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Episode Transcript: Missing Identity

2015-01-20T21:11:08Z

164.116.251.123: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Missing Identity (Episode)|Missing Identity]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Betty|Waitress (aka Betty)]]
*[[Sadie Rechid|Sadie]]
*[[Peterson]]

==Dialogue==

(at a diner) 

'''Fish''': Oh, no, I lost my pen. 

'''Waitress''': (takes one out of her hair) You can borrow mine. (hands her pen to the fish) 

'''Fish''': Thanks. 

'''SpongeBob''': I lost something once. I lost something I couldn't live without-- my identity. 

'''Fish''': So, anyway, thanks for the pen. 

'''Waitress''': No problem, hon. 

'''SpongeBob''': (walking on the counter) It all started last week-- Monday morning to be exact-- the day I lost my identity. (fish looks at his watch) 

'''Fish''': I've gotta go. (flashback to Monday morning where SpongeBob is sleeping until his alarm goes off) 

'''SpongeBob''': (jumps up and throws his blanket in the air) Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. (his blanket lands on his head and he struggles to get it off) Awk! Gary, help! I can't see. Gary! (SpongeBob puts his foot on the floor to feel around for Gary) Gary, are you there? (falls on his face. His alarm falls on his head) Ow! (stands up) Gary? Gary, buddy? I need you to be my eyes, okay? Am I near the bathroom? (shrieks as he falls down the staircase. When he falls into the living room, his alarm clock spits him out) Gary? Gary? (hits one of his windows) Gar? (slides off the window) 

'''Gary''': Meow. 

'''SpongeBob''': Gary. Now that my horrific incident of terror is over, how about some breakfast? (grabs a can of snail food then sings and dances) The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way-- pop! (pours the can into Gary's bowl) Enjoy, buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years, and I don't even know what it tastes like. (sticks out his tongue and tastes the snail food but finds it disgusting, sound echoes from his pineapple house) Bleah! (sound echoes through the streets) Bleah! (sound echoes to the Snail Po headquarters) Bleah! 

'''Sadie''': What is it, Peterson? 

'''Peterson''': I'm not sure. I feel...a disturbance. (cut back to SpongeBob’s house where he is carrying his pants on a hanger) 

'''SpongeBob''': That was the worst thing I've ever tasted. Oh well, at least I'll never have to do it again. (looks at his watch) Barnacles! All these shenanigans made me late for work. (puts his pants on the wrong way) Uh oh. (puts his pants on the right way) All right! (walks out the door and past Patrick) 

'''Patrick''': Hi, SpongeBob. 

'''SpongeBob''': Hi Patrick! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! (flashback to present at the Diner) 

'''Waitress''': Wait a minute. When exactly did you lose your identity? 

'''Fish''': Yeah, and who's Patrick? 

'''Cook''': And why did you eat Snail-Po? 

'''SpongeBob''': Ah, ah, ah, patience, good people. A great story can't be rushed. However, I will skip ahead to the Krusty Krab. (cut to the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob opens the door with a food tray in hand) Order up! (walks to the customer) One Krabby Patty grilled with the fiery warmth of my beating heart. Enjoy. 

'''Customer''': Thanks, uh... (looks closely at his shirt) Oh. 

'''SpongeBob''': Is there a problem? 

'''Customer''': Well, you really should be wearing a name tag so I can thank you properly. 

'''SpongeBob''': (laughs) While it is against my philosophy to disagree with the customer, I must point out that I am in fact wearing a name tag, right here. (points to an empty spot on his shirt where his name tag should be) Huh? (gasps even louder in his throat over and over after he finds out he's not wearing a name tag. Squidward walks up to him) 

'''Squidward''': Uh, SpongeBob? 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! It's the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me. I lost my name tag. '''''FORKWA!!!!!''''' 

'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, take it easy! I'm sure you can get a new one. 

'''SpongeBob''': But I don't want a new one, Squidward. My name tag is out there somewhere. Lost... Hungry... Who will help it? What if someone's using it? (SpongeBob imagines a quiet bank and a bank robber bursting in wearing a mask over his head and SpongeBob's name tag) 

'''Bank Robber''': ALL RIGHT! NOBODY MOVE! THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY! ATTICA! (cuts back to SpongeBob who shrieks in fear) 

'''SpongeBob''': I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YA! (faints then awakens and walks over to Squidward) Squidward, what happened? 

'''Squidward''': Hmm? Oh, you fainted because you lost your name tag or something. 

'''SpongeBob''': Huh? (shrieks and gasps loudly in his throat) 

'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, will you get a hold of yourself? Since when is losing your name tag the end of the world? (Mr. Krabs comes out of his office) 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Attention, all employees! Just a quick heads-up, boys. There's going to be a surprise uniform inspection in one hour. Anyone who doesn't pass gets the boot! (SpongeBob and Squidward stare at Mr. Krabs, who pulls out a big, black boot) This boot, to be exact. It's very stinky, and you'll have to wear it all day. See you in an hour. (SpongeBob starts gasping loudly in his throat again) 

'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, if you really want to find your name tag, just retrace your steps. 

'''SpongeBob''': Retrace my steps? Squidward, you're a genius. 

'''Squidward''': (flattered) Huh. Huh. A genius? Well, I don't know about that, but... 

'''SpongeBob''': (walks off) Cover me till I get back, okay? 

'''Squidward''': Oh, sure, sure. (chuckles) A genius? Well, how about... Hey! (cut to SpongeBob walking down the road) 

'''SpongeBob''': Let's see, if I'm going to retrace my steps, I got to remember everything I did this morning. (walks by Patrick) 

'''Patrick''': Hi, SpongeBob. 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, hi Patrick. (runs back to Patrick) You said hi to me this morning, right? 

'''Patrick''': As I do every morning. 

'''SpongeBob''': Well, I need you to do it again. 

'''Patrick''': That wasn't part of the deal, SquarePants! 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what are you talking about? 

'''Patrick''': My hellos aren't just some tape recording that you can rewind and play over and over. They're special! 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, this is an emergency! I lost my name tag this morning, and I need to retrace my steps. 

'''Patrick''': You lost your name tag? (gasps even louder like SpongeBob does. Scene cuts to SpongeBob poking his head out his window and Patrick standing outside his house) 

'''SpongeBob''': Okay, Patrick, you know the plan, right? 

'''Patrick''': I got it, I got it. You're gonna retrace your steps and when you walk by me I say "hi", just like this morning. 

