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Episode Transcript: Just One Bite

2026-05-15T04:14:08Z

136.56.51.41: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Just One Bite]]

==Characters==
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Krusty Krab]] Customers
*[[Paramedic]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]] (does not speak)

==Dialogue==
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)

Squidward: (hands a customer his tray of food) Here you go, sir. A King-Size Ultra Krabby Supreme with the works, double batter fried on a stick. (puts a stick into the food)

'''Harold''': Thanks! (walks off)

Squidward: Barnacle head. (Harold comes back)

'''Harold''': Pardon me?

Squidward: (holds up a mayonnaise bottle) You forgot your mayonnaise. (sets it on Harold’s tray)

'''Harold''': Thanks. (walks off and sits at his table) 

Squidward: Look at them eating that garbage. (Harold bites into his food and squirts mayonnaise into his mouth) It’s disgusting. They’re sickening. I'd hate Krabby Patties. 

SpongeBob: (laughing from the kitchen window) Good one, Squidward. 

Squidward: Good what? 

SpongeBob: Like you don’t know. (hits Squidward on the back of the head) Saying, (imitates Squidward) I'd hate Krabby
Patties. (normal voice) That’s hilarious! Everyone loves Krabby Patties. 

Squidward: Yeah, well, not me. 

SpongeBob: (silence) You’re good at that. (jumps on top of the window) Hey, everyone! Squid says he doesn’t like Krabby
Patties. Ha! (everyone laughs) 

Squidward: Don’t encourage them! They’ll never leave. 

SpongeBob: (starts to grill more patties) Sorry, Squidward, it’s just so funny. You know what we say: (all the customers
appear in the kitchen) 

'''Everyone''': The only people who don’t like a Krabby Patty have never tasted one! (they all disappear) 

Squidward: That’s me. Never had one, never will. (SpongeBob flips a Krabby Patty through the ceiling of the Krusty Krab
after hearing this) 

SpongeBob: What? 

Squidward: What? 

SpongeBob: (cleans out his ears) What? What did you say? 

Squidward: I've never had a Krabby Patty and never will. 

SpongeBob: I’m sorry... I don’t... 

Squidward: I've never had a Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob puts his glasses on and takes out a dictionary) 

SpongeBob: Those words. Is it possible to use them in a sentence together like that? 

Squidward: I've never had a Krabby Patty! I've never had a Krabby Patty! I've never had a Krabby Patty! 

SpongeBob: (takes off his glasses and throws away the dictionary) Never had a Krabby Patty? Well, you’ve got to have one
right now! (runs out of the kitchen holding a Krabby Patty) No wonder you’re always so miserable! Here, try this. 

Squidward: (slaps the Krabby Patty out of SpongeBob’s hand) Get that outta my face! (SpongeBob runs off and brings it back)

SpongeBob: If you try it, you’ll love it! 

Squidward: Try one of those radioactive sludge balls you call food? Next, I suppose you’ll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick?! (cut to Patrick dressed as a cowboy, standing next to SpongeBob) 

SpongeBob: (to Patrick) Sorry, Patrick. (Patrick sighs and walks off. SpongeBob tries to give Squidward the patty again) Come on, you’re gonna-- 

Squidward: (pushes the patty away) No. 

SpongeBob: Open up the tunnel, here comes the train. Choo-choo-- (Squidward slaps it away) 

Squidward: No. 

SpongeBob: (reaches behind Squidward’s ear) Whoop! What’s that in your ear? (pulls out a patty) 

Squidward: Quit it. 

SpongeBob: Come on, open wide! 

Squidward: SpongeBob, if I were trapped at the bottom of a well for three years with nothing to eat but that Krabby Patty, I’d eat my own legs first! (walks out from behind the counter) And not just the extra ones. (walks off as SpongeBob follows)

SpongeBob: But it’s good for you! 

Squidward: (turns around) Good for me? That thing is a heart attack on a bun! 

SpongeBob: No, Squidward, I meant... good for your soul. (background turns to a heavenly sky with the sound of flying doves and a heavenly choir heard and SpongeBob wearing wings and a halo)

Squidward: Oh, puh-lease! I have no soul. (background turns to fire and flying bats and evil laughter are heard. Squidward walks off) 

SpongeBob: Okay, just half. 

Squidward: No. 

SpongeBob: A quarter? 

Squidward: No. 

SpongeBob: One bite? 

Squidward: No. (enters the bathroom. When he opens a stall door, SpongeBob shows him the patty) 

SpongeBob: Just smell it. 

Squidward: If I didn’t want it out there, what makes you think I’d find it more appealing in here? (slams the door. Bubble-wipe to Squidward washing dishes. SpongeBob rises up, made with pink bubble in the sink, holding a Krabby Patty in his hand) 

SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward. 

Squidward: No. (all the bubbles pop, also the patty. Cut to Squidward putting money in the register. SpongeBob pops out of the register with coins on his head and eyes) 

SpongeBob: One bite. 

Squidward: No. (cash drawer shuts. Cut to Squidward taking out the trash. SpongeBob pops up from inside the trashcan, made with fruit and trash) 

SpongeBob: You won’t be sorry. 

Squidward: (throws the garbage bag in the trash can) No. (turns around and sees SpongeBob) 

SpongeBob: It’s delicious... 

Squidward: Listen, SpongeBob, how long are you prepared to keep this up? (SpongeBob handcuffs himself to Squidward.

Squidward takes the patty) Give me that! When I die, you stay away from my funeral. (looks at the patty) Oh... do I
really? 

SpongeBob: Ah... (Squidward stretches his mouth) Ooh... (Squidward takes a tiny bite of the Krabby Patty and smiles. SpongeBob’s eyes turn into hearts) 

Squidward: Why... this Krabby Patty may be the most... (suddenly angry) Horrible! Putrid! Poorly prepared! Vile! (SpongeBob’s eyes turn into atomic explosions) Unappetizing! Disgusting excuse for a sandwich, it has ever been my displeasure to have slithered down my throat! 

