddenly, the VCR starts spitting out tape)
Potty: Brawk! Failure ahoy!
Patchy: No! (tries to stop the tape from spewing out) Dah! DAH! Oh, blasted infernal machine! (gets tangled up and falls over, still struggling) Oh no! I've ruined the lost episode! Now it's lost forever!
Potty: Brawk! Lost forever!
French Narrator: Oh boy, what a loser. Well, I guess the lost episode will remain lost. But, tape or no tape, as long as there are stars in the sky, Spongebob will live on in our hearts and in our minds. (a Spongebob constellation appears over Patchy's house) Now get lost. I mean, bye. No, really, get lost.

Plankton’s Army (Episode)

2007-10-09T16:48:17Z

84.160.222.241:

{| border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1" align="right" style="margin-left:1em; background:#f0f0f0;width:300px;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Doing Time
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Episode number: || 45b
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Season/Year: || 3/2002
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Release Date (U.S.): || January 21, 2002
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Previous episode: || [[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV (Episode)|Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV]]
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Next episode: || [[Snowball Effect (Episode)|Snowball Effect ]]
|-
! colspan="2" | Character - Voice
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| SpongeBob || [[Tom Kenny]]
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Mrs. Puff || [[Mary Jo Catlett]]
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Patrick || [[Bill Fagerbakke]]
|- bgcolor="#ffffff"
| Sandy || [[Cathleen Gawlich]]
|-
! colspan="2" |<center>[[Image:.jpg]]</center>
© Nickelodeon
|-

|}

Plankton calls his cousins who he thinks are geniuses, (but are actually hillbillys)to steal the Krabby Patty's secret formula.
==Transscript==
[[Episode Transscript: Plankton's Army]]

[[Category:Episode]]
[[Category:Season 3]]

Plankton’s Army (Episode)

2007-10-09T16:47:06Z

84.160.222.241:

Episode Transcript: Plankton’s Army

2007-10-09T16:44:49Z

84.160.222.241:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Missing Identity|Missing Identity]]
|[[Episode Transscript: The Sponge Who Could Fly|The Sponge Who Could Fly]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Plankton's Army (Episode)|Plankton's Army]]

==Cractreres==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Plankton]]
*[[Karen]]
*[[Clem]]