'''SpongeBob''': Perfect. Hmm, I guess I should start with when I woke up. (climbs in bed) I sure hope this works. (pretends to go to sleep then jumps up) Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it! (blanket falls on his head which causes him to fall and his alarm to fall on him again) So far, so good. (falls down the staircase and lands in his living room. The alarm clock shoots him out) I don't see my name tag up here. (smacks into his window then slides off of it to Gary) Now that my horrific moment of terror is over, how about some breakfast? (grabs a can of Snail-Po and sings) The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way. (pours the food into Gary's bowl then tastes it) Bleah! Ok, next I just have to walk outside and say hi to Patrick. (walks by Patrick, outside, but he doesn't say anything) Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': What? 

'''SpongeBob''': You were supposed to say hi to me. 

'''Patrick''': Hi. 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh. All right, let's take it from the top. (walks off) 

'''Patrick''': Hi, SpongeBob. 

'''SpongeBob''': Don't forget your line this time! 

'''Patrick''': I won't. 

'''SpongeBob''': Good morning, world, and all who inhabit it. (falls down the staircase) The most important meal of the day. La-la-la... Gary's way. Bleah. (walks by Patrick who, again, says nothing) Patrick, why didn't you say hi to me? 

'''Patrick''': What's my motivation? 

'''SpongeBob''': Forget the motivation. Just say hi. (walks off. Cut to SpongeBob doing his routine again. Then walks by Patrick) 

'''Patrick''': Hi, Patrick. Oh wait, I'm Patrick! I'm sorry. Sorry. (laughs) I'm sorry. Let's try it again. (cut to SpongeBob doing his routine again. Then walks outside past Patrick) Hi, SpongeBoob. Ha! SpongeBoob! I sai...I sai... Ha-ha! (laughs) Who's SpongeBoob? I said SpongeBoob! Again, again. Sorry people. (cut to SpongeBob doing his routine again. Then walks outside by Patrick, who is trying not to laugh) I've got the giggles. 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, what's the use? I'll never find my name tag in time for inspection. 

'''Patrick''': Well, what did you do after I said hi to you this morning? 

'''SpongeBob''': Hmm, let's see. (imagines what he did today in his thought bubble) I skipped merrily to the Krusty Krab, said hello to Old Man Jenkins, placed an apple on Mr. Krabs' desk... and that's about it. Oh, and these two guys threw me in the dumpster. (cut to SpongeBob being throwing into a dumpster by the Krusty Krab. He laughs) Good one, guys! (tries getting up but slips into the garbage again) 

'''Patrick''': That's it! Your name tag is in the apple on Mr. Krabs' desk! 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, you're a genius. Oh wait, he's probably thrown it away by now. 

'''Patrick''': Well, then we'll look in the dumpster! (cut to the dumpster outside the Krusty Krab) 

'''SpongeBob''': Eh, what is that stench? 

'''Patrick''': That is the stench of discovery. Come on, buddy. I'll give you a boost. (gets on all fours) Hop on, pal. 

'''SpongeBob''': (jumps in the dumpster) Hey, it's not so bad once you get used to it. 

'''Patrick''': I wish I had a nose. 

'''SpongeBob''': Come on in, buddy. The garbage is fine. 

'''Patrick''': Cannonball! (does a cannonball) 

'''SpongeBob''': You look over there and I'll look over here. 

'''Patrick''': Ok. (digs through the trash while throwing some on SpongeBob) 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick? 

'''Patrick''': I'm looking. I'm looking. 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick? Patrick? 

'''Patrick''': I'm looking as fast as I can. 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick! (Patrick stops and turns around to see SpongeBob covered in garbage) Thank you. (Patrick pulls trash off of SpongeBob) 

'''Patrick''': Here, let me get that. Hey, look! A Stingray 5000 single. Hey, these guys rock. Why would anybody throw this away? 

'''SpongeBob''': Have you forgotten what we're looking for knee-deep in yesterday's Top 40 songs? 

'''Patrick''': Yes. 

'''SpongeBob''': I'll give you a hint. Two words. First word: my. Second word: name tag. 

'''Patrick''': Could I have another hint? 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, I would love to sit here and play Twenty Questions with you, but I've only got (looks at his watch) one minute till inspection. (screams) One minute?! (digs quicker) Hurry, Patrick, we don't have much time. 

'''Patrick''': (notices a name tag on the back of SpongeBob’s shirt) Hey, SpongeBob... 

'''SpongeBob''': Not now, Patrick. 

'''Patrick''': I know where your name tag is. (SpongeBob turns around) 

'''SpongeBob''': Where?! Where?! 

'''Patrick''': Uh... I can't remember. 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, I don't have time for this! (turns back around) 

'''Patrick''': There it is! 

'''SpongeBob''': Where?! 

'''Patrick''': Uh... I forgot again. 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, are you with me or against me? 

'''Patrick''': Could you give me a hint? (SpongeBob turns back around) There! I see it!br>

'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, yeah, yeah... the boy who cried name tag. If you're not going to help me, then just go crawl back under your rock. 

'''Patrick''': (annoyed) Well, at least I don't wear my shirt backwards. 

'''SpongeBob''': My shirt backward... What the...? (bends his head back to his back) My shirt's on backwards! I had my identity all along. (spins his shirt around the looks at his watch) Oh, and just in time. Thanks, Patrick. (shakes hands with Patrick) 

'''Patrick''': Don't mention it, buddy. (cut to the Krusty Krab) 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Fall in for inspection! All right, you two... (inspects Squidward) Hat and uniform seem to be in order. (notices a few hairs in Squidward's nose) Hmm, promise me you'll shave tonight and you pass. 

'''Squidward''': Hoorah. 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Okay, boy, your turn. 

SpongeBob: (salutes) I think you'll find everything shipshape. 

'''Mr. Krabs''': (sniffs SpongeBob) Jumpin' jellyfish! What's that stench? 

SpongeBob: Uh... discovery? (Mr. Krabs picks up SpongeBob and sets him outside. Cut back to the diner) And that's how I got my identity back. Well, that's my story. (the fish yawns while the waitress checks her watch) 

'''Waitress''': Well, you managed to kill eleven minutes. 

'''SpongeBob''': (laughs) Thanks, uh... (looks at her name tag) Betty. 

'''Waitress''': What? (looks down at her name tag) Oh, sweetie, I'm not Betty. I just borrowed her uniform while mine's at the cleaners.