SpongeBob: But-- 

Squidward: (throws the patty on the ground) And I curse this Krabby Patty, and all who enjoy them to an early and well-
deserved grave! (puts a tombstone on top of the patty with 'R.I.P.' and a picture of a patty on it) Get it? 

SpongeBob: But it doesn’t make any sense. The Krabby Patty is an absolute good. Nobody is immune to its tasty charms. 

Squidward: Nobody but me. 

SpongeBob: Are you sure? 

Squidward: Does this look unsure to you? (close-up of Squidward’s wrinkly face) 

SpongeBob: No. 

Squidward: Good. Now go spread the word. (SpongeBob walks back into the Krusty Krab. When he shuts the door, Squidward gasps and digs for the Krabby Patty) Come on! Come on! Come on! (holds up the Krabby Patty covered in sand) Ah... still alive! (shoves the whole thing in his mouth) Oh, so delicious! (cries) Oh! All the wasted years! Ohh... (licks the ground) I gotta have more! I gotta have more! (runs to the back of the Krusty Krab and is about to open the door but doesn’t) But wait! (stands by the window. His eyes float over to the side of his face looking at SpongeBob grilling) After that performance, he’d never let me live it down! I gotta sneak one. Just one, then, I’m off the stuff for good! 

SpongeBob: I didn’t think it was possible, but I guess some people just don’t like Krabby Patties. (flips one in the air. Squidward peeks through the window) 

Squidward: Uhh, SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward? 

Squidward: I need a Triple Krabby Supreme on a kelp bun, (gets more excited) with extra sea pickles and, and burn it to a crisp, okay? 

SpongeBob: Coming right up! (flips the patties again) Listen, Squidward. I want to apologize for before. I was only trying
to make you happy. (Squidward moans and groans. His pupils turn into the patties and flip as they do) ...but not I've learned
there’s room for all kinds of people... (Squidward licks his lips) ...and they all don’t have to like the same things. (the
steam from the patties forms a figure and it kisses Squidward’s nose then disappears) 

Squidward: Don’t you go. 

SpongeBob: While I strongly disagree with your decision, I'll accept it. (holds up the Krabby Patty. Squidward tries
to take a bite but SpongeBob takes it away and Squidward’s face goes into the grill) You know, it’s not often that I get to make
one like this. I want to see the look on their face when they take that first bite. (walks off. Squidward looks up with a
burnt face. SpongeBob walks out of the kitchen) Triple Krabby Supreme! Triple Krabby Supreme! Did someone order a Triple
Krabby Supreme? Huh? They must have left. 

Squidward: Well, uh, why don’t you just, uh, leave it out here in case they come back? 

SpongeBob: Nope, a patty this special should be eaten fresh, and... well, I haven’t had one of these babies in over twenty minutes, so... (eats the whole patty in one bite. Squidward gasps) Well, whoever they were, they had great taste! (Squidward groans and chatters then starts to cry a little) Ah, they don’t know what they’re missing. Well, back to work. (walks back into the kitchen) 

Squidward: What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage? (Frank with a big belly walks up to the trash can with a partially eaten Krabby Patty) 

'''Frank''': I'd wish I could eat this, but I’m so darn full. Oh, well. (drops the patty in the garbage) 

Squidward: I had to say garbage, but okay! (runs to the trash can. Inhales deeply and eats everything in the trash can. When he lifts up his head, the Krabby Patty is the only thing left in the garbage. He spits out what’s in his mouth and grabs the Krabby Patty. SpongeBob runs over and grabs it out of his hand) 

SpongeBob: Oh no, what’s this doing here? This patty should be cremated! (runs to the furnace and throws it in and sobs.
Squidward walks up) I know you didn’t like him, but it means so much that you came. (runs off as Squidward starts sobbing. Bubble-wipe to nighttime where Squidward is sitting in his chair, still sobbing, when there is a knock on the door. Squidward
answers it and it’s a giant Krabby Patty. Squidward kisses it and sighs. Cross-fade to Squidward having dinner with the patty,
marrying the patty, having a kid with the patty, and growing old with it. Dream sequence ends) 

Squidward: Honey? (wakes up) What? Oh... I have got to get my hands on a Krabby Patty! And no one’s gonna stop me! (runs
out of his house, panting, but tip-toes past SpongeBob’s house, then pants some more to the Krusty Krab) There it is. (he is looking at the [[Patty Vault]] in the back of the restaurant. Walks up to it and opens it) Holy shrimp! (inside are piles of Krabby Patties are inside the vault) I don’t know where to start. (picks up a patty) All that matters is
that it’s just you... and me... and nobody-- 

SpongeBob: Squidward? (Squidward’s face drops) Is that you? 

Squidward: (turns around) SpongeBob? Uh, uh, uh... what are you doing here? (points at SpongeBob. While pointing at him, he
notices he’s showing the patty in his hand and puts it behind his back again) 

SpongeBob: I always come to work at 3 a.m. This is when I count the sesame seeds. (takes off his green hat, reveals his Krusty Krab hat) What are you doing here? 

Squidward: Uhh, I forgot my-- 

SpongeBob: And why is the patty vault open? 

Squidward: Oh, I thought that-- 

SpongeBob: And why are you holding a patty behind your back? 

Squidward: I... I... I... no, I didn’t do... 

SpongeBob: And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry? And-- (grins) 

Squidward: No, wait... it’s not what you think. Th-this is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me, I... Listen, I am telling you... (jumps up and down) You better listen to me, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: You like Krabby Patties, don’t you, Squidward? (Squidward begins to sweat then slams the door on SpongeBob)

Squidward: Yes! Yes! I admit it, SpongeBob! I love Krabby Patties! (eats two patties) 

SpongeBob: I knew it all along, Squidward. No one can resist a Krabby Patty. (Squidward eats a bunch of Krabby Patties in
all sorts of ways, even a dozen at a time) Squidward! How many are you eating? Squidward! (Squidward continues eating all the
Krabby Patties in the vault) Squidward, you can’t eat all those patties at one time! Squidward! 