(scene opens up on a shot of the Krusty Krab) 
Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the delicious Krabby Patty and its super-secret recipe. (Mr. Krabs appears) 
Mr. Krabs: Attention, Krusty Krab crew! All hands report immediately! 
Spongebob: (runs up) Fry cook Spongebob reporting, sir! 
Squidward: (wakes from behind the cash register; yawns) What's all the yelling about? 
Mr. Krabs: Today is the 25th anniversary of the first time me arch-enemy Plankton ever tried to steal me secret Krabby Patty formula. 
(scene flashes back to Mr. Krabs and Plankton) 
Plankton: Can I have the secret formula? 
Mr. Krabs: No. 
Plankton: Okay. (walks away) 
Mr. Krabs: (voiceover) But he was persistent! 
Plankton: (comes back) Pretty please? 
Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh. 
(scene cuts to Plankton holding a costume behind his back) 
Mr. Krabs: He used disguises! (Plankton laughs and pulls a cockroach costume over himself; Mr. Krabs's leg squishes him) Super science! (Plankton drips a droplet of chemical into a test tube and drinks it; he is surrounded in a pink cloud and appears as a cockroach; Mr. Krabs's leg squishes him) Civil disobedience! (Plankton is marching, holding a picket sign that states "I am not a roach"; Mr. Krabs's leg squishes him; scene cuts back to the Krusty Krab with Squidward, Spongebob, and Mr. Krabs) And I always came out on top! 
Squidward: (sarcastically) Fascinating. 
Mr. Krabs: But thousands of failures have made him crafty, so keep your eyes open! (Mr. Krabs's eyes bulge out, and he moves them right to left) You'll never know what trick he'll use to steal me secret Krabby Patty formula. 
Robot: (walks into the Krusty Krab, speaks in robotic voice) What a quaint restaurant. I think I will sample their wares. 
Spongebob: Ooh, how weird! A machine made to look like a customer. 
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob. Why don't you go hose out the men's room? 
Spongebob: With pleasure, sir! 
Mr. Krabs: (moves Squidward out of the way) I'll take this one. (to the robot) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, sir. May I help you? 
Robot: Yes please. I'd like an order of chili coral bits. 
Mr. Krabs: (loses fake grin he had on) You sure you don't want a Krabby Patty? 
Robot: No thank you. (holds up dollar bill) Will this cover it? 
Mr. Krabs: Uh, sure. (grabs dollar and hands the robot a paper bag) Here you go. 
Robot: (takes the bag and walks toward the door; using green laser beams, it melts the doorway and walks through) Good day. 
Mr. Krabs: Hm. I was sure it was one of Plankton's tricks. Well, at least his money's good. (laughs; the dollar bill center pops open and Plankton jumps out) 
Plankton: AH-HAH! 
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! You knew I would never distrust a dollar! 
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. Now hand over the secret Krabby Patty formula! 
Mr. Krabs: Or what? 
Plankton: ....I don't know. I never thought I'd get this far. 
Mr. Krabs: Well then, allow me to suggest your next move. (scene cuts to a toilet being flushed; Plankton screams as he swirls around in the water) 
Plankton: Curse you, Kra-a-abs! (he disappears in the pipes) 
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) And now for the chaser! (scene cuts to manhole outside of the Chum Bucket; Plankton pops up out of the manhole, gasping for breath; he jumps out) 
Plankton: You just wait, Krabs! Next time I'll.... ah, who am I kidding? At least I can go home to a wife who understands. (scene cuts to inside the Chum Bucket) 
Karen: So? Tell me what happened. 
Plankton: I don't want to talk about it. 
Karen: Talking will make you feel better. 
Plankton: Leave me alone. 
Karen: That's your problem. You never let anyone in. Plankton the rock, Plankton the loner.... 
Plankton: And she's off, ladies and gentlemen. 
Karen: ....and that's why everything you try ends up like this.... (Karen's screen shows Plankton laughing, about to pull a lever; Mr. Krabs' leg squashes him) and like this.... (Karen's screen shows Plankton laughing, holding a rubber duck over his head; Mr. Krabs' leg squashes him) and more recently, like this. (Karen's screen shows a toilet with a flushing noise) 
Plankton: (whimpering, starts bawling) I'm a failure! 
Karen: It's not that bad! You just require a little help. Maybe some henchmen.... 
Plankton: Henchmen? 
Karen: Yes, what you need to do is surround yourself with muscular tough guys who'll do whatever you say. 
Plankton: I like the sound of that. I'll canvas all the seediest lowbrow dives in town to find my minions. And I know just how to speak their language! (scene cuts to a dim club with muscular tough guys playing pool; Plankton stands at the door) Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for the preparation of affordable comestibles. Who will join me!? (scene cuts to Plankton sitting in a wheelchair in the Chum Bucket with a cast and bandages) I don't get it. No matter what I do, I always end up being squashed by someone bigger than me. 
Karen: Oh, come on. I think you're overreacting. (as Karen talks, a robotic hand comes out of a panel and pats Plankton, then squashes him) Sorry. 
Plankton: That's okay. I'm no different than the millions of other Plankton in the sea. (while Plankton talks, he "assembles" himself together, sticking his eye on, putting his arm in the socket, and matching his legs which are labeled "left leg" and "right leg" in their appropriate sockets) The Plankton family has always been pushed around and stepped on. Wait! That's it! Acting alone, we're powerless, but united, the Plankton family could be a real pain in the fanny! (he appears with a phone book and slams it on the ground) Krabs may think one Plankton is no problem, but let's see him take on two, or ten, or a hundred, or a thousand! (scene cuts to Plankton "dialing" a number, which is him jumping on the buttons; cuts to Plankton running from the receiver of the phone to the speaker; cuts to Plankton writing a letter to a family member; cuts to Plankton running with his tongue moistening the adhesive on an envelope; cuts to Plankton in a red airplane, skywriting "CALLING ALL PLANKTON", but a fish sitting on a bench sneezes and blows away the skywriting; cuts to a montage of differently dressed Plankton) But why stop there? I'll gather every family member from every corner of the ocean. The entire Plankton family under one roof! Krabs won't stand a chance against the staggering intellect of a million super-smart criminal masterminds! (doorbell rings) THEY'RE HERE! Welcome, brethren! (Plankton runs to the door and opens it with a big grin, which quickly fades into a look of disgust and disbelief; he sees a huge group of hick, hillbilly family members playing music; one of them begins to speak) 
Clem: (hick drawl) Hey, look everybody! It's cousin Plankton! 
All: YEE-HAW! 
Plankton: I've been away from home longer than I thought. 
(Clem runs up and shakes Plankton's hand) 
Clem: (hick drawl) Well, howdy, cousin! (Plankton stares at his hand, which is dripping after his cousin shook it) 
Plankton: Uh.... 
Clem: It's me, Clem. 'A course you remember Zeke, Rufus, Jeke, Billy Bob, Billy Jim, Billy Billy Bo Willy Banana Fana Fo Filly, Toad, Enis.... (Clem continues introducing the rest of the family; Plankton is crawling on the ground) 