SpongeBob: Hmm?. 

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

I Love Krabby Patties (Song)

2015-01-20T21:08:35Z

164.116.251.123:

[[de:Ich mag Krabbenburger]]
'''I Love Krabby Patties''' is a song sung by [[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]], then sung again by SpongeBob and [[Miss Priss]] in the episode [[Banned in Bikini Bottom]]

I love [[Krabby Patties]],
I think that they are swell,
They are the best,
There's no contest,
And now I'm going to yell...
Woo!

I love Krabby Patties!
I think they're swell,
They're so neat,
And quite a treat,
And how I love the way they smell...!
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
I like Krabby Patties!
I think they're swell,
I like Krabby Patties,
Can you not tell?
Krabby Patties,
Krabby Patties,
They're so neat,
Lalalalala!
Sweet to eat,
Lalalalala!
Really neat,
Sweet to eat,
Treat that's neat,
Sweet treat, treat sweet, treat sweet, sweet to eat!
(Gerblish)
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
'''With Miss Priss:'''
[[Miss Priss]]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
I like Krabby Patties,
I think they're swell,
Can you not tell...?
Krabby Patties,
Krabby Patties,
They're so neat!
La la la la la la la la la la laaaaa!

SpongeBob: Really neat! (chuckles)
Miss Priss: Sweet to eat!
SpongeBob: Treat that's neat!
(Gerblish)
Both: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...! Dismount!

[[Category:Song text]]

I Love Krabby Patties (Song)

2015-01-20T21:07:43Z

164.116.251.123:

[[de:Ich mag Krabbenburger]]
'''I Love Krabby Patties''' is a song sung by [[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]], then sung again by SpongeBob and [[Miss Priss]] in the episode [[Banned in Bikini Bottom]]

I love [[Krabby Patties]],
I think that they are swell,
They are the best,
There's no contest,
And now I'm going to yell...
Woo!

I love Krabby Patties!
I think they're swell,
They're so neat,
And quite a treat,
And how I love the way they smell...!
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
I like Krabby Patties!
I think they're swell,
I like Krabby Patties,
Can you not tell?
Krabby Patties,
Krabby Patties,
They're so neat,
Lalalalala!
Sweet to eat,
Lalalalala!
Really neat,
Sweet to eat,
Treat that's neat,
Sweet treat, treat sweet, treat sweet, sweet to eat!
(Gerblish)
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
'''With Miss Priss:'''
[[Miss Priss]]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
I like Krabby Patties,
I think they're swell,
Can you not tell...?
Krabby Patties,
Krabby Patties,
They're so neat!
La la la la la la la la la la laaaaa!

SpongeBob: Really neat! (chuckles)
Miss Priss: Sweet to eat!
SpongeBob: Treat that's neat!
(Gerblish)
Both: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...! Dismount!

[[Category:Song text]]

Episode Transcript: Krabby Land

2015-01-20T21:07:02Z

164.116.251.123: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Krabby Land (Episode)|Krabby Land]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary the Snail|Gary]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]

==Dialogue==

SpongeBob: (reads the newspaper while sipping some coffee) Ah, I don't know how you do it, Gere Bear, but that's the best cup of French toast I've ever had. 

Gary: (sits at the counter) Meow. 

SpongeBob: Well, time to punch that clock. (puts his hat on and walks into the living room) But not before checking my motivational Quote-a-Day calendar. (calendar reads 'June 21') You are a winner. (hugs himself then looks back at the calendar and gasps) And today's the first day of summer! (cut to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is at the register, bored. SpongeBob walks through the doors
with a pink flower around his head. He tosses flower buts into the air) Happy first day of summer,

Squidward! (walks over to Squidward) Care to join me for solstice caroling? (sings in a high voice) Walking in the grass, it's so fine, don't need shoes in the summertime! (tosses flower buds at Squidward) 

Squidward: I'm not much of a summer person, SpongeBob. 

Mr. Krabs: Davy Jones on the jib! Do my ears deceive me? Is it really the first day of summer? Is it? 

SpongeBob: (chuckles) Yeah. 

Mr. Krabs: (does a few back flips in the air) Whee-hoo! (runs over to the window) 

SpongeBob: (walks up to him) Gee Mr. K., you sure have a scorching case of summer fever! (turns around) What is it about summertime that makes us so happy? The firefly-lit nights, the intoxicating aroma of a charcoal briquette, the hypnotic sound of a lawnmower running over a flip-flop? 

Mr. Krabs: The money! 

SpongeBob: The money? 

Mr. Krabs: Er, uh... I mean, uh... the children! 

SpongeBob: Oh. 

Mr. Krabs: You see, boy, during the summer, the children are excused from their classes, a recess commonly referred to as summer break. (sits down on a barrel and SpongeBob sits on his lap) 
SpongeBob: Tell me more about summer break. (a school bell rings and all the kids run out of the school) 

Mr. Krabs: Well, during this summer break, the children wander Bikini Bottom unsupervised, their pockets lined with allowance. (a child runs by with a full pocket of coins) Free to spend their money without any parental guidance whatsoever. (pulls down a menu) I guess that's what I like best. (puts a sticker labeled '4.99' next to the Kiddie Meal) Sure, I suppose some would try and take advantage of this situation by selling them toys or candy, but I sleep well at night with the knowledge that I'm providing them with something they need: a nutritious meal. (goes over to the front window) Come here, you little piggies! 

SpongeBob: I've been taught the true meaning of summer. 

Narrator: Later... (Mr. Krabs is still standing at the window with the same expression on his face) 

SpongeBob: (walks up) Almost closing time, Mr. K. 

Mr. Krabs: What? But that's impossible. (sobs) What about the money? I mean uh... uh... what about the children? (SpongeBob shrugs as Mr. Krabs sighs) I guess summer isn't coming this year. 
SpongeBob: Hey, maybe they're all at that new playground over there. (points at a playground where kids are playing) 

Mr. Krabs: Playground? Luring away me young customers. Warm up the boat, SpongeBob. (cut to the playground. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs pull up in their boat. They peek out using a pair of binoculars) 

SpongeBob: See anything, Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: Oh, they're here, all right. Just look at them, SpongeBob. (two kids are swinging) So weak and malnourished. (one of the kids is eating a lollipop) With nobody trying to sell 'em nothing. (a kid slides down a slide) Breaks me heart. (cries) No! I've got nothing to live for,
SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: The way you drove the boat while lying on the ground was kind of cool. 