Squidward: What’s gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up? 

SpongeBob: No, worse, it’ll go right to your thighs! 

Squidward: My thighs? (camera pans down showing Squidward’s huge thighs) 

SpongeBob: ...and then you’ll blow up. (the Krusty Krab explodes. Squidward’s head is sitting on the ambulance’s bench while his legs are in a bucket) 

'''Paramedic''': (laughs) Yeah, I remember my first Krabby Patty.

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}
[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: Overbooked

2025-03-07T22:00:39Z

136.56.51.41: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Overbooked (Episode)|Overbooked]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Mr.Krabs]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*[[Proto-Generator 2000]]
*Old woman baker
*Two SpongeBob Clones

==Dialogue==
(SpongeBob is asleep when his ringing shell phone wakes him up. He gives a startled yelp and then answers. It's Sandy.)

'''SpongeBob''': Hello?

'''Sandy''': Hey, SpongeBob? How's it going?

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, hiya, Sandy!

'''Sandy''': Hey, listen, I was wondering if you could come by tonight.

'''SpongeBob''': Sure! What's up?

'''Sandy''': I whipped up an invention I'm gonna unveil tonight in front of my comrades, and I need you to be my test subject.

'''SpongeBob''': I will be there!

'''Sandy''': You're not gonna forget, are ya?

'''SpongeBob''': Of course not! Have I ever let you down before? (silence) Hello?

'''Sandy''': (leaning foward through the split screen [breaking the fourth wall]) Just be here! (pulls the split screen shut)

'''SpongeBob''': With Gary as my witness, I won't let you down, Ms. Cheeks! (bubble-wipe to him walking to the Krusty Krab; chanting) I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down! (inside, Mr. Krabs is sitting at a table trying to assemble a "Build-Your-Own-Telescope" kit)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, how do you put this thing together? (SpongeBob passes Krabs and walks into the kitchen)

'''SpongeBob''': I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down! Good morning, cap'n! I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down, down! Right after work I'm going over to Sandy's, who I'm not gonna let down.

'''Mr. Krabs''': Boy?

'''SpongeBob''': Yes, sir?

'''Mr. Krabs''': I've got a special assignment for you. This is a build-it-yourself telescope. The only problem is, I can't figure out how to put the darn thing together. That's where you come in. (pushes a book at him)

'''SpongeBob''': "Telescope Assembly Manual"...

'''Mr. Krabs''': Now read this cover-to-cover, and be prepared to put this together at me house tonight.

'''SpongeBob''': Tonight?

'''Mr. Krabs''': That's not gonna be a problem, is it?

'''SpongeBob''': Umm... Well, actually...

'''Mr. Krabs''': Excellent! Because I was looking at your annual employee report card... (puts on reading glasses and looks at a sheet of paper, where such tasks as "Keeps Work Area Clean", "Arrives at Work on Time" and "Keeps up on Hygiene" are checked under "Annual Employee Report for SpongeBob SquarePants". The only one unmarked is "Does a Laborious Task for Supervisor") ...and it appears the "Does Laborious Task for Supervisor" box is unchecked. (SpongeBob gasps) See ya tonight!

'''SpongeBob''': What am I gonna do? (Krabs leaves) You can do it. You made the commitments, you have to honor them. Both of them.

'''Patrick''': (offscreen) Who're you talking to, buddy? (appears and SpongeBob accidentally flings a patty over his eyes, blindly bumping into Patrick)

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, hiya, Patrick. What're you doing back here? (puts the patty in his pants)

'''Patrick''': Sorry to disturb you during work hours. I just wanted to remind you about my birthday.

'''SpongeBob''': No need to remind me! I wouldn't forget about my best buddy's birthday!

'''Patrick''': Then why aren't you saying the words?

'''SpongeBob''': What words?

'''Patrick''': "Happy birthday"! It's today! My birthday's today! (SpongeBob deflates) Well, you surely must remember what you're gonna bring to my birthday, right?

'''SpongeBob''': Uhh...

'''Patrick''': My birthday cake!

'''SpongeBob''': Tonight?

'''Patrick''': Yes, tonight! Well, when else am I gonna celebrate it? At least I had the courtesy to start the party after my best friend got off of work. See ya tonight, buddy

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Neptune! This is worse than I ever could've imagined! (bubble-wipe to 6 pm. SpongeBob removes his Krusty Krab hat) Right! Time to be all I can be! (runs to Sandy's treedome house in a tux and his usual water helmet. Tons of fish are there, and Sandy is up on a stage, in a purple dress, putting the final touches on her invention, which is still mostly covered by a veil except the part she is working on) Man, these people sure look sciencey. Sandy must be pulling out all the stops on this one. (walks up to Sandy) Hey, Sandy! Watcha doing?

'''Sandy''': Hey, SpongeBob! Just putting the finishing touches on my invention. Thanks for assisting me! You're such a big help! No wonder Mr. Krabs relies on you so hevily. (SpongeBob gasps)

'''SpongeBob''': (quietly) I gotta help Mr. Krabs! Uh, Sandy, I gotta go to the, uh, gent's room. (leaves the Treedome, and stuffs his tux into the front of his pants, and the sleeves into the sides) Now, if I finish up with Mr. Krabs, that'll clear me up to assist Sandy! (runs over to Mr. Krabs' anchor house. Krabs sits on the living room floor with the kit.)

'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob! I knew I wouldn't have to fire ya!

'''SpongeBob''': You can rely on me, sir! I wouldn't wanna jeopordize my employee record. (laughs) OK, let's see what we got here. Oh, it says on page 472 section C-17 that you need a right-angled motorized hex drill to assemble this thing.

'''Mr. Krabs''': Really... Why don't you go into town and pick up one of those hex drill thingies.