Plankton: ALL RIGHT! I GET IT! I mean, uh, come inside. Make yourself at home. (scene cuts to the family inside the Chum Bucket, standing in front of Karen) I'd like you to meet my computer wife, Karen. 
Clem: (whistles from the back of the group) Golly, she sure is purdy, Sheldon. 
Karen: Sheldon?! 
Plankton: (annoyed) Yes, that's my first name. (Karen cracks up; Plankton keeps an angry face) 
Karen: Sheldon? (laughing) 
Plankton: (still has an annoyed face) Will you please-! 
Karen: (still laughing) Sorry! 
Plankton: All right, as I was saying.... (Karen starts laughing) Okay, we all know Sheldon's a funny name. 
Karen: (laughing) Okay, okay. I'm done. No more. 
Plankton: Good. Ahem, to continue. (turns away from Karen; he doesn't see the screen that she brings down behind him; the word "SHELDON" appears on the screen) Only you can bring honor.... (the family laughs; Plankton turns around to look at the screen; it is blank) ....and dignity.... (the word "SHELDON" with a finger pointing at Plankton appears; the group laughs, and Plankton turns to look at the screen, which is now blank) ....back to the Plankton name. (as soon as Plankton speaks, another "SHELDON" sign appears with an arrow pointing at Plankton; he turns around to look at the screen and is trembling with fury; as he starts to speak, another "SHELDON" sign appears) For years, it has been my goal to acquire the secret formula for.... (Plankton turns around and points at the sign) AHA! (he runs to the outlet and unplugs it) OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH! (Karen says "Sheldon!" one last time before losing power; Plankton runs in front of Karen's screen) Bottom line: we invade the Krusty Krab so I can steal the secret formula. What do you think? 
Family Member 1: But what's in it for us? (the family roars in agreement) 
Plankton: Well, what do you want? 
Family Member 2: Gawrsh. Can I get a new string for my banjo? (holds up a banjo with one string) 
Family Member 3: And another boot to match this'n? (holds up foot with a boot on it) 
Family Member 4: (holds up laptop) And some more memory for my laptop! 
Clem: And what about root beer? 
All: ROOT BEER??!!! 
Plankton: Help me get the secret formula and you can have as much root beer as you can drink! (the group cheers) Victory, thy name is Plankton! (Plankton turns to face the cheering crowd; on his back is a note taped on with the word "Sheldon" ) 
(scene cuts to the Krusty Krab; Squidward and Mr. Krabs are at the register) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, it's almost closing time, and we haven't seen eye or antennae of ol' Plankton for hours. Yes, sir, I think this time, he's finally given up for.... 
Plankton: (over megaphone) Attention Krusty Krab management! This is your better speaking. 
Mr. Krabs: What?! (Plankton is standing outside the Krusty Krab with a megaphone) 
Plankton: (over megaphone) I have the restaurant surrounded. Give me the secret formula or I'll destroy the Krusty Krab! 
(Mr. Krabs and Squidward run outside to Plankton) 
Mr. Krabs: Ah, you and what army, bug? 
Plankton: What army? What army?! Look around you, Krabs! (scene pans out to show the Krusty Krab surrounded by something green) 
Mr. Krabs: You planted grass? 
Plankton: GRASS? (starts laughing maniacally, joined by his family) 
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh. (Mr. Krabs and Squidward run into the Krusty Krab with the Plankton family behind them; within the Krusty Krab are shaking and thudding noises, as if in a fight; scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's face) You'll never get away with it, Plankton. (Mr. Krabs is in the toilet, with only his head exposed, surrounded by Plankton) 
Plankton: You're right. The pipes are much too narrow. Besides, what I really want is the Krabby Patty formula. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, you might as well forget it. The formula is locked away in me safe, and I'll never give ya the combination. (laughs) 
Plankton: Silence! (Plankton jumps on the flushing lever and sends Mr. Krabs spinning around) I think you'll find we're more than capable of figuring it out for ourselves. Oh, boys? (Plankton snaps his finger and his family assembles into a giant human hand and ear; they twist the lock, figuring out the combination) That's it, a little to the left.... 
Mr. Krabs: Curse you Plankton, and your ability to join together to form a working human ear! 
(the family opens the safe and inside is the secret formula in a bottle) 
Plankton: Hot dog! (Plankton hops up the stairs to the formula) Yes. It's mine! The formula's mine. After all these years, it's finally mine! (Plankton pulls the cork from the bottle and smells it as if it were champagne; he pulls the formula out of the bottle) Let it be known that on this day, I, Sheldon J. Plankton, single-handedly overthrew the Krusty Krab! 
Family: AHEM. 
Plankton: Eh, and, of course, I had a little help from the family. (goes back to Mr. Krabs, who is still stuck in the toilet) 
Mr. Krabs: Plankton, wait. You can't look at the formula. 
Plankton: Begging won't help. 
Mr. Krabs: I'm telling you, you won't be able to handle the truth. There are some things in this world that weren't meant for mortal eyes. 
Plankton: Eye. 
Mr. Krabs: Eye. 
Plankton: I don't care. Drum roll please! (Plankton rolls himself a drum roll and runs to Mr. Krabs's office, where a book labeled "Recipe for a Krabby Patty" sits on Mr. Krabs's desk) Finally, after all these years, I'm about to find out what makes a Krabby Patty taste so good. (opens book) The secret recipe for one Krabby Patty is.... a pinch of salt.... 
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! Wait! 
Plankton: (turns page) Three teaspoons of chopped onions.... 
Mr. Krabs: I'm warning ya....! 
Plankton: (turns page) A cup of love.... 
Mr. Krabs: Don't do it! 
Plankton:....mixed together with the most important ingredient of all.... four heaping pounds of freshly ground.... (turns page) Plankton?? (Plankton stares wide eyed at the formula and looks at Mr. Krabs) 
Mr. Krabs: I warned ya. (Plankton runs screaming hysterically all the way back to the Chum Bucket; back in the Krusty Krab, the book falls on the ground and the family reads the recipe and gasps; they all run screaming while Mr. Krabs laughs, except for one) Hey, why ain't you running? 
Family Member: Well, I can't read. 
Mr. Krabs: Get out of here! 
(family member runs away laughing goofily while Mr. Krabs gets himself out of the toilet; Squidward rubs his head and comes out of the toilet as well; Spongebob arrives) 
Spongebob: Hey guys. Did I miss anything? (Squidward picks up the formula) 
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, is this really the secret ingredient for the Krabby Patty? 
Mr. Krabs: Of course not! And Plankton will probably figure that out and be back again to find out what the real formula is. But don't worry, boys, the formula's safe from harm. I got it hidden in me most secret hiding place, a place no one, not even Plankton, would ever figure out. (Mr. Krabs starts laughing and hopping up and down) 
Squidward: Let me guess. It's at home, under your mattress. 
Mr. Krabs: (gasps and runs to his house, screaming) Curse you, Squidward!