Mr. Krabs: True. But that's not gonna get these munchkins away from this playground. Unless... hmmm... see you tomorrow, boy. Got a lot of work to do. (drives off) 

SpongeBob: You got it, Mr. Krabs... hey! (cut to SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab) Another day, another dollar. Gee, I wonder what Mr. Krabs has been up to since I saw him last and then went home to do nothing of particular interest 'til this very moment. (stares at something in the distance) Huh? (a group of kids are lined up at the Krusty Krab where a sign reads "Krabby Land" is hanging. A giant sheet is covering some sort of area. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs) 

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (sticks the hammer in his belt) You're just in time for the grand unveiling of Krabby Land. 

SpongeBob: Krabby Land, sir? 

Mr. Krabs: Yes, Krabby Land. (holds up a sign) Where a kid can have fun for the right price. (laughs) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, young man. What's your name? 

Kid: Monroe. 

Mr. Krabs: Nice to meet you, Monroe. (picks him up and laughs) 

Monroe: Whee! 

Mr. Krabs: (shakes Monroe and hears change in his pocket) Mmm... a-ha! (gets dollar signs in his eyes) Okay, money. I mean, err... children. It's time for the grand unveiling of... money. I mean, Krabby Land! (the kids cheer) Okay, kids, now promise Uncle Krabs that if you get hungry while you're playing, you'll come inside for some delicious, nutritious Krabby Patties. 

Kids: We promise. 

Mr. Krabs: All right, here we go! I give you... Krabby Land! (pulls off the sheet that covered the play area) 

Kids: Yeah! (kids' cheers soon turn into speechless disappointed frowns; Krabby Land is a cheap, junky, trashy makeshift playground with several equipment such as: a junky shelter reading "Fort Adventure", a pipe connected to a cheap crane like equipment called "Rocket-ship Fantasia" (which breaks apart by weight issues), two toasters connected to springs for kiddy rides called "Toaster Rodeo", "Hose World" which contains rusty filthy hoses instead of real water fountains, among other dangerous stuff) 

Kid: (Climbs up a slide which breaks apart upon being used; he screams, falls onto the ground extremely injured) Whoa! Ooh, where am I? 

Mr. Krabs: Eh... that reminds me. I forgot to give you these coloring books/liability wavers! (holds up paper) Everyone who hands theirs back gets to meet the one and only Krabby the Clown! 

Kids: Yay!

Mr. Krabs: Have fun and don't forget to eat plenty of vitamin-enriched Krabby Patties. (holds up a Krabby Patty) Krabby the Clown's favorite meal. 

Kids: We want Krabby! We want Krabby! 

SpongeBob: Where is Krabby, Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: He'll be here after I count their money. Just stall 'em. 

SpongeBob: Stall 'em? How do I do that? 

Mr. Krabs: I don't know. Be entertaining. (leaves) 

SpongeBob: (turns around and laughs at the kids) Hey, kids! (waves but the kids are angry) 

Monroe: You're not Krabby the Clown. 

SpongeBob: No, I'm not. I'm, uh... (puts on a mask) I'm Krabby's beloved sidekick, the Krabby

Patty..Umm... Burglar! 

Kid: Lame. 

SpongeBob: Krabby will be here soon. He, uh, had to take the bus. But in the meantime, let's have some fun! You kids like bubbles? (picks up a bubble wand) 

Monroe: No. 

SpongeBob: Well, you've never seen my bubbles. (blows a jellyfish bubble) Voila! A bubble shaped like a jellyfish. How 'bout that? 

Kid: Still lame. (bubble pops) 

SpongeBob: (dips wand again) Okay, prepare to be blown back on your tailfins. (blows a unicorn bubble) Ta-da! (kid pops the bubble) Uh... huh. 

Kids: You stink, bring on the clown! 

SpongeBob: Okay, uh... and now for a finale! (starts blowing a bubble) 

Kids: Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! 

SpongeBob: (the bubble pops in his eye making it red. He screams) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! My eyes! Ahhhhh! (trips over a barrel) Whoa! (crashes into The Pit of Doom which is actually a dumpster then swings over a tire. Lands in a pool of bowling balls then the tire lands on him. Kids start to laugh) They seem to respond to me being in pain. They enjoy other people's misery. Hey kids, check this out. (picks up his bubble wand and dips it in the bubble soap then throws the wand away. Pours all the bubble soap in his eyes) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

Kids: Woo-hoo! 

SpongeBob: I got 'em right where I want 'em. (SpongeBob puts a piece of tape on his face and rips it off, revealing a portion of his face is missing) 

SpongeBob: Aaaahhhh! 

Kids: Woo-hoo! Yeah! 

SpongeBob: (lies on the ground with his tongue sticking out. A truck runs over his tongue over and
over) Aaaaah! Aaaaaah!! Aaaaaaah!!! 

Kids: Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! (SpongeBob walks up to a muscular guy and hands him some money. The muscular guy hits him with a big hammer. SpongeBob gives the thumbs up) Yeah, hoo! (muscular guy smashes SpongeBob with a wrecking ball) Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! 

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gives a thumbs-up. Later, SpongeBob is tied to two poles with a muscular guy holding a can of lima beans) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (muscular guy shoves a spoonful of lima beans in SpongeBob’s mouth. All the kids cheer) 

Kids: Ha-ha, ha-ha! 

SpongeBob: (being used as a ball in the two muscular guys' ping pong game) Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. 

Kids: Yay! (SpongeBob’s arms are getting stretched by two muscular guys) Yeah! (SpongeBob is in two pieces but gives two thumbs up. Cut to Mr. Krabs' office where he is counting the money he has received from the kids. SpongeBob enters his office in pieces) 

SpongeBob: Ugh, Mr. Krabs? I can't take any more of this stalling stuff. 

Mr. Krabs: (Glares) Always thinking about yourself. Get out there and stall! What happened to your arms and legs, boy? 

SpongeBob: The kids are using them as... boomerangs. (one of SpongeBob’s legs flies in and out) 

Mr. Krabs: Boomerangs? Oh no! They might break my windows! 

SpongeBob: What are we gonna do? 

Mr. Krabs: Well, now that all their money's counted, tell them Krabby has just arrived! 

SpongeBob: (hops on top of the table) Really? He's here? (bounces up and down) Oh, boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! 

Mr. Krabs: Get out there and tell 'em! 