'''SpongeBob''': I...

'''Mr. Krabs''': Or you could sit there and watch me fill out your employee report card... (clicks his pen, and SpongeBob runs out into downtown Bikini Bottom. He slams into the door of [[Tom's Toolery]]. There is a note on the door)

'''SpongeBob''': (reading) "Dear valued Tom's Toolery customers, we are closed this week in observance of Porpoise Day. Please call again." Barnacles! Where can I find a motorized hex drill now. (has flashback to Sandy holding one while finishing her invention)

'''Sandy''': (in thought cloud) Just finishin' up here! (SpongeBob is about to run to Sandy's, when he slams into Patrick)

'''SpongeBob''': Heh, oh, hey, Patrick! What're you doing in town?

'''Patrick''': I was just buying some birthday hats for my birthday party. (pulls out a transparent bag with a red hat, a green hat and a purple hat inside. He wears a purple one, and puts the red one on SpongeBob) You didn't forget my party, did you?

'''SpongeBob''': Forget? How can I forget my best friend's birthday party?

'''Patrick''': You're already forgetting something!

'''SpongeBob''': Ha, ha! No, I haven't! ...Have I?

'''Patrick''': Hello?! My birthday cake!

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, yeah, that! I w- I was just getting to that! That's why I was here in town! Forget your birthday cake! You're hilarious, Star, you really are! Now, you just go home, and I'll get your cake, you silly guy, you! (rounds the corner and darts off to the bakery, which is shaped like a muffin and run by a nasty old lady) Hi! I need a birthday cake!

'''Cashier''': This is what I got... (hands him a yellow cake with lavender and baby blue icing that says "Sorry About the Scabies")

'''SpongeBob''': (reading) "Sorry About the Scabies". Um, can you change it to say "Happy Birthday"?

'''Cashier''': You want it or not? I haven't got all night!

'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, here you are. (pays her and runs out with it just as the store closes, and runs by the Treedome on his way back, stopping in his tracks) Sandy's drill! (wriggles out of his pants, his tuxedo underneath, while still holding up his cake and kicks them into his back pocket. Inside the treedome, everyone is sitting in front of a stage, chatting impatiently, waiting for SpongeBob. He slips behind the stage and shifts through Sandy's toolbox)

'''Sandy''': SpongeBob?

'''SpongeBob''': (startled) Oh, hi! I was just, uh, making sure you had your hardware!

'''Sandy''': Well, that's an unusual getup. (looks at his birthday hat, which he forgot to take off.)

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, I just thought I'd be a little festive, you know, for the scientists...

'''Sandy''': And the birthday cake? (SpongeBob shrugs and chuckles. But Sandy doesn't have time. She drags him onstage under a banner that says "Night of Discovery" and goes up to the podium to speak into a microphone) Greetings, my distinguished colleages! Tonight, you will witness an invention so revolutionary, it may change modern science forever! Now to demonstrate, my assistant will disrobe and enter the machine.

'''SpongeBob''': What? (Sandy hands him a hospital gown)

'''Sandy''': Some of you may be wondering why the test subject is disrobing. It is because... (looks at SpongeBob with a horrified look) What's under your gown? (There is a bulge coming from the back of SpongeBob's outfit)

'''SpongeBob''': It must be that [[Spicy Kelp|spicy kelp]] I ate earlier. I gotta go use the lavatory. I'll be right back! (runs out and goes to Patrick's rock. Knocks and it opens) Happy birthday! (walks inside, and it slams shut on his arm)

'''Patrick''': You finally made it! (slides his arm out)

'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, there was a, uhh... Big... Traffic... Storm.

'''Patrick''': Well, just leave my present over on the present table! (points to a sand table with a banner over it that says "HAPPY Hefty BIRTHDAY MEE". The "P"'s, "R", "D" and "E"'s are backwards. Spongy's eyes burn out in desperation)

'''SpongeBob''': Your present?

'''Patrick''': I'm so excited; I've been waiting for a whole year!

'''SpongeBob''': I've got it, it's right here! (tears off a piece of his lab robe and wraps Sandy's drill with it) Tada! See, all wrapped up and ready to go! (places it on the table)

'''Patrick''': Well, what're you waiting for, buddy? Serve up the cake so I can tear into that present!

'''SpongeBob''': The cake! I must've left it at Sandy's!

'''Patrick''': You took it to Sandy's?

'''SpongeBob''': No! I said "The bakery delivers, isn't that dandy?". In fact, I think I hear them right now outside! Wait there while I go check. (sneaks back into Sandy's Treedome and grabs the cake)

'''Sandy''': SpongeBob!

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, barnacles. (goes back onstage with the cake)

'''Sandy''': I apologize for the delay. Now let's continue the demonstration. I give you, the Protogenerator 2000! (uncovers a large machine with a pump, chamber and vaccuum tube. Everyone applauds) This device gives a single laborer the productivity of 5, 6, 7, up to 8 workers... (the door closes after SpongeBob steps inside the machine. He pulls a string, and the gown falls off of him) ...which is great for the management, but is also a boom for the workers because they'll always get high marks on their employee report card! (SpongeBob, who got naked, remembers Mr. Krabs talking to him)

'''Mr. Krabs''': (in thought cloud) I was just looking at your employee report card...

'''SpongeBob''': (gasp) The telescope!

'''Sandy''': Without further delay, I will now initiate the protosequence. (SpongeBob pops out of the machine, in his B-day suit.)

'''SpongeBob''': Uh, Sandy, I hate to delay the procedings, but, uh, I forgot to mail in this mail-in rebate and, uh... I'll be right back. (everyone looks on angrily as SpongeBob runs to Mr. Krabs house naked) OK, let's get started.

'''Mr. Krabs''': What happened to your clothes, boy?