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: Plankton’s Army

2007-10-09T16:44:10Z

84.160.222.241:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Missing Identity|Missing Identity]]
|[[Episode Transscript: The Sponge Who Could Fly|The Sponge Who Coulc Fly]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Plankton's Army (Episode)|Plankton's Army]]

==Cractreres==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Plankton]]
*[[Karen]]
*[[Clem]]

(scene opens up on a shot of the Krusty Krab) 
Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the delicious Krabby Patty and its super-secret recipe. (Mr. Krabs appears) 
Mr. Krabs: Attention, Krusty Krab crew! All hands report immediately! 
Spongebob: (runs up) Fry cook Spongebob reporting, sir! 
Squidward: (wakes from behind the cash register; yawns) What's all the yelling about? 
Mr. Krabs: Today is the 25th anniversary of the first time me arch-enemy Plankton ever tried to steal me secret Krabby Patty formula. 
(scene flashes back to Mr. Krabs and Plankton) 
Plankton: Can I have the secret formula? 
Mr. Krabs: No. 
Plankton: Okay. (walks away) 
Mr. Krabs: (voiceover) But he was persistent! 
Plankton: (comes back) Pretty please? 
Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh. 
(scene cuts to Plankton holding a costume behind his back) 
Mr. Krabs: He used disguises! (Plankton laughs and pulls a cockroach costume over himself; Mr. Krabs's leg squishes him) Super science! (Plankton drips a droplet of chemical into a test tube and drinks it; he is surrounded in a pink cloud and appears as a cockroach; Mr. Krabs's leg squishes him) Civil disobedience! (Plankton is marching, holding a picket sign that states "I am not a roach"; Mr. Krabs's leg squishes him; scene cuts back to the Krusty Krab with Squidward, Spongebob, and Mr. Krabs) And I always came out on top! 
Squidward: (sarcastically) Fascinating. 
Mr. Krabs: But thousands of failures have made him crafty, so keep your eyes open! (Mr. Krabs's eyes bulge out, and he moves them right to left) You'll never know what trick he'll use to steal me secret Krabby Patty formula. 
Robot: (walks into the Krusty Krab, speaks in robotic voice) What a quaint restaurant. I think I will sample their wares. 
Spongebob: Ooh, how weird! A machine made to look like a customer. 
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob. Why don't you go hose out the men's room? 
Spongebob: With pleasure, sir! 
Mr. Krabs: (moves Squidward out of the way) I'll take this one. (to the robot) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, sir. May I help you? 
Robot: Yes please. I'd like an order of chili coral bits. 
Mr. Krabs: (loses fake grin he had on) You sure you don't want a Krabby Patty? 
Robot: No thank you. (holds up dollar bill) Will this cover it? 
Mr. Krabs: Uh, sure. (grabs dollar and hands the robot a paper bag) Here you go. 
Robot: (takes the bag and walks toward the door; using green laser beams, it melts the doorway and walks through) Good day. 
Mr. Krabs: Hm. I was sure it was one of Plankton's tricks. Well, at least his money's good. (laughs; the dollar bill center pops open and Plankton jumps out) 
Plankton: AH-HAH! 
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! You knew I would never distrust a dollar! 
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. Now hand over the secret Krabby Patty formula! 
Mr. Krabs: Or what? 
Plankton: ....I don't know. I never thought I'd get this far. 
Mr. Krabs: Well then, allow me to suggest your next move. (scene cuts to a toilet being flushed; Plankton screams as he swirls around in the water) 
Plankton: Curse you, Kra-a-abs! (he disappears in the pipes) 
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) And now for the chaser! (scene cuts to manhole outside of the Chum Bucket; Plankton pops up out of the manhole, gasping for breath; he jumps out) 
Plankton: You just wait, Krabs! Next time I'll.... ah, who am I kidding? At least I can go home to a wife who understands. (scene cuts to inside the Chum Bucket) 
Karen: So? Tell me what happened. 
Plankton: I don't want to talk about it. 
Karen: Talking will make you feel better. 
Plankton: Leave me alone. 
Karen: That's your problem. You never let anyone in. Plankton the rock, Plankton the loner.... 
Plankton: And she's off, ladies and gentlemen. 
Karen: ....and that's why everything you try ends up like this.... (Karen's screen shows Plankton laughing, about to pull a lever; Mr. Krabs' leg squashes him) and like this.... (Karen's screen shows Plankton laughing, holding a rubber duck over his head; Mr. Krabs' leg squashes him) and more recently, like this. (Karen's screen shows a toilet with a flushing noise) 
Plankton: (whimpering, starts bawling) I'm a failure! 
Karen: It's not that bad! You just require a little help. Maybe some henchmen.... 
Plankton: Henchmen? 
Karen: Yes, what you need to do is surround yourself with muscular tough guys who'll do whatever you say. 
Plankton: I like the sound of that. I'll canvas all the seediest lowbrow dives in town to find my minions. And I know just how to speak their language! (scene cuts to a dim club with muscular tough guys playing pool; Plankton stands at the door) Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for the preparation of affordable comestibles. Who will join me!? (scene cuts to Plankton sitting in a wheelchair in the Chum Bucket with a cast and bandages) I don't get it. No matter what I do, I always end up being squashed by someone bigger than me. 
Karen: Oh, come on. I think you're overreacting. (as Karen talks, a robotic hand comes out of a panel and pats Plankton, then squashes him) Sorry. 
Plankton: That's okay. I'm no different than the millions of other Plankton in the sea. (while Plankton talks, he "assembles" himself together, sticking his eye on, putting his arm in the socket, and matching his legs which are labeled "left leg" and "right leg" in their appropriate sockets) The Plankton family has always been pushed around and stepped on. Wait! That's it! Acting alone, we're powerless, but united, the Plankton family could be a real pain in the fanny! (he appears with a phone book and slams it on the ground) Krabs may think one Plankton is no problem, but let's see him take on two, or ten, or a hundred, or a thousand! (scene cuts to Plankton "dialing" a number, which is him jumping on the buttons; cuts to Plankton running from the receiver of the phone to the speaker; cuts to Plankton writing a letter to a family member; cuts to Plankton running with his tongue moistening the adhesive on an envelope; cuts to Plankton in a red airplane, skywriting "CALLING ALL PLANKTON", but a fish sitting on a bench sneezes and blows away the skywriting; cuts to a montage of differently dressed Plankton) But why stop there? I'll gather every family member from every corner of the ocean. The entire Plankton family under one roof! Krabs won't stand a chance against the staggering intellect of a million super-smart criminal masterminds! (doorbell rings) THEY'RE HERE! Welcome, brethren! (Plankton runs to the door and opens it with a big grin, which quickly fades into a look of disgust and disbelief; he sees a huge group of hick, hillbilly family members playing music; one of them begins to speak) 
Clem: (hick drawl) Hey, look everybody! It's cousin Plankton! 
All: YEE-HAW! 
Plankton: I've been away from home longer than I thought. 
(Clem runs up and shakes Plankton's hand) 
Clem: (hick drawl) Well, howdy, cousin! (Plankton stares at his hand, which is dripping after his cousin shook it) 