SpongeBob: (walks outside) Listen everybody. Krabby the Clown is in the building! 

Kids: Yay! 

SpongeBob: Who do you want? 

Kids: Krabby! 

SpongeBob: When do you want him? 

Kids: Now! Krabby, krabby, krabby! (all running up to Mr. Krabs) Krabby! Hooray! 

Mr. Krabs: Hey kids! Are you ready to meet Krabby the Clown?

Kids and SpongeBob: Yay! 

Mr. Krabs: All right, here you go! (turns around with a blue nose and tie on) Hey kids! Uh... thank you all for coming! Thank you. Eat plenty of Krabby Patties! (laughs and walks back toward his office leaving back a shocked, disappointed, unhappy crowd of children) Ah, Krabs, you've done it again! 

SpongeBob: I'll say you have. 

Mr. Krabs: (turns around) SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: (frowning) How could you, Mr. Krabs? You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was... Cheapy the Cheapskate! 

Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! (takes off his fake nose and rubs the blue paint off it) Now take this tomato back to the kitchen before it spoils. 

SpongeBob: But what about the true meaning of summer? What about the children? 

Mr. Krabs: (walks to the window) The children? Oh I don't care about the children. (starts to climb out the window) I just care about their parents' money. Ah, the fact that their feeble minds are easily manipulated by cheap playgrounds and talentless clowns is no skin off my nose. (climbs out) Survival of the fittest, SpongeBob! Survival of the fittest. (laughs) 

Kid: Ahem. 

Mr. Krabs: Huh? (children are standing behind him glaring at him; having overheard Krabs' confession) Oh, hey kids. (smiles) Uh... Uncle Krabs has to go to the bank now. Heh. 

Monroe: Get him! (all the kids run after him) 

SpongeBob: (inside, sounds of Mr. Krabs getting beat up by the kids is heard) Aw, I suppose I'll never know the true meaning of summer. I thought I knew it once, but that was a long, long time ago. 

Squidward: You mean this morning? 

SpongeBob: Yeah. (a noise is heard outside) 

Monroe: Come on outside, Mr. SquarePants. It's a summer miracle! 

Kids: (money is falling from the sky) Yay! Hooray! 

SpongeBob: Wow, thousands of dollars fluttering in the breeze. I guess that's the true meaning of summer. 

Kids: Hooray! (a kid on top of the Krusty Krab is throwing money down) 

SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs? He's missing out on all the summer fun. 

Mr. Krabs: (is tied to poles like SpongeBob was earlier) Let me go! I gotta get some of that green stuff! (a muscular guy places a spoon of lima beans in front of him) No, not that green stuff! (a lima bean truck backs up) No!, Oh NOOOOOO!!!!!

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
[[Category:Transcript]]

Episode Transcript: Krabby Land

2015-01-20T21:04:34Z

164.116.251.123: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transcript
!Next Episode Transcript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: I Had an Accident|I Had an Accident]]
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: The Camping Episode|The Camping Episode]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Krabby Land (Episode)|Krabby Land]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary the Snail|Gary]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]

==Dialogue==

SpongeBob: (reads the newspaper while sipping some coffee) Ah, I don't know how you do it, Gere Bear, but that's the best cup of French toast I've ever had. 

Gary: (sits at the counter) Meow. 

SpongeBob: Well, time to punch that clock. (puts his hat on and walks into the living room) But not before checking my motivational Quote-a-Day calendar. (calendar reads 'June 21') You are a winner. (hugs himself then looks back at the calendar and gasps) And today's the first day of summer! (cut to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is at the register, bored. SpongeBob walks through the doors
with a pink flower around his head. He tosses flower buts into the air) Happy first day of summer,

Squidward! (walks over to Squidward) Care to join me for solstice caroling? (sings in a high voice) Walking in the grass, it's so fine, don't need shoes in the summertime! (tosses flower buds at Squidward) 

Squidward: I'm not much of a summer person, SpongeBob. 

Mr. Krabs: Davy Jones on the jib! Do my ears deceive me? Is it really the first day of summer? Is it? 

SpongeBob: (chuckles) Yeah. 

Mr. Krabs: (does a few back flips in the air) Whee-hoo! (runs over to the window) 

SpongeBob: (walks up to him) Gee Mr. K., you sure have a scorching case of summer fever! (turns around) What is it about summertime that makes us so happy? The firefly-lit nights, the intoxicating aroma of a charcoal briquette, the hypnotic sound of a lawnmower running over a flip-flop? 

Mr. Krabs: The money! 

SpongeBob: The money? 

Mr. Krabs: Er, uh... I mean, uh... the children! 

SpongeBob: Oh. 

Mr. Krabs: You see, boy, during the summer, the children are excused from their classes, a recess commonly referred to as summer break. (sits down on a barrel and SpongeBob sits on his lap) 
SpongeBob: Tell me more about summer break. (a school bell rings and all the kids run out of the school) 

Mr. Krabs: Well, during this summer break, the children wander Bikini Bottom unsupervised, their pockets lined with allowance. (a child runs by with a full pocket of coins) Free to spend their money without any parental guidance whatsoever. (pulls down a menu) I guess that's what I like best. (puts a sticker labeled '4.99' next to the Kiddie Meal) Sure, I suppose some would try and take advantage of this situation by selling them toys or candy, but I sleep well at night with the knowledge that I'm providing them with something they need: a nutritious meal. (goes over to the front window) Come here, you little piggies! 

SpongeBob: I've been taught the true meaning of summer. 

Narrator: Later... (Mr. Krabs is still standing at the window with the same expression on his face) 

SpongeBob: (walks up) Almost closing time, Mr. K. 

Mr. Krabs: What? But that's impossible. (sobs) What about the money? I mean uh... uh... what about the children? (SpongeBob shrugs as Mr. Krabs sighs) I guess summer isn't coming this year. 
SpongeBob: Hey, maybe they're all at that new playground over there. (points at a playground where kids are playing) 

Mr. Krabs: Playground? Luring away me young customers. Warm up the boat, SpongeBob. (cut to the playground. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs pull up in their boat. They peek out using a pair of binoculars) 

SpongeBob: See anything, Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: Oh, they're here, all right. Just look at them, SpongeBob. (two kids are swinging) So weak and malnourished. (one of the kids is eating a lollipop) With nobody trying to sell 'em nothing. (a kid slides down a slide) Breaks me heart. (cries) No! I've got nothing to live for,
SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: The way you drove the boat while lying on the ground was kind of cool. 