'''SpongeBob''': Hm. Sardines! Yeah, I was attacked by a can of wild sardines for some reason. Now let's finish this telescope. (struggles to put together two pieces in a frenzy.)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Boy? Hold on, boy, you are supposed to be using that motorized hex drill! Now, where is it?

'''SpongeBob''': Ugh! I left it at Patrick's rock!

'''Mr. Krabs''': Patrick's rock? Whatcha doing there? (SpongeBob runs out, Mr. Krabs hot on his trail) SpongeBob, wait! Get back here, boy! (SpongeBob hops into Patrick's rock)

'''Patrick''': SpongeBob, why are your clothes invisible?

'''SpongeBob''': Never mind that, could I please borrow your present?

'''Patrick''': No, no, you can't borrow my birthday present.

'''SpongeBob''': Not even for a minute?

'''Patrick''': No, not 'till you deliver my cake.

'''SpongeBob''': OK, I'll be right back! (darts off again.)

'''Patrick''': Hold on, where're you going? (Mr. Krabs catches up, and he and Patrick follow SpongeBob to the Treedome)

'''SpongeBob''': I'm right here! (out of breath, he pants up to the stage, grabs the cake and is about to leave when Sandy stops him)

'''Sandy''': Hold it! Where is my little assistant going this time? (Mr. Krabs and Patrick come in, wearing water helmets)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Your little assistant? That's my little assistant you're talking to! What's going on here?!

'''Patrick''': Yeah, I'd like to know also! What kind of a birthday present is this? (unwraps the hex drill)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey, SpongeBob was supposed to bring that to me!

'''Sandy''': That looks like my power drill! You've got a lot of explaining to do, mister! (everyone is shouting)

'''SpongeBob''': (drowned out) I've got something to say. I've got something to say. I've got so-- I HAVE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!

'''All''': Huh?

'''SpongeBob''': I know you all had important things tonight. Mr. Krabs, with your telescope. Patrick, your birthday, and... Sandy, you have this big presentation. I just couldn't say "no" to any of you.

'''Sandy''': Aw, you overextended yourself.

'''Mr. Krabs''': Yeah, you should've said something.

'''Patrick''': We could've worked something out.

'''SpongeBob''': Aw. You know, you guys are right. It was silly to think I could be in 3 places at once.

'''Sandy''': Nonsense, SpongeBob! Of course you can, if you'll just step into the Protogenerator 2000! (SpongeBob does so) First, I close the protochamber... (shuts the door and turns a dial) ...And finally... (presses a button, and there is a glowing light from the chamber. Everyone gasps as 2 SpongeBobs emerge from the tube)

'''SpongeBob #2''': D'oh!

'''SpongeBob #3''': D'oh!

'''Sandy''': As you can see, I've made 2 clones of my subject which will allow him to honor all of the commitments he's made this evening. (everyone applauds) You hear that, SpongeBob? You can be in 3 places at once now! (deleted scene) SpongeBob? (the glass door slides back open to reveal naked SpongeBob asleep)

{{Transcripts/Season 6 Ver. 2}}
[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]

Episode Transcript: The Smoking Peanut

2025-02-02T22:01:43Z

136.56.51.41: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[The Smoking Peanut (Episode)|The Smoking Peanut]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Gary the Snail|Gary]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Joe]]
*[[Clamu]]

==Dialogue==
(episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo)

'''French Narrator''': ''Ah... Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual [[Free Day|free day]]. Free balloons...'' (Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, steals a whole bunch of balloons from Jimmy) ''Free drinks...'' (Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel) ''Free light bulbs?'' (Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants just as the police arrive)

'''Mr. Krabs''': A-ha! Top of the mornin', boys! (laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop. (as he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats)

'''SpongeBob''': There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks! (like an announcer) He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball! (crumples up his hat, and spits it into the air and into a little fish's ice cream)

'''Patrick''': Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation? Let's get over there! (the two run into the stadium)

'''Both''': This is the greatest day of our lives! (snoring and gurgling from Clamu)

'''Patrick''': This is the greatest day of our lives? Boring!

'''SpongeBob''': You're right, Patrick. We came to see... (announcer voice) ...pearls 100 feet in the air! (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call. (makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up)

'''Patrick''': Well, I'm outta here. Thanks for nothin', SpongeBob. (walks away)

'''SpongeBob''': Come on, come on, wake up already! (pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. Checks to see if there's anyone around and then throws one at Clamu. She stirs) I think it's working! (Clamu is moaning anxiously) Hey Patrick, it's waking up!

'''Patrick''': Oh boy, did I miss it?

'''SpongeBob''': No, the show's about to begin! (Clamu suddenly starts screaming and crying)

'''Zoo Worker #1''': What's wrong with Clamu?

'''Joe''': Easy, girl, it's me, Joe! Remember? (Clamu growls. She picks up Joe and throws him in the air)

'''Patrick''': Now this is a show!

'''P.A. System''': (outside) ''Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles!'' (the crowd compiles) ''Thanks for coming.'' (Clamu is destroying things and bawling)

'''Zoo Worker #1''': You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster! (points menacingly at SpongeBob) You didn't do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?

'''SpongeBob''': Uh...

'''Patrick''': No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?

'''SpongeBob''': Right. (hides the peanut bag. Still sobbing, Clamu chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo)

'''Patrick''': Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I'd have a few choice words for him, like "you"... and "are"... and... "a jerk!" (SpongeBob and Patrick have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are) Are you sure you didn't see anything suspicious?

'''SpongeBob''': I already said I didn't, Patrick! Sheesh! (walks up his cobblestone path into his pineapple)

'''Patrick''': Hey, let's investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who's responsible! 

'''SpongeBob''': Give it a rest, Patrick! There's no crime to investigate! Now go home! (inside the pineapple) Silly Patrick, I didn't do anything wrong. Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I'm sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory. (giggles and turns on the television)

'''Realistic Fish Head''': Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut! (a Realistic Fish Head is on TV with the crying giant oyster at the stadium. SpongeBob is clearly nervous) And as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world. (we see live action pictures of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again) A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens! (a guilty SpongeBob is looking in horror) What kind of cruel, careless, evil person, (sobs) would deliberately upset one of Neptune's most gentle creatures? (Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head's face. The TV turns off)

'''Gary''': Meow?