Plankton: Uh.... 
Clem: It's me, Clem. 'A course you remember Zeke, Rufus, Jeke, Billy Bob, Billy Jim, Billy Billy Bo Willy Banana Fana Fo Filly, Toad, Enis.... (Clem continues introducing the rest of the family; Plankton is crawling on the ground) 
Plankton: ALL RIGHT! I GET IT! I mean, uh, come inside. Make yourself at home. (scene cuts to the family inside the Chum Bucket, standing in front of Karen) I'd like you to meet my computer wife, Karen. 
Clem: (whistles from the back of the group) Golly, she sure is purdy, Sheldon. 
Karen: Sheldon?! 
Plankton: (annoyed) Yes, that's my first name. (Karen cracks up; Plankton keeps an angry face) 
Karen: Sheldon? (laughing) 
Plankton: (still has an annoyed face) Will you please-! 
Karen: (still laughing) Sorry! 
Plankton: All right, as I was saying.... (Karen starts laughing) Okay, we all know Sheldon's a funny name. 
Karen: (laughing) Okay, okay. I'm done. No more. 
Plankton: Good. Ahem, to continue. (turns away from Karen; he doesn't see the screen that she brings down behind him; the word "SHELDON" appears on the screen) Only you can bring honor.... (the family laughs; Plankton turns around to look at the screen; it is blank) ....and dignity.... (the word "SHELDON" with a finger pointing at Plankton appears; the group laughs, and Plankton turns to look at the screen, which is now blank) ....back to the Plankton name. (as soon as Plankton speaks, another "SHELDON" sign appears with an arrow pointing at Plankton; he turns around to look at the screen and is trembling with fury; as he starts to speak, another "SHELDON" sign appears) For years, it has been my goal to acquire the secret formula for.... (Plankton turns around and points at the sign) AHA! (he runs to the outlet and unplugs it) OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH! (Karen says "Sheldon!" one last time before losing power; Plankton runs in front of Karen's screen) Bottom line: we invade the Krusty Krab so I can steal the secret formula. What do you think? 
Family Member 1: But what's in it for us? (the family roars in agreement) 
Plankton: Well, what do you want? 
Family Member 2: Gawrsh. Can I get a new string for my banjo? (holds up a banjo with one string) 
Family Member 3: And another boot to match this'n? (holds up foot with a boot on it) 
Family Member 4: (holds up laptop) And some more memory for my laptop! 
Clem: And what about root beer? 
All: ROOT BEER??!!! 
Plankton: Help me get the secret formula and you can have as much root beer as you can drink! (the group cheers) Victory, thy name is Plankton! (Plankton turns to face the cheering crowd; on his back is a note taped on with the word "Sheldon" ) 
(scene cuts to the Krusty Krab; Squidward and Mr. Krabs are at the register) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, it's almost closing time, and we haven't seen eye or antennae of ol' Plankton for hours. Yes, sir, I think this time, he's finally given up for.... 
Plankton: (over megaphone) Attention Krusty Krab management! This is your better speaking. 
Mr. Krabs: What?! (Plankton is standing outside the Krusty Krab with a megaphone) 
Plankton: (over megaphone) I have the restaurant surrounded. Give me the secret formula or I'll destroy the Krusty Krab! 
(Mr. Krabs and Squidward run outside to Plankton) 
Mr. Krabs: Ah, you and what army, bug? 
Plankton: What army? What army?! Look around you, Krabs! (scene pans out to show the Krusty Krab surrounded by something green) 
Mr. Krabs: You planted grass? 
Plankton: GRASS? (starts laughing maniacally, joined by his family) 
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh. (Mr. Krabs and Squidward run into the Krusty Krab with the Plankton family behind them; within the Krusty Krab are shaking and thudding noises, as if in a fight; scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's face) You'll never get away with it, Plankton. (Mr. Krabs is in the toilet, with only his head exposed, surrounded by Plankton) 
Plankton: You're right. The pipes are much too narrow. Besides, what I really want is the Krabby Patty formula. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, you might as well forget it. The formula is locked away in me safe, and I'll never give ya the combination. (laughs) 
Plankton: Silence! (Plankton jumps on the flushing lever and sends Mr. Krabs spinning around) I think you'll find we're more than capable of figuring it out for ourselves. Oh, boys? (Plankton snaps his finger and his family assembles into a giant human hand and ear; they twist the lock, figuring out the combination) That's it, a little to the left.... 
Mr. Krabs: Curse you Plankton, and your ability to join together to form a working human ear! 
(the family opens the safe and inside is the secret formula in a bottle) 
Plankton: Hot dog! (Plankton hops up the stairs to the formula) Yes. It's mine! The formula's mine. After all these years, it's finally mine! (Plankton pulls the cork from the bottle and smells it as if it were champagne; he pulls the formula out of the bottle) Let it be known that on this day, I, Sheldon J. Plankton, single-handedly overthrew the Krusty Krab! 
Family: AHEM. 
Plankton: Eh, and, of course, I had a little help from the family. (goes back to Mr. Krabs, who is still stuck in the toilet) 
Mr. Krabs: Plankton, wait. You can't look at the formula. 
Plankton: Begging won't help. 
Mr. Krabs: I'm telling you, you won't be able to handle the truth. There are some things in this world that weren't meant for mortal eyes. 
Plankton: Eye. 
Mr. Krabs: Eye. 
Plankton: I don't care. Drum roll please! (Plankton rolls himself a drum roll and runs to Mr. Krabs's office, where a book labeled "Recipe for a Krabby Patty" sits on Mr. Krabs's desk) Finally, after all these years, I'm about to find out what makes a Krabby Patty taste so good. (opens book) The secret recipe for one Krabby Patty is.... a pinch of salt.... 
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! Wait! 
Plankton: (turns page) Three teaspoons of chopped onions.... 
Mr. Krabs: I'm warning ya....! 
Plankton: (turns page) A cup of love.... 
Mr. Krabs: Don't do it! 
Plankton:....mixed together with the most important ingredient of all.... four heaping pounds of freshly ground.... (turns page) Plankton?? (Plankton stares wide eyed at the formula and looks at Mr. Krabs) 
Mr. Krabs: I warned ya. (Plankton runs screaming hysterically all the way back to the Chum Bucket; back in the Krusty Krab, the book falls on the ground and the family reads the recipe and gasps; they all run screaming while Mr. Krabs laughs, except for one) Hey, why ain't you running? 
Family Member: Well, I can't read. 
Mr. Krabs: Get out of here! 
(family member runs away laughing goofily while Mr. Krabs gets himself out of the toilet; Squidward rubs his head and comes out of the toilet as well; Spongebob arrives) 
Spongebob: Hey guys. Did I miss anything? (Squidward picks up the formula) 
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, is this really the secret ingredient for the Krabby Patty? 
Mr. Krabs: Of course not! And Plankton will probably figure that out and be back again to find out what the real formula is. But don't worry, boys, the formula's safe from harm. I got it hidden in me most secret hiding place, a place no one, not even Plankton, would ever figure out. (Mr. Krabs starts laughing and hopping up and down) 
Squidward: Let me guess. It's at home, under your mattress. 
Mr. Krabs: (gasps and runs to his house, screaming) Curse you, Squidward!