Mr. Krabs: True. But that's not gonna get these munchkins away from this playground. Unless... hmmm... see you tomorrow, boy. Got a lot of work to do. (drives off) 

SpongeBob: You got it, Mr. Krabs... hey! (cut to SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab) Another day, another dollar. Gee, I wonder what Mr. Krabs has been up to since I saw him last and then went home to do nothing of particular interest 'til this very moment. (stares at something in the distance) Huh? (a group of kids are lined up at the Krusty Krab where a sign reads "Krabby Land" is hanging. A giant sheet is covering some sort of area. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs) 

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (sticks the hammer in his belt) You're just in time for the grand unveiling of Krabby Land. 

SpongeBob: Krabby Land, sir? 

Mr. Krabs: Yes, Krabby Land. (holds up a sign) Where a kid can have fun for the right price. (laughs) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, young man. What's your name? 

Kid: Monroe. 

Mr. Krabs: Nice to meet you, Monroe. (picks him up and laughs) 

Monroe: Whee! 

Mr. Krabs: (shakes Monroe and hears change in his pocket) Mmm... a-ha! (gets dollar signs in his eyes) Okay, money. I mean, err... children. It's time for the grand unveiling of... money. I mean, Krabby Land! (the kids cheer) Okay, kids, now promise Uncle Krabs that if you get hungry while you're playing, you'll come inside for some delicious, nutritious Krabby Patties. 

Kids: We promise. 

Mr. Krabs: All right, here we go! I give you... Krabby Land! (pulls off the sheet that covered the play area) 

Kids: Yeah! (kids' cheers soon turn into speechless disappointed frowns; Krabby Land is a cheap, junky, trashy makeshift playground with several equipment such as: a junky shelter reading "Fort Adventure", a pipe connected to a cheap crane like equipment called "Rocket-ship Fantasia" (which breaks apart by weight issues), two toasters connected to springs for kiddy rides called "Toaster Rodeo", "Hose World" which contains rusty filthy hoses instead of real water fountains, among other dangerous stuff) 

Kid: (Climbs up a slide which breaks apart upon being used; he screams, falls onto the ground extremely injured) Whoa! Ooh, where am I? 

Mr. Krabs: Eh... that reminds me. I forgot to give you these coloring books/liability wavers! (holds up paper) Everyone who hands theirs back gets to meet the one and only Krabby the Clown! 

Kids: Yay!

Mr. Krabs: Have fun and don't forget to eat plenty of vitamin-enriched Krabby Patties. (holds up a Krabby Patty) Krabby the Clown's favorite meal. 

Kids: We want Krabby! We want Krabby! 

SpongeBob: Where is Krabby, Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: He'll be here after I count their money. Just stall 'em. 

SpongeBob: Stall 'em? How do I do that? 

Mr. Krabs: I don't know. Be entertaining. (leaves) 

SpongeBob: (turns around and laughs at the kids) Hey, kids! (waves but the kids are angry) 

Monroe: You're not Krabby the Clown. 

SpongeBob: No, I'm not. I'm, uh... (puts on a mask) I'm Krabby's beloved sidekick, the Krabby

Patty..Umm... Burglar! 

Kid: Lame. 

SpongeBob: Krabby will be here soon. He, uh, had to take the bus. But in the meantime, let's have some fun! You kids like bubbles? (picks up a bubble wand) 

Monroe: No. 

SpongeBob: Well, you've never seen my bubbles. (blows a jellyfish bubble) Voila! A bubble shaped like a jellyfish. How 'bout that? 

Kid: Still lame. (bubble pops) 

SpongeBob: (dips wand again) Okay, prepare to be blown back on your tailfins. (blows a unicorn bubble) Ta-da! (kid pops the bubble) Uh... huh. 

Kids: You stink, bring on the clown! 

SpongeBob: Okay, uh... and now for a finale! (starts blowing a bubble) 

Kids: Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! 

SpongeBob: (the bubble pops in his eye making it red. He screams) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! My eyes! Ahhhhh! (trips over a barrel) Whoa! (crashes into The Pit of Doom which is actually a dumpster then swings over a tire. Lands in a pool of bowling balls then the tire lands on him. Kids start to laugh) They seem to respond to me being in pain. They enjoy other people's misery. Hey kids, check this out. (picks up his bubble wand and dips it in the bubble soap then throws the wand away. Pours all the bubble soap in his eyes) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

Kids: Woo-hoo! 

SpongeBob: I got 'em right where I want 'em. (SpongeBob puts a piece of tape on his face and rips it off, revealing a portion of his face is missing) 

SpongeBob: Aaaahhhh! 

Kids: Woo-hoo! Yeah! 

SpongeBob: (lies on the ground with his tongue sticking out. A truck runs over his tongue over and
over) Aaaaah! 

Kids: Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! (SpongeBob walks up to a muscular guy and hands him some money. The muscular guy hits him with a big hammer. SpongeBob gives the thumbs up) Yeah, hoo! (muscular guy smashes SpongeBob with a wrecking ball) Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! 

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gives a thumbs-up. Later, SpongeBob is tied to two poles with a muscular guy holding a can of lima beans) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (muscular guy shoves a spoonful of lima beans in SpongeBob’s mouth. All the kids cheer) 

Kids: Ha-ha, ha-ha! 

SpongeBob: (being used as a ball in the two muscular guys' ping pong game) Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. 

Kids: Yay! (SpongeBob’s arms are getting stretched by two muscular guys) Yeah! (SpongeBob is in two pieces but gives two thumbs up. Cut to Mr. Krabs' office where he is counting the money he has received from the kids. SpongeBob enters his office in pieces) 

SpongeBob: Ugh, Mr. Krabs? I can't take any more of this stalling stuff. 

Mr. Krabs: (Glares) Always thinking about yourself. Get out there and stall! What happened to your arms and legs, boy? 

SpongeBob: The kids are using them as... boomerangs. (one of SpongeBob’s legs flies in and out) 

Mr. Krabs: Boomerangs? Oh no! They might break my windows! 

SpongeBob: What are we gonna do? 

Mr. Krabs: Well, now that all their money's counted, tell them Krabby has just arrived! 

SpongeBob: (hops on top of the table) Really? He's here? (bounces up and down) Oh, boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! 

Mr. Krabs: Get out there and tell 'em! 