'''SpongeBob''': (screams) No, Gary, how would I know anything about the oyster?

'''Gary''': Meow.

'''SpongeBob''': Defensive? I'm not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (peers out the window at Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu's crying) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn't mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone's going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let's see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward's door) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward!

'''Squidward''': SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?!

'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, neighbor.

'''Squidward''': Oh... that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can't even take my afternoon beauty nap!

'''SpongeBob''': (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I... uh... was kind of wondering, uh... Let's say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster.

'''Squidward''': You mean you know the guy who did it?! (SpongeBob gulps) Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I'll get so much sleep, I'll be gorgeous!

'''SpongeBob''': Uh, actually, I-I'm just talking hypothetically.

'''Squidward''': You mean you don't know who did it?

'''SpongeBob''': Well, uh... I... uh... no. (Squidwars slams his door) Squidward? (on his way home, he encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit)

'''Patrick''': Gotcha! (SpongeBob screams) Where were you on the day of today?! Don't play games with me, mister!

'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?

'''Patrick''': Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I'm just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper!

'''SpongeBob''': Um, have you found out anything? (his eye twitches)

'''Patrick''': Yes! No wait, uh... no. (holds up sand) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I've got a few questions for this little piece of grass! Don't worry, SpongeBob! Patrick's on the case! The truth will be revealed! (SpongeBob runs away)

'''SpongeBob''': I better go see Sandy! She'll know what to do! (we see Sandy and SpongeBob in the treedome, and we can hear Clamu crying)

'''Sandy''': Oh, I can't stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature?

'''SpongeBob''': Uh, that's kind of what I wanted to talk about, Sandy.

'''Sandy''': Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! (holds up a issue of the ''[[Bikini Bottom Yellow Pages]]'' and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob) Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch) Hey SpongeBob, how come you're all twitchy like that?

'''SpongeBob''': Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I'm not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut! (runs home)

'''Sandy''': SpongeBob doesn't have hair... or does he? (SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk)

'''Patrick''': Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places) This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime, (cut to a close-up of Patrick's mouth next to SpongeBob's head) I can almost taste it. (Patrick licks SpongeBob's head; well, he's actually licking a yellow ice cream popsicle that has ridges and green spots) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!

'''SpongeBob''': Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I'll see you later! (shuts the door, and whimpers)

'''Fish''': Open up! This is the police! (SpongeBob's eyes pop out of his head)

'''SpongeBob''': Uh, I- just a second! (two policefish enter)

'''Policefish #1''': Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?

'''SpongeBob''': Y-y-ye-yes.

'''Policefish #1''': Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We've got a few questions for you.

'''Policefish #2''': Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?

'''SpongeBob''': (stammers) Yes! (hides in his pants)

'''Policefish #2''': Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?

'''SpongeBob''': Yes... (sinks even lower into his pants)

'''Policefish #2''': And are you familiar with this peanut? (holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it)

'''SpongeBob''': Yes! (his eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through)

'''Policefish #2''': Just one more question... Is it true that you were at the oyster's lair with a Mr. Patrick Star? (SpongeBob begins to cry)

'''SpongeBob''': Yes! Yes! It's true! It's all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick!

'''Policefish #2''': That's all we need to know, son. Let's book him! (we see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed)

'''Patrick''': Wow, you guys are good. I'm the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It's the perfect crime!

'''Policefish #2''': Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky!

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, no! Patrick's too sensitive for the big house! (follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance) Wait! Stop! I'm the one you want! I am the criminal! (crowd is booing and yelling as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and the oyster calming down her crying)

'''Sandals''': Hey, everybody, let's throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it! (crowd yells)

'''Patrick''': I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch.

'''SpongeBob''': Wait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness...

'''Patrick''': Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum...

'''SpongeBob''': I'm here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I...

'''Sandals''': Oh! Just get on with it!

'''SpongeBob''': I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom.

'''Sandals''': Hey! Let's throw peanuts at both of them! (crowd yells)

'''Zoo Worker #1''': Wait! Here's the real criminal! (pulls out a handcuffed Mr. Krabs with his stolen zoo supplies)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh, top of the mornin'...? (fake mustache falls off)

'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs! (crowd gasps in shock)

'''Patrick''': I knew it!

'''Zoo Worker #1''': Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold! (rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd's disgust) Wait a minute... Behold! The oyster's pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl. (Clamu sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps)

'''Baby Oyster''': Mama! Mama!

'''SpongeBob''': Mother of pearl! The oyster's a mother! And that pearl's no pearl, it's an egg! (Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears)

'''All''': Awww... (they smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs)

'''Mr. Krabs''': But it's... free day! (crowd yells as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts)

{{Timeline}}
{{Transcripts/Season 2}}
[[Category:Transcript]]

Episode Transcript: Clams

2025-01-14T15:27:07Z

136.56.51.41: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Clams (Episode)|Clams]]

==Characters==
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Old Blue Lips]]
*[[Scooter]]
*[[Hans]]
*[[Gary the Snail]] (cameo)

==Dialogue==
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)

'''Sandals''': Uhh, what do you like better? The Coral Bits or the Nacho Oyster Skins?

'''Squidward''': I like neither. Can I take your order?

'''Sandals''': What about the Barnacle Rings, are they any good?

'''Squidward''': No. What will you have?

'''Sandals''': Well, uhh, what's your vote on the kelp...

'''Squidward''': Sir, let's just get this out of the way. I hate everything on the menu! Now what do you want?

'''SpongeBob''': (pokes his head out from behind the kitchen window) Psst, try the Coral Bits.

'''Sandals''': Uhh, I'll try the Coral Bits.