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: Missing Identity

2007-10-09T16:18:56Z

84.160.222.241:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: The Camping Episode|The Camping Episode]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Plankton's Army|Plankton's Army]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Missing Identity (Episode)|Missing Identity]]

==Cractreres==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]

(at a diner) 
Fish: Oh, no, I lost my pen. 
Waitress: (takes one out of her hair) You can borrow mine. (hands her pen to the fish) 
Fish: Thanks. 
Spongebob: I lost something once. I lost something I couldn't live without-- my identity. 
Fish: So, anyway, thanks for the pen. 
Waitress: No problem, hon. 
Spongebob: (walking on the counter) It all started last week-- Monday morning to be exact-- the day I lost my identity. (fish looks at his watch) 
Fish: I've gotta go. (flashback to Monday morning where Spongebob is sleeping until his alarm goes off) 
Spongebob: (jumps up and throws his blanket in the air) Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. (his blanket lands on his head and he struggles to get it off) Awk! Gary, help! I can't see. Gary! (Spongebob puts his foot on the floor to feel around for Gary) Gary, are you there? (falls on his face. His alarm falls on his head) Ow! (stands up) Gary? Gary, buddy? I need you to be my eyes, okay? Am I near the bathroom? (shrieks as he falls down the staircase. When he falls into the living room, his alarm clock spits him out) Gary? Gary? (hits one of his windows) Gar? (slides off the window) 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: Gary. Now that my horrific incident of terror is over, how about some breakfast? (grabs a can of snail food then sings and dances) The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way-- pop! (pours the can into Gary's bowl) Enjoy, buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years, and I don't even know what it tastes like. (sticks out his tongue and tastes the snail food but finds it disgusting) Bleah! (sound echoes through the streets) Bleah! (sound echoes to the Snail Po headquarters) Bleah! 
Fish: What is it, Peterson? 
Peterson: I'm not sure. I feel...a disturbance. (cut back to Spongebob's hosue where he is carrying his pants on a hanger) 
Spongebob: That was the worst thing I've ever tasted. Oh well, at least I'll never have to do it again. (looks at his watch) Barnacles! All these shenanigans made me late for work. (puts his pants on the wrong way) Uh oh. (puts his pants on the right way) All right! (walks out the door and past Patrick) 
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: Hi Patrick! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! (flashback to present at the Diner) 
Waitress: Wait a minute. When exactly did you lose your identity? 
Fish: Yeah, and who's Patrick? 
Cook: And why did you eat Snail-Po? 
Spongebob: Have patience, good people. A great story can't be rushed. However, I will skip ahead to the Krusty Krab. (cut to the Krusty Krab where Spongebob opens the door with a food tray in hand) Order up! (walks to the customer) One Krabby Patty grilled with the fiery warmth of my beating heart. Enjoy. 
Customer: Thanks, uh... (looks closely at his shirt) Oh. 
Spongebob: Is there a problem? 
Customer: Well, you really should be wearing a name tag so I can thank you properly. 
Spongebob: (laughs) While it is against my philosophy to disagree with the customer, I must point out that I am in fact wearing a name tag, right here. (points to an empty spot on his shirt where his name tag should be) Huh? (gasps over and over after he finds out he's not wearing a name tag. Squidward walks up to him) 
Squidward: Uh, Spongebob? 
Spongebob: Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! It's the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me. I lost my name tag. (cries) Pourquoi?! 
Squidward: Spongebob, take it easy! I'm sure you can get a new one. 
Spongebob: But I don't want a new one, Squidward. My name tag is out there somewhere. Lost... Hungry... Who will help it? What if someone's using it? (Spongebob imagine's someone robbing a bank with his name tag on) 
Robber: All right, nobody move! This is a bank robbery! Attica! (cut back to Spongebob shrieking) 
Spongebob: I'm innocent, I tell you. (faints then awakens and walks over to Squidward) Squidward, what happened? 
Squidward: Hmm? Oh, you fainted because you lost your name tag or something. 
Spongebob: Huh? (shrieks and gasps) 
Squidward: Spongebob, will you get a hold of yourself? Since when is losing your name tag the end of the world? (Mr Krabs comes out of his office) 
Mr Krabs: Attention, all employees! Just a quick heads-up, boys. There's going to be a surprise uniform inspection in one hour. Anyone who doesn't pass gets the boot! (Spongebob and Squidward stare at Mr Krabs, who pulls out a big, black boot) This boot, to be exact. It's very stinky, and you'll have to wear it all day. See you in an hour. (Spongebob starts gasping again) 
Squidward: Spongebob, if you really want to find your name tag, just retrace your steps. 
Spongebob: Retrace my steps? Squidward, you're a genius. 
Squidward: (flattered) Huh. Huh. A genius? Well, I don't know about that, but... 
Spongebob: (walks off) Cover me till I get back, okay? 
Squidward: Oh, sure, sure. (chuckles) A genius? Well, how about... Hey! (cut to Spongebob walking down the road) 
Spongebob: Let's see, if I'm going to retrace my steps, I got to remember everything I did this morning. (walks by Patrick) 
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: Oh, hi Patrick. (runs back to Patrick) You said hi to me this morning, right? 
Patrick: As I do every morning. 
Spongebob: Well, I need you to do it again. 
Patrick: That wasn't part of the deal, Squarepants. 
Spongebob: Patrick, what are you talking about? 
Patrick: My hellos aren't just some tape recording that you can rewind and play over and over. They're special. 
Spongebob: Patrick, this is an emergency! I lost my name tag this morning, and I need to retrace my steps. 
Patrick: You lost your name tag? (gasps like Spongebob does. Scene cuts to Spongebob poking his head out his window and Patrick standing outside his house) 