SpongeBob: (walks outside) Listen everybody. Krabby the Clown is in the building! 

Kids: Yay! 

SpongeBob: Who do you want? 

Kids: Krabby! 

SpongeBob: When do you want him? 

Kids: Now! Krabby, krabby, krabby! (all running up to Mr. Krabs) Krabby! Hooray! 

Mr. Krabs: Hey kids! Are you ready to meet Krabby the Clown?

Kids and SpongeBob: Yay! 

Mr. Krabs: All right, here you go! (turns around with a blue nose and tie on) Hey kids! Uh... thank you all for coming! Thank you. Eat plenty of Krabby Patties! (laughs and walks back toward his office leaving back a shocked, disappointed, unhappy crowd of children) Ah, Krabs, you've done it again! 

SpongeBob: I'll say you have. 

Mr. Krabs: (turns around) SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: (frowning) How could you, Mr. Krabs? You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was... Cheapy the Cheapskate! 

Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! (takes off his fake nose and rubs the blue paint off it) Now take this tomato back to the kitchen before it spoils. 

SpongeBob: But what about the true meaning of summer? What about the children? 

Mr. Krabs: (walks to the window) The children? Oh I don't care about the children. (starts to climb out the window) I just care about their parents' money. Ah, the fact that their feeble minds are easily manipulated by cheap playgrounds and talentless clowns is no skin off my nose. (climbs out) Survival of the fittest, SpongeBob! Survival of the fittest. (laughs) 

Kid: Ahem. 

Mr. Krabs: Huh? (children are standing behind him glaring at him; having overheard Krabs' confession) Oh, hey kids. (smiles) Uh... Uncle Krabs has to go to the bank now. Heh. 

Monroe: Get him! (all the kids run after him) 

SpongeBob: (inside, sounds of Mr. Krabs getting beat up by the kids is heard) Aw, I suppose I'll never know the true meaning of summer. I thought I knew it once, but that was a long, long time ago. 

Squidward: You mean this morning? 

SpongeBob: Yeah. (a noise is heard outside) 

Monroe: Come on outside, Mr. SquarePants. It's a summer miracle! 

Kids: (money is falling from the sky) Yay! Hooray! 

SpongeBob: Wow, thousands of dollars fluttering in the breeze. I guess that's the true meaning of summer. 

Kids: Hooray! (a kid on top of the Krusty Krab is throwing money down) 

SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs? He's missing out on all the summer fun. 

Mr. Krabs: (is tied to poles like SpongeBob was earlier) Let me go! I gotta get some of that green stuff! (a muscular guy places a spoon of lima beans in front of him) No, not that green stuff! (a lima bean truck backs up) No!, Oh NOOOOOO!!!!!

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
[[Category:Transcript]]

Episode Transcript: I Had an Accident

2015-01-20T20:59:56Z

164.116.251.123: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transcript
!Next Episode Transcript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Born Again Krabs|Born Again Krabs]]
|[[Episode Transcript: Krabby Land|Krabby Land]]
|}

Episode Article: [[I Had an Accident (Episode)|I Had an Accident]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Chip]]
*[[Penny]]
*[[Used Napkin]]
*[[Dr. Gill Gilliam]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Harold]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Gorilla]]
*[[George the Zebra]]

==Dialogue==

'''Video Game Patrick''': (screaming, bashes body on mountain) 

'''Patrick''': (playing a video game with his character while sliding at [[Sand Mountain]]). Aw, I got dead again. This game stinks. (screams and bashes body on mountain) 

Sandy: See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain. 

SpongeBob: I'm listening to you, mountain! Don't eat the yellow sand, Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': Oh yeah, I forgot. (eats yellow sand on a plate) 

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward"! 

Squidward: Stop naming moves after me. 

SpongeBob: (imitating Squidward) Everybody's an idiot except for me. 

Squidward: Well, it's true. 

SpongeBob: (laughs like Squidward) 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (laughing) 

Sandy: (stops laughing and sees a tree. She gasps.) SpongeBob! Look out for that tree! 

SpongeBob: (stops laughing) Huh? (skips tree) Don't worry guys. Everything's under control. Cause I'm an (goes off mountain) EXPERT!!! 

SpongeBob: That's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down. (camera reveals that SpongeBob is upside down and not the mountain. He starts to fall.) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! 

Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall! 

SpongeBob: (turns around to feet first then takes off his pants) Like this? 

'''Patrick''': No, your other bottom! 

Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? 

'''Patrick''': Not until four. 

SpongeBob: (crashes, and his butt falls apart. Patrick and Sandy are covered in splinters) 

Sandy: Oh! That's gotta hurt. 

'''Patrick''': Do it again! I wasn't looking! (Sandy glares at him) 

(scene cuts to the hospital) 

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery. 

SpongeBob: My what has a what now? 

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Your butt's all better. It's really quite amazing. It took us 20 hours to put it all back together. We actually ran out of staples and had to use a glue stick. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky luck boy. But, from now on, I'd like you to be more careful. One more injury like that, and you could wind up like that poor creature there. In the [[Iron Butt]]. 

Tom: (in the Iron Butt) Aw, man. It itches. 

SpongeBob: (outside hospital) You heard the doctor, SpongeBob. One more injury like that, and it's the iron butt. I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on around the clock butt patrol! (To fish) Hep! Step away from the backside, I'm warning you! 

Harold: What's your problem? (walks away) 

SpongeBob: Aah. That was close! 

(whistle blows in the background) 

Football player: Hey, SpongeBob, wanna join us? We need an extra player. (another football player catches a football) Nice catch, Percy! (slaps Percy's butt) 

SpongeBob: (gasps) 

Fish: Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob screams) You gotta try this, dude! Ha! We finally got enough people for a seven mile spanking machine! Ha! (goes under, people start spanking his butt) Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! 

Fish #2: Next. 

SpongeBob: NO!. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (running to his house) 

(Squidward walks up) 

Squidward: Is this where the line starts? 

SpongeBob: My butt is not safe out here! (goes inside his house and looks out the window) No part of me is safe! (closes curtain) 

(cut to outside the front of SpongeBob's house, where Sandy and Patrick are still sand boarding) 

'''Patrick''': Whoo-hoo! 

Sandy Yeah! Ride em' cowboy! (Patrick starts laughing) 

(they go inside SpongeBob's house and get off the board) 

Sandy: (laughs) Hey, SpongeBob! 