'''Squidward''': That will be one dollar. (rings up one dollar then a siren goes off)

'''Sandals''': What's going on?

'''Squidward''': Something stupid, I'm sure. (alarm stops as a curtain opens up to show a real band in the background playing
music. Mr. Krabs comes out from his office)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Yippee! (kisses the customer and Squidward. Takes the dollar and rubs it all over himself) Whoo-ha! Whoo-ha!

'''Squidward''': See? I told you.

'''SpongeBob''': What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?

'''Mr. Krabs''': (runs over to the counter) Nothing, lad! Do you know what this is?

'''Squidward''': A very dirty dollar?

'''Mr. Krabs''': No, this is my one millionth dollar earned! Every crab's goal in life is to make a million dollars, and now I
got mine. Congratulations, sir, you have just given me my one millionth dollar!

'''Sandals''': Ha, great. Uhh, what do I win?

'''Mr. Krabs''': Nothing! Now get out!

'''Sandals''': Uhh, what?

'''Mr. Krabs''': GET OUT! Everybody get out, you are spoiling me moment! (pushes everyone out the door) Me millionth dollar.

'''SpongeBob''': Congratulations, Mr. Krabs!

'''Mr. Krabs''': Congratulate yourselves, lad! A captain's nothing without his loyal crew. I mean, a crew like you comes around
maybe once in a lifetime. And to reward you for making me millionth dollar, I'm taking you on a trip.

'''SpongeBob''': Wow, a trip!

'''Squidward''': I can't believe it, Mr. Krabs. Where we going, Fancy Springs? (cut to the three of them in a pool)

'''Mr. Krabs''': No.

'''Squidward''': Pamper Island? (cut to the three of them laying on towels at a beach)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Try it again.

'''Squidward''': Ooh, ooh, ooh, Bikini Bottom Folk Village? (cut to the three of them in 18th century clothing)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Better than that! (cut to them wearing raincoats on a boat as Squidward's smile turns to a glare)

'''Squidward''': Clam fishing? This is the reward we get for all our hard work? Fishing for... (clams are jumping) ...stinky clams on a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon? You call this fun?

'''Mr. Krabs''': Aww, come on now, Squidward. Three fellas at sea with nothing to do but throw their lines in the water, catch a
few clams then throw them back. Don't you think that's fun?

'''Squidward''': No. (takes off his raincoat and sits on his chair) And to think I could be wearing a powdered wig right now.

'''SpongeBob''': Hey Squidward, you want me to cast out over here so you can watch me?

'''Squidward''': How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you?

'''SpongeBob''': Okay! (SpongeBob casts his line behind him which catches on Squidward's magazine. SpongeBob brins his line forward and casts it in the lagoon. SpongeBob casts Squidward's chair)

'''Squidward''': Hey, watch where you're swinging that... (SpongeBob casts Squidward's shirt out in the lagoon) SpongeBob, be
careful with-- (SpongeBob casts Squidward's nose into the lagoon. Screams then walks up to Mr. Krabs) Okay, I've had enough.

'''Mr. Krabs''': (laughs) Oh Squidward, you got to lighten up. (SpongeBob is still casting out items while Mr. Krabs talks to Squidward) Sure the lad's a bit over eager, but you've got to learn to roll with the punches, go with the flow. And don't bring anything on a boat that you ain't prepared to lose! (laughs. SpongeBob casts Mr. Krabs' millionth dollar into the lagoon) Me millionth dollar! SpongeBob, wait! SpongeBob, you hooked me millionth dollar on the back swing! Reel it in before I keelhaul ya. (ominous orchestra music plays) Oh no. SpongeBob, quick, reel it in! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor. Every sailor knows that means death. Reel it in before it's too late. Hurry, SpongeBob, the music's getting faster! (SpongeBob reels it in as fast as he can. Mr. Krabs opens the doors to the orchestra) There you are ya stinkin' bilge rats. Stop playing that music! Stop it, please! I'm begging ya! Come on, honey, you can make it. Swim faster! Come to me, baby! Come on back! Hurry, SpongeBob.

'''SpongeBob''': Here she comes. (Mr. Krabs begs. Reels the dollar in) She made it!

'''Mr. Krabs''': (holds up the dollar and cheers) For a second or two, I thought she was a goner. (ominous orchestra music plays again. A giant clam jumps up and takes Mr. Krabs' dollar, swimming away. Mr. Krabs starts crying) Ohh...

'''Squidward''': So, some trip, eh, Mr. Krabs?

'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, Squidward, you are never gonna believe it. A giant blue-lipped clam ate me millionth dollar! (bawling) I've lost me dollar and I'll never get it back. Never, never, never, never, never.

'''SpongeBob''': I've never seen Mr. Krabs so broken up. (Mr. Krabs is literally in pieces, crying.)

'''Squidward''': Oh, please, he's such a drama queen. C'mon, Mr. Krabs, drop the act if you can. (Mr. Krabs is blubbering.) Mr. Krabs, it's only a stupid dollar. (continues blubbering. Mr. Krabs pours tears into his mouth.) For Pete's sake, Mr. Krabs, suck it up! (Mr. Krabs' eyes fill up the tears.) Mr. Krabs...? (Mr. Krabs cries like a fountain.) Mr. Krabs...? (Mr. Krabs leaks out tears like water faucets, wailing and crying.) Okay, okay, Mr. Krabs. We'll help you get your dollar back. Just quit your cryin' and pay close attention. (Mr. Krabs throws away the thumb he was sucking on.)

'''Mr. Krabs''': You will? Great! Wait right here. (runs off to get some items. Comes back with a bunch of fishing gear on.) Here's where clam fishing gets serious. (bubble-wipe to later in the day where Mr. Krabs is on top of the boat and SpongeBob
and Squidward are on the lower deck.) Okay, you boys man the fishing poles and I'll keep me eyes peeled for Old Blue Lip.

'''SpongeBob''': (salutes) Aye aye, captain!