Spongebob: Okay, Patrick, you know the plan, right? 
Patrick: I got it, I got it. You're gonna retrace your steps and when you walk by me I say "hi", just like this morning. 
Spongebob: Perfect. Hmm, I guess I should start with when I woke up. (climbs in bed) I sure hope this works. (pretends to go to sleep then jumps up) Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it! (blanket falls on his head which causes him to fall and his alarm to fall on him again) So far, so good. (falls down the staircase and lands in his living room. The alarm clock shoots him out) I don't see my name tag up here. (smacks into his window then slides off of it to Gary) Now that my horrific moment of terror is over, how about some breakfast? (grabs a can of Snail-Po and sings) The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way. (pours the food into Gary's bowl then tastes it) Bleah! Ok, next I just have to walk outside and say hi to Patrick. (walks by Patrick, outside, but he doesn't say anything) Patrick! 
Patrick: What? 
Spongebob: You were supposed to say hi to me. 
Patrick: Hi. 
Spongebob: Oh. All right, let's take it from the top. (walks off) 
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: Don't forget your line this time! 
Patrick: I won't. 
Spongebob: Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. (falls down the staircase) The most important meal of the day. La-la-la... Gary's way. Bleah. (walks by Patrick who, again, says nothing) Patrick, why didn't you say hi to me? 
Patrick: What's my motivation? 
Spongebob: Forget the motivation. Just say hi. (walks off. Cut to Spongebob doing his routine again. Then walks by Patrick) 
Patrick: Hi, Patrick. Oh wait, I'm Patrick! I'm sorry. Sorry. (laughs) I'm sorry. Let's try it again. (cut to Spongebob doing his routine again. Then walks outside past Patrick) Hi, Spongeboob. Ha! Spongeboob! I sai...I sai... Ha-ha! (laughs) Who's Spongeboob? I said Spongeboob! Again, again. Sorry people. (cut to Spongebob doing his routine again. Then walks outside by Patrick, who is trying not to laugh) I've got the giggles. 
Spongebob: Oh, what's the use? I'll never find my name tag in time for inspection. 
Patrick: Well, what did you do after I said hi to you this morning? 
Spongebob: Hmm, let's see. (imagines what he did today in his thought bubble) I skipped merrily to the Krusty Krab, said hello to Old Man Jenkins, placed an apple on Mr Krabs' desk... and that's about it. Oh, and these two guys threw me in the dumpster. (cut to Spongebob being throwing into a dumpster by the Krusty Krab. He laughs) Good one, guys! (tries getting up but slips into the garbage again) 
Patrick: That's it! Your name tag is in the apple on Mr Krabs' desk!
Spongebob: Patrick, you're a genius. Oh wait, he's probably thrown it away by now. 
Patrick: Well, then we'll look in the dumpster! (cut to the dumpster outside the Krusty Krab) 
Spongebob: Eh, what is that stench? 
Patrick: That is the stench of discovery. Come on, buddy. I'll give you a boost. (gets on all fours) Hop on, pal. 
Spongebob: (jumps in the dumpster) Hey, it's not so bad once you get used to it. 
Patrick: I wish I had a nose. 
Spongebob: Come on in, buddy. The garbage is fine. 
Patrick: Cannonball! (does a cannonball) 
Spongebob: You look over there and I'll look over here. 
Patrick: Ok. (digs through the trash while throwing some on Spongebob) 
Spongebob: Patrick? 
Patrick: I'm looking. I'm looking. 
Spongebob: Patrick? Patrick? 
Patrick: I'm looking as fast as I can. 
Spongebob: Patrick! (Patrick stops and turns around to see Spongebob covered in garbage) Thank you. (Patrick pulls trash off of Spongebob) 
Patrick: Here, let me get that. Hey, look! A Stingray 5000 single. Hey, these guys rock. Why would anybody throw this away? 
Spongebob: Have you forgotten what we're looking for knee-deep in yesterday's Top 40 songs? 
Patrick: Yes. 
Spongebob: I'll give you a hint. Two words. First word: my. Second word: name tag. 
Patrick: Could I have another hint? 
Spongebob: Patrick, I would love to sit here and play Twenty Questions with you, but I've only got (looks at his watch) one minute till inspection. (screams) One minute?! (digs quicker) Hurry, Patrick, we don't have much time. 
Patrick: (notices a name tag on the back of Spongebob's shirt) Hey, Spongebob... 
Spongebob: Not now, Patrick. 
Patrick: I know where your name tag is. (Spongebob turns around) 
Spongebob: Where? Where? 
Patrick: Uh, I can't remember. 
Spongebob: Patrick, I don't have time for this! (turns back around) 
Patrick: There it is. 
Spongebob: Where? 
Patrick: Uh... I forgot again. 
Spongebob: Patrick, are you with me or against me? 
Patrick: Could you give me a hint? (Spongebob turns back around) There, I see it. 
Spongebob: Yeah, yeah, yeah... the boy who cried name tag. If you're not going to help me, then just go crawl back under your rock. 
Patrick: (annoyed) Well, at least I don't wear my shirt backwards. 
Spongebob: My shirt backward... What the...? (bends his head back to his back) My shirt's on backwards! I had my identity all along. (spins his shirt around the looks at his watch) Oh, and just in time. Thanks, Patrick. (shakes hands with Patrick) 
Patrick: Don't mention it, buddy. (cut to the Krusty Krab) 
Mr Krabs: Fall in for inspection! All right, you two... (inspects Squidward) Hat and uniform seem to be in order. (notices a few hairs in Squidward's nose) Hmm, promise me you'll shave tonight and you pass. 
Squidward: Hoorah. 
Mr Krabs: Okay, boy, your turn. 
Spongebob: (salutes) I think you'll find everything shipshape. 
Mr Krabs: (sniffs Spongebob) Jumpin' jellyfish! What's that stench? 
Spongebob: Uh... discovery? (Mr Krabs picks up Spongebob and sets hi m outside. Cut back to the diner) And that's how I got my identity back. Well, that's my story. (the fish yawns while the waitress checks her watch) 
Waitress: Well, you managed to kill eleven minutes. 
Spongebob: (laughs) Thanks, uh... (looks at her name tag) Betty. 
Waitress: What? (looks down at her name tag) Oh, sweetie, I'm not Betty. I just borrowed her uniform while mine's at the cleaners.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: Missing Identity