'''Patrick''': (is still laughing, and Sandy looks angrily at him. Stops laughing and clears throat.) That was fun. 

Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob, you ready to go sand boardin' again? SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world? 

Sandy: What'cha all doing sittin' in the middle of the floor like that? 

SpongeBob: Oh, living out the remainder of my life... in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I've simply decided I am never leaving my house again. 

Sandy: That's crazy talk! 

'''Patrick''': That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk! (talks very weird acting stupid, and Sandy punches his head into his torso.) Sorry. 

SpongeBob: No, Patrick's right, Sandy. You saw what happened to me. And next time it won't just be my butt. It'll be my armpit or my forehead. 

'''Patrick''': Or your other armpit! 

SpongeBob: I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a sponge! What was I thinking? Walking. My people are sedentary. 

Sandy: Just sittin' in your house? Ain't you gonna get lonesome? 

SpongeBob: I won't be lonesome. I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Penny... and Chip... and say hello to Used Napkin. 

Sandy: Well, how are you gonna keep your job at the [[Krusty Krab]]? 

SpongeBob: No problem! A really long spatula. 

Sandy: What about eatin'? 

SpongeBob: I'm a sponge! I'll just filter feed. (breathes in a different way) 

Sandy: SpongeBob, sooner or later you're gonna have to go outside! 

SpongeBob: Listen, I told you that I'm never leaving my house again. 

'''Patrick''': Never ever? 

SpongeBob: Never ever ever! 

'''Patrick''': Never never ever ever for never ever?! 

SpongeBob: Never ever never never ever ever never!! 

'''Patrick''': Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?! (SpongeBob sighs) 

SpongeBob and '''Patrick''': Never ever never never ever never ever never..... 

SpongeBob: D'alright Patrick, that is enough!!! Chip, will you escort these two to the door? (throws Chip to the door) 

'''Patrick''': Thank you, Chip. (outside) I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Squidward! 

Squidward: No! 

'''Patrick''': Okay. 

Sandy: Don't worry, Patrick. We'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. 

'''Patrick''': And that's when I punch him, right? (Sandy gives a serious look) 

Sandy: Look at all the jellyfish out here! Too bad SpongeBob's missing out on all the fun! 

'''Patrick''': I caught one! I caught one! (puts head in net) huh? 

SpongeBob: (Patrick screaming in background) Look at those fools. Risking their lives, jellyfishing. My new hobby is much more safer, isn't it Chip. Dust collecting! (brings out a tiny net and waves it in the air) I think I caught one! 

Sandy: We gotta try somethin' else. 

(cut to Sandy and Patrick in SpongeBob's front yard with a birthday cake with candles lit on it) 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': Three cheers on your birthday, SpongeBob! Three cheers for you! 

Sandy: Now you have to blow out the candles and make a wish. 

SpongeBob: I don't need a wish, Penny. All I ever wanted is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the magic of being indoors. 

Music: "[[Indoors (Song)|Indoors]]"
I know of a place
Where you never get harmed
A magical place
With magical charms
Indoors
Indoors
Indoors...

SpongeBob: Take it away, Penny! 

'''Patrick''': That penny has the most beautiful voice. 

Sandy: That is it, SquarePants! We're gonna find something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside! 

(cut to outside SpongeBob's house) 

Sandy: Trampoline! 

'''Patrick''': Ice cream! 

Sandy: Underwater surfing! 

'''Patrick''': Two ice creams! 

Sandy: Ferris wheel! 

'''Patrick''': (The two ice creams are melting) Still two ice creams! 

Sandy: Clam wrestling! 

'''Patrick''': Washing an old person! 

Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun! 

Old man: It is for me! 

SpongeBob: (breathing differently as before) 

Sandy: Nothing's working, Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': What do we do? 

Old man: I say we take a bath! 

Sandy: What the? Will you get outta here? 

Sandy: Now, remember. Don't jump out 'til I give the signal. 

'''Patrick''': Right. (Zips the gorilla suit) 

Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Pat! 

'''Patrick''': (comes out in a gorilla suit and acts like a gorilla) 

Sandy: Eek! A gorilla! Save me, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Okay, guys, really. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even Chip knows that's Patrick in the same costume he wore for Halloween last year. 

Sandy: No, really! You gotta come save me! 

(another Patrick walks up) 

Patrick #2: Hey, Sandy. Who's your friend? 

SpongeBob: (gives a startled look) 

Sandy: But you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit. 

Patrick #1: (unzips the gorilla suit) I am in the gorilla suit. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. 

Sandy: If you're Patrick, then who's that? 

Patrick #2: (unzips Patrick suit, turns out to be a real gorilla) 

Sandy: (Gasps) A real gorilla! 

SpongeBob: Huh? 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (screaming) 

Gorilla: (bags Sandy and Patrick and repeatedly hurts them) 

SpongeBob: No! 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (screams) 

SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh! 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAHHHH!!! 

SpongeBob: This can't be happening! 

SpongeBob: This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the danger of outside. Yes, Chip, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do it without the name calling, thank you very much, Used Napkin. I know, Chip. If it wasn't me out there, bagged by an ape, Patrick and Sandy would risk anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back, Chip, take care of Gary. 

Gary: (eats Chip, killing him) Meow. 

SpongeBob: Well, here I go. Taking my first step. So far so good. I think I can do this! (a paper flies onto his face) Aah! Oh, Neptune, forgive me! Save me, Chip! Save me! (removes the paper off his face) I'm still alive! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, have survived the outdoors. Nothing can stop me now! Nothing! 

(Gorilla grabs SpongeBob) 

SpongeBob: Is it too late to go back inside yet? 

(Gorilla rips SpongeBob in half) 

SpongeBob: Yep, it's too late. Sandy, Patrick? 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (still bagged) Yes, SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: I'm not afraid to go outside anymore. But I'm terrified of gorillas now. 

Sandy: It's okay, SpongeBob. Us too. 

First half of SpongeBob: You know what I don't understand, though? 

Second half of SpongeBob: What? 

First half of SpongeBob: What's a gorilla doing underwater anyway? 

Gorilla: Uh, well it's funny you should... I mean you could see that uh... George, they're onto us! 

(Gorilla runs away to George, an appaloosa horse.)

George: Let's get out of here! 

Sandy, Patrick and SpongeBob: (watch the gorilla ride the horse into the sunset) 

(TV zooms out to reveal a family watching this, the father gives a disgusted look and smartly turns off the TV with a remote.)

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]