'''Mr. Krabs''': And remember, we don't leave until we catch that clam and rescue me dollar. (Mr. Krabs scouts the area. Cross-fade to later where Mr. Krabs has a beard on from scouting for too long. Squidward and SpongeBob looks the same as Mr. Krabs.)

'''Squidward''': That's it. I'm finished. We've been here for three days and haven't gotten a nibble. This is hopeless!

'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, and I've got to get home to feed Gary. (cut to Gary chewing the couch at home)

'''Squidward''': We're gonna die out here just because a clam ate Mr. Krabs' stupid dollar. (takes a dollar out of his wallet)
Why, if he wants his dollar back, I'd say we give it to him. Know what I mean? Huh? Huh? Huh?

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, I get ya. (jabbers. Bubble-wipe to later in the day where Mr. Krabs is still scouting the area)

'''SpongeBob & Squidward''': Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! (Mr. Krabs steers his eyes toward the other two to see them waving a dollar) Look what we've got!

'''Mr. Krabs''': (jumps down and gasps) Could it be? (takes the dollar) Me millionth dollar? (starts cheering again as well as SpongeBob and Squidward) Whoo-hoo! (stops dancing) Wait a minute... (rubs the dollar back and forth) This isn't me millionth dollar. (SpongeBob and Squidward look at each other.) This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon, and kissed with [[Coral Blue Lipstick Number 2|Coral Blue #2 Semi-Gloss Lipstick]]. (shows a dollar bill just like described)

'''SpongeBob''': (holding a blue make-up kit) Actually, it's Coral Blue number th-- (Squidward hits him with the fishing pole) --ree.

'''Mr. Krabs''': I trusted you, and you gave me this?! I can't believe me own crew would betray me like this. (sobs)

'''Squidward''': No. Uh-uh. No. We will not be swayed by tears anymore.

'''Mr. Krabs''': I see. Then, I guess I have no choice but to offer a reward.

'''Squidward''': You're kidding?

'''SpongeBob''': Woo! Is it another fishing trip?

'''Mr. Krabs''': No, (holds up a sandwich) it's this sandwich. (nails the sandwich to a pole)

'''Squidward''': A sandwich? You expect me to break my back over a sandwich?

'''Mr. Krabs''': Not '''A''' sandwich. (holds up a plate with many sandwiches, and pours them into the water) '''THE''' sandwich.

'''Squidward''': Whatever. We've got plenty more to... (Mr. Krabs drops a refrigerator into the water) ...eat.

'''Mr. Krabs''': Now, I think we understand each other. Nobody eats until I get me millionth dollar back.

'''Squidward''': Uhh, SpongeBob, can I have a word with you? Have you noticed that Mr. Krabs has gone COMPLETELY INSANE?!

'''SpongeBob''': What do you mean?

'''Squidward''': Just look at him. (pointing to Mr. Krabs, who is dressed like he is at a funeral, crying at a tombstone with the
words "R.I.P. Me Millionth Dollar" on it. Then he hugs it)

'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, he's lost something near and dear to him. Haven't you--

'''Squidward''': Look again. (Mr. Krabs uses his eyes as a jump rope while giggling)

'''SpongeBob''': You're right. How do we get out of here?

'''Squidward''': If we're real quiet, we can sneak over to the lifeboat.

'''SpongeBob''': Okay. (both scream over to the boat. They jump into it but then come back onto the boat tied up)

'''Mr. Krabs''': So, you thought you'd skip out on old Krabs, did ya? Even after you promised to help me. I know what you're
thinking. "It's just a dumb old dollar. Let's just leave the old man. He won't notice." (sobs) Why, it's not going down like that. There's only one use for a backstabbing crew like you: (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs hanging his line over the boat. SpongeBob and Squidward are attached to the line) Live bait.

'''Squidward''': You're crazy! If that clam didn't come before, what makes you think he'll come now?

'''Mr. Krabs''': (dressed up as a conductor) Oh, he'll come. (opens up the doors to the orchestra and begins to play the ominous
music)

'''Squidward''': Mr. Krabs, listen, I work with SpongeBob all day long, so I know what I'm talking about when I say... YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND! (Mr. Krabs giggles like a lunatic. The giant clam emerges above water coming closer to the two on the line) '''GET US OUTTA HERE!!'''

'''Mr. Krabs''': Come on, Fresh Meat! (SpongeBob and Squidward scream as they try to wiggle back and forth to avoid the giant
clam) Keep thrashing! He likes it! (both continue to scream and bounce up and down really fast) Come on, boy! Closer. Closer. Almost there. (giant clam shows the dollar on its tongue) That's it! (closes the doors to cause the music to stop. The giant clam stops in mid-air of eating SpongeBob and Squidward and Mr. Krabs jumps inside it to take the dollar) Aha! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Look, boys, I finally got it! (rubs his dollar on himself) I finally got me millionth dollar! (cabin doors open to play the ominous music again. The giant clam closes its mouth, with Mr. Krabs inside, and goes underwater. Cabin doors close as the conductor takes a bow)

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, poor Mr. Krabs... Gone forever out of our lives... Why couldn't it have been me?

'''Squidward''': Yes, why couldn't it have been you? (both sob)

'''SpongeBob''': Why did he have to go like this, why?

'''Squidward''': Why did he have to go like this and leave me tied to this idiot? (both sob loudly)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Hello, boys!

'''SpongeBob & Squidward''': Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs' head is above the water)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Have you boys met... (holds his millionth dollar up) ...me millionth dollar? (chuckles)

'''SpongeBob''': Wow, how did you get it back?

'''Mr. Krabs''': It wasn't easy. Old Blue Lips is quite the fighter, so, eventually, we settled on a trade.

'''SpongeBob''': What did you give him? (Mr. Krabs jumps up on the boat, revealing himself as only having a head and an arm)

'''Mr. Krabs''': Nothing important. (laughs)

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}
[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]