2007-10-09T16:17:28Z

84.160.222.241:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: The Camping Episode|The Camping Episode]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Plankton's Army|Plankton's Army]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Camping Episode (Episode)|The Camping Episode]]

==Cractreres==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]

(at a diner) 
Fish: Oh, no, I lost my pen. 
Waitress: (takes one out of her hair) You can borrow mine. (hands her pen to the fish) 
Fish: Thanks. 
Spongebob: I lost something once. I lost something I couldn't live without-- my identity. 
Fish: So, anyway, thanks for the pen. 
Waitress: No problem, hon. 
Spongebob: (walking on the counter) It all started last week-- Monday morning to be exact-- the day I lost my identity. (fish looks at his watch) 
Fish: I've gotta go. (flashback to Monday morning where Spongebob is sleeping until his alarm goes off) 
Spongebob: (jumps up and throws his blanket in the air) Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. (his blanket lands on his head and he struggles to get it off) Awk! Gary, help! I can't see. Gary! (Spongebob puts his foot on the floor to feel around for Gary) Gary, are you there? (falls on his face. His alarm falls on his head) Ow! (stands up) Gary? Gary, buddy? I need you to be my eyes, okay? Am I near the bathroom? (shrieks as he falls down the staircase. When he falls into the living room, his alarm clock spits him out) Gary? Gary? (hits one of his windows) Gar? (slides off the window) 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: Gary. Now that my horrific incident of terror is over, how about some breakfast? (grabs a can of snail food then sings and dances) The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way-- pop! (pours the can into Gary's bowl) Enjoy, buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years, and I don't even know what it tastes like. (sticks out his tongue and tastes the snail food but finds it disgusting) Bleah! (sound echoes through the streets) Bleah! (sound echoes to the Snail Po headquarters) Bleah! 
Fish: What is it, Peterson? 
Peterson: I'm not sure. I feel...a disturbance. (cut back to Spongebob's hosue where he is carrying his pants on a hanger) 
Spongebob: That was the worst thing I've ever tasted. Oh well, at least I'll never have to do it again. (looks at his watch) Barnacles! All these shenanigans made me late for work. (puts his pants on the wrong way) Uh oh. (puts his pants on the right way) All right! (walks out the door and past Patrick) 
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: Hi Patrick! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! (flashback to present at the Diner) 
Waitress: Wait a minute. When exactly did you lose your identity? 
Fish: Yeah, and who's Patrick? 
Cook: And why did you eat Snail-Po? 
Spongebob: Have patience, good people. A great story can't be rushed. However, I will skip ahead to the Krusty Krab. (cut to the Krusty Krab where Spongebob opens the door with a food tray in hand) Order up! (walks to the customer) One Krabby Patty grilled with the fiery warmth of my beating heart. Enjoy. 
Customer: Thanks, uh... (looks closely at his shirt) Oh. 
Spongebob: Is there a problem? 
Customer: Well, you really should be wearing a name tag so I can thank you properly. 
Spongebob: (laughs) While it is against my philosophy to disagree with the customer, I must point out that I am in fact wearing a name tag, right here. (points to an empty spot on his shirt where his name tag should be) Huh? (gasps over and over after he finds out he's not wearing a name tag. Squidward walks up to him) 
Squidward: Uh, Spongebob? 
Spongebob: Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! It's the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me. I lost my name tag. (cries) Pourquoi?! 
Squidward: Spongebob, take it easy! I'm sure you can get a new one. 
Spongebob: But I don't want a new one, Squidward. My name tag is out there somewhere. Lost... Hungry... Who will help it? What if someone's using it? (Spongebob imagine's someone robbing a bank with his name tag on) 
Robber: All right, nobody move! This is a bank robbery! Attica! (cut back to Spongebob shrieking) 
Spongebob: I'm innocent, I tell you. (faints then awakens and walks over to Squidward) Squidward, what happened? 
Squidward: Hmm? Oh, you fainted because you lost your name tag or something. 
Spongebob: Huh? (shrieks and gasps) 
Squidward: Spongebob, will you get a hold of yourself? Since when is losing your name tag the end of the world? (Mr Krabs comes out of his office) 
Mr Krabs: Attention, all employees! Just a quick heads-up, boys. There's going to be a surprise uniform inspection in one hour. Anyone who doesn't pass gets the boot! (Spongebob and Squidward stare at Mr Krabs, who pulls out a big, black boot) This boot, to be exact. It's very stinky, and you'll have to wear it all day. See you in an hour. (Spongebob starts gasping again) 
Squidward: Spongebob, if you really want to find your name tag, just retrace your steps. 
Spongebob: Retrace my steps? Squidward, you're a genius. 
Squidward: (flattered) Huh. Huh. A genius? Well, I don't know about that, but... 
Spongebob: (walks off) Cover me till I get back, okay? 
Squidward: Oh, sure, sure. (chuckles) A genius? Well, how about... Hey! (cut to Spongebob walking down the road) 
Spongebob: Let's see, if I'm going to retrace my steps, I got to remember everything I did this morning. (walks by Patrick) 
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: Oh, hi Patrick. (runs back to Patrick) You said hi to me this morning, right? 
Patrick: As I do every morning. 
Spongebob: Well, I need you to do it again. 
Patrick: That wasn't part of the deal, Squarepants. 
Spongebob: Patrick, what are you talking about? 
Patrick: My hellos aren't just some tape recording that you can rewind and play over and over. They're special. 
Spongebob: Patrick, this is an emergency! I lost my name tag this morning, and I need to retrace my steps. 
Patrick: You lost your name tag? (gasps like Spongebob does. Scene cuts to Spongebob poking his head out his window and Patrick standing outside his house) 
Spongebob: Okay, Patrick, you know the plan, right? 
Patrick: I got it, I got it. You're gonna retrace your steps and when you walk by me I say "hi", just like this morning. 
Spongebob: Perfect. Hmm, I guess I should start with when I woke up. (climbs in bed) I sure hope this works. (pretends to go to sleep then jumps up) Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it! (blanket falls on his head which causes him to fall and his alarm to fall on him again) So far, so good. (falls down the staircase and lands in his living room. The alarm clock shoots him out) I don't see my name tag up here. (smacks into his window then slides off of it to Gary) Now that my horrific moment of terror is over, how about some breakfast? (grabs a can of Snail-Po and sings) The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way. (pours the food into Gary's bowl then tastes it) Bleah! Ok, next I just have to walk outside and say hi to Patrick. (walks by Patrick, outside, but he doesn't say anything) Patrick! 
Patrick: What? 
Spongebob: You were supposed to say hi to me. 
Patrick: Hi. 
Spongebob: Oh. All right, let's take it from the top. (walks off) 
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: Don't forget your line this time! 
Patrick: I won't. 
Spongebob: Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. (falls down the staircase) The most important meal of the day. La-la-la... Gary's way. Bleah. (walks by Patrick who, again, says nothing) Patrick, why didn't you say hi to me? 
Patrick: What's my motivation? 
Spongebob: Forget the motivation. Just say hi. (walks off. Cut to Spongebob doing his routine again. Then walks by Patrick) 
Patrick: Hi, Patrick. Oh wait, I'm Patrick! I'm sorry. Sorry. (laughs) I'm sorry. Let's try it again. (cut to Spongebob doing his routine again. Then walks outside past Patrick) Hi, Spongeboob. Ha! Spongeboob! I sai...I sai... Ha-ha! (laughs) Who's Spongeboob? I said Spongeboob! Again, again. Sorry people. (cut to Spongebob doing his routine again. Then walks outside by Patrick, who is trying not to laugh) I've got the giggles. 
Spongebob: Oh, what's the use? I'll never find my name tag in time for inspection. 
Patrick: Well, what did you do after I said hi to you this morning? 
Spongebob: Hmm, let's see. (imagines what he did today in his thought bubble) I skipped merrily to the Krusty Krab, said hello to Old Man Jenkins, placed an apple on Mr Krabs' desk... and that's about it. Oh, and these two guys threw me in the dumpster. (cut to Spongebob being throwing into a dumpster by the Krusty Krab. He laughs) Good one, guys! (tries getting up but slips into the garbage again) 
Patrick: That's it! Your name tag is in the apple on Mr Krabs' desk!
Spongebob: Patrick, you're a genius. Oh wait, he's probably thrown it away by now. 
Patrick: Well, then we'll look in the dumpster! (cut to the dumpster outside the Krusty Krab) 
Spongebob: Eh, what is that stench? 
Patrick: That is the stench of discovery. Come on, buddy. I'll give you a boost. (gets on all fours) Hop on, pal. 
Spongebob: (jumps in the dumpster) Hey, it's not so bad once you get used to it. 
Patrick: I wish I had a nose. 
Spongebob: Come on in, buddy. The garbage is fine. 
Patrick: Cannonball! (does a cannonball) 
Spongebob: You look over there and I'll look over here. 
Patrick: Ok. (digs through the trash while throwing some on Spongebob) 
Spongebob: Patrick? 
Patrick: I'm looking. I'm looking. 
Spongebob: Patrick? Patrick? 
Patrick: I'm looking as fast as I can. 
Spongebob: Patrick! (Patrick stops and turns around to see Spongebob covered in garbage) Thank you. (Patrick pulls trash off of Spongebob) 
Patrick: Here, let me get that. Hey, look! A Stingray 5000 single. Hey, these guys rock. Why would anybody throw this away? 
Spongebob: Have you forgotten what we're looking for knee-deep in yesterday's Top 40 songs? 
Patrick: Yes. 
Spongebob: I'll give you a hint. Two words. First word: my. Second word: name tag. 
Patrick: Could I have another hint? 
Spongebob: Patrick, I would love to sit here and play Twenty Questions with you, but I've only got (looks at his watch) one minute till inspection. (screams) One minute?! (digs quicker) Hurry, Patrick, we don't have much time. 
Patrick: (notices a name tag on the back of Spongebob's shirt) Hey, Spongebob... 
Spongebob: Not now, Patrick. 
Patrick: I know where your name tag is. (Spongebob turns around) 
Spongebob: Where? Where? 
Patrick: Uh, I can't remember. 
Spongebob: Patrick, I don't have time for this! (turns back around) 
Patrick: There it is. 
Spongebob: Where? 
Patrick: Uh... I forgot again. 
Spongebob: Patrick, are you with me or against me? 
Patrick: Could you give me a hint? (Spongebob turns back around) There, I see it. 
Spongebob: Yeah, yeah, yeah... the boy who cried name tag. If you're not going to help me, then just go crawl back under your rock. 
Patrick: (annoyed) Well, at least I don't wear my shirt backwards. 
Spongebob: My shirt backward... What the...? (bends his head back to his back) My shirt's on backwards! I had my identity all along. (spins his shirt around the looks at his watch) Oh, and just in time. Thanks, Patrick. (shakes hands with Patrick) 
Patrick: Don't mention it, buddy. (cut to the Krusty Krab) 
Mr Krabs: Fall in for inspection! All right, you two... (inspects Squidward) Hat and uniform seem to be in order. (notices a few hairs in Squidward's nose) Hmm, promise me you'll shave tonight and you pass. 
Squidward: Hoorah. 
Mr Krabs: Okay, boy, your turn. 
Spongebob: (salutes) I think you'll find everything shipshape. 
Mr Krabs: (sniffs Spongebob) Jumpin' jellyfish! What's that stench? 
Spongebob: Uh... discovery? (Mr Krabs picks up Spongebob and sets hi m outside. Cut back to the diner) And that's how I got my identity back. Well, that's my story. (the fish yawns while the waitress checks her watch) 
Waitress: Well, you managed to kill eleven minutes. 
Spongebob: (laughs) Thanks, uh... (looks at her name tag) Betty. 
Waitress: What? (looks down at her name tag) Oh, sweetie, I'm not Betty. I just borrowed her uniform while mine's at the cleaners.

[[Category:Transscript]]